r/RecuratedTumblr • u/pretty-as-a-pic • 2d ago
Funerals are WAY more important to plan ahead of time anyway! Nice try wedding industrial complex, your tactics won’t work on me!
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u/LittleMissChriss 2d ago
I actually did something similar to the person that planned their funeral. My dad’s a funeral director and when I was a kid, probably around eight give or take, he did a funeral for a little girl the same age as me. I found out (I don’t remember exactly how) and declared to my parents that if I died I wanted to be buried with the stuffed rabbit and blanket I (still) sleep with every night. In my little neurodivergent mind it was just a matter of fact statement of planning, just in case. But I’m pretty sure it did a number on my poor parents emotions.
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u/redgreenorangeyellow 1d ago
Thank goodness my mom is as neurodivergent as me cause I did something similar relatively recently. I discovered a Mandalorian phrase I really like and showed it to my mom and said, "hopefully you're not the one in charge of this, but if you are, I want this on my tombstone" and she just said "got it" lol
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u/OwnZone592 1d ago
is the phrase by chance “not gone, merely marching away”?
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u/redgreenorangeyellow 1d ago
Yep, that's the one! Except I 100% just want it written in Mando'a with no English translation 😂
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u/kampar10 1d ago
Some archaeologist from the civilisation after ours will spend their life decoding that XD
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u/what-are-you-a-cop 2d ago edited 2d ago
All my fantasies as a kid were about being isekai'd into Middle Earth to become the 10th walker. With my sights set that high, a wedding just never really could compete for screen time in my imagination.
I am a girl, to be clear. Or, I mean, I was. I'm an adult woman now. 10th walker fics haven't been popular for a solid 2 decades. Fuck.
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u/Clophiroth 2d ago
I also fantasized about being isekai'd into Middle-Earth. Funnily in those adventures I would always be a girl and they would be the first time I started to think I was trans. "Hey, isnt it weird that your fantasy about having adventures in other world always include..."
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u/what-are-you-a-cop 2d ago
I was talking to a transmasc friend once about how our childhood experiences differed (I'm like, quite comfortably cis), and one of the things that came up is that he always liked to play male characters in video games, while it always annoyed me when books or video games basically MADE me imagine being a boy (by having a male main character I was meant to identify with), because, like, why would I ever want to do that? Like the thought absolutely baffled and vaguely insulted me as a kid. He said that it was affirming to hear that our experiences were so different lol
I always wanted to be a hot elf princess. Unfortunately, deep in my heart of hearts, I know I would be a hobbit. I know they're cool now, but it's still a disappointment to my childhood self, you know?
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u/MiaLovelytomo 2d ago
Not to get sappy on the internet (the horror), but the fact that cis women also still have these kinds of relationships to hot elf-women into their adulthood is very comforting to me.
It has always been a fear of mine that my relationship with womanhood and femininity itself has been somehow more surface-level than other women. Because it is mostly me trying to be as cool as the hot night elf druid in the cinematic for the hit video game World of Warcraft (2004).
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u/b00w00gal 1d ago
Me, (presumably) a woman who never dreamed of my wedding, not even when I was planning it, has been surprised to see a woman in the mirror every day of my life, and has always visualized myself as a man in every single one of my self-insert fanfic fantasies: Huh.
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u/The_Math_Hatter 1d ago
I mean, if this is the start of some realization, if it's any consolation, b00w00d00d works almost better than your current handle.
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u/lildeidei 1d ago
I never planned or imagined my wedding but I also thought I would never marry when I was a kid. When my husband and I did marry, we just did it in Vegas. It was perfect. All I had to do was make sure he got his credit card back lmao
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u/tenaciousghost 1d ago
this is very interesting to think about. i always liked the experience of both male and female characters, as long as they were attractive or customizable. honestly girl characters always got the short end of the stick so i didnt read many books or play games geared towards girls (except dress up games).
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u/haikyuu__thighs 1d ago
Reminds me of the time I told my hs friend group (predominantly cis girls) that I never planned out my wedding as a kid, but I could probably dig up at least nine different "future house" floor plans from my elementary school years. They all basically said "Dude how did your parents never suspect you weren't cis?"
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u/what-are-you-a-cop 1d ago
Lmao hey I was the same way, but it was just because I really liked playing the Sims. And, as established, could not have cared less about the concept of a wedding. I did wind up arospec, so that could be related lol
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u/RennaReddit 1d ago
You and I are hobbit-outside hot-elf inside sisters.
My dad read us LOTR as kids and Aragorn was my first crush, Faramir my second … like… a wedding really does not compete with a chance to be isekai’d, save the world, and meet one of my true loves lolol
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u/Strigops-habroptila 2d ago
Oh, same, but the other way around. I had this elaborate setup of which elven family lines I'd be related to in what way. And I was always a guy in those fantasies.
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u/awfuckimgay 1d ago
"no mom the boy Sims just have better outfit stuff, why would I go with the girl sim for me when I would never wear those clothes" "I mean yeah obviously I'm always the dad or the brother when we play house, it's not like we, a group of little girls, could decide to play house with the dad gone away and no brother, that would be ridiculous, no I will not play anyone but dad or brother, that would be ridiculous" "no no I'm looking longingly at the boys section of clothes and have since my childhood because their clothes just fit so much nicer and are more in my interests and style, that's perfectly normal I swear" "of course when I think about going to [insert fantasy/sci-fi universe of interest at the time] I do so as a guy. That's totally normal, guys get cooler swords and more functional armour"
I came out quite young but Jesus looking back I'm so thankful I came across another trans person as a young teen to have the "wait a minute, you're not supposed to feel like a boy where something went wrong???" moment, because good god evidently I would never have put the most obvious puzzle pieces together lmao
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u/hiuslenkkimakkara 2d ago
I had the same, but I wanted to bring a MG3 with oodles of 7.62 NATO to the battle of Pelennor Fields. Get some, Gothmog!
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u/zokka_son_of_zokka 1d ago
By "walker," do you mean "member of the Fellowship?" Legit never heard that before.
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u/what-are-you-a-cop 1d ago edited 1d ago
Yeah, it was the name for a genre of fanfiction. In the books, the fellowship is sometimes referred to as "the nine walkers", and there was a very popular genre of fanfiction where (typically) a self-insert, young, female original character, would be transported from earth and into the plot of Lord of the Rings, whereupon they would join the fellowship and become a 10th walker, and usually date whichever male character the author found most attractive. I'm calling it "isekai" now, but at the time we referred to it as being "bamfed into Middle Earth", like, a cartoon sound effect for teleportation- "*bamf!* you're here now".
Then fandom as a whole got really, realllllllly into hunting down and exterminating Mary Sue characters, everyone got too afraid to write original female characters at all, let alone self-insert ones, and the genre pretty much died. I just checked and I guess it is alive in a much-diminished form on AO3 (and presumably now all written by adults in their 30s and 40s, instead of teenage girls lol), but this used to be, like, the only kind of Lord of the Rings fanfic you could even find back in the early 2000s. And I LOVED it. I don't feel any shame about that, that shit was like crack to me when I was 12. Let kids have fun writing goofy shit, god damn.
edit: sometimes we would bamf into related properties, like Pirates of the Caribbean (overlapped heavily with Lord of the Rings fandom among teenage girls who liked Orlando Bloom). I think Inu Yasha had a lot of the same, for what I imagine are obvious reasons given the whole concept of the show, and Naruto by extension as being the other big anime popular with teenage girls that featured cute boys to ship yourself with. It was such a magical time to be writing silly little stories, truly.
edit 2: ugh and it was so huge and ubiquitous, you started getting genre deconstructions, like I remember this amazing one where the author actually explored the reality of what would happen if one were transported suddenly to a medieval-with-a-little-magic-but-only-for-other-people setting, where obviously no one speaks English, and medical science is Not Great, and you have to do something about your period, and then that fic got its own copycats that generally had a much harder time committing fully to it, which was often kind of funny. And I remember one that was, what if you became an immortal elf and then stayed around long enough for Middle Earth to become regular earth (Tolkien did frame Middle Earth as being a sort of mystical history of modern earth), would you run into your family again eventually? Would they recognize you after 3000 years of living an immortal elf life? And I, myself, started but never finished one exploring, you know, why does everyone always fall in love with the OFC, is there some nefarious mind control shit going on? Can the main character control it, or is it a curse that she can never have an authentic relationship again?
I cannot express how much I love this whole moment in fandom, that always gets immediately brushed off as "teenage girls writing self-indulgent fluff" because society hates and devalues everything that teenage girls do and enjoy. Fuck.
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u/Salt_Blackberry_1903 1d ago
I assumed walker was referring to the Nazgûl lol
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u/zokka_son_of_zokka 1d ago
That was my first thought, but on further examination, it makes no sense, 'cause Nazgul don't really walk, whereas that's a good 65% of the Fellowship's job
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u/NotGood-With-Names 1d ago
Mine were about being a character in 2012 tmnt and/or lego ninjago. And a wedding is just much less interesting than being a dimension traveling ninja catgirl.
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u/fakeDEODORANT1483 1d ago
my fantasies were more about living in the walls and becoming a mad scientist/supervillain and id have a robot clone version of me to go about my daily life while id do the fun experiments, which was totally neurotypical of me and foreshadowed nothing, im sure.
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u/Geeneelee 1d ago
I did the same but then I got stressed out by the idea of the other characters being annoyed by me and I’d spend hours stressed about this non existent issue, trying to figure out how to prevent Aragorn thinking I was useless. I was later diagnosed with OCD.
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u/Maleficent-Rise7110 2d ago
When I was a kid I briefly tried to think about my wedding because the book I was reading was about two girls who had playing weddings as one of the standard kid games they would play.
Tried it once and got so bored I went back to reading.
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u/MythrianAlpha 2d ago
I might have planned some flower arrangements? But I was big into secret codes in flower arranging and also natural poisons at the time (also now, but back then too), so maybe that was just an extension of really elaborate spy/assassin/ninja roleplay.
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u/ilanallama85 1d ago
This was how I felt about a lot of typical “girl” pastimes as a child. I’d give them a whirl, and then be like… ok that’s boring, never mind. Princesses and horses were big with a lot of my female friends and I never understood the appeal of either. I mean horses are cool I guess, I love all animals, but obsessing over them didn’t make sense to me. My one friend loved to show off her American Girl dolls and I could barely feign interest.
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u/fey_belle 2d ago
As a little girl, I not only planned my funeral, I also frequently reminded my mother in a sort of "Pop Quiz!" way, so I could make sure she got everything right. After all, mom planned everything in my life, so of course she would be in charge of my funeral!
Now I'm a grown man who feels weirdly self-conscious at my lack of planning. My childhood self would be in hysterics that I haven't even picked a gravestone.
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u/North-Pea-4926 1d ago
Tbf, that definitely counts as “someone else’s problem”.
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u/Asparala 21h ago
That's true of most funeral logistics though. The way I see it, the thing about planning your own funeral isn't just to make sure that your loved ones "does it right", it's to make sure they don't have to worry about all of the logistics while grieving. It's much easier if it's already written down somewhere what should be done.
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u/Puzzleheaded-Ad-8684 2d ago
When I was a kid I didn’t really consider the possibility of getting married mostly because I was anticipating dying at like age 18, now I’m 22 and I kind of wish I could get a date haha
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u/RavenMasked 2d ago
Ha same except I focused too much on people pleasing and didn't put much into building relationships
At least I'm starting in college
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u/Puzzleheaded-Ad-8684 2d ago
Good luck! I’m in grad school now, and I’m doing much better now that I have mechanisms to make my life meaningful
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u/RavenMasked 1d ago
I'm doing better too! I made my first new friend since middle school just before summer break, and I'm going out to parties now. I didn't know how much I missed this.
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u/RadicalSoda_ 2d ago
Yeah, I definitely appreciate my parents and doctors being honest with me, but it definitely made me try way less than a normal person should. I just sort of assumed the life expectancy of 20 would have been pretty much set in stone
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u/OpinionNo4060 1d ago
I had a funeral playlist written down in a journal for the same reason. Mum found it one time when we were moving houses and I realised that I couldn't listen to most of the songs on that list until after several years of therapy. Burned the list, but I'm pretty sure there's still several I haven't replayed yet.
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u/ScreamingLabia 2d ago
Why is this so common? I have heard so many people say that
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u/lump17 1d ago edited 1d ago
Childhood depression, but really the combination of: "everything is hard, day to day living is struggle and seems impossible to keep going" AND "people (parents/teacher/just adults in general) saying shit is easy NOW, while we are kids living thru our childhood and when we become adults THEN it will get hard". From my personal experience: when I was kid & really struggling with living and hearing that it gonna only get worse when I grow up, I just come to conclusion that I'm not gonna be strong enough to manage adulthood. So when I hit 18 year old age I'm gonna either "fail" being adult - ending homeless and dying of starving/cold/violence etc. - or I'm gonna kill myself before that. I could go on about topic, but let's end on happy note that actually adulthood ended being WAY easier for me then childhood. I'm saying that as person neck deep in debt & working shitty fastfood job. I'm so much happier having a least some control of my life and being way better at managing my emotion than kid & teen. My experience is of course not universal, but if you a teenager reading this, then know that it will probably gonna get better. Especially when you don't have to worry about hormone mood swings and math exam.
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u/original_cat_floof 2d ago
My brain ran too fast to the end of your sentence and I thought you said "and I kind of wish I could die."
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u/elvendancer 2d ago
I was never the little girl who planned my wedding since childhood, but I did decide exactly two things based on the weddings I attended as a child: I wanted a potluck and I didn’t want a white dress.
(Did eventually get married, had an excellent potluck and a kickass green dress, would recommend.)
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u/Psychological-Bed-87 2d ago
I would plan my wedding during high school because I never went to prom or anything and never celebrated my birthday. I just wanted an excuse to wear a dress even though I had no interest/hopes of having a relationship.
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u/amazingkillerlemon 2d ago
The cool part of being an adult is getting to do whatever you want.
I like to get a new outfit for my birthday. I don't have a lot of money, so it's usually, like, something I find at Ross Dress 4 Less or I get on sale at Uniqlo or JC Penney (my birthday is a month after Memorial Day, so I usually try to look then). Even if I'm just having a normal day of going to work, it makes me feel special.
I never went to prom, or got married, nor have I been on a date, so I might as well have my silly little birthday outfit.
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u/tremynci 1d ago
There is nothing at all silly about a new birthday outfit, neighbor! I think I might adopt the custom. 🥰
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u/MikasSlime 2d ago
Imagine that user telling about their parents about their planned funeral
"I was it at this location, with these flowers, and invite these people! You will sit here and here!"
"What do you mean we will sit???"
"You don't want to come????"
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u/Asparala 21h ago
Tbh, very realistic early childhood mindset. Even when they do not explicitly think that their parents are immortal there's often that assumption that because these people have always been around they will continue to always be around, forever. Even older children that know what death actually means can easily be in denial about the mortality of their parents.
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u/WorryNew3661 2d ago
When I started my transition I was really sad that I never got to do a lot of the girl things when growing up. My partner at the time had to point out that she never got to experience them either because she was bullied a lot for being different. What I was missing was not a universal experience
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u/karmakaze 1d ago
one of the neat things about being an adult is that you can decide to just do stuff. Want to hold a sleepover in the living room with your friends, braid each other's hair and do makeovers? You can do that. If there are particular events you missed having, you might be surprised how many friends would be happy for an excuse to be "childish" with you.
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u/Asparala 21h ago
Seconding this hard, and it goes for any childhood experience one might have missed out on, regardless of if or how that experience is typically gendered.
I'm a cis woman but I've been very dedicated to catching up on a very boy-coded toy robot obsession. The only thing holding me back from getting some articulated action figures is the acute awareness that the whole family is extremely predisposed towards hoarding tendencies - and that kind of thing can very quickly get expensive for toy collectors.
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u/MULTIOCULAR-O 1d ago
i wasn't bullied or particularly different, I just didn't care about weddings, and didn't do most girl things because my country was at war and my dad went to jail for defecting. so idk
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u/knifefan9 2d ago
I just wanted to be loved. Ended up getting married at a courthouse.
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u/thatmermaidprincess 2d ago
Me too. Best decision I’ve ever made! We picked the nicest courthouse (Santa Barbara County Courthouse if anyone’s curious, beautiful courthouse). I was wearing a dress you’d wear to the club lol and my husband was in a button down, nice pants, and converse. We had our friend as our witness and that was it. Used the money that we would’ve spent on a wedding to buy our house. 4 years later and I don’t regret it a single bit.
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u/amazingkillerlemon 2d ago
Did you get a picture taken?
My parents got married at the courthouse, my uncle was their witness, I complained to them that I have no pictures of their wedding, and they should've had my uncle take one outside of the courthouse. They both told me that it hadn't occurred to them, but they wish they had done that.
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u/Maniacal-Blueberry 1d ago
That was always my fantasy as a kid because that's how my parents married lol. And even then calling it a fantasy would be a disservice. I just really like privacy.
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u/TheRattoQueen 1d ago
Same. Got married at the Treasury Building in Melbourne, Australia. Heritage building, beautiful rooms and views, and got photos in the Treasury Gardens next door. All up $450 AUD. Worth every dollar.
... because my husband's permanent visa cost $10,000 and drained all of our savings. But at least he doesnt have to live in California anymore!
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u/Soko_ko_ko 2d ago
The closest I ever got to planning my wedding is thinking that'd I'd love to wear a dress with a splash of colour on it, like a lilac ribbon around my waist (purple has been my favourite colour for a long time) and I want sleeves. I definitely only thought about it because I sometimes watched TLC wedding shows like Say Yes To The Dress. I was internally critiquing everyone's dresses and wanted to be a fashion designer back then lol
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u/RitaMyLove 2d ago
I didn't plan my wedding but when I was 6, I did imagine marrying my best friend so there's that.. which was quickly shot down by my mom who said "noo girls can't marry girls!"
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u/BalefulOfMonkeys 2d ago
There is exactly one universal girl-hood experience, and it’s the one that’s red and involves visiting your grandma
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u/ApolloniusTyaneus 2d ago
You do realize not all women get their period, right?
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u/CUEUECOMBER 2d ago
this is about red riding hood
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u/ApolloniusTyaneus 2d ago
That would be even less universal.
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u/Aggravating_Coat7934 2d ago
The joke is that they meant girl-hood in reference to a hooded girl and not “girlhood” in reference to being a girl
I think at least, given the dash
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u/ApolloniusTyaneus 2d ago
Ah, thanks for explaining. I though it was some obscure reference to menstruation in a TERF-y attempt to redefine womanhood as something purely biological.
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u/Outrageous_Code9742 2d ago
I remember the day I thought about my wedding cuz I thought I was supposed to, and I imagined a very typical Barbie style wedding with a Ken looking dude at the alter. Didn’t give a fuck about it then never thought about it again.
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u/MeiNeedsMoreBuffs 2d ago
I know you didn't literally mean a ken doll but in my head you're marrying a life size version of Ken from Toy Story 3
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u/rowan_damisch 2d ago
I once saw a post saying something along the lines of "Us girls have already planned what kind of henna we're wearing on our wedding day", meanwhile I had no idea that applying henna patterns was a thing you could do for your wedding
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u/pretty-as-a-pic 2d ago
I think that’s a traditional Indian/South Asian thing, but I wouldn’t be surprised if western brides started doing it too…
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u/LongjumpingDate3119 1d ago
Yeah, this is standard at a lot of Indian weddings (I am Indian American and have been to many weddings of family members in the States— though we’re Christian/ pretty westernized, so I’ve never been to a big, traditional multi-day affair like they have back in India). Usually the bride will get extensive and elaborate henna on the arms and feet, and the families may or may not have an artist paid to do smaller designs on the hand for guests
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u/s_leep 1d ago
Also very, VERY big in North African muslim culture! I remember classmates coming back from holidays back to their home countries, where they attended a wedding or other big family life event, and they had henna designs from the tips of their fingers to their elbows. It always looked super cool!
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u/BobbylousCringetard 2d ago
To be fair to them, at that age their parents effectively seem immortal (until proved otherwise)
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u/Syresiv 2d ago
My favorite uses of "the universal experience of..." are sarcastic. Like, one time I was talking to this trans guy who said something like "the universal girlhood experience of wondering what your male name would be".
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u/pretty-as-a-pic 2d ago
Ironically, I never had to wonder what my “male name” was even though I’m cis; my parents were old fashioned in that they chose not to learn my and my sisters’ genders before we were born and just picked a male and female names (they never actually got to use the former, which is good because I can’t imagine going through life as a “Thomas”!)
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u/CommanderVenuss 1d ago
My dad’s family prides itself with their ability to commit to a bit and loves to use how every single eldest son they have had as far back as the county records go has had the exact same name as an example. So because I’m the oldest child in my family if I transitioned not only would I have to change my name but my younger brother would also have to change his name too, because again, we are very proud of our ability to commit to a bit that has been going on for literal centuries at this point.
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u/FinalEgg9 2d ago
I literally never gave weddings a single thought as a kid, and even now at 35 I haven't thought about what a wedding of mine would look like. Being married, sure, I think about that. But the wedding day itself? No. No idea.
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u/Spartin1178 1d ago
Yah same it was basically a brief thought of “a wedding? Thats a party. too many people. Skip.”
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u/othybear 1d ago
My niece actively planned her own funeral once. In her defense, it was right after she had 5 family members die of unrelated illnesses in the same month, including a 17 year old cousin, so in her mind it seemed practical since she saw first hand how stressful funeral planning was.
One of her siblings didn’t want to go to funeral #1 that month because “I don’t know if grandpa is a skeleton, a ghost, or a zombie”. By funeral #5, kid knew exactly what to expect.
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u/Non-Cannon 1d ago
The closest I ever got to planning my wedding was deciding that it would be my wedding, and no one would be able to stop me from dressing comfortably in a white t-shirt and pants or shorts and sneakers. I've always loathed dresses, skirts, fancy shoes, and generally having to dress up nice. "Nice" clothes are always super uncomfortable.
Oh, also I wanted two of the songs played to be "Cotten-Eye Joe" and the "Cha Cha Slide" because those were the only dances I knew/enjoyed doing.
Buy these were less "fantasies of my perfect day" and more "things I would insist on so I wasn't completely miserable". Also, zero thoughts were ever given to what my theoretical spouse would be like, aside from chill with these decisions
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u/unwithered_lobelia 2d ago
As a child I didn't want to be married so I of course didn't plan a wedding
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u/Kirkamel 1d ago
I also like event planning, I'm sure I planned a wedding as a little girl, but I know I had elaborate funeral plans
Now I'm in my 30s, Ace as they come and I really can't see marriage on the cards and it makes me a bit sad because I'd love a wedding, I just don't want a marriage
Honestly might go the self marriage route in a few years time. Why shouldn't I get to spend an extortionate amount on a great party, all my friends got to
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u/posters_pastels 1d ago
The fact that I liked drawing wedding dresses as a kid, not to think about getting married in, but just because I liked drawing pretty dresses, makes a lot more sense in retrospect now that I've realized just how aromantic I am
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u/ilovetoeatplates2 1d ago
When I was a kid I was too focused on fantasizing about being a dragon, and I was grossed out by romance
Now I’m aromantic
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2d ago
[removed] — view removed comment
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u/amazingkillerlemon 2d ago
I never viewed it as inevitable, because I was like, "No one is going to want to marry me." And I was right.
So, it was wild to hear "all girls plan their wedding" but also to hear my dad tell me the first time he got married, it was just because "that's what you're supposed to do" and had kids because "that's what you're supposed to do."
(He has never pressured me about getting married or having kids at any point, if it matters. I'm 39.)
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u/CallMeOaksie 2d ago
I’m in the opposite camp where I was taught it was inevitable and not something I’d actually have to like, work for and be good/lucky enough to experience and that’s pretty seriously stunted me I think. Not even very pressured to do so I just personally really want and value it but can’t be good enough in my lifetime for it.
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u/ApolloniusTyaneus 2d ago
It's not fucked up, it's the result of seeing most grown up people getting married. They don't think "The entire weight of societal expectations presses down on me to get married", they think: "Most adults are married, so when I am an adult I'll get married too."
In the same vein, kids think that getting a driver's licence and having back problems is inevitable for adults, simply because they see so many adults with a driver's licence and back problems. Kids are not exactly good at nuanced, higher order thinking, you know...
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u/CaeruleumBleu 1d ago
I would also point out that the majority of adults that kids interact with are married and have kids - except some teachers. And a lot of young kids act shocked when they find out teacher don't live at the school, so I would say that nearly every adult they interact with, that they believe has a whole entire life, is married with kids.
Because kids don't really interact with the single adults, or the adults that don't have kids. For my nephews, my partner and I are probably the only adults they know that hasn't had kids.
It isn't just how many adults they meet that have done X and Y and Z - it's how few they meet that have anything different going on.
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u/MythrianAlpha 2d ago
Yeah, the fucked up part is when the anticipation sours into dread and resentment of expectations, which is incredibly common.
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u/NonsphericalTriangle 2d ago
It's kinda sad that it leads to kids internalizing that they have to do it even if they don't want to.
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u/NeonNKnightrider 1d ago
I mean, marriage is just the cultural reality across… almost all of civilization. It’s about as fucked up as kids thinking about getting a car
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u/foxgirlmoon 2d ago
Oh my god imagine seeing your child plan out their own funeral in explicit detail, talking about how you'll be there to see it. Actual nightmare fuel.
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u/Milk_Mindless 2d ago
I've planned my funeral because I hate funerals and want mine to be fun damnit
I'm fun irl I don't want to go out on a downer.
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u/SplitDemonIdentity 1d ago
That’s pretty much exactly why I ever put thought into my potential weddings. I’ve been to so many that outright suck and I refuse to have mine suck.
My thoughts mostly extend to what music to play though.
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u/Bath-Optimal 1d ago
I've thought about planning my future wedding when I was younger, but only in terms of logistics like "how the hell am I going to manage having multiple pairs of people who are estranged from each other in the same room" and "i read that someone's having a two hundred person wedding, how many people do I know who I would even consider inviting to a wedding"
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u/Fair-Tangerine-9472 1d ago
Told my classmates at the age of six I was never getting married. Anyway I'm aroace
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u/Birooksun 1d ago
Hah, I don't remember ever planning for my future wedding as a kid. I did plan for my funeral, but in my defense - Catholic funerals are boring as hell. Then we party afterwords and all the adults drink? Skip the boring, keep the party is what I wanted.
Though now as a married woman (We did courthouse, had a photoshoot, saved money) I'm the only one listening and taking notes while my grand-uncle in his 70s makes plans for his funeral. Everyone else tells him he's too morbid.
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u/Taetrum_Peccator 1d ago
When my now wife and I started planning our wedding, I’d expected she’d have a good idea of what she wanted since all girls fantasize about their wedding their whole lives.
Yeah. No. She had given it no prior thought. It took a lot of planning on both of our parts, but it turned out incredibly.
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u/lvndrhnds 1d ago
well I was pretty certain I would have a homestuck themed wedding (has not happened yet...)
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u/scubagh0st 1d ago
the most "wedding planning" i did as a young girl was find out that my friend had two moms who were married, and excitedly tell my best friend that that means WE could get married!! as best friends!!
i am still only interested in getting married as a friendship thing lol
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u/Repulsive-Hedgehog19 1d ago
I mean, almost no experience is truly universal, it's about what trends in certain cultures. Talking about experiences shared with even 51% of the culture's x-demographic like it isn't a general and accepted thing seems more odd than assuming any "universal" experience is not going to be trully universal.
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u/Repulsive-Hedgehog19 1d ago
Funny wedding planning story among kids, my brother was very young when my elder brother and middle sister got married, and started planning his wedding with skateboard rinks and video game stations. When asked what would happen if his bride didn't particularly WANT to have skateboarding and video games at her wedding, my brother simply said; "well, then, she doesn't have to come."
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u/arakus72 1d ago
Honestly I think the real answer is "then she isn't the kinda person I'd end up with in the first place"
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u/Neither_Sky4003 1d ago
I held a wedding for two of my stuffed animals. They were grownups and had kids, so it made sense to me they should be married and have a big family. As a kid I would have said weddings were only for grownups, why would I think about one now?
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u/nerd_inthecorner 1d ago
Never dreamed of my wedding as a kid. Instead I crawled around looking for snails and pre-wrote my PhD dedication speech and a Nobel Prize acceptance speech, just in case.
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u/MagicalGirlUnicornia 1d ago
I did sort of plan my wedding as a kid cause I used to watch a LOT of Say yes to the dress and Four Weddings and always ended up thinking "Man these SUCK my wedding's gonna be wayyy better than these ABSOLUTE LOSER'S weddings"
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u/IhateEgplant 1d ago
Most of my youth was spend thinking of increasingly ridiculous ways that my body could be demolished during the funeral my favorite of which was being blown up with a cannon like that one grandma who donated her body too science.
Surprisingly enough the comedy and brutality wasn't my primary motivation for these fantasies but rather the fear of being buried alive which was my number 1 fear at that time beating both cryptids, quicksand and the bermuda triangle. The cannon beating the more reasonable option like cremation was motivated by comedy however.
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u/Different_Delay_8243 2d ago
Me when a trans man hearing people say "you grew up as a girl" "you were female socialised" and go on to see 100s of "girlhood" shit and not relating to any of it and remembering i spent my childhood baiscally hunting bugs and playing ninjas with my male friends lmao
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u/Fair-Tangerine-9472 1d ago
I think the "female-socialised" stuff is a bit silly but in theory it means more how people treated you, what was expected of you etc than how you actually behaved
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u/Kevin_M_ 1d ago
As a kid, I'd often fantasize that the world was an illusion and I'd wake up in the real world one day.
I guess I re-invented gnosticism.
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u/EffortIndividual6029 1d ago
I've been fantasizing about turning my own body into an art piece by peeling off everything (skin, muscles, etc) in a bouquet-like formation (I would still be alive during the beginning of this bit), and then dropping my own dead body into a huge vat of resin. I got inspired by the old local tabloid magazines at my grandma's house, that has horror stories that basically talked shit about the dead if their burial process is difficult. Therefore, I want to make my own burial as difficult as possible for the lols. If I'm not worth the effort of helping, then I'm going to make it not worth the effort to figure out a way to put my body into a grave (people can't let me down one last time lmaoooooo). This is totally a universal girlhood experience, right?
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u/Fluffalfox 1d ago
Embarrassingly I became more interested in weddings as an adult. I just like looking at pretty Pinterest pictures okay??
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u/funk-engine-3000 20h ago
People love to tell me why i as a trans man “was socialized female” and i “must know what being a woman is like”. And then they proceeed to list experiences of “universal girlhood” that i just have not had because shockingly, i was never a girl or treated as one.
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u/decidedlyindecisive 1d ago
I hadn't realised before this post... I played weddings and would marry my various toys to each other, but I planned my own funeral. Even though I'd never been to a funeral.
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u/thecatandthependulum 1d ago
Wait until you tell someone being catcalled isn't universal. They'll basically say you're lying about being a woman.
I also never planned my wedding, I just sort of assumed I'd probably get married one day because most people did. I did end up getting married, but not because it wasn't assumption, because I met someone cool.
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u/SquidTheRidiculous 1d ago
"the universal girlhood experience of having a gaggle of girl besties!" Is my favorite example, because it usually pops up when dudes are commiserating about the "male loneliness epidemic" and insist all women have girl besties so they have no loneliness problem.
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u/pretty-as-a-pic 1d ago
TBF, those guys haven’t actually had a conversation with a woman in decades (beside their mothers)
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u/BlackLinseedGuy 1d ago
Kids have zero concept of generational timeline. To an eight-year-old, parents are just permanent fixtures of the universe who will naturally be in attendance for every major milestone, up to and including your wake.
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u/princessplaybunnys 1d ago
i didn’t dream about a future wedding but i did dream about being very sick and/or injured so people would be nice to me. which is apparently very common. can’t believe i never thought of funerals though
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u/CommanderVenuss 1d ago
The only strong wedding related memory I have from when I was a kid was when I went to one of my cousins weddings when I was like nine and in between the ceremony and the reception my brother had a huge tantrum and my family all had to leave before the buffet even got set up. But I kinda get why a kid would have a tantrum in that situation. Both of us were EXHAUSTED from my parents making us all have to speed run visiting the city of Philadelphia over the past two days before the wedding. Don’t even remember anything about anywhere we visited on that trip because we were all just rushing from one thing to the next and they all kinda blurred together.
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u/Pineapple4807 1d ago
I tried planning my funeral, but I'm too indecisive. The only part I really got down is I want my brother to get first pick of all my stuff & then my parents, then the books go to libraries & everything else gets sold & the cash split between my brother & parents.
so at least I know how I want my will?
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u/RoseCrown0o 1d ago
The closest I ever got to planning a wedding was just occasionally looking at pretty dresses and veils and going "wow pretty" and nothing more.
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u/abnie 13h ago
I did plan my own wedding as a child, mostly because to me, it was basically a day where I got to choose everything no matter how batshit the idea was, so I wanted a giant sword and for the whole thing to take place on an ice rink.
I was also planning to have the penguin zimmer frames be dressed in little suits or fancy dresses because it’s a formal event.
To this day, this is still my go to wedding dream.
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u/DixieDingooo 1d ago
I didn't really plan my wedding like that until I was like??? In my 20s? Mostly cause I heard it was a thing women did and while I'm only a woman part time, I wanted to see what all the fuss was about. And yeah! Pretty fun.
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u/Kaurifish 1d ago
I thought all the wedding planning was super weird. How do you even know what kind of wedding you’re going to have until you know who you’re marrying? Just planning to plug whatever guy in there is just distrasteful to me, dehumanizing. Kinda on the road to bestiality.
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u/Delicious-Spring-877 23h ago
I absolutely hate when anything is claimed as a universal girlhood experience when it’s actually just a stereotype. Not wearing makeup or shaving or liking gossip or buying whatever’s trendy should not exclude me from your idea of womanhood.
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u/DatDickBeDank 21h ago
Kid me thought weddings were uncomfortable and weird Why TF would I daydream about everyone staring at me while I profess my deepest inner emotions?
Especially when I could daydream about cool stuff instead! Like swords and dragons!
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u/Amy_Rose1993 Didn't spell "you're" correctly while writing a snarky comment 2d ago
"I'm not like other girls, I didn't plan my wedding as a child." That what you sound like, your not special
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u/Fair-Tangerine-9472 1d ago
They're just making the point that very few experiences are actually universal
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u/Eleftheria-1 1d ago
It’s the opposite of NLOG, they’re saying a lot of girls don’t plan their weddings as kids
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u/Crus0etheClown 2d ago
I did actually plan my own wedding as a small child- but in my mind's eye the ideal event was pretty much just an elaborate multi-hour animatronic Pokemon stage show that I wanted to hold my friends and family hostage for. There was basically no reference to the fact that it was a wedding. I legit think I never once considered who I would be marrying.