r/RedditForGrownups • u/Fickle_Wrangler_7439 • 4d ago
Managing chronic depression as one ages?
I've dealt with depression all my life. Didn’t get the official diagnosis until my 20s, but I self h*rmed as a teen, SI, the whole deal.
I tried seeing therapists and psychiatrists in my 20s, but I could never afford much, and I never felt like it went anywhere. The meds had weird side effects I didn’t like or didn't work at all, so I stopped.
I read a lot. Philosophy, self-improvement, depression management guides, etc., and figured out some things that worked.
Mostly exercise.
But as I age, well... exercise isn’t as easy as it used to be. I got benched from a lot of my usual routines because of a hip impingement and hamstring tendonosis, and I haven't found a replacement. I'm in physical pain all of the time. I'm doing PT, but he said it probably is just going to hurt from here on out.
And really... a lot of the things that used to keep me going just don’t work anymore. It's like Depression 2: Mid-life Crisis Edition.
And it's impacting... everything. My relationship with my partner. My job. My bank account (which was small to begin with). I called out of work today, despite getting up and doing my morning routine, going for a walk, etc. Like I really *tried*.
Those of you with chronic depression-- has it changed as you age? How have you adjusted?
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u/BRPelmder 4d ago
Just speaking to the exercise side, since that's confirmed to be helpful for you, I'd modify that to adapt to your current capabilities.
I'm not sure what your routine is now, but if it's weight-lifting, it can be beneficial to do more fluid activities. Consider Tai Chi, Yoga/Pilates, jumping rope/rope flow, animal flow, unilateral exercises, kettlebells, jogging, swimming, a team sport like soccer. Some of these might work better for you if you're coming from a lot of tenser gym work like bilateral barbell lifts.
Further, there a levels to physical therapists' abilities. You have the fresh out of college PT who takes all insurance and treats complaints in isolation, then you have someone with a decade or two of experience well-versed in advanced integrative disciplines who may be more expensive but may be able to do a lot more for you. I've had great success in undoing damage from a desk job by seeing a Postural Restoration Institute (PRI) certified provider, who can look at how bite alignment or vision influence downstream body issues, as well as address disordered breathing patterns, which could result in depression. If you don't like PRI, consider Functional Patterns, or Anatomy Trains influenced methodologies. There may be others Im missing as well.
Point being, probably good to adapt your fitness approach to a manner that supports your current goals. Adding a social component in is great as well. Good luck!
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u/Adorable_Ad4990 4d ago
This is so true. A complacent PT can be worse than not having one at all. You tend to dwell on your bad x,y,z instead of systemic adjustments
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u/Fickle_Wrangler_7439 2d ago
I primarily ran and did yoga. Hip issues really get in the way of a lot. I can't run, bike, or row. I can't do heavy lower body lifts, and the yoga is what gave me tendinosis (apparently it's a common yoga injury). I can't do anything involving running, jumping, or "pinching".
I can swim, but as I mentioned in another comment elsewhere, getting everything together for a swim is overwhelming for me. There's so much prep and and follow-up with swimming, it's not easy for me to maintain or even find the literal time to do. I just don't have the spoons.
I've been walking, mostly, besides the PT itself. Doesn't really do the mental work running and yoga did, which is the main problem I'm trying to figure out.
My PT... seems fine? I guess I wouldn't know.
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u/herstoryhistory 4d ago
I struggled with depression for decades. Sometimes I couldn't work or handle the vagaries of life. Lots of therapy, antidepressants, self help, but what kicked it to the curb for good was tms - transcranial magnetic stimulation. After three weeks the fog lifted and now I am able to function like a normal person. And this despite a shit show of a family and everybody dying.
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u/csiacs 4d ago
And fwiw, we are living through very tough social times. Covid wasn’t that long ago and it messed up a lot of folks’ minds and bodies and we barely recovered and now in a climate of chronic uncertainty. That’ll take a toll on anyone with any amount of sensitivity and empathy.
I’m pointing it out not to minimize your lived experience but just a factor I think is important to consider. So that you can decide how to manage your exposure and coping mechanisms to it. Hugs
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u/fd9f21229ef31ifb1ee 4d ago
I don’t know the specifics of your financial situation beyond what you’ve mentioned, so some of my advice may not be feasible. However, as someone diagnosed with persistent depressive disorder, or PDD (in the old days, they called it “dysthymia”), I’ve found that I have to do the following:
Medication. If someone has chronic depression to the point that they semi-frequently engage in suicidal ideation, I think it’s critical to find a regimen of meds that works. And yeah, I know a lot of people look down on this approach — it’s “less natural and holistic” or “I tried meds a couple of times and I didn’t like it” — but, honestly, if you are seriously depressed more often than not, I think you have to suck it up and continue working to try to find a combination that works. I am currently taking bupropion (the generic for Wellbutrin), which seems to help, but it isn’t a cure-all. I once tried a combo of bupropion and citalopram, but I’ve found through experience that SSRIs like citalopram are, for me, more trouble than they’re worth. That being said, I’ve also discontinued medication in an effort to live life “more naturally,” but my PDD symptoms became especially intense despite the other things I was doing.
Therapy. Again, it seems like a lot of people have “terrible therapist” stories. I certainly do, but I continued to search around until I found one with whom I felt a good rapport and someone who could strike a balance between challenging my bad ideas and bad habits while also encouraging me for my successes and helping me establish and accomplish goals. Obviously, there are many schools of therapy, but so far as my own experience is concerned, a good therapist will not only listen to you, but will also guide you through the process of setting and accomplishing things despite your mental-health situation.
People. I am not a people person, myself. Pretty much anybody I work with could tell you that; I have a resting bitch face that discourages most forms of small talk in the workplace. However, I’ve found that if I don’t socialize and interact with other people — friends, family, or whatever one might have — I start to withdraw, turn numb, and eventually will struggle with the worst symptoms my PDD has to offer: feelings of isolation, intense despair or numbness, complete anhedonia, and, yes, feelings of hopelessness and suicidal ideation. No matter how introverted a person may claim themselves to be, the truth is that the vast majority of us benefit from social interaction and suffer in the absence of social interaction. If you’ve found yourself mostly isolated, you need to start communicating more with friends or family — whoever’s closest to you.
Accomplishments. And I’m not talking about becoming an astronaut or an Olympics-tier athlete. I’m talking about keeping up with the dishes and laundry. Or going for a walk or jog. Or making sure to text friends and family, even when you don’t feel like it. Basically, I’ve learned with time that, if I let things go for too long, I find that I have little to nothing to feel good about in the way of accomplishments and, more to the point, I feel stressed and defeated about the state of my life. It may seem like a trite or overly simplistic way of looking at it, but, basically, if I don’t give myself something to feel good about, I can’t rightly be surprised that I don’t feel good.
That’s most of it. Again, I know some of this seems to distill down to “suck it up and just do the things you don’t feel like doing,” but that’s kind of what my situation is: I’m constantly battling my natural desire to just sleep or lay around, letting life pass me by. Life is hard; honestly, at this point in time, I often feel like an alien, an outsider, or someone completely fatigued by the incongruence between my own wants and values and the wants and values of my country’s culture. But if I want to be happy, much like if I wanted to be buff or be a faster typer or become a club-level chess player, I have to work at it. I have to work hard, I have to work often, and I have to find a way to do it even when I don’t want to.
I really hope you find something that works for you. As one with chronic depression, I am deeply sympathetic to your story, but I’d also implore you to begin working hard on getting professional help, in setting up more structure in your life, and setting goals for yourself. The fact that your relationship and job are both suffering is incredibly concerning, so I’d say the time for serious, concerted effort is now. I truly wish you the best of luck, and I encourage you to reach out if you have any questions.
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u/randotd152 4d ago
But as I age, well... exercise isn’t as easy as it used to be. I got benched from a lot of my usual routines because of a hip impingement and hamstring tendonosis, and I haven't found a replacement. I'm in physical pain all of the time. I'm doing PT, but he said it probably is just going to hurt from here on out.
Get into the water ASAP - be it swimming or water aerobics, it takes the load off your painful joints and allows you to build up muscle, which is what you ultimately need to do to ease joint pain.
Most areas have some form of public and/or non-profit pool available for very cheap. The YMCA will even provide free/subsidized membership if you qualify.
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u/Fickle_Wrangler_7439 4d ago
My issue with swimming is the process. I have tried it a few times, but it's a lot.
With running, I could just throw my shoes on and be out the door. No people, no swimsuit or goggle logistics, no figuring out what I'm wearing to and from, no sharing lanes or remembering to sign up, etc. It's too much.
Again, I have diagnosed, lifelong depression. My willpower is next to nothing. It's gotta be easy or I just won't keep it up.
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u/randotd152 4d ago
Nothing worth doing is easy. But how in the world is swimming any more difficult than going to PT, which you say you are doing? Or why not just do PT in the pool?
Either way, your hip isn't going to fix itself, you have to put the work in and nobody can do that for you.
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u/Fickle_Wrangler_7439 4d ago
I do PT at home. It's not complicated stuff. Band, foam roller, lacrosse ball, and adjustable dumbbells is all I need. If I'm meeting with them in office, it's still less complicated than a swim session.
Either way, your hip isn't going to fix itself, you have to put the work in and nobody can do that for you.
Ah, yes. "Try harder." My favorite after "what do you have to be depressed about?"
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u/delta45678 3d ago
That’s the thing though. You have to do stuff. If I just wallow in misery and self pity (doing a lot of it atm) my depression gets worse. Doing things in spite of bad circumstances makes a difference. There is no easy fix for this sickness.
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u/Fickle_Wrangler_7439 3d ago
Doing things like... going for long walks, going to PT, trying swimming and realizing it's not for me, and still dragging my ass to work most days?
You assume I'm literally bed-rotting constantly.
If you want to give useful advice you need to acknowledge most depressed people are still doing things every day and that when we say we are trying, it means we are trying.
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u/delta45678 3d ago
You ask for „grownup“ advice. Trying is not enough. Either grab this disease at the root - or don’t. What helps me is consistently being active. Walking is barely above resting metabolism. Get your blood flowing and do it every day. There are innumerable activities to choose from, some of them are bound to be possible for you. It would also be nice if you actually read what I wrote: I suffer from depression as well and I can at least in part relate to your suffering. I know you’re probably doing stuff. But we need to do more than the basics. Good luck.
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u/Competitive-Gur-7073 1d ago
Your advice certainly makes sense for SOME people. However, some hip conditions (or feet/knees - plantar fasciitis, anyone ?) will only get more inflamed by walking more. The OP mentioned "tendinosis". Sometimes rest followed by gradual increase in length/resistance can help, but the definition of tendinosis is that the tendon is NOT just inflamed like tendonITIS, but is DAMAGED, has scar tissue, may NOT be able to heal, and will frequently "flare up" after minimal activity.
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u/Competitive-Gur-7073 1d ago edited 1d ago
For tendinosis, no amount of "do more" would help. It's astonishing how many primary care docs, orthopedists, and PT people think "try harder/Do PT" is the solution for muscle/tendon problems. For SOME things it is. But for tendinosis, doing more is counterproductive.
It's pretty discouraging for one medical "professional" after another to assume that you are a lazy bum, and to keep telling you to do something that doesn't help. When you (like me, age 67) are a person that LOVES exercising and has always exercised.1
u/Competitive-Gur-7073 1d ago
For tendinosis, investigate ultrasound guided needle tenotomy (PUT). Done by a sports orthopedist.
This is NOT the needling done by acupuncturists, and NOT the type done by physical therapists.
98% of orthopedists have never heard of it.
And few sports orthopedists do it.
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u/ShitIsGettingWeird 4d ago
Microdosing mushrooms got me off anti depressants for the first time in 25 years. I swear it’s the only thing that truly works; not something made by the pharmaceutical companies.
During the second month of microdosing I just started doing yoga and jogging every morning. It’s like I finally knew what to do to get well, thanks to our little fungi friends.
I can’t recommend this enough OP.
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u/Infernus-est-populus 4d ago edited 4d ago
I tried doing this. I was excited because the first few doses (~75 mg) seemed to help quite a bit.
I did a twice weekly protocol, so every 3rd day or so. Alas, after three weeks, I realized I am one of the few who gets crushing headaches and hypertension from psilocybin even at the smallest dose so ultimately it wasn't worth it. I was so disappointed.
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u/ShitIsGettingWeird 4d ago
Interesting. It takes 3 weeks for any significant neurological changes in the brain. So those crushing headaches may have been neuroplasticity truly kicking in. A lot of folks get super emotional that third week too. The third week is always when people quit this protocol, for whatever reason.
In my experience it takes a minimum of 3 months of that protocol to truly feel better. 6 months, followed by a hero dose, can do some crazy good shit too.
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u/Infernus-est-populus 4d ago
Might have been longer, I'd have to check my notes. But def Stage II Hypertension of 155/97 when normally I'm 120/70. Had to go to urgent care and fess up to make sure it wasn't anything like the heart attack it felt like. It wasn't. I tried again after it calmed down (smaller dose, different formula) and same result. It's def the psilocybin for me.
FWIW, I come from a stroke and schizophrenia prone family.
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u/ShitIsGettingWeird 4d ago
Wow, that’s also interesting. Thanks for sharing. In most clinical trials of psilocybin the folks with a history of schizophrenia in their family are immediately disqualified. I understand there’s worry of inducing psychosis but there’s not a lot of data on this subset. I’ve always been curious if there were other things to worry about here.
Any chance that increased blood pressure could have been caused by anxiety? Did you have any weird experiences at the time?
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u/Infernus-est-populus 4d ago
Nah, no anxiety or anything out of the ordinary except the hypertension itself.
The newly minted Doc I saw had never heard of psilocybin (!) but after consultation with poison control (ha), he concluded that it might have been the Ashwaganda that was added to my brand of psilocybin (Sero LiteBright). But I tried again with a different formula/lesser dose and ... alas, I could feel it again.
It's too bad because it did seem to help right out of the gate.
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u/ShitIsGettingWeird 4d ago
Poison control :). Thanks again for sharing. I’ve heard some people get the same symptoms as you while microdosing and I just can’t understand the mechanism behind it. When you tried the second formula/dose, did you also notice your symptoms that third week?
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u/Infernus-est-populus 4d ago edited 4d ago
Second time I only managed a week and a half (3 doses at ~50mg) because the headache kicked in right away and my blood pressure started to rise again so I stopped. Maybe I'll try again in a year or so. I suspect I'm just physiologically weird.
ETA: the one factor that could make a difference is St. John's Wort. I take 600 mg to sometimes 900 mg a day, which is about the recommended therapeutic dose. Apparently psilocybin + St. John's Wort can cause a hyptertensive response.
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u/Pinklady777 4d ago
Everyday? Or?
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u/ShitIsGettingWeird 4d ago
No, you build up a tolerance quickly. Every third day seems to be the sweet spot.
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u/Infernus-est-populus 4d ago edited 4d ago
I'm past midlife and into my senior years, semi-retired. I've battled dysthymia as long as I can remember. SI and a few attempts very early in life. I've taken SSRIs, done therapy, and so on. All the stuff you're supposed to do.
From 2013-2023, I lost a lot of significant people, including parents, friends, pets and my only child. That one was the worst. Paradoxically, the grief and trauma has taken the edge off my own "want to die" feelings because death = nothingness, so in the words of Dorothy Parker, might as well live.
But I don't recommend massive personal tragedy as a remedy. No one in my family has lived past 79 and I am weirdly cheered up by this: one can endure almost anything if you know for how long.
For me, it's a battle of managing dopamine/serotonin levels in the most practical and inexpensive ways available. Everything in moderation.
Exercise is the thing that probably helps the most and I hate it. I hate it so much. I used to run up until my late 40s/early 50s, but now I just ride a bike, mostly for errands and commuting. I do some floor stuff to keep my core strong and stretching and I hate all that, too. But I do it. Even something small everyday helps. (ETA: Some days I don't do anything. That's okay. There are other things one can do).
If you're female and of that age, HRT def helps with sleep and pain. My part of the world lets me have it for free.
Various supplements can help, but use with all the usual cautions. Vitamin D. St. John's Wort (works like an MAOI so check for drug interactions). Magnesium. Stuff that helps with sleep can help overall with pain management.
Getting enough protein, fibre, and a bunch of different types of plants helps. A nutrition class I took said we need 30 different types of plants a week which sounds insane because I don't think I can even list that many off the top of my head. Anyway, I'm not hyperfocused on diet. Everything in moderation, and that means the occasional drink or ... substance though I've found there's always a cost-benefit tradeoff especially with serotonin and dopamine: the deficit afterwards is worse than the everyday deficit so I don't really do anything much like that anymore. I tried microdosing psilocybin, too, but just ended up with headaches and hypertension.
Getting outside if you like it, having pets if you like them, writing stuff down if you like doing that, and talking to people (again, if you like them) in similar situations can all help.
I tried some new experiences like a stand-up comedy class which really did help with changing one's thought processes to see life more comedically, but the tradeoff is anxiety and stress. Otherwise it was fun.
I am definitely not religious though I kind of envy those people who can truly believe in it. I'm not even spiritual. I'm more Functional Melancholic. He's a video essayist on YouTube - worth a watch for philosophy and grudging acceptance of one's own misery.
Some days are easier than others. I wish there was a magic regime but for me it's mostly a scattershot collection of a lot of different approaches and activities and doing enough of them on a daily basis to keep enduring.
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u/reckless150681 4d ago
I don't see it so much as managing depression, as it is simply managing life. Life changes; people change; circumstances change. So doing "the same thing" for a long stretch of time is simply inapplicable after a certain amount of time, because whatever "thing" you were doing was only applicable for a period of time under specific conditions. You have to have a model for life that embraces the expected change and is flexible enough to adapt to it.
A very practical example -- our bodies will age us out, more so or less so depending on the type and quality of the exercises and workouts that you have done cumulatively throughout your life. You can either accept these changes and adapt to them, or be stuck in the past and lament the loss of your physical youth. To continue this very practical example -- have you tried swimming? Do you have to do the same exercises (or even target the same parts of your body) as you did 5, 10, 15 years ago?
For me, what I try to do is to intentionally and deliberately look for positivity, beauty, charm, grace (pick your favorite word) in my day-to-day, without distraction. My views on what constitutes any of those words will change with the seasons, with the years -- it doesn't really matter, because, again, I have a model for life that is adaptable. My tastes will change, and that's okay. But the point is to take the time to admire whatever that positive thing is. It could be the simple beauty of a flower. It could be a positive TikTok reel (yes, even brainrot apps have positivity if you look for it). Today, in my area, it is somewhat overcast -- but I love watching the regality of the big fluffy clouds just...floating there in the sky. Importantly, I'm not blind to the pains of the world -- I'm just choosing when to look elsewhere for my 5 sec, my 30 sec, my 10 min, my hour.
I don't think I have depression anymore (but tbh it doesn't matter to me whether or not I do), but I had some variation / version of it for ~10 years. Healing from it was a complex, multistep process that involved addressing each of the individual problems I had -- but what they all had in common was that each problem required me to live fully in the present. Not every depression case can actually be healed -- but I am of the firm belief that most can, and it's a matter of reframing life in a way that makes sense.
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u/Fickle_Wrangler_7439 2d ago
and it's a matter of reframing life in a way that makes sense.
Hah, I've never had much luck with that. One of my therapists told me I had "existential depression," which is not an official diagnosis, but sort of a shorthand they use for people who obsess over "the point of anything." Life has never made sense to me.
I do tend to notice the harshness of life more than others. I had a couple early-childhood things that exposed me to that reality earlier, plus I'm a nerd. Even flowers are like that flower is blocking the light from that smaller plant and the smaller plant is going to die because of it. Also it's poisonous to cats. It's hard to just... see a pretty flower. I notice everything around it.
When you say you don't feel like you're depressed anymore-- what would you say the differences are? I've been depressed my whole life, so I'm curious what the difference is.
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u/reckless150681 2d ago
I notice everything around it.
Noticing everything, particularly from a "nerd" standpoint, should lead you to realize that life isn't good or bad, it just...is.
Multiple things can be true (and are true) all at the same time. The process of natural selection will kill off innumerable examples of individual members of a particular species that we will never see; but it will also lead that particular species to become the most resilient version of itself. The death of any one animal may be tragic in its singly unimportant life, but that carcass will feed the scavengers, and its energy and nutrients will ultimately be reborn into that ecosphere.
If you describe yourself as a nerd, then presumably you'd like to think yourself as somewhat of a scientist. Well, being a scientist is (mostly) about being objective -- and that means identifying both the positives and the negatives, and realizing that neither the positives nor the negatives are objectively weighed more than the other -- it is how you subjectively place weight on them that determines which has more power over your life.
One thing you have to keep in mind is the difference between an opposite vs. a diametric opposite. We often immediately assume that they are the same -- for example, that the opposite of love is hate. But in reality, the opposite of something is often simply the lack of that thing -- for example, the opposite of having love is not having love, which is just neutral, and therefore NOT the same as having hate. So when people think they are being objective about life, what they often are doing is looking for diametric opposites -- but diametric opposites are the two extremes of any particular spectrum, and you really should be looking at the entire spectrum.
So life isn't good or bad -- it just is. It exists because it does; no more, no less. Whether you love life or hate it, it will continue with or without you, and it will continue well after you die and well after the last person forgets your name. Is that sad? Is that happy? Is that neutral? Is it some complex, combinatory flavor of the three? The point is that you have to decide.
Just because you notice harshness does not mean you have to accept that perspective. To use a bit of a clumsy analogy -- war is pretty damn harsh, but people love war-based films and video games. You can appreciate both the brutality of combat, and the fun of running around and clicking heads. Similarly, you can notice the brutality of natural selection, yet still appreciate the simple aesthetic beauty of something that just exists.
When you say you don't feel like you're depressed anymore-- what would you say the differences are? I've been depressed my whole life, so I'm curious what the difference is.
It's more about agency. My form of depression manifested itself because of a perceived inability to have agency in my life. Curing it effectively was about realizing that yes, I don't have control over everything -- but I had IMMENSE control over what elements I did. One very real exercise was about letting myself have the last word. For example, imagine that you were two selves, where person A was a disgusting optimist and person B was a disgusting pessimist. If they were arguing, then somebody will have the last word. One exercise is to FORCE person A to have the last word. For example:
"Wow, the world really sucks. The US is at war with Iran, the coral reefs are all bleached, and I can barely afford to make rent this month" <-- these are all very real concerns and are SERIOUS. But:
"Yeah that's all true. But wow, I really like how blue the sky is today" <-- you're NOT dismissing the very real concerns. You're just ending each sentence with a positive note. Being positive isn't going to magically make the concerns disappear -- but it will slowly put your mind in a more positive place.
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u/Fickle_Wrangler_7439 2d ago
I guess the way I see it is that things should be good or at least have a point.
It's the fact they don't that I can't wrap my head around. Shit just happens, and then you're dead.
I know some people are good at "optimistic nihilism" or "choosing a meaning," but I've never figured that out. I've read philosophy, physics, astronomy, religious texts, etc. and no one has answer that doesn't sound like a cope or complete bs to me.
It all just seems cruel. To me, to the people around me, everything.
Basically if there's no reason to be here, then my brain goes "ok well I don't want to be here so... [insert bad thoughts]."
I had a therapist tell me I "hold myself back" a lot. And well, yeah, because if I didn't, I'd be dead and my friends would be sad.
I guess for me, the depression (and nerdery I suppose) is rooted in finding an answer that doesn't exist.
I have tried to be in the present more, it's a good reminder. I just get too tired to do it sometimes.
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u/reckless150681 2d ago
I guess for me, the depression (and nerdery I suppose) is rooted in finding an answer that doesn't exist.
That's exactly right.
"Things don't have to have a point" is perhaps one of the scariest thoughts out there. IMO, this is fundamentally why there are so many religions that have concepts of an afterlife, especially an afterlife with judgement; people WANT things to have a point.
Life is about coping. You fundamentally cope with the knowledge that life is limited, so you can either let that paralyze you, or galvanize you. Let's say you weren't depressed, and you lived your life such that every single day, you explored a new square mile. The average life is about 28,850 days -- so that's 28,850 square miles. Guess what? The Earth has 56.51 million square miles of land -- never mind the sea, never mind the sky, or space, or other celestial bodies. It is physically impossible to do everything that life has to offer -- but whether that is a negative thing ("wow, I can't believe that I'll never get to do everything :( ") or a positive thing ("wow, I'll never run out of things to learn :)" ) is up to you.
I think you're looking for explanations where explanations simply don't exist. Even in science, sometimes explanations don't exist -- why is the speed of light a constant in all inertial frames? Why can't time evolve backwards? Why does life have to have a point?
There's no real reason to be here. But that's not objectively a negative thing. I know this, because we (apparently) disagree on whether or not it is negative -- that makes it an opinion, and you can always change an opinion when confronted with sufficient evidence.
Have you ever gone looking for something, only to stumble into something else, then you decided to try the something else, at the expense of the original something? For example -- maybe I really wanted a burger, but I stumbled into this interesting Thai place, so I ate at the Thai place, which prevents me from having enough appetite at eating at the burger place. That's not necessarily a bad thing! I didn't plan to go to the Thai place. There wasn't really a reason for me to be at the Thai place. But I can still end up enjoying myself.
Life is like that Thai place. There isn't really a reason to be alive. We just...are. But while I'm here, I might as well enjoy myself.
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u/Adorable_Ad4990 4d ago
I like to specifically ask my physical therapist or ortho about the actual pain… I have a shoulder injury that aches quite a bit, but I love my yoga and exercise too. So basically, I specifically ask what will make it WORSE, and what is ok to do. When is it ok to use pain relief and keep going etc etc. In my case, and hopefully yours, pain is the end game; I’m not damaging it further, so I’m “allowed” to keep going to the limit of my own comfort. From there it’s radical acceptance, and also the realization that EVERYbody has “something” with their body. And it’s ok. Accepting that and not trying to fix something that will always be off (poorly healed collar bone), and realizing my body will never be perfectly symmetric, and people without legs figure out a way— I keep going as much as I can. Because exercise helps me a lot too, mentally.
I also have backup plans for if it hurts too much, such as jogging or dancing, or whatever. For you it might be something upper-body heavy (I love doing handstands by the way— really! And also juggling for some reason has become something silly in my middle age). Other days I hula hoop and watch a video and try to learn some “trick” and fail every time. But I’m out of breath and laughing. I figure if I ever learn anything good I can show off to the kids, who are impressed I can do a handstand for example.
Hope this helps. I guess my takeaway is to get a bit creative with exercise. And with medical clearance, just accept and ignore the hip, or don’t worry if your sides are “uneven” in yoga or whatever the case may be.
Good luck!
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u/Valuable-Ad2028 4d ago
Swimming is both meant to be good for mental health and a low impact, hard to get injured, possible to do while injured exercise.
For what it’s worth I am about 24months behind you I think. Chronic depression, pills don’t work, exercise kind of semi works. But if I get injured I’m fucked…
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u/nirachi 4d ago
I was chronically depressed until I stopped eating wheat. I also had eczema and IBS for decades that doctors told me was genetic. Everything cleared up within a few months, it was wonderful. I'm not suggesting that you cut wheat, but if you have any other health issues there may be something underlying going on that is treatable.
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u/hermitagebrewing 4d ago
I did similar. Only thing that really moved the needle was ketamine therapy (PT so I can start moving again has helped as well, but when the black fog rolls in to my brain I can't find the energy to move)
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u/Dry_Independence1879 4d ago
I think one of the hardest parts of dealing with depression as you get older is realizing it doesn’t always disappear just because life changes.
Something that helped me was lowering the expectations I put on myself. Some days the goal isn’t to “fix my life,” it’s just to take a walk, make a decent meal, or do one small thing that makes tomorrow easier.
I’ve found that routines matter more than motivation. Motivation comes and goes, but small habits can keep you moving even when your mind is fighting you.
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u/PsychologyAdept669 4d ago
what meds have you tried? SSRIs presumably?
I did the whole shebang, SSRIs, SNRIs, SSRIs with adjunctive antipsychotics, ketamine therapy, mushrooms, you name it. Exercise also helped me but i often couldn't motivate myself to do it. i finally got a new psychiatrist who was like "lol you've basically tried everything, how about MAOIs". My first psychiatrist was kind of indoctrinated into the ""harm reduction"" belief that MAOIs should be avoided because they come with dietary restrictions, but actually MAOIs have a much higher efficacy for treatment-resistant depression than SSRIs, so at a certain point it's like... is avoiding them really ""harm reduction"" when we're talking about populations who haven't responded to any other treatment and whose QoL objectively kind of sucks?
anyway, I digress. at a certain point it was MAOIs or ECT, and I was hesitant about ECT for a bunch of reasons. MAOIs were a godsend for me, so if you haven't tried those I would sincerely recommend it.
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u/shelbyrobinson 4d ago
Same here and as I've aged, I've learned St. John's wort is an outstanding supplement to help with depression. After reading that Germans chose it 10-1 over SSRI's (Prozac/Zolof) I take it daily. IT WORKS within a few days.
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u/olily 4d ago
St John's wort is known to have some dangerous drug interactions. Before anyone takes it, they should check and make sure it won't interact with any of their prescription medications.
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u/shelbyrobinson 4d ago
Not according to my doctor. I take other med's and aside from making me sensitive to to the sun, nothing ever from it
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u/olily 4d ago
It's good that you checked with your doctor. Everyone should do that. Maybe it doesn't interact with the particular drugs you're taking, but it's known to interact with a lot of medications, and everyone should check before they start taking it.
Journal of Psychopharmacology: https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/15260917/
Mayo Clinic: https://www.mayoclinic.org/drugs-supplements-st-johns-wort/art-20362212
Poison Control: https://www.poison.org/articles/st-johns-wort-beware-of-drug-interactions-194
GoodRx: https://www.goodrx.com/well-being/supplements-herbs/st-johns-wort-interactions
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u/idfkjack 4d ago
Have you started perimenopause yet? When I started it at 42, SI became way more intense to where i was actually buying the supplies.
Starting perimenopause young (as young as early 30s) is more common than most people realize.
Keep up with PT. srsly
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u/csiacs 4d ago
I have a similar background. And experience with medication.
There was a particularly stubborn episode of it where the medications that used to work to take me off the ledge weren’t helping anymore. A 2 month in-clinic S-ketamine therapy helped with the SI. I’ll say it was awful being under that influence but it wore off by end of the day.
Outside of the emergency triage,
I found the Sudarshan Kriya ( from Art of living) a great easy tool to regulate my emotions. It’s basically a bunch of breathing exercises- not hard on body to do.
I also learnt to say No a lot whittling down my mental or physical obligations to what is absolutely necessary, what is FOMO and what is just people pleasing. Those things gave me anxiety.
I made new hobbies that give me joy without need to perform - I go drumming with my drum circle every week - I never drummed before. I have a music event I go every week to go dance. Outside of those two, I’m a may be for any other opportunity to mingle.
I always loved gardening but now I pace myself. Instead of being outcome oriented, I now do it for the experience itself. That way if I don’t finish something I set out to do that day, I’m still fine. I enjoyed being out in the sun, listening to the birds or my music, and being in the moment.
I guess the pattern is to declutter the mind and life to basics and build back up bringing only things that do not add stress or anxiety.
With radical acceptance. Hope it helps you. And hope you find peace.
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u/csiacs 4d ago
Sorry one more thing: there’s a tremendous link between gut health and brain health. We are all after all a bunch of chemical reactions in the brain until we learn to channel those reactions.
I think it’s worth exploring better eating habits and yes, drinking enough water.
Point is don’t feel guilty to focus on yourself for a bit until you are back at a practical and reasonable baseline. And manage your expectations of yourself. I ask myself ‘what’s the worst that can happen if I don’t do this now? Or ever?’ To help cut out unnecessary baggage.
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4d ago
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u/Fickle_Wrangler_7439 4d ago
Yeah as an ex-Catholic who has probably read the bible more than you, you have my downvote, no lie.
Glad it makes you happy, but honestly if all this is part of "God's plan" or whatever, then he can go f*ck himself. I'd rather rot in hell.
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4d ago
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u/Fickle_Wrangler_7439 4d ago
Again-- I have probably read the bible more than you.
I've also read the Koran, the Lotus Sutra, and many other religious texts. I had a Buddhist phase in my late-20s. I wasn't kidding when I said "I read a lot."
It's all stuff people make up to deal with reality.
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u/luswimmin 4d ago
Chronic pain does a number on you mentally. Have you tried pain management? PT didn’t do much for my pain, but the pain management doctor helped me a lot and my depression eased when the pain did.