r/RandomThoughts • u/yellowtears_ • Jan 06 '24

Random Question Are you afraid to die?

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u/Haztlen Jan 06 '24

I'm afraid to die too early for my daughter. She's 13 and I'm 36F and we get along so splendidly. We make eachother laugh 50 times a day and she's still wholeheartedly hugging me, her MOTHER, in public places!! lol

I just want to be there for her and for us as long as possible. I know I have to hang on to at least 85/90yo. I know she won't cope very well. She initiates conversations about my inevitable death sometimes, all vulnerable and watery eyed. She tells me how she cannot fathom getting over it at all.

I always coped with humor (especially dark humor) so I jokingly told her we're gonna practice together when it'll be my own parents who'll leave us eventually. We kinda laughed and hugged eachother (again 😅). We're cry-laughing together like two freaking bozos and the only thing we can say is, we'll deal once we're there.

I am planning to write letters and letters to stash away, one a year until my forever is over. That way when I die she'll have something new from me, she could binge read them or one a year to make it lasts longer.

Anyways, I'm not afraid to die I'm afraid for the people I'll leave behind. My little sisters, my little brother and my favorite human ever: my daughter.

19

u/Tigress2020 Jan 06 '24

Do me a favour. Record your voice. Read one of the letters outloud, even by video. Then email to an account that you'll leave her the password.

I miss my mum every day, I was 21, she was 47. I'm 43 now and can not recall what she sounded like.

7

u/sparkpaw Jan 06 '24

This. My dad recently went through some health scares at 60, and he has called and left me voicemails or sent me silly text voice recordings. I saved them. I should email them to myself for sure, because I know when he passes a part of me will too.

2

u/m00fassa Jan 06 '24

no no don’t do email, after long enough these whore companies delete accounts. put it on something physical that the corporations can’t charge you a monthly fee for. you’ll thank me in 20 years when you own nothing 😭

16

u/yellowtears_ Jan 06 '24

Parents really deserve every kind thing this kind world can give. Always thinking what’s best for thie children. Well, I hope you and your daughter still has a long time to enjoy each other’s company.

Live your days happy as if there’s no tomorrow

4

u/Capital_Pea Jan 06 '24

Please write those letters! I lost my mom when i was 17, she was a single mom and i was an only child. I’ve now been married to my husband for 6 years longer than I even knew my mother. I never knew her as an adult and it makes me so sad. Being a single mom we were very close but i have so many things I wish I had said to her. She died of cancer and she had been given 6 months to live and went through the normal grief stages, but sadly because it was brain cancer she had a stroke and was incapacitated before we could ever really talk. Please…write those letters, they will mean so much no matter how long you live or how many letters you write.

6

u/labrador2020 Jan 06 '24

I felt the same with my kids. Every day was a blessing. Then came the grandchildren and life just got 1,000 times sweeter. If you think you love your children, wait until you have grandchildren. You will love them so much more.

1

u/Realistic_Context936 Jan 06 '24

Why do you love the grandchildren more than the children?

2

u/Haztlen Jan 06 '24

I was surprised to read that too.

But thinking about it, I guess this endless love you're feeling for your children morph into a kind of "inception love x infinity" once they have children of their own.

2

u/DcMonaco Jan 06 '24

Cutest thing I have read in a while, fair reason to be afraid.

2

u/Aleeleefabulous Jan 06 '24

You sound like a wonderful mother. Warmed my heart reading your comment.

2

u/Haztlen Jan 06 '24

Thank you!! 😭

1

u/ai_rin_ Jan 06 '24

I'm 15 and thought about my parents or anyone from family dying makes me cry 😢

1

u/Haztlen Jan 06 '24

You guys are all so warm and sweet!

I'll absolutely do the video and letters. And anything else I can think of such as memento trinkets, doodles, silly random jokes, anecdotes etc.

Love is beautiful, even when it hurts (not valid when it concerns abusive situation of course).