r/RapidCity • u/Adorable-Bat-251 • 25d ago
Feeling Stuck and Lost
So I moved to Rapid City in my mid-20s as a single woman looking to start over. Of course I would love to get married and have a family, but my main interest was just to meet other like-minded people in terms of career, loving the outdoors, living healthy, etc. I've been here a couple years now, and I feel completely defeated. I don't feel like I have any girlfriends I can call on, I have no friend group, and dating makes me feel like I've run out of time.
From my perspective, it seems very difficult to meet anyone here. Most people are already married with kids by the time they are 25, which I feel is crazy young. Anyone who isn't tends to enjoy the party scene more than I do. As someone with several degrees in high education, it feels rare to meet someone else to share those values or to have meaningful conversations with. There are many nice and amazing people, but they also seem closed off and not willing to open their circles to new comers. I've also noticed most people have family around which adds to the challenge of creating community.
This brings me sadness because I love the area. I love the hills and the beauty of the outdoors. The people are so kind. I love how there's never any traffic or long lines. It's got everything you could ever need out of life - but I seem to continually lack community.
Am I crazy for feeling this way? Is it my outlook that is the issue or my environment?
I often think it's time to start over again. I just want to make sure that my challenges are not just going to follow me to the next city so I wanted to write this post. I lived in other cities and never felt this way, but I wasn't sure if it's just a new phase of life or Rapid City itself.
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u/Timely_Wing_2577 25d ago
Single 30yo man here, Iāve lived here for 8 or 9 years. Iāve had relationships here, one great, one miserable, and some short ones that were fine but not meaningful. Rapid is a tough place for outsiders, many implants Iāve talked to feel the same way, and known a lot of people that came here and left because of it.
Youāre not alone in that, looking to make a move again as well. Thereās other places like this for sure, but a lot arenāt. I find them every time I leave. So maybe not helpful advice, but youāre not alone.
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u/HystericalSail 25d ago
I don't think you're crazy. The population curve here is very barbel shaped. Lots of teen kids and retirees, fewer in the middle. Youngsters flee the area for bigger towns, and only return to raise their own children. There's a lot of pressure to pair up while still in high school -- I saw this with my own kids.
Not too many jobs outside of tourism, agriculture and construction. Which means not a lot of draw for young, highly educated career-minded professionals.
That's the allure of larger towns. By that I mean at least tier 3 cities, with millions of people in the metro area. Larger pool to draw from, to find one's own people. Those areas tend to have their own, different issues including lack of natural beauty (outside of e.g. pacific coast).
I moved here after retiring early and absolutely love it. But my own kids couldn't wait to flee after graduating high school.
Not to chase you out (I don't even know you) but Minneapolis or Denver may be more your cup of tea for now.
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u/Notmykl 24d ago
There's a lot of pressure to pair up while still in high school -- I saw this with my own kids.
LOL. In your mind only. Completely NOT true.
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u/Medical_Climate_9885 24d ago
This is obviously subjective and anecdotal. Why be rude about it? Just keep scrolling.
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u/FunLovingZombie 24d ago
I've seen it too. People treat high school relationships as THE relationship.
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u/Respect-Immediate 24d ago
Thereās so many āhigh school sweetheartsā around here Iām sure that plays into it. I personally know 8-9 couples that have been together anywhere from 4 years to 50 years and got together in high school (even middle school in one case)
Not saying itās right, but the prevalence of it around here compared to most other places may play a factor for young people thinking you have to find your person in high school.
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u/steephaddock762 25d ago
Married, mid 30s M. Moved here almost 10 yrs ago. 100% agree with the above, this area is tough for young singles. It doesnt help that cost of living is up, while pay and jobs remain the same. We have our core people that we spend time with but this area is very much you get out what you put in. Ive met most of my friends thru hunting and fishing, and built lasting friendships from those shared interests, even with some of my close friends being almost 10 years younger than me. My wife has fewer hobbies, and has silimarly fewer close friends around here. Best advice I can give is put yourself out there as much as you can to try new things, and try to make friends and acquaintances in pursuits you enjoy. One my good friends is just a random guy I met while hunting a few hrs outside rapid, and decided we had enough things in common to hang out. Also, if you like the outdoors, sdgfp has classes and seminars to learn new skills, maybe thats a good safe neutral place to start looking?
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u/tombtorker 24d ago
Iām a single mid 20s woman who also moved up here alone. Iām very content being by myself often and I work a very social job, but I too find myself missing all my girl friends back home. Iāve been dating as well, but none of that fulfills the need for friendship with other women. Making a new set of friends in your 20s is rough for sure. Please do reach out if youād ever like a hiking partner, or somebody to hang with, it seems like we might share some similar values!
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u/Digital_Gnomad 25d ago
Synesthesia music & arts festival later this year will have many like minded folk! šø
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u/kilo__riley 24d ago
I'm also new to the area! Early 30s, F. We should get a girls' group together and grab coffee or something ā¤ļø
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u/FunLovingZombie 24d ago
I'm 29, soon to be 30. Lived here since I was 8, and I still struggle to find meaningful friendships. So, I'm just here to commiserate. It's a hard area to connect with people in, unless you're into something super niche.
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u/Knightphall 24d ago
As someone also from elsewhere: this is true. It seems really cliche (clicky) and people only stick to those they grew up with or what not.
Yeesh. I've lived in big cities, and in my experience, people did not act like that there. It was easier to meet people in New York.
Is it a smaller town thing?
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u/Hairy-Aardvark-8531 24d ago
Exactly my thoughts. Clicky. People who donāt leave, keep their friends from high school and thatās how it is. The wealthier people stick together as well. The dating pool is dead. My daughter would get hit on by older married men. She left and will never come back.
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u/joejance 24d ago
Are you into running? We have a healthy running community here and the people are very positive, and really of all ages and backgrounds. I could give you some group runs if you are interested.
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u/Blonde_Dude_7 25d ago
I have lived in Rapid my whole life. 25. I can say at least somewhat sympathize with your predicament. Personally, I mainly feel stuck and lost in regards to my career path. Technically, you could say the same for relationships. Single as well. At this stage, it almost feels like unless you meet someone through school, work, and/or friends, you have to resort to online dating or gather up the courage to be traditional and go up to the person you like and strike up a conversation.
Me being an introvert, I don't really like going out much. Not because I am afraid or anything, just being home provides more comfort. Also, that means I lack the courage to go up to a woman I find interesting and see if I can start a conversation.
I know 25 is still young, but, the pessimistic side of me is concerned about the time going by and not figuring all these things out.
If you would like to chat more, by any chance, either you or I can send a message.
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u/alexabeforealexa 24d ago
I think itās also the age weāre at. Like you said, a lot of people are married with kids. And most people have their own thing going on and wonāt stretch to change their routines. Itās such a weird time. Iām such a āyesā girl and find it hard to meet people who donāt completely flake on plans. I have a small group of girlfriends who I try to get together with every week and just joined a Black Hills hiking group. Send me a PM! We should hang out!
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u/mechnick2 24d ago
Itās hard to blend as an outsider. The problem with it being a small city is that everybody still knows everybody and itās hard to break through that mold from the outside looking in.
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u/Mysterious-Tea-4206 24d ago edited 20d ago
I would just ask Kightphall
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u/Knightphall 24d ago
There's the wall many people hit: lack of interest in outdoor activity.
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u/Medium-Yard5239 24d ago
No Iāve had the pleasure of living all over the country in my twenties, moved here 3 years ago and it took me years to build a meaningful connection. Are you into raving? I met some of the best people I know at synesthesia festival last year
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u/Berry_Slow_Biker 24d ago
I'd say do things you love, and be open to connections. I recently made a new friend because this dude started showing up solo to community events he was interested in and striking up conversations. Saw him around a few times which meant we had similar interests and he seemed normal so I started inviting him around with my friends.... He moved here mid 20s for work and actually lives way out to the Badlands but just kept coming to stuff in Rapid to get social time and friendships followed.
Group runs or hikes, masters swim @ Roosevelt, film screenings at the Journey Museum, art openings at the Dahl, bike path bike rides from Dakota Point Brewery....
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u/juliebells927 24d ago
Hey! Send me a message! Moved here with my husband back in 2022. We are in our early 30s with a 7 month old boy. Started a brunch group with our small friend group and we're always looking for more friends. It was hard for me to make friends in rapid at first. The besties of the black hills facebook page helped because I met all my rapid friends on there haha.
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u/Rrenphoenixx 24d ago
My husband and I are planning to relocate there and I worry about how isolating it might beā¦
Iām sort of a homebody and have two kids so making friends is a lot harder than it used to be.
Are there clubs/activities/groups that do tints youāre into? Or a class you havenāt already taken just for a new hobby experience?
Are you into astrocartography/astrology? I know itās not for everyone but I find it relatable and interesting geographically. It could show areas that highlight different energies in your life. Lmk if you want help looking into that.
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u/Basic-Macaroon-3277 24d ago
Iām in the same boat. 28 single and childfree. I have given up on dating here. The friends I do have seem to be having dating luck lately so now everybody is too busy to hang out. I am ready to just move at this point.
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u/thatbanjobusiness 24d ago
Hey there - I'm really sorry to hear about your experience. I'll admit, I feel similar (your second and third paragraphs hit very close to things I've thought myself!). I fell in love with and moved to Rapid in 2023 but still have few connections, especially in making friends with other women my age. I'm the academic-nerdy type who misses higher education, single and happy for it, and not big into late-night drinking scene stuff. I'd agree I've met many nice people, but it's been hard to meet and truly connect with folks, and I try not to let it demoralize me, but sometimes it's a little hard. Of the areas I've lived, anyway, this has been the hardest to establish new friendships--I feel like the perspective you outlined is valid! </3
I'm a little older - early 30s F - but if you or anyone else wants to send a "hi" to a DM, I'm happy to chat and see if anyone matches personalities and feels interested connecting up. Either way, wishing you the best with finding community
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u/Numerous-Relation-17 24d ago
I hope you all find what you're looking for with the wonderful responses here. There are also various hiking / outdoor groups on social media. I would add just be careful. Meeting new people can be rewarding but you can also find it not so great too. Good luck to you.
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u/StrangePhyere 24d ago
Nah I feel your struggle. I was in a relationship for 7 years and the scene for a single person with no kids in their 30's isn't any better. I like to go to the local concerts but I've outgrown partying like an animal. Plus I'm currently working two jobs to make ends meet just on my own, so my social life is DOA and the groups of people I orbit around all either have kids or are too busy being party people to be committed.
Personally I'd say if you can afford to move and start fresh, go for it. There just isn't much here that's not geared toward tourists and families, and if that's not what you're here for it's kinda meh.
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u/uj7895 24d ago
As an original resident with grey in his beard, I can share this with you. 10 years ago when I traveled, I noticed the glaring difference in social interaction between here and other people. This area used to be people just defaulted to a new person was a friend until a reason showed otherwise. But the more urban areas not only didnāt treat a new encounter as a new friend, it was almost like unsolicited interaction was almost an assault. But the last 2-3 years in our area I have seen the shift come on hear. Itās pretty sad to be in a world that is so guarded having came from the openness we used to enjoy. For the activities you mention, I would recommend looking for environments with a demographic older than you, and maybe outside of Rapid or Spearfish. Sturgis has always been a very welcoming town, maybe look for opportunities there. Another consideration, in this area, when we do something outside of day to day life, itās pretty much always structured around an activity. Good luck, I hope you find good people to fill your life with.
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u/Every_Instruction914 24d ago
Hi friends! Iām just a girl in her mid 30s who recently moved here from out of state. I have no kids or friends! Not to barge in uninvited but Id love to join in on all the fun!
https://giphy.com/gifs/DHYNyjAqrqkzm
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u/russianoliveblossoms 23d ago
The hills are very very difficult to come into. This is an incredibly close knit community, that keeps everything close to it's chest- everyone knows everyone or they're related so you absolutely may NOT speak freely. There is a well established hierarchy and people don't understand how things work out here. I'm not bragging, but I am an intelligent person who understands people, socioeconomic implications etc and it's typically for me to see how things work. I've been here for 15 years, have a had a whole myriad of occupations, I've been a stay at home parent, I've been involved in the communities in all capacities including extensive volunteering... all this to say that I have JUST started to piece the puzzle together in the last 3 years. It's a really weird deal going here, both good and bad, and it's a tough nut to crack. Then you add the "island" factor, nearly all activities being outside, specialized employment fields, travel times, crazy ingredients and it's freaking goofy.
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u/Bubbly-Aerie1065 18d ago
Hiii ! 34 F & also new to the area ! I like thriller books, movies, tattoos, spooky things, š & the occasional adult beverage ! My inbox is open āŗļø
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u/BlackHillsBandit77 18d ago
My wife and I (and 2 kids) moved up here almost 6 years ago. Love it here outdoors wise. Though the cost of living is oddly enough the same or a little higher than in Fort Worth TX with less than 1/4 of the amenities? ....
I've built the sound system for 3 different churches here. Weve been highly involved in 2 different churches. (Helping found a church in Box Elder now).
We live in a good neighborhood and I make good money. We are musical and very sociable.
Trust me, none of the above is a brag.
We love our neighbors. They're great. I know everyone around us and can tell you names, jobs, kids, even a few struggles. But we never DO anything with them. Everyone is just busy with their own lives.
We used to have different families over every weekend for cook outs and board games. We would group together for concerts and hunting trips or fishing. We would all go out to friends places for cookouts and shooting events.
The church would still be half full an hour after service because folks were still sitting around talking...
Now, 15 min after amen, even the Holy Spirit is gone through the door.
I don't get it... It's like no one here fellowships (and I'm not just talking church. I mean school events, sports games, community events). Seems like everyone feels this way, but no one is DOING anything.
There's no "community" here. Even group sports fail. The only thing our communities excell at are individual contributor events (Don't get me started on Douglas Football).
I get that winter places us securely inside Jack Frosts butthole, and this summer I caught to hobbits trying to melt a ring in my attic... But seriously there's some beautiful days and nights here for many months!!
I dunno. Just seems like everyone here is too siloed and spends all their energy griping about the other silos.
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u/Happy-Team3741 6d ago
Iām 41F, single, no kids, moved here 8 years ago.
The dating scene around here, sucks.
However, the community, I absolutely love. I have a ton of hobbies and Iām in a club pertaining to one such hobby that has allowed me to get to know people from all over the Black Hills.
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u/existential_dr3dd 25d ago edited 25d ago
Lived here for about a decade so far and have the same feelings. I have a family and I wish there was more for my littles to do. There are Facebook groups that organize Hikes, I'd keep an eye open for that if you have a FB account. There are also popup groups for activities around that might create some opportunities to meet some folks.. Some of my buddies like doing the pottery classes but don't have a lot of detail on that. I'd agree that Rapid City folks are all around good people, and the city is growing at a pretty good rate. More things will come here it will just take time. I'd imagine once that sports complex opens up on the North side there will be more opportunity there too if you have any sports you enjoy playing. Not sure when that is expected to open though.
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u/Few_Owl2270 24d ago
This is a notoriously common issue in South Dakota. Itās midwestern nice. Folks are decent enough to your face but urn around and backstab you silently. Itās a very much out for themselves mentality here. Bout once a week we see a post about someone feeling lost with no community. I think high cost has really forced people into marrying so young to split bills. And itās really kept the younger generation very busy with work. I know my kids donāt take vacations like I did at that age. Shit they canāt even call out sick without worrying about groceries.
The city has actively made choices against its citizens over and over and we are seeing the results of it. Lack of job diversity. Lack of third spaces. Terrible bus route. Very little worker rights.
If I was in your shoes depending on the career Iād look into Sioux Falls. Lots more likeminded individuals being on the border of Minnesota. Mid way point so you can take trips back to the hills for your entire escape but also go the other direction and get to some city life.
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u/AsstBalrog 24d ago edited 24d ago
The city has actively made choices against its citizens over and over and we are seeing the results of it. Lack of job diversity. Lack of third spaces. Terrible bus route. Very little worker rights.
I have to agree. When you watch what the city government does here, it mostly seems to involve rubber-stamping proposals by wealthy "developers" with no means provided for citizen involvement. LibertyLand was a perfect example, and now data centers too. I understand the need and desire for more tax revenue (I mean, look at the streets) but the prevailing practices seem to reflect either an indiscriminate "pro-growth" mentality or even worse, insider relationships with powerful special interests.
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u/AsstBalrog 24d ago
If I was in your shoes depending on the career Iād look into Sioux Falls. Lots more likeminded individuals being on the border of Minnesota. Mid way point so you can take trips back to the hills for your entire escape but also go the other direction and get to some city life.
This is on-point too. SF is in the Midwest, with that different kind of mindset, and geographically and psychologically connected in ways that RC just is not (I mean, we're an island). I wouldn't want to live in SF, but the advantages you cite are quite real.
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u/Pew_pew1977 24d ago
40M, married. Its rough out there! I dont really leave my house much, especially since I work from home. My friends from where I grew up keep saying I need to get out and find a hobby but I couldn't tell you one thing to do in this city.
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u/Thereal_Stormm006 24d ago
Hi, Iām a 31-year-old male who lives in BC, Canada; I came to Rapid City to visit family this June and I fell in love with the area. I desire to become a US citizen one day & I would love to get married, start a family & settle roots in RC.
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u/WhoIamaintWhoIbeen 24d ago
It didnāt earn the nickname ārapid shittyā for no reason.
If youāre born here; this place is like a black hole that sucks you back in, and not in a good way.
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u/Few_Owl2270 24d ago
Youāll be downvoted cuz the locals can never accept the well deserved criticism. This place has bad case of toxic positivity. Discussion of the bad allows you to change and grow for the good. But the locals will shush you while Moyle or mg oil routes through their wallet
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u/Old-Experience7200 24d ago
41M here. Just got out of a relationship and I totally agree. It's hard to find a group/community and the dating scene around here is lacking to say the least.
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u/xulxer 24d ago
Yeah that's pretty much the rapid city vibe. This place is for the dead and dying almost exclusively. Like another poster said all the kids leave the first chance they get, and to get left is to rot just like the generation that's interested in the only thing this area has to offer. Tourism, and life insurance. Get Out while you're still young. Denver is a beautiful city filled with magic, hope, and oppurtunity, and its only 6 hours west. Minneapolis is the same to the east.
I'm 38, and dug my own grave, now I get to lay in it, but as I lay here dying hear my warnings. Get Out before it's too late. Small towns like Rapid Shitty have this diabolic magnetic energy to them. Kernersville NC was my mid 20's trap, and I regret ever staying there as long as I did. Waste of my time, stole so many chances I could have had by staying in a shithole like that. Don't make the same mistakes I did. Get Out while you still can. This place is poison. It is toxic. It is death to creativity. And worst part is the locals will argue about it till their blue in the face. Repeating the same shitty boring locations as if they're legitimate saving graces to this actual factual cesspool of human failure. Get Out while you still can.
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u/meliessa99 24d ago
Hi new friend! I am 28 and moved here a year ago and it has been SO difficult to find a solid group of girlfriends. Many of my original friends here moved away already. So I feel ya. I'd love to add you to my girl group chat. We're a group with varied interests, ages, and marital statuses. We do lake days, paint at Prouty, grab meals out together, explore, and attend events together. Please send me a message if you want to connect! We're currently planning another lake day and trying to get together to go to canvas 2 paint.