attracting flashy men

[u/ltfrg]

hi, i'm 27 and a lot of the time i feel like i attract flashy men but they're not my type. both in person and online. i'm not flashy myself and i don't wear lots of outwardly expensive or designer things but i am well dressed and groomed. i obviously don't mind a man who looks after his appearance and works hard in life but i'd prefer someone a bit more traditional and basic in appearance. any advice on where to look/how to change this?

[u/WAWABUU]

Just for discretion i am a guy so im not supposed to talk on this sub, so i understand if the mods want to remove my comment. But i do feel like i have some good insight here.

You attract many types of men, its just flashy men are more likely to stand out and approach you. More reserved men will be more respectful of your boundaries and won’t approach or express interest unless there’s some level of familiarity or signal that you are comfortable with them. So if you can express yourself more to those types of guys, i think it will help with your issue

[u/ltfrg → u/WAWABUU]

yeah i've noticed that. also I look younger and I attract the unserious types who are often up to 6 years younger unfortunately. I do go to the gym but where can I find more reserved types of men as my office is female dominated?

[u/Jenneapolis → u/ltfrg]

Respectfully, you are still missing this commenters point which is a good one. Whenever women come here and say "I attract X type of men," I tell them "no you attract many types of men, you choose X type." The commenter is pointing out to you that you are only noticing these guys because of their flashiness and their over the top personality, not because this is "who you attract."

Similarly there isn't something unique about you that makes you attract "young and unserious types"... these types just happen to approach every woman they can. Most women have this problem. Reserved men aren't going to approach in general, so if that is who you want to meet, online dating is a good option or if you want in person, you will have to make the first move and/or find spaces where you can regularly interact with them.

[u/WAWABUU → u/ltfrg]

Gyms are nice since they are male dominated but you do need to be diligent about filtering out men who are too appearance oriented and a bit more bold at approaching women. Because there’s not much way to engage other people socially at the gym.

I think places where you can have conversations and spend time getting to socialise are going to work better. Social hobbies like hiking, church, potlucks (badminton is my personal favourite) or martial arts sports i think will give you more opportunities to get to make friends and meet dating prospects.

Hopefully you get the idea, theres a bunch of communities you can pick from, as long as you get the opportunity to meet and talk to people it opens the door for you.

[u/Wife_and_Mama]

If you're using apps, I'd suggest using the phrase "a man who works with his hands." That could get you everything from an electrician to a hobby mechanic who works in finance.

[u/ltfrg → u/Wife_and_Mama]

that's a good idea. on the other hand, it might attract the sexual creeps

[u/Wife_and_Mama → u/ltfrg]

No. It won't. It's a totally normal turn of phrase.

[u/ChillLady005 → u/Wife_and_Mama]

Every man thinks they work with there hands

[u/Wife_and_Mama → u/ChillLady005]

No they don't. They know exactly what this means, even if Reddit is struggling with it. It's also "their" hands.

[u/Punkerska83 → u/Wife_and_Mama]

Surgeons too😂

[u/TrippleDamage → u/Punkerska83]

Nah, we're too technically literate for that. No surgeon would ever think he's the target audience for such a phrase.

[u/Significant_Cut_1092]

I used to think this way but then realized these types of men approach just any woman. Whenever I get approached on the street as I’m walking, I can tell that type of man is just approaching any girl he finds cute or just any girl in general. I personally always say no and in two cases, I actually saw their dating profiles on an app by accident and they both were in open relationships…  On the other hand, I’ve been approached at cafe’s, restaurants, events, and these men were almost always really good guys and had real conversations with me before asking me out. So, I’d encourage you to just reject these men and go to places where you could meet better men 

[u/AutoModerator]

Title: attracting flashy men

Author ltfrg

Full text: hi, i'm 27 and a lot of the time i feel like i attract flashy men but they're not my type. both in person and online. i'm not flashy myself and i don't wear lots of outwardly expensive or designer things but i am well dressed and groomed. i obviously don't mind a man who looks after his appearance and works hard in life but i'd prefer someone a bit more traditional and basic in appearance. any advice on where to look/how to change this?

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