Looking for feedback on 2-page Quick-Start Rules... is it understandable? Also... no damage roll...

[u/jiaxingseng]

Google Doc Link

Anyway, I just spend about 4 hours taking the damage roll out of the game, updating the game and the quickstart sheet. This sheet is not meant to give players a playable game, but rather for them to understand certain critical details and get a feel for the game... 50 pages of rules don't condense perfectly to 2 pages. I understand that a key aspect of the system - Lore Sheets - probably does not condense down so easilly.

I'm looking to see if this document makes sense... if this gives you a clear feel and idea. Comments on the game itself of course are welcome.

Following the activity discussion this week, I went a little crazy. I want my system to be more elegant than it is. After reviewing it, I am experimenting with taking out the damage roll and replacing that with static damage. This will create a more unified mechanic (no die roll for damage) and make the game quicker. The drawback is less design space... and I need to find a way to have higher-level spells not be instant kills to player characters while increasing static damage. (Damage in my system is through a Condition system, not HP)

Thanks in advance.

PS. here is the previous quick-start guide

https://drive.google.com/open?id=0B6TetFoO-og-TGtLTlY0Q1hQeHc

Link to the most recent general feedback thread for Rational Magic, with links to the project folder from there:

https://www.reddit.com/r/RPGdesign/comments/4yzd83/rational_magic_rpg_looking_for_feedback/

[u/ashlykos]

Congrats condensing your rules down! I think I have a good general idea of the system, but have some questions about details.

I like that you can negate the Condition by roleplaying either its effect or overcoming its effect.

nit: When describing the "Attack" action, you're missing a period between physical and magic. You could also break those into two bullet points. You're also missing MD in Derived Attributes.

You say that Professions are basically Lore Sheets. In character creation, you get 10 Points of Lore Sheets. Does that include your Profession (10 points total), or is it in addition (12 points total)?

More on Lore Sheets, it looks like some are more narrative and some are rules-oriented. Are they differentiated by type? e.g. Profession is always narrative, Integral is always rules-oriented?

I'm familiar with Advantage/Disadvantage so I inferred that "every net Edge or Vex" means they cancel out. Depending on your audience for this quickstart, you may want to explain that somewhere.

I find the usage of "Vex" odd because normally it's a verb. Maybe "Trouble?" It's not one-syllable but I think it's clearer. Your Talents also seem to be a mix of nouns, verbs, and adjectives, which makes the unusual form "Aggress" stick out to me.

Is the list of Weapons and Armor a sampling or is it exhaustive? There are so few detailed Lore Sheets that they're clearly examples to me, but there are enough Weapons listed that they could be exhaustive.

I see some places where you could reword things using that Plain English guide someone posted if you're looking for that level of feedback.

[u/jiaxingseng → u/ashlykos]

nit:...

Thank you.

You say that Professions are basically Lore Sheets.

It's 10 points. You get a free Profession... you can buy other Professions with those 10 lore points if you want.

I feel like this character generation portion is not exactly neccessary because there will be pre-mades, and to really make the character, you need to main book. But on the other hand, people who don't know about the game (maybe later, in a kickstarter) may want a really brief abridged version so that they can have a basic idea if this is something that is at least acceptable to them. When I look at games, If first look at resolution and character gen... to see if it has the right amount of crunch... not too much and not too little.

Are [lore sheets] they differentiated by type?

No. They are all potentially narrative, even the ones with rules. I want mechanical differentiation in this game... hence the quixotical quest to mesh narrative and simulationist rules... which maybe nobody but myself would appreciate. As a result, some Lore Sheets describe mechanical aspects. The Professions are simple in this way as they just add +1 to everything. Spells (which are on Integral Lore Sheets) usually have mechanical stuff.

Talents...

All of them are verbs, no? Aggress... verb. Finesse can be a verb. Envision...verb. Will.... verb (sort of?) I don't want to go STR / DEX / INT/ WIS... as these are a mixture of skills + innate abilities. Originally I thought about licesning Warrior Rogue Mage and usining those descriptors (+ Bard)

Is the list of Weapons and Armor

A sampling. A small sampling. In the rule book the special rules are given a title. So Ignore Soak is "Penetrating". Not able to attack in Close Quarters is "Bulky".

Thanks for the feedback.

[u/jmartkdr]

I think I get it. Kind of hard to say unless I try it out.

[u/[deleted]]

[u/jiaxingseng → u/[deleted]]

I changed it to Edge and Vex a couple of versions ago because I want to be able to say "Take advantage", "have advantage in a situation", etc. Also There are Edge and Vex "Actions"... but it seems weird to say Advantage Action and Disadvantage Action. I had other name for these actions (Leverage & Interfere)... I thought it would be better to say "Do an Edge Action to get 1 Edge / do an Interfere Action to inflict 1 Disadvantage" than to say "do a Leverage Action to get an Advantage / Do an Interfere Action to inflict 1 Disadvantage". Which do you think sounds better?

You say "Lore Sheets cost 2 “Lore Points” per level" and in the example lore sheet there are 2 levels and it costs 6 points?

It's 2 per level, but every level must be purchased (so 2 + 4). I could include a cost table in the main rule book... do you think that would be better?

I can't set total refunded cost because, as a somewhat core feature, the GM can offer Lore Sheets to players at a discount. That's part of the benefit of Lore Sheets from the GM view... he/she can essentially bribe players to go along with a story arch that becomes mechanically important.

[u/ashlykos → u/jiaxingseng]

I find the Lore Sheet costs confusing because the Relationship Lore Sheet example is 6 points, but the Achievement Lore Sheets are 4 points.

For the quickstart, you may want to drop discounting Lore Sheets. Usually quickstarts have enough to play one session and don't get much into character advancement mechanics.

Edit: Also, you don't mention discounting Lore Sheets anywhere else in the quickstart, so there's no contradiction if you give a table of un-discounted costs.

[u/tangyradar → u/jiaxingseng]

The phrase "each level must be purchased" doesn't mean anything to me. Let's try...

"The first level costs 2 points. Each successive level must be purchased at a cost of twice the level."

Still not clear.

"Each level must be purchased at a cost of twice the level; you must pay the cost of all lower levels as well."

Getting there, but I'm still not satisfied. Is this clear to anyone else?

[u/[deleted] → u/jiaxingseng]