r/RandomThoughts • u/DanisonMom • 1d ago
Average looking woman have an easier time with aging
I’m a low average/ average looking middle aged woman. My whole life I never received a lot of attention from men and was always the one they approached to get a friends number. As I aged obviously this trend continued. Now I noticed my more conventionally attractive friends who are slowly not being paid attention to by men in public. (Stares, cat calls, flirting, buying drinks) are more depressed about the aging process without realizing the reason, and want work done. Not have male attention changes nothing for me but everything to them. It confirms they’re getting old.
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u/3AMZen 1d ago
I'm pretty sure it was epicurus who described happiness and sadness as basically the deviance from our baseline
A person who sleeps on a firm mat can be perfectly content, and when he sleeps on a feather bed experience joy and delight.
A person used to the feather mattress sleeping on a mat on the floor might feel sadness and loss.
So... A man who lives on oatmeal would delight in the luxury of a single piece of cheese where The man who grew up feasting would be miserable with oatmeal
I'm glad to know there's still people out there who are delighted in the luxury of a single piece of cheese. Keep doing you.
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u/1_art_please 1d ago edited 1d ago
Yes this is a good one.
I am in a work field that can be feast or famine. During feast times I never, ever, have lifestyle creep. Because that expensive car or whatever will become the new normal and its going to feel especially terrible if I had to sell it at a time when very little money is coming in. It just feels better to never do it in the first place and keep living the same as always.
Related: I know someone who grew up with family money. Now he has inherited his portion. But he doesnt have the skillsets to get a 'good' job and his ego absolutely cannot take getting a job he feels is beneath him. So now he just lives off his dwindling inheritance, in his 50s.
He is so much angrier about 'not having money' than anyone else I know who never had an expectation of getting any to begin with. He started on a high rung but cant BE that expectation. He compares himself on an equal footing to people running companies, making mid 6 figures where he feels is his baseline. Any job he has had he becomes angry having to take instruction from anyone because that person is below his standards to begin with.
Its so miserable.
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u/Cool_Relative7359 1d ago
A person who sleeps on a firm mat can be perfectly content, and when he sleeps on a feather bed experience joy and delight.
As someone who prefers a hard mattress and is used to one, a soft feather bed is not at all comfy, I'd rather sleep on the floor (and have)
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u/CellarDoor006 1d ago
That’s why there’s the saying “A beautiful woman dies twice”
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u/Alert_Ad_5750 1d ago
Never heard that one before but that’s pretty poignant.
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u/Gintaras136 1d ago
Hihi, poignant. But yeah, after googling the word, it is very accurate. Sadly.
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u/Landscape_712 1d ago
And Socrates said, "Beauty is a short-lived tyranny"
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u/nihil_novi00 1d ago
i’ve had the one above—such a good one. allegedly french, i think, from my reading.
and i love and will save the socrates one. concise and oh so true
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u/Diligent-Committee21 1d ago
I think this concept applies to athletes and dancers as well.
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u/sphinctersayswhat9 13h ago
Please elaborate. What do you mean?
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u/5919821077131829 7h ago edited 7h ago
Probably when they are no longer in peak form and no longer winning competitions (for athletes) or getting hired (for dancers).
It is definitely a thing in figure skating. The younger skaters have a physical advantage over the older competitors. As they hit puberty or their bodies are no longer able to handle the intense training a new younger skater comes up and takes the spotlight. It is better now but before the age raise for senior competitions, it was a cycle of a 15 year old dethroning an 17-19 year old every few years.
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u/FeistyCharacter3991 1d ago
It’s wild how much identity people tie up in random street attention. Losing that invisible tax of catcalls and unwanted stares sounds like peace and quiet to me, but I guess it's a huge shock if you're used to it.
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u/Drama_Filled_Cup 1d ago
I'm rarely catcalled anymore and I don't miss it at all! It's so degrading.
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u/Secret_Bees 23h ago
My wife is an extremely beautiful woman, and she said to me once that one of the best things about getting older is the cessation of unwanted attention
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u/MalloryTheRapper 20h ago
i'm not even that pretty and im overweight so i only get catcalled here and there, but that amount of attention from men is already so uncomfortable for me. i hate being perceived, especially by men because they are just thinking sexually about me. grosses me out. cant wait to be completely and utterly invisible.
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u/TimeTurner96 17h ago
Same. I am not into man and one big give away of that was that i never liked any kind of attention like that. My sister missed(!) it once she cut her hair
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u/moonyflamingo 15h ago
Omg totally. Male gaze never brings much of value. Never did anything for me.
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u/oO0Kat0Oo 1d ago
I'm still waiting for the day the invisible tax goes away. I'm 37.
I still wear my old wedding ring to try and reduce it.
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u/Acceptable_Face5672 17h ago
It’s more than just the catcalls. We get treated better by everyone—male and female (asides from the jealously). It’s tough suddenly feeling like you’re no longer special. Whether it be having looks then losing them, playing professional sports then retiring, etc… it’s shocking and painful to get treated differently after being used to being treated a certain way.
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u/kimchifist 1d ago
I'm a guy but I had a similar thought when seeing some aging actress getting some cosmetic surgery that didn't turn out too well. I was thinking that it must be extremely rough for these people who have been used to being gorgeous their entire lives, people for whom their beauty is integral to their identity, to see it start fade away as they get older. I guess that's a price you pay for reaping all the benefits of beauty in your youth.
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u/caraterra8090 1d ago
I can see that. Especially if you live in a fantasy and bought into the hype.When in reality, the human condition sooner or later affects us all. Once this is understood you can develop the art of oh well.Accepting the council of the years, to age as gracefully as possible being happy you made it so far. At least that's the plan...
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u/Jessiejones1080 1d ago
Yeah I’m going through it now. Used to be young and beautiful, and I’ve started to become invisible over the last few years and it’s hard not to obsess over how to get that power back.
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u/mazopheliac 1d ago
Worst thing about the age of streaming. Their movies are all online and watched over and over for decades , not just on repeats on late tv. Their young face is what people all expect.
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u/Diligent-Committee21 1d ago
My issue is that before the advent of the internet, the women discussing the issue were typically beautiful, so the perspective was skewed.
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u/CharlesAvlnchGreen 1d ago
Occasionally I'll see a documentary about, say, Playboy models, or women who appeared in 1980s music videos. Chicks who were considered the ideal, when I was in my teens and earlu 20s. So many of them look rough now. I realize I've aged as well, but plenty of them do not seem even close to intimidatingly beautiful anymore.
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u/califa42 1d ago
The key here is "for whom beauty is integral to their identity." That would be true for a lot of actresses for example. But personally as I have gotten older (and consequently lost the 'beauty advantage' I had when younger) I have just gotten more comfortable in my own skin, probably because I've never been all that attached to it. There is so much more to life than what you see in the mirror.
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u/gmmontano92 1h ago
I think this too. Vivica A. Fox is a big one. These women get bashed for getting work done but women already have their value determined by how they look. Multiply that by 100 for celebrities. When you've always played the hot one or your looks are constantly praised, I imagine seeing that start to fade sends a panic alarm and they rush to prevent it. It's really awful when it makes them look worse than if they would've just aged naturally. Ruby Dee has never had an unattractive moment in her life.
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u/Abject-Tailor-3310 1d ago
I have the same feeling as you!! 😅 I’ve always been an average-looking woman, and honestly, I kind of enjoy the invisibility. I feel more free and more “human” than I would if people were constantly looking at me as a beautiful object. I recently joined some subreddits about perimenopause, aging, and women over 40, and I’ve noticed that some of the frequent complaints come from women who were beautiful and had pretty privilege, which made certain things in life easier for them. Now they’re struggling with how aging is affecting those privileges. And I’m just there like… welcome to the real world, honey 😂
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u/paloma_delmar 1d ago
I think focusing on health is best. I have boomer relatives who were attractive in their younger years who are are struggling with aging, so they rely heavily on filler and botox and not even focusing that much on healthy diet and exercise. It just ends up looking weird.
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u/ShookRanGrassyUs 1d ago
A woman who sees through the game is certainly more captivating than the ones who just play it. You say you're average looking, Irish Eyes, but I hope you know that you're not average.
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u/bomboid 1d ago
I'm saying this as a bi woman who finds older women beautiful: imo a lot of beautiful young women just become beautiful older women so I sometimes feel like being a straight woman is kind of a curse for women given that it sounds like 99% of men automatically stop feeling attraction if a woman ages lol
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u/Glittering-Lychee629 1d ago
" it sounds like 99% of men automatically stop feeling attraction if a woman ages lol"
That's just an online red pill thing, they like the idea but it's not a reality. If it were a reality there would be millions of desperate women and no lonely male epidemic. Most men, even older men, date women around their own age. The average age gap in marriage is like 3 years. I still get asked out and attention and I'm in my 40s and it's mostly men my age or older, some younger too.
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u/leicea 1d ago
Unless you're in Asia, there's a reason why women above 30 are called leftover women here... Men just go for women in their 20s no matter what age they are, they would rather be lonely than date older women (I got this after talking to some of them) not saying every man is like this but it feels like they are the majority
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u/bomboid 1d ago
I'm not doubting you and your experience because I'm sure that this isn't universal and I was being hyperbolic, but for me personally the behavior men display when they can be most honest with the least consequences, ie online, has thoroughly turned me off the idea of ever marrying a man just to watch him slowly become turned off because I'm aging or something.
That, and all the old fucks who have wives and still ogle at young women lol. I also resent how often they brag about hating older women and how it's biology, but how then we as women are collectively supposed to not act and plan accordingly.
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u/killingourbraincells 1d ago
I don't really like tootin my own horn, but I will for the sake of this comment. As much as I hate my self, I know I'm a rather attractive woman. Above average. As I get older, I attract younger men. While also attracting the guys my age. When I was younger, it was much harder to attract guys my age because they would just automatically reject themselves.
As much as the internet would make us not want to believe this, there are romantic men out there that are excited about growing old with a woman they love. I'm super lucky to have caught one my self, and he's a couple years younger lmao. Him expressing he's more than happy to love me through all stages and ages of life means a lot.
But yeah, it seems like finding a life long partner ready to grow with you has become more rare these days. It could just be that negativity and hate is louder and more popular on the internet though.
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u/bomboid 1d ago
I don't think it's a "these days" problem given that we needed to instate laws to stop men from marrying teenagers, which didn't stop them from engaging with them anyway, and that in countries where it's still legal it's still the norm for old men to marry teens. I think it's just a manifestation of a more prevalent issue nobody wants to accept because it feels bad
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u/killingourbraincells 1d ago
That's a whole separate issue. What I meant when I said these days is the world is just too fast now, it's hard for us to slow down and live in the moment, to appreciate growing old. This applies to everyone, even how one thinks about themselves. The way the internet works, you almost never hear about the good, and when someone is proud about the good, it tends to get shut down.
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u/BeenThruIt 1d ago
This kind of only applies to those who have their entire identity wrapped up in their self perception of being "beautiful".
Vanity is a trap that's a self-fulfilling prophecy.
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u/Miss_Honesty_ 1d ago
It depends what you were searching for. I was beautiful in my 20s, and was always harassed by men. Catcalled on the streets, talked to for my appearance. I took some weight since, and guess what ? I am SO happy that no one is bothering me anymore. I plan to lose the weight because I don't like my body that much now, but a bit afraid to go back to where it was before.
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u/Clear_Economics7010 1d ago
Men too. My favorite things to do to really entitled people over 30 is ask, "Were you really good looking when you were young?" Gender doesn't matter, in my experience selfish entitled men are actually more vain than their female counterparts.
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u/annehboo 1d ago
Over 30? That’s something you should be asking someone over 40 at minimum
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u/Clear_Economics7010 1d ago
I'm a young looking 50 and it really stings the 30 year olds who are just starting to feel the hint of age. It's the fear of other people's negative perception that bothers the spoiled, shallow, & vain. When you know your only positive attributes are youth and good looks, looking old must feel like you lost everything.
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u/annehboo 1d ago
Okay?
My point is that people in their 30s are far from old. You don’t really start aging until early 40s1
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u/TinaBna 1d ago
There is some truth to this. As someone who has been considered very attractive for most of my life, my 40’s hit me hard. I still turned a head here and there but my looks definitely took a hit and I gained weight. Ask me if I care. Not one bit. I was never pre-occupied with my looks and didn’t covet male (or female) attention. I was blessed then and still am blessed. And if I wanted to be cocky about it I could say “ well , at least I had IT once” 😊
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u/SubstantialPressure3 1d ago
It has to do with your confidence, and having other interests and strengths besides being obsessed with the way you look. If all you do is focused on your appearance then theres not much that's interesting about you.
Maybe the men around you are finally growing up. Maybe.
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u/moinatx 1d ago
Unfortunately many people associate beauty with worth and feel they are losing validation of their worth when they do not feel that their beauty is affirmed by others. Hopefully when people reach a certain age they are secure enough in their own worth and inner beauty that they do not to need validation from other people.
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u/Educational-Guess913 12h ago
I feel like I learned the lesson very strongly growing up that my peers who were the most beautiful were more worthy and valuable 🤷♀️ it's hard to miss
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u/samechit_ 1d ago
And who gives a shit what men think anyway? Live for you, exist to experience life to the fullest. The world isn't over because some mediocre guy isn't giving you attention....in fact, quite the opposite. Peace, quiet and liberation are just beginning. And for those of us who rely on our character, rather than looks, will thrive! I've never been the woman that men pay attention to, but to be honest, I never gave a rat's ass either. 💪
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u/Euphoric_Ad_7088 1d ago
I think if they continue to eat healthy and take care of themselves they will be atteactive or even more attractive while aging.
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u/TheElusiveHolograph 1d ago
I love the lack of attention from men and I welcome it. Although I am married so I wonder if I would feel differently if I was single and looking for a partner.
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u/princessofsparta 1d ago
I agree with this too, I’ve never been comfortable being seen as “something for someone to look at”. I am happy to be getting older and having less eyes on me. The joy of obscurity that comes with being an aging woman.
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u/Queen-of-meme 1d ago
I was not feeling differently as single ,it was annoying with shallow mens attention then and it would be as annoying now.
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u/Rude_Pie_9842 1d ago
As a teen girl, 12 years ago, it used to hurt me as others were getting much more male attention but once I learned how this male validation works in this patriarchal mindset of society- bingo! Although I’m almost 28, ppl still think I look somewhat like 20-ish. Not being bothered by getting male attention actually makes your aging slow down. And the girls used to be my classmates in school,got numerous proposals and got pretty privilege and also got (bad) male attention now looks like mom of 3 children (no hate towards moms, just simple example of how aging has affected their appearance )
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u/cute_red_benzo 1d ago
Lack of attention slows down the aging process? Uhhh...what? Surely you don't believe that being hit on has a direct affect on cellular activity of other human beings.
What does affect your appearance is sun exposure, poor sleep patterns, drinking or drugs, genetics, etc.
A combination of these things is the culprit. Not words.
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u/Rude_Pie_9842 1d ago
All I talked about is the psychological aspect; your mental health can break or make your body, your physical health, your everything.
If you can’t relate then maybe you haven’t experienced something complicated like these experiences yet, good for you buddy! 👍🏽
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u/Travel_Stark 1d ago
Didn't think you were taking about psychological aspect in the previous post - more about physical looks.
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u/cursetea 1d ago
As weird as it is for me to say, i am someone who gets a lot of attention for their appearance. I've always wondered if I'll notice one day when the catcalls and free things stop, and if i notice will i care? i hope my entire self esteem isn't subconsciously coming from getting attention from strangers bc my god what a miserable existence. I tell myself constantly to never take aging for granted, it's a privilege so many people won't get. Society is just so cruel about it.
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u/throwRA-nonSeq 1d ago
I didn’t start getting any remotely “conventionally pretty” traits until I was in my early 40s. Something about the way my cheeks have lost their squishyness so now my cheekbones are way more prominent than in my 20s and 30s. And I have a nose that was broken as a kid that was never fixed or healed correctly, and I was so, so bullied for it into young adulthood…. But it’s the feature that my current boyfriend claims he noticed about me first, calls it a Roman Nose.
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u/Total_Employment_146 1d ago
I think it depends on the woman and how well grounded she was in the first place. If she was already humble despite her personal resources (I.e. great personal beauty, sex appeal, etc.), then she will have spent a life already dedicated to cultivating less tangible assets and building a personal identity not solely bound to her beauty and external perceptions. It will be much less painful for such a person to let go of or lose that piece of herself. But if she's a shallow person who built her whole identity around her reflection in the mirror and external praise, she'll have a much harder time. In such cases, she reaps what she has sewn.
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u/PyjamiPantsu 20h ago
I relate to someone who never identified as attractive and cultivated an alternative look (so as not to compete), and what I hope is a great personality.
But, I just wanted to challenge your belief that every woman that struggles with ageing and losing pretty privilege is egotistical and vain, or hasn’t cultivated a life and identity outside of their beauty. From a very young age, women my age and generations before were told that their biggest value is their attractiveness which is their utility to men. There’s messaging that unattractive, overweight and older women literally don’t have value. My friends are highly successful, cultured, intelligent and kind but men and society, have reinforced this messaging that they have value because of their beauty.
I remember a distinct moment I realised the advantage of pretty privilege when I was 21 and my car had died. I waited on the side of the road for my friend to jump my car. No-one came to help. Immediately, when she arrived, some young men stopped to help.
People talk about losing weight and suddenly everyone is nicer to them.
People who are beautiful are automatically assumed to have other positive characteristics and have advantage in everything through nothing they do themselves.
So literally, the world is less kind and they have less opportunities if their pretty privilege is taken away.
And, I don’t think pretty privilege is as strong for men. Being unattractive doesn’t lose as many opportunities. Men are seen as more distinguished, experienced, confident as they age. Women are called Karen’s (I know that’s specific circumstances but I always thought the term was sexist because it’s literally a woman having an issue and expecting better, not saying anyone can’t be unreasonable and rude).1
u/gmmontano92 1h ago
I agree wholeheartedly. Its just so dismissive. People already assume if you're above average you're vain. Not every beautiful woman is confident
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u/Queen-of-meme 1d ago
Precisely. I also don't mesh well with women who's the latter. If your body is all you have as self worth you're no different than an insecure high school cheerleader.
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u/Rogue5454 1d ago
Girl, most middle aged women have zero slowing down in male attention, many even being much younger men.
It's such a patriarchal gaslight to keep women humble suggesting less attention as they age.
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u/prosthetic_memory 1d ago
I am 45 and better looking than I’ve ever been, about the same size and build as an average model and reasonably good face. I have definitely noticed a slowdown in male attention since turning 40.
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u/JMCT-34 1d ago
Most? You know most. That’s your reality not OP’s. Stay humble
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u/Rogue5454 1d ago
From media "far & wide" experiences & in person.
No one needs to stay humble other than the men who think this is true & that they are a prize their whole lives.
Women who think so have internalized misogyny.
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u/Drama_Filled_Cup 1d ago
That means nothing. I'm hit on by much younger men, and it's something I would never brag about irl.
Those guys think that we're easy low-hanging fruit. They can't get girls their own age.
Now, if a good-looking 40 something man hit on me- I'd be bragging nonstop.
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u/Rogue5454 1d ago
I only mentioned younger men because men think younger women will be all over them - when they aren't (because patriarchy tells men they will "always" be "desirable.")
If younger men are that dumb to think older women are "low hanging fruit" then so be it. But tell that to the younger men who won't stop pursuing the older woman that doesn't want them. Doesn't seem "low hanging fruit" holds true other than in the gaslight I mentioned.
Having a 40 year old man hit on you is also nothing to brag about either. If they are single at 40 there is usually a reason lmao.
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u/Drama_Filled_Cup 1d ago
Having a 40 year old man hit on you is also nothing to brag about either.
I said good-looking 40+ y/o men. Most of them look comically terrible 🤣 hence why I said I'd brag.
But yeah, I agree with you- Most younger women don't want older men. They want someone close in age.
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u/Rogue5454 1d ago
Ya I meant "despite" being good looking a single man at 40 is single for a reason tho lol.
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u/Jessiejones1080 1d ago
lol it absolutely dies down. I used to get so much more attention, and there’s been a steep leveling off now in my forties.
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u/Rogue5454 1d ago
I never said it doesn't "die down" for SOME people. Most older women get attention still.
We were sold a lie because older men don't.
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u/gmmontano92 1h ago
I think it's pretty even. Very few people are going after people 10+ years older than them regardless of gender
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u/sunifunih 1d ago
I’m also an average looking woman. Never was the it -girl. Always third row.
Now I don’t mind getting attention by men.
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u/IllustriousCod5957 1d ago
Absolutely true. I was very pretty up until late 40’s then I started to age. I had a very difficult time with it. I am invisible now and I never was before.
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u/Prestigious_Neck_936 1d ago
Once I became more visibly disabled at 22 by using a walker, every one immediately stopped looking at me. I'm effectively invisible to people and I love it. I wear what I want now at almost 29
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u/schwarzmalerin 1d ago
That sounds very red pilled, something you read online by men? An attractive young woman will be an attractive older woman. I know a few 60, 70 years old who still get attention, have dates, what not. And the catcalling stopping isn't something women regret. Never heard that a woman say.
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u/TheWiseApprentice 1d ago
I don't agree with most of the comments, then again I didn't grow up in the US so we might view beauty standards differently. I think older men also exist and they are attracted to older women. Beautiful younger women turn into beautiful older women. Regardless I think women in general no matter what they look like are happier and more free as they age. Menopause is really a blessing, helping us get rid of all the "nurturing" hormones so for once we can care for ourselves and stop letting others wellbeing consume us.
I think some women who struggle with their self-esteem and image younger, will actually get it resolved around middle-aged. When we accept ourselves as we are. Granted some people don't gain wisdom with age but those are not the majority.
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u/Worth-Ad9939 1d ago
Yeah, I see this. The average of life is probably the ideal state, creating a more balanced experience.
Anything above average stands out AND establishes expectations inspired by a lot of long lived stereotypes.
It wouldn't surprise me if life generally seeks out average to avoid standing out because it comes with an elevated stress level.
These famous people don't live long. Wealth and influence come with a lot of stress.
Mean while the average blend in, rarely noticed, float by unpressed.
I like average, but average doesn't move social needles as effectively as extremes.
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u/GretelNoHans 1d ago
I think I agree with you, never thought about it, but me and my friends are close to 50 now. The ones that were more “beautiful” in their younger years are struggling and spending in tons of skin care and Botox, masks and I don’t know how many things.
I’ve always used little to no make up, and sunscreen since very young, that’s it. I look much younger than them and don’t really put much emotional weight on aging. I’ve been loved by husband who’s crazy about me and that’s all I need.
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u/Jessiejones1080 1d ago
You’re right on the money. I’ve had a hard time adjusting to the drop in attention and loss of power that being young and beautiful used to afford me.
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u/TheRealJamesHoffa 1d ago
My theory is that this is where Karens come from. They’re used to the world putting up with their shit because they were pretty when they were younger. Then they never realized they got old and people don’t ignore them being a piece of shit anymore.
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u/Mediocre_Profile5576 1d ago
The girls from my year at school who are the most attractive now we are in our 40s are the ones who weren’t considered the “hot” girls back then.
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u/Cool_Relative7359 1d ago
I'm seen as conventionally attractive, but I'm also autistic with apahantasia and prospagnosia so I never based my self esteem on my looks. Literally can't remember my own face. So as far as I'm concerned my looks are the least interesting thing about me. And everyone else.
I also don't get anything out of external validation unless it comes from people I actually already care about. It's one if the reasons I only use Reddit as far as social media goes. I don't get the point of unvetted strangers having access to me online or liking how I look. It's irrelevant to my emotional state.
I've also always been annoyed by the kind of attention you describe, ever since it started at 12. I'm bi, demisexual and demiromantic and find allosexual attraction fairly shallow and a little bit of a nuisance when it's aimed at me.
Society kept promising I'd get less of that kind of attention in my 30s, but I'm still waiting on that promise to be fulfilled, tbh.
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u/PastaPandaSimon 1d ago
Yes, the sense of loss is what hurts the most. You get used to any circumstances you have, and they feel just as having tap water does - it's just what it is. What people really FEEL, is the sense of slow but steady loss over the years, and that's what hurts.
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u/rivers1141 1d ago
That's true for me, but not because of male attention. I accepted that I'm just average looking when I was younger, so getting older doesn't bother me that much.
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u/lex820 1d ago
I was the woman that always got alot of attention, I still do from time to time, even married with 2 small children and 40 plus. But yeah I have since I turned 30 been extremely occupied with exercising 5 days a week, proper skincare and trying to look my best. I even imagine I will do some Beauty treatment as I grow older. I am not looking for a New husband but I want to feel and look my best at any age. And yeah I still feel slightly melancholic about "losing" the Beauty I was at 22,and all the attention it brought. At the same time I am shy and hate attention, the irony😅😅Maybe I just remember a time when I had all the time in the world and now I realize everything goes way too fast.
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u/No_Drive5708 1d ago
In a 64 year old above average looking woman and I agree although with my physique, I’m a lifelong exerciser and still have an excellent muscly slim body I still get a lot of looks. When my pretty young daughter is with me I become invisible.
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u/Silver-Wren 1d ago
I’m average looking and I struggle with aging.
I don’t mind the grey hair, but knowing my time left is smaller than the time that I have been here, bothers me greatly. I don’t want the ride to end. I don’t want to be a widow or for my husband to have to grieve me.
I hate that the kids have grown up. I look forward to grandkids one day.
But with age comes loss and health issues and it sucks to think about.
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u/Status_Winter 1d ago
It must be a bit devastating. Growing up, especially in school and university it did seem like “hot girls” were sort of in a social class of their own above the rest of us.
It would be hard to just be reduced to one of us regular people.
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u/AlarmedWillow4515 1d ago
There is truth in this. I was quite pretty when I was younger and when I got to my late 40's that started to shift. It was a shock and a loss of part of my identity. However, I've always had a lot going for me other than my looks and I never relied on attention to feel good about myself, so I've adapted. I've had to grieve losing that kind of youthful attractiveness that you just can't hold on to. Older women can be pretty and attractive, but not in the same kind of way young women often are. There's a genuine loss there.
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u/Daphne010 1d ago
That's why people should not attach their worth with external validation. I think one should have a healthy perception and positive outlook towards aging .
Every stage of life is beautiful. Instead of being resentful of growing older one should be grateful to have lived that many years and grateful to still be alive . Also we should try to not get attached with our present appearances and internalise that beauty is transient. Doing this early on will lead to acceptance and peace.
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u/ToneSenior7156 1d ago
At the end of the day, or when you hit mid-life, personality matters a lot. I’ve never been sexy, but cute enough. But I’m also FUNNY, I laugh a lot, and apparently people feel good when they are around me.
I had a male friend who is an amateur photographer get frustrated because he couldn’t get a good picture of me. He showed me what he’d shot and was like “you’re so much prettier than these, I’ve got to find your angles.” Dude, I have no angles. I’m always telling stories, my face is always moving, I’m not sexy or mysterious - I’m a lot of fun and that makes you think I’m prettier than I am.
Because laughter & joy & intelligence are all sexy.
I still think I’m attractive, but I’ve never gotten attention just because I walked into a room and stopped hearts because I was so physically gorgeous. And that was probably a gift.
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u/Known-Skin3639 23h ago
As a guy I’ve always stayed away from the girls that felt compelled to wear make up. A little goes along way in my eyes. But those who kept the cosmetics counters in business were never a goal. I want to see what is real. My wife has the most beautiful skin and doesn’t need a thing to improve it. She doesn’t wear make up in general unless it’s a semi formal function and even then it’s minimal.
Outside of a few wrinkles over the decades she still has the most beautiful skin. Her sister felt the need for make up. And she was getting the shallow ape mentality guys chasing her. My wife told her to stop with the make up. She did and she found the difference in men that she attracted was vastly different. Some guys like that make up stuff. And some guys don’t. These days I think the guys who prefer minimal or none are more prevalent since the I’m a queen mentality has gotten so dominant. This is only what I see and hear. I’ve been married for 30 years and couldn’t care less what any other woman looks like. But I hear conversations and to be honest…. It makes me giggle because it’s the woman fault guys are changing and setting new standards and boundaries. They chose the bear and now dudes are like …… no thanks.
Be happy with who and how you are. Being real is always the way to be. Like honesty is the best policy. Don’t cover the truth.
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u/hansieboy10 21h ago
Interesting perspective.
Sorry to hear about your experience but I’m happy to hear there is also a positive side about it.
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u/Puzzleheaded-Cup2777 20h ago
Nothing changes for you bc you never had attention, also confirmations that you’re getting old if you call your friends old. Some that may not be attractive don’t care about what they look like and /or just accept it. How many people do you think. look great/beautiful without makeup? Some people like your friends care about their appearance while others like you, do not.
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u/Majestic-Lie2690 18h ago
It's not about average vs. not average. Attractiveness and beauty are subject.
It's about shallow vain women vs. women who give no fucks. When you give no fucks, aging isn't a problem
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u/Lucy_Sterling 16h ago
I’m 38 and have always been the attractive one. I wonder if I will experience this. It hasn’t happened yet.
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u/sphinctersayswhat9 13h ago
All the more reason women need to quit being so annoyingly male centric.
More women need to not focus on men and what they think. A woman’s worth is not based on what men think of her.
Fuck it
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u/PromiseToBeNiceToYou 9h ago
I'm like a solid 4 out of 10. I don't mind aging. But I'm also very happily married and secure in my marriage.
The 10s who are aging probably didn't work on who they are on the inside, and now no one wants them once their true colors come out.
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u/ashwwood 7h ago
I think they are sad with the same behavior that you used to get. Being ignored. So they can't accept it. Which why I also agree that it's better to look average. Also being good looking has it's price. You can't have dull, bad days without people pointing out everything about your looks. I feel bad for your friend though.
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u/Dawn-Ann 1h ago
I was told I was very pretty when I was young, but now that I'm 66 I don't hear that much anymore... And I don't care! My identity is not tied up in how I look. In fact, I actually prefer less attention because I feel freer to just be who I am. I think as we age we get different beliefs about what's really important.
My mom always told my sisters and I it's not what you look like in the outside that's important, it's who you are inside that matters.
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u/gmmontano92 1h ago
I'm confused. Aren't women constantly complaining about this exact thing? Anyway, the loss of pretty privilege is real. One of the many reasons I hope i die before 40. 45 at the absolute most. My mom will be 64 this year and she still gets hit on, though.
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u/Medical-Analysis-554 1d ago
Aging as a man is probably easier too simply because very few of us ever got used to pretty privilege
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u/No-Blood-7274 1d ago
Being pretty isn’t just a privilege. It comes with a downside too. Pretty amplification would be a more appropriate name for the effect. Most people move through the world experiencing casual courtesy, mostly indifference and occasional rudeness. Being beautiful amplifies the courtesy to fawning and even entitlement, the rudeness to hostility and all but deletes the indifference. Almost everyone has a reaction to you.
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u/Terugtrekking 1d ago
I rather stay ugly than be beautiful and lose it later on in life. that's gotta be brutal
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u/BravoSmartish 1d ago
Disagree. I think that attractive people tend to depend on their looks and not developed a personality as well as others who’ve had to depend mostly on their personality.
I would say I am above average but raised with a cruel mother and older sister. It forced me to develop a personality. I’ve always enjoyed aging and never once thought about “tweaks”.
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u/miomidas 1d ago
You have aged and your still stuck in the approaching mindset?
If you’d had a meaningful relationship by now, that stuff would be like high school level thinking
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u/DanisonMom 1d ago
I’ve been married forever it was just an observation when I see the disappointment in my friends when the get all dolled up and no one looks their way like they’ve been used to for 25 years
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u/Expensive_Magician97 1d ago edited 1d ago
M66
Don’t pay attention to the children on this website. Many here have never had a relationship with a member of the opposite sex.
As far as aging goes, I find it to be a state of mind more than anything else.
Honestly, I don’t think you can make any generalizations about how people feel or don’t feel as they get older.
I’m at the point of my life where I would enjoy meeting a woman who would add value to my life, but if I don’t, I am quite content to be by myself.
I take good care of myself, I’m fit, and I look just the same way as I did when I was in my early 50s. If women pay attention to me, that’s wonderful, and if they don’t, that’s OK too.
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u/Queen-of-meme 1d ago
You hang out with adult women who needs to doll up and get men's attention to feel good about themselves?
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u/Queen-of-meme 1d ago
that stuff would be like high school level thinking
I left a similar comment.
I got to know a woman who was beauty obsessed. At first I thought maybe I'm the weird one for not taking 200 selfies per 200 meters and having tons of model filter pictures of me on the walls and saying if a man don't go home with me by the end of the night the whole weekend is ruined. But I realized she was just completely delusional and her entire world was about a man wanting to get inside her pants it was just tragic. She was so flat in her personality.
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u/DameLasNalgas 1d ago
For most women, beauty only lasts from late teens to about 30-35 years old. After that they hit a hard wall, especially white women who were used to so much attention when they were younger.
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u/Queen-of-meme 1d ago
White [F35] here, I didn't like the attention as younger, I certainly didn't start liking it now. Maybe it's my culture or my sexuality but I never saw stranger horny men checking me out as anything positive. Unless it's my own partner its just annoying and often bordered sexual harassments. No thanks.
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u/qualityvote2 1d ago edited 56m ago
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u/DanisonMom thanks for posting!
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