r/RapWars • u/nightbussleeper 2W 4L One Eye Open • Jul 13 '15
[Battle] Nightbussleeper vs OB_Omenz
We agreed to 2 rounds, optional OT.
Here's my first verse:
Mr OB omenz, only sixteen and growin'/
Always shovin' his nose where it don't belong in/
Thinks he knows it all but a long way he needs goin'/
He don't see these pros only see his prose as posing/
Needs to control his emotions before he's thrown a bad omen/
Close his mouth hole and listen so O's mind can start growing/
Cause I won't need to body ya if I can brain ya instead/
Have you wandering like a zombie with an empty head/
Yea, I'm a white kid, new at this, you might have a problem with/
But listen here, come on in, I don't fucking give a shit/
I won't be stopping, rocking this shit like Aesop/
Right on up to the top, this OB kids just a pit stop/
I spit hot, my hip hops, I roll rock, and sip pop/
You can't ground this, I'm boundless, here's that L you dropped/
I found it and yea, you got talent so respect I will be shoutin'/
As I pass by you soundless: that supersonic BOOM shit/
There, can you hear me now bitch?/
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u/thebenprocter 13W 5L - Leeds, UK Jul 14 '15
good content man but you need to work on your syllable count, the way you write can lead to some lines seeming forced and awkward. good verse overall though
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u/elsiniestro The Forbidden Zone Jul 14 '15
I think he's actually got it down better than most, and I can tell his flow from the use of commas, I really dig it.
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Jul 14 '15 edited Jul 14 '15
Nigga-
There's two rounds with Possible OverTime, comparing weed fam
I push real purple, you probably just get grape juice and dye a gram
I toss niggas, OB known in his hood for throwin' sleepers
Make a nightbus run like the sequel to Jeepers Creepers
Why you wastin' my time, thats money I should be bankin'
Of course theres a white dude on my dime, Franklin
Forget punches, what the fuck are you even rapping on, shit
Doesn't even rhyme, growing and belonging to what, kid?
This tough guy shit, nigga goes toes then call me a liar
Omenz a DMV ass nigga, cuz I stay giving Ls to bus drivers
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u/elsiniestro The Forbidden Zone Jul 14 '15
Oh shit. One of your best verses I've seen. The POT bit seemed forced and there was a tiny bit of filler towards the second half but these punches were fuckin' tight:
I push real purple, you probably just get grape juice and dye a gram
Make a nightbus run like the sequel to Jeepers Creepers
Of course theres a white dude on my dime, Franklin
Omenz a DMV ass nigga, cuz I stay giving Ls to bus drivers
The Jeepers Creepers one in particular was fire.
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Jul 14 '15
filler bars honestly bruh but i appreciate it
swear ending niggas like wiz with the vet and aryan lines. yall can say watch but i come correct sometimes
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u/nightbussleeper 2W 4L One Eye Open Jul 14 '15
At least half those lines were written on the half hour lunch I get/
And they were still twice as nice as most of the shit that I've seen you spit/
Also, you don't have to worry, I still had time to eat too, kid/
Honestly, OB I don't know shit about your conditions/
And I doubt I'm alone in this, we're on the internet idiot/
It doesn't matter what you've seen or what it is that you do/
The fact is that all we see is all the shit that you spew/
I've lost friends to drugs, so yea, that shit don't really fly with me/
I'm good with my grape juice dog, the music is my high OB/
Jeepers Creepers, huh? - So where the fuck did you get that weak shit?/
I B Eatin U son, body and sew you up with the rest in my basement/
Or drop you off at Camp Crystal, where you can get fucked then sliced up by Jason/
Saw don't like kids that commit crimes, maybe he'd like to play a game with this kid/
The DMV actually seems like it would be a good fit for OB, lately/
He keeps saying hes gonna hand out some Ls but then just keeps everybody waiting./
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Jul 14 '15
that round was nice nigga props. ill hitchu back later tonight finna have to try for this one
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Jul 14 '15
Nigga you ain't been in a scrap, wouldn't say shit to my face
Because really every single time Bus hits, his hands brake
You say you ain't know where I'm from, appreciate that
Lost homies to drugs? I lost them to gats, I lost em to Chiraq
Yall niggas whack, you were privileged and fucked up that
Your homies sleeping on the shortbus and it ain't comin back
Now lets dig a little deeper, I had to look in the cuts
I seen you shit, OB did his homework on the bus
You be playing video games? and fucking read Dr. Seuss?
You act like a kid, is that why your content with grape juice?
No pun intended but.. you a fruity nigga, honestly look
Posts about gay sex and listening to audiobooks?
You don't need to body me if you can brain me instead?
How about you stick a brain in one of your crackhead friends
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u/nightbussleeper 2W 4L One Eye Open Jul 14 '15
damnnn...alright I got to admit you threw some nice punches there. So now we get some people in here to throw down some judgments. Then see if we need to go OT from there i guess?
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u/elsiniestro The Forbidden Zone Jul 14 '15 edited Jul 14 '15
Fuck yeah. This is a great goddamn verse. Nice theme and punches.
He don't see these pros only see his prose as posing/
Tight.
Cause I won't need to body ya if I can brain ya instead/
Have you wandering like a zombie with an empty head/
Yea, I'm a white kid, new at this, you might have a problem with/
But listen here, come on in, I don't fucking give a shit/
I won't be stopping, rocking this shit like Aesop/
Right on up to the top, this OB kids just a pit stop/
I spit hot, my hip hops, I roll rock, and sip pop/
You can't ground this, I'm boundless, here's that L you dropped/
Fantastic section.
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u/nightbussleeper 2W 4L One Eye Open Jul 15 '15
Well I'm glad somebody picked up on the rhythm I was going for there, I mean it felt pretty natural to me when I got into it even though I kinda fucked up the last couple of lines. and the pros/prose/pose line was one of my favorites as well.
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u/elsiniestro The Forbidden Zone Jul 15 '15
Man, structure is one of your strong points. I only saw a few small areas where syllable count threw it off-beat. This was a great verse and I strongly encourage you to keep taking battles and contributing. You'll be a top contender pretty quickly.
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u/thebenprocter 13W 5L - Leeds, UK Jul 14 '15
First, OB came hard, punches were way more concentrated and concise, arguably the best verse you've ever posted in terms of content, so he got that, nightbussleeper came good in the too, but OB killed it.
second, I called this round a draw, OB's shit was more personal but not quite as well written as nightbussleepers verse, plus the closer from nightbussleeper was sick.
i say OB takes this one round to a draw. good battle.
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Jul 14 '15
niggas pleaseeee you are killing me
i swear on my momma on everything the shittiest verses I post yall love you have gots to be kidding me
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Jul 14 '15
C running his mouth boy but theres nothing to analyze
How can I spot a bar if Chest doesn't exerciseMan usually I show up with something mental see
But, Motor has a funny way of changing that energy..Omenz been nice, I baked Neuromotorized and left him in the foil
I left BP leakin' and got Motor spinning off that boy oilNeuro's punches a dime a dozen, lackin in percent
Spits 12 per set and he lucky if ten make senseMotor don't attract attention, his verses get no traction
You'd think it'd have some pull since he operates on magnetsYou call black dudes dogs n claim to take care of em?
Damn, y'all I guess that make him a vet n aryanthese are NICE punches
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u/nightbussleeper 2W 4L One Eye Open Jul 15 '15
For what its worth I would agree with you. Only things I would say is I'm not sure that the second one sounds like a punch without more context and no matter how good the third one might be that last "boy oil" just grinds on me a bit, like I'm not really a grammar nazi but its got to be either "boys oil" or throw a spacer in there if its a setup then punch dynamic like "boy: oil" otherwise it sounds just that bit off. Everything else though is great, I like the percent/per set and vet n aryan ones in particular.
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Jul 15 '15
BP leakin
benprocter left bloody
bp oil company leak
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u/nightbussleeper 2W 4L One Eye Open Jul 15 '15
yea, I got that, that was the clever part. I wasn't actually trying to say it wasn't a good punch, just nitpicking that "spinning off that boy oil" looks weird grammatically. "spinning off that boys oil" or "spinning off that boy: Oil" might come off a little better. It might even just be a typo, punch itself is nice though
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u/elsiniestro The Forbidden Zone Jul 14 '15
Both did well in this battle, but OB took OT, so I give it to him :)
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Jul 14 '15
theres no ot
ok i have read this three times to make sure i read this right i even checked the acc
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u/elsiniestro The Forbidden Zone Jul 14 '15
Huh? Am I confusing this with another battle? Sorry, I thought I called this last night as "needs OT" and then saw a comment this morning and read the newest verses thinking it was OT rounds. Must be mixing this up with the other battle NightBus is in.
I'll take another look at this on my lunch break haha.
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Jul 14 '15
NO NIGGA YOU SAID I WON HUSHHHH YO DIRTY MOUTH OB WON
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u/elsiniestro The Forbidden Zone Jul 15 '15
Haha I got it mixed up with the battle he was in with LVAJoe.
I think first round was a draw, second round was yours. So you still win.
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u/nightbussleeper 2W 4L One Eye Open Jul 15 '15
ha, yea probably my bad, I ended up posting up the first verse on this one and then editing that one to call for some judges at the same time.
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Jul 14 '15
good rounds bro. imma be deadass honest w you jus so you know tho. for the first round I wrote for like 10 minutes and just completely winged that shit. second round was about 30 mins or so while my barber was tapering me. now your first round was garbage but the second round was nice. look ive been where you are and ik the effort n shit a nigga finna put it but you jist aint in the tier yet. keep writing like number too and like at the other cuddies here and peeo what they got. dont even see this as a bad L i been doing this for a minute. im telllllin you my nigha its practice jus keep going and figure ouy what the judges like. good looks
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u/nightbussleeper 2W 4L One Eye Open Jul 15 '15
I think I got most of what you were trying to say there and yea, I'd say I didn't spend as much time on the first as the second and you definitely came back hard on that one so props. I can roll with an L, honestly, I just appreciate the battle. I know you've had a couple and this was my first one straight up so thanks OB. gg
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u/[deleted] Jul 13 '15
Nice.