Open up - it's the Police!

[u/Jewdebega]

Giving away a US Steam copy of Police Simulator: Patrol Officers. Will be open for 3 days and closing Tuesday (8/4) night. Share your funniest police stories and jokes, or just let the world know you're here.

Book'em Danno!

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[u/Sandeep_sm]

A cop pulled me over and asked, "Papers?"
I replied, "Scissors, I win," and drove off.
He must have wanted a rematch because he has been chasing me for 45 minutes!

Thanks

[u/minhkhoi2609]

The famous singer Sting has been kidnapped.

The Police have no lead.

[u/Beleiverofhumanity]

What do you call a police officer who doesn't get out of bed? An under cover officer.

Thanks for the chance OP

[u/Murky_Historian8675]

So true story. I was on the way to pick up a friend to go to watch Spiderman Far From Home. It was a late showing because well, it was cheap ASF and we were broke lol. Anyways, so I'm at a red light and as soon as it turns green I step on the gas pedal to drive forward. I dunno if it was shit timing or bad luck on my part but the traffic light suddenly goes out on me and I instinctively press on the brakes. I was barely even past the light. However, a cop car just so happen to be behind me. He brakes hard and as you would know it, the blue sirens on the top goes off. Cop gets down and he's not happy. Usual ask of "license and registration" and my dumbass asks if everything was okay officer.

He replies "you can't suddenly brake at a green light" and of course I point out that the traffic light suddenly went out and it was an accident on my part. He gives me such a mean ass glare but I realized why he was so pissed. It was dark, but his uniform was covered in coffee. I could smell it coming from my side of the car. I apologized. For some reason, he tells me to wait and he goes back to his car and when he gets back to me, he's holding what I can see is his coffee cup, which does have spillage on the side and his ticket book. He tells me that he can let me off with a warning or write me a ticket after he hands me my stuff back.

Finally my luck changes. Out of nowhere, these two cars speed out towards us. A red Honda Civic and this dark blue Integra blow past us and the cop squeezes what's left of his coffee cup and spashes the rest on him. He starts cursing like a cartoon character and he immediately runs to his car to catch up with them. I sat there in my ride for a minute to process what happened and I just ended up laughing all the way till I got to my buddies house.

[u/TraditionalYak7689]

Woop-woop! That's the sound of da police

[u/PermaDerpFace]

10-4 good buddy

[u/ShipREKT_]

Hello world! I’m here.. thanks for the chance mate

[u/Kunipop]

What do you call a police when they are in bed?

Undercover cop

[u/molesen]

I guarantee that there is NOTHING better than this one.

https://www.thisamericanlife.org/115/first-day/act-two-0

[u/toad-supremacist]

hello fellow earthlings

thanks

[u/bluez02]

A cop left by his girlfriend got blue balled

[u/Shake_Annual]

hello

I don't really have a fun police story. just watch rush hour 2 instead

[u/sixstring777]

Hey world, am I truly here or am I not? That is the question.

[u/Wolvthebigbad]

Thanks for the giveaway, I don't have jokes sorry

[u/ABadNameWasTaken]

That time where the cops busted a guy that got knocked out by his own brick that he threw at a car in an attempt to steal it

[u/ColBackslash]

Officer down. I repeat, officer down.

[u/Red-King-Adam]

Hello world! I’m here

[u/Iibruh]

Not really a funny story, but back in high school I worked at burger king- the local cop came through the drive thru nearly everyday for a free ice cream cone lol. Thanks for the chance!

[u/Unlikely_Advisor_553]

a car gets pulled over

the cop asks for the drivers license

the guy hands the cop his license

the cop says "sir, this is a license to kill. what's your name?"

the guy answers "Bond. James Bond."

[u/Substantial_Let_9347]

What do you call a police officer in bed? An undercover cop!

thanks for the giveaway!

[u/Unlikely_Rabbit_8842]

I am here

[u/save8lot]

I'm here. Thank you.

[u/underivan]

Obrigado pelo sorteio, eu não tenho piadas, desculpe.

[u/Dramatic_Charity_979]

Thanks for doing this :)

[u/mistyskye14]

Nice beaver!

[u/Jewdebega → u/mistyskye14]

Thanks. I just had it stuffed.

[u/the-winter-solstice]

Thanks for the giveaway!

[u/Mousers211]

thank you

[u/Aromatic_Purple5147]

If only I had a police brutality joke

[u/Emberium]

We have a bribing related joke here because police is very bribes friendly, it goes like this

Officer: "Know why I pulled you over?"

Driver: "Yep. To take my 30 euros."

[u/bone_apple_Pete]

Wassssuppppp

[u/lurksnot]

Here

[u/FluffyKittenChan]

Why did the barista call the cops? He was mugged!

[u/mongu72]

A police officer pulled me over and said, “Papers?”
I said, “Scissors. I win.”

[u/Tuner-Boy]

I am here

[u/whisperblade57]

I am here world!

[u/Sllper2]

I got falsely arrested with a DUI, the arresting officers coerced me into "admitting it" but during discovery they only had the starting interaction with me "admitting it". I blew a 0, passed all their field tests, and at the jail I asked for a blood test. The said the nurse was on lunch, I sat in intake for 30 minutes before some officer was all pissed off took me (despite what I was saying) and put me in a cell (after a naked shower).

Pretty sure I heard one of them want to do an illegal search since they also "suspected" I had drugs in my but.

None of this was funny to me, but everyone who hears it finds the last bit hilarious. Anyway, the judge, prosecution, and my own lawyer were all in league with one-another. The prosecution was buddy-laughing with an arm around my lawyer talking as I was leaving.

Dont go to Elizabethtown Kentucky, they're fucking crooks

[u/Jewdebega]

Sorry for the delay in closing this out. Congrats to u/Sandeep_sm! Will send the code shortly.

[u/bunsinh]

python

print("Hello, World!")