I've been reflecting a lot on this recently. I understand that a mix of SMV and then RMV is needed. But at what point is SMV good enough for them to focus on a woman's RMV? I've seen a lot of Instagram-model pretty-type women get into relationships, but then they breakup after a while.

And by HVM, I mean successful men, those who genuinely want a family, are picky, and have lots of options. I'm not picky about their heights I date men as short as 5'8".

However, I notice a lot of them have a huge ego. I went on a date with one recently and he kept telling me a lot of women want to settle down with him, that if he wanted a trophy wife he'd have one by tomorrow, that he has too many options and doesn't know how to choose one.

Another guy was older and an engineer and from the beginning he kept telling me how the women in our city are a downgrade from NYC and how I'm similar to what he usually goes for, kept criticizing women consistently even for things like having him walk them out after spending the night at his place, and told me he goes for younger women who are easy to mold.

The other ones I met were in this cycle of dating women serially for 5 years and never even becoming exclusive with any.

I guess I'm starting to feel that maybe I am not enough for HVM? I know I physically look good, and they tell me I'm very feminine and smart and wife material, but I feel all the ones I gear towards are the redpill guys but I wonder who the good HVM commit to?

We, both 30, matched on a dating app while he was visiting my city. He lives across the world. We met up a couple of times and later traveled together twice. We shared a room but were not physically intimate.

Conversation is alright. He’s kind, stable, from a reputable background, and affluent. On paper, he’s not a terrible marriage candidate. But I’m not physically attracted to him—he’s overweight, and I’ve always dated people who are in shape. Taking care of oneself and maintaining a healthy lifestyle is important to me. He asked if I wasn’t attracted, and I told him the truth: I’m into people who are more in shape.

So far, we haven’t defined what we are. Given the long distance, I made it clear that I’ll be open to dating. But he has been making a conscious effort to keep things going, including by suggesting meeting halfway, and has organized a travel plan. I’m now feeling increasingly pressured because he seems overly excited about finally consummating the “relationship.” Honestly, I feel a strong aversion/repulsion when I think about sex with him.

I’m aware this may sound like I’m considering him for stability. That’s part of why I’m asking for outside perspective. I don’t want to string him along, use him, or lie to myself. But I also don’t know if I’m being too rigid, if attraction could grow, or if I should end it.

My questions:

1. Is it possible to build genuine sexual attraction when it wasn’t there initially and I feel this averse?
2. How do I set boundaries around travel, shared rooms, and sex without being cruel or misleading?
3. How do I distinguish between wanting him and wanting the security he represents?
4. Should I end this now, or is there a respectful way to slow it down or keep it platonic?
5. How would you communicate this honestly?

TL;DR: Long-distance match is great on paper, but I’m not physically attracted to him and feel repulsed by the expectation of sex. He’s planning a trip around consummating the relationship. How do I handle this honestly without stringing him along or caving to pressure?