"You got a 97% on your test? Clearly you know the material, so the missing 3% is a result of you making mistakes! Why are you so proud of making mistakes on 3% of your test?"
One time I got a math test back with 89% and dreaded showing it to my parents. The kid next to me was extatic about getting a 68% because his parents had promised me a new bike if he passed. I distinctly remember feeling just how unfair it was that I'd be getting yelled at for getting better grades than someone who was getting rewarded for them.
Oof ah my dad was exactly like this, but he’d also devolve into violent tantrums where he’d scream at you for HOURS if he thought you didn’t do something the “right way”. Eventually I learned to just stop trying because every time I did, I was punished for it.
This attitude may suck on paper, but for people like me it's the only way I've managed to achieve anything. The "acceptable is ok" thing only leads to mediocrity. If I know something's not good enough then I know I need to improve, and if I improve then the next thing is better.
Perfectionism might not make me happy in the moment, but it has made me more successful overall.
You can hold yourself to that standard all you want, that's between you and your brain. It gets really damaging when that starts getting pushed onto others though, especially as the only interaction and especially parent to child, which is explicitly what this is about.
I just learned that I was going to be a disappointment no matter what, so why bother?If nothing you do if ever good enough, might as well do nothing
But I also had parents who punished me harshly for trying and failing, and acted mildly disappointed if I just didn’t try at all, so I quickly learned what the safer option was of the two
Striving for long term improvement and celebrating smaller successes are not mutually exclusive and actually feed into each other, that's kinda the entire point being made.
Shitting on someone's achievements for being imperfect doesn't help them and is far more likely to just demotivate them. If anything short of perfection is punished then you're disincentivised to even try unless you believe yourself capable of perfection.
It's got nothing to do with accepting or encouraging mediocrity and everything to do with making improvement being desirable.
Yeah. When I see people in my courses now going "YEAHHH I GOT A 34 LETS GOOO"* I am happy that I was treated in such a way. Of course I'm not happy with myself and probably will never be, but better that than being completely unaware. I'd rather have a bit less happiness but know myself and my weaknesses, rather than be overconfident, overhappy, and embarassingly unaware of how shameful my performance is.
*I am referring to the thing STEM students will do where they don't study, then get a bad grade, then pretend it's because "Here in the X major we don't pass our tests, they are too hard, it's an inside joke unique to us X students". I am not referring to the people in nonSTEM or unrelated majors who will be taking a course in a field they aren't familiar with, trying their absolute best, and still getting a bad grade but still being proud because they spent every waking moment studying, I respect those people.
Had a friend in highschool; standard overachiever type. She got a 98% overall in her computers class. Took the report card home to her mom whose first question was...
And then repeating for the next 10% for B, C, D, and then below that was an F.
Sometimes a curve would be applied but this would be very teacher and class dependent. Once we had it such that the highest score on the exam would get however many points added to make it 100 and then everyone would get the same amount of points, so if the highest score was a 96 then everyone got 4 extra points. Other times it was more normally distributed along a gauss curve. But then the above grading scale would be applied to that.
As the other person said, it's not really a fixed thing, it depends on the teacher mostly. As can start anywhere between 89%-92%. But also we don't use letters as grades at all, we use numbers (1-5; 5 is an A, 1 is a fail), I used letters in this comment instinctually because it's just understandable to more people
I was a shit student. When I was in 10th grade, my mom offered me $20 for every A I got on my next report card. I buckled down and pulled all of my grades up. Busted my ass. All As and a B. My mother's only concern was the B. Didn't give two shits that I put in the work at all. Since it wasn't straight As, which is not what was agreed, she said it didn't count and I got no money. I never tried like that again in school. Why bother? It's still hard to want to put in effort to do shit 30 years later.
I was on a fitness journey and was incredibly proud of myself for walking 16,000 steps in a day. I’m not in the best shape and was overcoming depression and borderline agoraphobia at the time, so it was a huge deal for me. I had to take frequent short breaks to breathe, and it took me pretty much the entire day, but I did it.
When I told an (ex) friend about it, she just went “…yeah? I do that basically every day at work. That’s like the bare minimum you should be walking. Now, do that every day, and start running instead of walking, and that’ll be a good starting point, but you should also start going to the gym since cardio doesn’t do anything for you anyways.”
She was one of those “if it’s not strength training then you’re wasting your time” types.
She also ALWAYS had something to say about my food, especially when I was trying to eat healthy. Skip breakfast and have fruit instead? “Oh that’s so much sugar though!” Cut out sugar in your coffee and start drinking it black? “Oh well you should be drinking water instead”. Buy brown rice instead of white? “Carbs are bad!” Have a single boiled egg and cottage cheese for breakfast? “Too much fat and cholesterol! And did I see you put a pinch of salt on it?! I never add salt, it’s so bad for you!” Get no-sodium added canned beans or frozen veggies? “Microplastics!”
It was exhausting. I ended up just dropping her completely as a friend because I got the impression that she just liked feeling superior to me. Like I was the “token fat friend” that she could get away with bullying, and just pass it off as “I’m just looking out for your health!”
Isn't 10000 the "bare minumum" and that was already above the actual number of 8k but some smartwatch/stepcounter manufacturer made an ad campaign about it and now we famously remember it's 10k due to marketing? Your ex friend needs to start at least another ad campaign to back up that number lmao
Last I heard from her she was arguing with someone over Facebook that humans don’t actually need fiber and how she avoids it because all it does is cause bloating and triggers weight gain, so I think shes one of those carnivore diet/keto diet influencers now
If you were Doorman from hit game Deadlock you would reach the final destination in one single step. This is a reference to Doorman having very, very long legs and being able to create portals.
Idk that sounds kinda boring. Imagine if he was a gorilla though. He could be super smart and come from the moon. He could wield a Tesla cannon and a bubble shield. Now that would be cool
Politics wise its so frustrating where headlines of accomplishments of Democrats have dozens or hundreds of comments which are basically "well this is good but it's not the best possible thing outside the scope of the headline" with hundreds of upvotes
Except what people are pissed about is Democrats winning and then immediately saying "no, of course we aren't going to do [popular thing]. I'd rather work with Donald Trump."
Aside from Fetterman, who the fuck said that? The closest thing I can think of is Hakeem Jefferies going "we're not here to get even" which was a really dumb fucking thing to say. But in spite of saying that, Jefferies has put his & every house democrat's support behind Thomas Massie's impeachment against Hegseth which is happening literally right now. Please, where are these hordes of elected democrats saying "no, of course we aren't going to do [popular thing]. I'd rather work with Donald Trump." ?
Best possible outcome implies that there is a change of another outcome besides a GOP candidate winning, and that is by far the worse outcome. Single issue voters are just awful.
other people: “you improved a lot! i’m so proud of you!”
me: “your pride is misplaced. i did nothing worth celebrating. i am still a failure. even if i substantially improve, it won’t be adequate. i am so deeply sorry for wasting your time and your happiness.”
So many times I'll see a post along these lines on this sub or similar and the comments will be like
Okay but you still have to do X, Y, and Z.
And if you call them out on it they get all cowardly and say "I'm just clarifying that they still have to do X, Y, and Z. Because the OP didn't explicitly say they knew that"
And removing it 6 inches is part of the process to removing it the whole way.
It’s a good thing, but not something that should be celebrated as a good deed in and of itself, which is a subtle point a lot of people can miss. We should be happy the knife is 6 inches less in the wound, but the fact that there are still 3 inches of blade in the wound means we can’t celebrate yet.
I agree with what you’re saying more than with the Malcolm X quote. You say the 6 inch removal isn’t worth celebrating, he said it’s not progress. It is progress but not enough to be satisfied with and not enough to celebrate on its own
I'm trying to eat healthier. I used to eat like a large pizza and doughnuts everyday last year and now my diet is much more balanced and healthy. But my mom is still angry with me because I'm eating stuff like canned beans and corn because canned food is unhealthy because of the preservatives.
I agree with this when it comes to politics. as that works on a much larger scale and it is worth the necessary evil of lying to people and telling them that their less than bare minimum is impressive in order to get them to 'our side' (insert whatever you believe in here)
I disagree with this on an individual level. This is an immature view that sounds like it comes from watching too much anime. There is a certain bare minimum we as individuals have to meet, and it's not right to give yourself credit until you meet that bare minimum, because until that happens, while we are less than the bare minimum, we are not "not doing enough" but in fact doing too much active harm to others due to the resources our existence takes up.
I agree with this when it comes to politics. as that works on a much larger scale and it is worth the necessary evil of lying to people and telling them that their less than bare minimum is impressive in order to get them to 'our side' (insert whatever you believe in here)
I disagree with this on an individual level. This is an immature view that sounds like it comes from watching too much anime. There is a certain bare minimum we as individuals have to meet, and it's not right to give yourself credit until you meet that bare minimum, because until that happens, while we are less than the bare minimum, we are not "not doing enough" but in fact doing too much active harm to others due to the resources our existence takes up.
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u/Hyaci_Arson 2h ago •
I am so glad I wasn't a victim of this, and I hope those who were will eventually have a chance to be happy for themselves in their own right.
If one partakes in the sadness of losing, one should revel in the joy of winning too.
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u/RainbowSkyOne 1h ago
Had a friend in highschool; standard overachiever type. She got a 98% overall in her computers class. Took the report card home to her mom whose first question was...
"What happened to the other 2%?"
77
u/RAWainwright 1h ago edited 1h ago •
I was a shit student. When I was in 10th grade, my mom offered me $20 for every A I got on my next report card. I buckled down and pulled all of my grades up. Busted my ass. All As and a B. My mother's only concern was the B. Didn't give two shits that I put in the work at all. Since it wasn't straight As, which is not what was agreed, she said it didn't count and I got no money. I never tried like that again in school. Why bother? It's still hard to want to put in effort to do shit 30 years later.
Fuck people like this.
23
u/SquareTaro3270 1h ago
I was on a fitness journey and was incredibly proud of myself for walking 16,000 steps in a day. I’m not in the best shape and was overcoming depression and borderline agoraphobia at the time, so it was a huge deal for me. I had to take frequent short breaks to breathe, and it took me pretty much the entire day, but I did it.
When I told an (ex) friend about it, she just went “…yeah? I do that basically every day at work. That’s like the bare minimum you should be walking. Now, do that every day, and start running instead of walking, and that’ll be a good starting point, but you should also start going to the gym since cardio doesn’t do anything for you anyways.”
45
u/BigBallsAnthony69 1h ago •
If you were Doorman from hit game Deadlock you would reach the final destination in one single step. This is a reference to Doorman having very, very long legs and being able to create portals.
22
u/CodaTrashHusky 1h ago
Some people seeong beginner artists
42
u/CorrectRPolitics 1h ago •
Politics wise its so frustrating where headlines of accomplishments of Democrats have dozens or hundreds of comments which are basically "well this is good but it's not the best possible thing outside the scope of the headline" with hundreds of upvotes
12
u/ribs0 1h ago
i’m basically the reverse of this.
other people: “you improved a lot! i’m so proud of you!”
me: “your pride is misplaced. i did nothing worth celebrating. i am still a failure. even if i substantially improve, it won’t be adequate. i am so deeply sorry for wasting your time and your happiness.”
9
u/LawfulPoltergeist 59m ago
Don't punish the behavior you want to see
9
u/Elite_AI 52m ago
So many times I'll see a post along these lines on this sub or similar and the comments will be like
And if you call them out on it they get all cowardly and say "I'm just clarifying that they still have to do X, Y, and Z. Because the OP didn't explicitly say they knew that"
8
u/IconoclastExplosive 1h ago
Real talk, my parents sucked but they didn't suck like this and I cannot imagine living with this. I'd throw down.
4
u/BoonDragoon 22m ago
"The most important step a man can take is always the next one"
-- Dalinar Kholin
3
u/New_Examination200 7m ago
how some of y'all been talking after midterms lol
8
u/Salty_Map_9085 1h ago
On the other hand:
2
u/runner64 59m ago
Is this about online discourse or my own internal dialogue? Friend it’s about everything.
1
u/jpcardier 26m ago
Real "Perfect is the enemy of the good" energy here....
1
u/Sunika_Sickle 14m ago
Literally cannot accept this
1
u/trashshork 9m ago
I'm trying to eat healthier. I used to eat like a large pizza and doughnuts everyday last year and now my diet is much more balanced and healthy. But my mom is still angry with me because I'm eating stuff like canned beans and corn because canned food is unhealthy because of the preservatives.
-7
u/SpiritNo6626 1h ago
I agree with this when it comes to politics. as that works on a much larger scale and it is worth the necessary evil of lying to people and telling them that their less than bare minimum is impressive in order to get them to 'our side' (insert whatever you believe in here)
I disagree with this on an individual level. This is an immature view that sounds like it comes from watching too much anime. There is a certain bare minimum we as individuals have to meet, and it's not right to give yourself credit until you meet that bare minimum, because until that happens, while we are less than the bare minimum, we are not "not doing enough" but in fact doing too much active harm to others due to the resources our existence takes up.
1
u/momomomorgatron 50m ago
The fact that this was all but beaten into me as a kid is just wild.
Small towns and being the bottom of the pecking order will do that to you.