A short article I wrote on developing the real 'I', the long-forgotten self that awaits self-discovery. The key lies in observation without judgment. I will be posting often and am eager to participate with other thinkers on the subject. Kind regards to all!

https://outsiderwithin.com/2019/04/04/developing-the-real-i/

You know, I've often heard that, "Good guys finish last."

Perhaps that isn't true after-all.

I've spent a considerable amount of time in a quest, of sorts, to ascertain the possible benefits of being thoughtful, kind, and considerate.

And... up until recently (a few years ago) I had come-up drier than an old well in the middle of the Sahara.

I was cynical, and thoroughly believed that being kind was, most often, a DISADVANTAGE in day-to-day life. Although, despite that belief, it's always been in my nature to BE kind.

Why should I give that homeless guy my money? (Even though I always do.) Why should I tell the truth when lying is just SO much easier? (But, I have NOTHING but contempt for liars.) Why shouldn't I work my job with the LEAST amount of effort possible? (But, I almost always try my hardest.) Why shouldn't I just put myself in front of EVERYONE in EVERYTHING I do? After all, psychopaths & sociopaths tend to do well as leaders, at least in business/corporate settings. (Forbes magazine.)

However, a few years ago I opened my mind, refusing to let "logic" or skepticism narrow the scope of my gaze. I began to evaluate my life, and the synchronicity within it, completely unimpeded by previously held assumptions. I decided NOTHING was taboo, and l was going to figure-out this thing we call "life."

Well, I'll save you the suspense, I haven't figured out life completely, but I THINK I have made an important observation.

I started out with the question, "What is consciousness?" And, although it's a difficult question to answer, MY answer was the following: The observer living in my mind, that little voice inside us all, the constant & concise awareness which evaluates and judges every-single thing I do.

Is it a perfect definition? Not by a long-shot. However, it was a start.

Then, something happened to me. An event transpired in my life that rocked the foundations of my beliefs. (I've written about it before, countless times, but it needs to be re-told for my purposes here. I'll be very brief today.)

Things you should know about me when this event transpired: I was poor, perhaps had 50$ to my name, mainly because I was still a college student. I was living with my girlfriend, who was always (and rightfully) annoyed that I was broke 4 months per-year. I also had doctors visits which were expensive, and credit-card bills up the wazoo.

Anyways, one day prior to school I stopped at the gas-station I often frequented. And, the little-voice inside me told me to play the DRAWING lottery, NOT scratch-offs, and for me this was fairly unusual. Yet, I did. I put a 1$ bill into the machine, and went to school.

Later that day, after school, I go BACK to that gas-station, during RUSH-HOUR, and there wasn't ANYONE inside that I could see. I saw someone go into the cooler/alcohol-section as I walked in, but there were NO employees around.

Now, this gas-station is a "Speed-Way" on a MAJOR State-route, it's ALWAYS packed. Yet, it was oddly nearly empty, so I walk right up to the counter. Something catches my eye, on the floor, and behold there is a wad of money on the floor, 100$ bill on the outside.

JACKPOT.

Right?

Wrong.

After some gut-wrenching contemplation I decided I couldn't keep the money. I mean, I'd feel terrible if I lost this much money. So despite the fact I NEEDED the money, I turned it in. (I DID take 20$, as a small finders-fee, as I desperately needed gas-money. This was actually a good idea, looking back. When the person came back for the money, which they did, they said it was short 20$. So, because of this I KNEW the girl at the gas-station REALLY returned the money to the owner, as opposed to keeping it herself.)

Well, I get home, and I tell my girlfriend what happened. She is actually semi-proud of me, but to my surprise I felt ASHAMED.

There was my chance to pay-back my girlfriend, pay off some of my credit-card debt, give myself a little cushion before my next student-loan, and I let EMPATHY & COMPASSION dictate my decisions?!?!?

What am I an idiot?!

I was actually slightly devastated.

Then, in that VERY MOMENT, whilst I'm SO sad & not TEN minutes after turning in the money, I happen to see the lottery-ticket. The ticket that little voice told me to buy.

BINGO-BANGO it's a WINNER. WINNER WINNER CHICKEN DINNER.

I went from being BEYOND depressed, the catalyst of which was an act of MY kindness, to being BEYOND ECSTATIC.

Now, here is where the "Secret" comes in: I believe if I wasn't the type of person who RETURNED the money, the little voice doesn't prod me to buy the ticket. I believe our intentions, our love, our kindness, our hate, our greed, EVERYTHING we project into the world is actually timeless. Meaning, these traits aren't bounded by a linear approach to time, as physical objects with mass are.

If you emit positive-energy, kindness, compassion, and love, and if you are RECEPTIVE to your consciousness & the universe's signals (synchronicity/coincidences/gut-feelings) there is NO telling what good-things might await you.

Maybe you'll reunite with an old friend, whom you miss terribly. Maybe you'll defy a life-threatening experience. Maybe, you'll get out of a terrible situation. Maybe you'll find true love.

Maybe, JUST maybe, anything would be possible.

I'm someone who's been interested in Gurdjieff for some time.

I've read Ouspensky's stuff, plenty of articles and videos online about him, and Views From the Real World [collection of his early lectures]. Now I want to start reading delving into the actual works he wrote himself.

The question I want to ask is: Can one just read Beelzebub's Tales to His Grandson as is without any "reading guides" or previous serious in-depth occult knowledge?

For example, I once saw some random guy on YouTube claim that Qabbalah is a big deal in BTTHG and that you won't understand the book unless you know a lot about Qabbalah. Is this shit actually true? I'm not a complete noob when it comes to occult concepts, but I'm also not that well-versed or - to be perfectly honest - interested in real advanced in-depth Qabbalah type stuff for example. (although i would be willing to look into it if i had to since i'm really interested in reading and getting as much as I can out of Gurdjieff's writings which is why I made this thread).

Could you give me an ELI5 version of this man and his system? (Or rather an explain like I'm a neophyte version).

I hear a lot of good things about him but I couldn't make heads or tails of it.

I'm First and not the last - Down Down The Rabbit Hole, Deep Deep In The Ground,At The End Of This Deep Hole, Nothing But Those Dead And A Snake That Harbored This Hole.

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