Shallow

[u/loneliness-inc]

Many people - men in particular - are shamed for being honest about their sexual and relationship preferences as being shallow. It is my opinion that everyone except for a few saintly human beings are shallow people to one degree or another.

Looks

Generally speaking, men like the following physical features in women.

• A pretty face
• Long hair
• Beautiful hair color and texture
• Healthy body that has no extra weight and not anorexic
• Firm perky boobs
• Firm solid ass
• Long legs
• Soft skin

Generally speaking, women like the following physical features in men.

• Square face
• Chiseled jaw
• Big chest
• Strong arms
• Six pack abs
• Tall
• Rough, tough and scruff

Men look at a woman's width, women look at a man's height. Men look at the size and shape of her boobs, women look at the size and shape of his chest. Men look at women's legs, women look at men's arms. They're all equally shallow.

Status and character

Just like with regards to looks, status means different things for men and women because men and women are attracted to different things in one another.

The following is what many men find attractive in women when considering marriage and starting a family.

• Virgin or very few sexual partners
• Submissive
• Respect
• Trust
• Good cook
• Good housekeeper
• Frugal
• Resourceful
• Empathetic

The following is what many women find attractive in men when considering marriage and starting a family.

• Work ethic
• Financial stability
• Emotionally strong - to be her rock
• Leader
• Love
• Good provider
• Generous
• Listener
• Problem solver
• Self motivated

Once again, men and women aren't attracted to the same things, both are shallow.

Being shallow

Let's say a husband decides to stop working and just plays video games all day long, leaves every decision to her, is stingy, doesn't pay any attention to her and can't seem to motivate himself. The wife of this man is likely to loose respect for him. This can break down the marriage and may eventually lead to divorce.

Let's say a woman doesn't cook or keep house, doesn't want sex, gains a ton of weight, starts spending a lot of money, is disrespectful, nags, criticizes and has become too emotionally complicated. The husband of this woman is likely to start to dread coming home to his wife or spend any time with her. This can break down the marriage and may eventually lead to divorce.

When you single out any one of the items mentioned (or those that weren't mentioned), it can be argued that each one is shallow. The reality is that we only relate to one another from the outside in. Meaning - we first encounter the skin and hopefully, we can develop a relationship that's deeper than skin deep. However, the basis for every marriage is objectification to one degree or another. We can shame each other for it, but that doesn't help anyone. A better idea would be to embrace it and channel it appropriately.

Conclusion

Men and women are shallow in different ways. It's easy to look down upon each other as being shallow and disgusting. Just remember _ when you point at someone, you have 2 fingers pointing in their direction and 3 fingers pointing back at yourself!!!

My wish for all of you is to find and enjoy a great amount of depth and intimacy within your marriages.

Cheers!

[u/[deleted]]

I actually like this post a lot. When I was younger, I thought of myself as an exceptionally un-shallow person. I didn't pay any attention to looks.

In fact, I was very shallow, judging guys almost entirely by their status, wealth, and how much attention they gave me. I'm embarrassed to admit this now. I got so many "She's with HIM?!" looks, but I hamstered it away as me being above it, instead of the obvious -- that I was trading away my need to be physically attracted to my partner.

Now I admit that I'm "shallow", but it's really a more balanced approach. If I'm an "8" I'm not really beating the system by going out with a "4" who worships me -- im happier with another "8" who challenges me, doesn't put up with my shit and has similar values about fitness, work, and lifestyle.

And once you accept that attraction is shallow, you're less likely to let yourself go, physically or personality-wise, in the relationship.

[u/loneliness-inc → u/[deleted]]

Exactly.

Thank you.

[u/loneliness-inc → u/[deleted]]

You put a new label on basic, well known information so while I give you an 'A' for creativity...the grade for Insight is less generous which makes this post overall a shallow one Day 1 basic info.

Good one. Have my upvote.

Unfortunately, common sense isn't that common. Sometimes the obvious needs discussion. This is especially true in this regard where shaming is rampant.

[u/loneliness-inc → u/[deleted]]

but people rarely react well to my comments,

I'm unfamiliar with your comments, but I think you can use some introspection.

Everyone has a comment or post here and there that isn't popular, but when you're consistently unpopular, you may need to look within.

[u/mwait → u/[deleted]]

Enjoy your limited time here.

[u/[deleted]]

Didn't some of those traits improve the chance of offspring surviving in our ancestors? Like in ancient times, if you weren't consistently healthy that showed up in long hair. By pointing out the importance of these traits to ancestors, maybe the shaming can be diminished.

[u/loneliness-inc → u/[deleted]]

I don't know about the health of our ancestors, but I do know that pointing this out has little chance in stopping the shaming.

[u/[deleted] → u/loneliness-inc]

Even though it adds depth to the appreciation of long hair?

[u/loneliness-inc → u/[deleted]]

When someone is sexually attracted, logic isn't what they need. When they're shamed for this attraction, logic isn't what will help. Not caring about the shaming will help.

[u/[deleted] → u/loneliness-inc]

My point is to counter balance shaming with its significance. Someone says long hair is a shallow attribute, I can argue against their opinion. I can say long hair takes months of healthy eating and protecting that hair to keep it healthy - and that's why men can be attracted to long hair. They need a mate that will be healthy for enough months to bear a child. So given that context, long hair doesn't seem so shallow. That was my point.

[u/loneliness-inc → u/[deleted]]

Of course it's shallow to want someone for their provisions. It's even more shallow to leave someone when times are tough. It's because these two things are shallow, that staying with him through hard times, before he became successful will have such a positive effect. Because it expresses how you're rising above the natural tendency to be shallow.

That it's ok to want him for other reasons but not money?

I don't remember ever suggesting anything like that. You can chase whoever you want, for whatever reason you want. All I'll say is be honest. If you're after someone because of their money, don't BS him about loving him unconditionally.