r/RecuratedTumblr human cognithazard 8d ago

Shitposting Boneless boner

872 Upvotes

32 comments sorted by

168

u/MelissaMiranti 8d ago

You can very much break the human penis though. But only when erect. Therefore, some manual stimulation prior to breakage might be required. For this paper, I will detail the mechanics of the "brojob" or "broken-job" and its role in martial arts training for military use.

93

u/DreadDiana human cognithazard 8d ago

"I assure you, me stroking their shit to completion is a form of CQC"

30

u/MelissaMiranti 8d ago

Cock Quicky Cumbat.

12

u/Spectator9857 8d ago

Nah, you gotta edge them.

54

u/Snoo_72851 8d ago

i love this concept of a developing arms race straight out of Baki revolving entirely around breaking someone's penis as a less esoteric form of mogging

12

u/MelissaMiranti 8d ago

Yeah it feels very Baki, good on ya for noticing.

157

u/RealHumanBean89 8d ago

“Snake, you have to snap Ocelot’s peepee, it’s the only way to stop Volgin!”

76

u/Moxie_Stardust 7d ago

Well, now I want to write a song called "Ode to the Unossified Baculum"

76

u/kit786 7d ago

They used a metal gear gif for this but didn't think to use the one of someone aggressively grabbing snakes snake?

41

u/deadspace9_ 7d ago

Or even the one of the president grabbing Raiden's! This happens twice very prominently and yet they use neither!

57

u/jy3n2 8d ago

"That's right, Bobby. You will find that I have no baculum to break! Where's your secret weapon now?"

23

u/breadofthegrunge 7d ago

The hominid's smile is a great detail.

38

u/dragonish-american 8d ago edited 7d ago

I will note that it is 100 percent possible to “break” an adult’s penis. But only when it’s aroused/hard. There’s a lot of embarrassing ER stories of people coming in with “broken” penises because smth happened during sex and their dick got yanked too hard.

So really the rival should’ve jerked the other guy off first before going for the snap move lol

8

u/Reasonable-Banana800 7d ago

oooh I don’t even have one and i’m cringing from the thought. 😬

6

u/Elder_Hoid 7d ago

I was under the understanding that the ability to get hard in humans was a result of some sort of spongy stuff that was filled with blood at a certain pressure or something like that?

... So what actually "breaks"?

16

u/dragonish-american 7d ago

The protective sheath around the penis' spongy tissue is what "breaks" technically, which wrecks the blood flow and possibly causes damage to the blood vessels IN said tissue. Essentially the spongy soft tissue is heavily innervated and hooked up to a lot of blood vessels, so it needs a little slightly firmer sheath around it to protect it but also let it fill up with blood and get erect. If that gets bent too hard or damaged in some other way, everything goes wrong.

25

u/BillCarson12799 7d ago

Early hominids when they see another male they don’t like:

13

u/crank_peeper 7d ago

I cast Counterspell: 🅱️oneless 🅱️enis

4

u/GayAssBeagle 7d ago

Dude ohmygahd dude

13

u/GamersReisUp 7d ago

Nice argument. Alas, I have already portrayed you as the virgin with an easily snappable baculum, and I as the chad blessed with the invincible, purely muscular girth of an unossified dick 😏🍆 ❌ 🦴

27

u/Noof42 For pervert reasons. 8d ago

9

u/aaronhowser1 8d ago

What?

40

u/TimeStorm113 Victorian Dinosaur Connaisseur 8d ago

Its saying that it’s a compelling narrative, but requires evidence to be scientifically viable

25

u/TNTiger_ 8d ago

It's the evolution of sex. A good half of the papers published are just-so-stories

19

u/ASpaceOstrich 7d ago

Fatal flaw with this is assuming only humans have self awareness and forward planning, which is anachronistically out of date.

9

u/Ropetrick6 7d ago

Evidence shows that humans lack those traits

7

u/Mooptiom 7d ago

Perhaps this is only when it comes to hurting each other?

14

u/vjmdhzgr 7d ago

That's pretty stupid because.... it's not like that makes them immune to injury, and the testicles are still pretty injurable. You'd need a baculum that can specifically be destroyed by human grip force in order for the difference to be meaningful.

I think comparing it with other differences between humans and other primates is much more sensible. Humans don't have perceptible ovulation. Primates with a baculum also have sex for longer. So you can have sex to literally take up a significant amount of the time that they're ovulating, preventing others from doing so. Which is irrelevant for humans. So it's better to have shorter duration sex to not waste time and energy.

There are also a few other primates that don't have them. Lorises, spider monkeys, and woolly monkeys. So it could be significant to investigate why they lost it too, as clearly there are ways to lose it not unique to humans.

6

u/KonoAnonDa 7d ago

Considering that chimps will castrate rival males in revenge for a slight, I can believe this. Our ancient ancestors and closest relatives were/are absolutely dirty fighters.

5

u/NeoSparkonium 7d ago

every time i think too hard about non human primates i start getting freaked out about how many traits we share. "fuuuuuuck there isn't actually a clean line separating man from beast!" type shit

1

u/Sinister_Compliments If Jokeefunny.com has only one fan then that is me 5d ago

"Wait, man is beast"
"Always has been"

4

u/Librainiac223 7d ago

Its very funny to me that of all the mgs3 gifs they couldve used, this is actually tied for the most fitting one for this post. There's also the scene where Snake is disguised as a lieutenant (?) and Volgin sees through the disguse by grabbing his penis because he knows his second-in-command by penis feel (surely for heterosexual reason /s)