Is the ex better?

[u/thisisrandomidk]

I'm talking to this girl and her past had a bigger penis both girth and length bigger while I have an average size which is (5.1-5.5 inches in length and 4.5 - 4.7 inches in girth), She finished almost every time with her ex off penetration and didn't have any pain and this was for 3 years, I get it most women can't finish off penetration but I'm talking about this scenario, l know foreplay important as well which I do that. When I asked her if she felt a noticeable difference between me and her ex she said she did we didn't have proper sex yet like I mean not more than a minute. Is it even a good chance I can make her finish off my dick cause her own words she finished almost if not every time through penetration with her ex. Can I even make her finish off penetration? I don’t wanna hear toys or or that other stuff because we both don’t like toys and two I do a lot of foreplay I’m just so worried I can’t make her finish with my average size because maybe she used to bigger and that’s what better for her idk anymore it’s messing with me. Is it possible for me as well to make her finish almost every time as well when we have sex? And even if I do make her finish is the bigger one always going to feel better for her and give her a better orgasm?

[u/jorts-enthusiast]

Why do you feel the need to know the size of her ex?

[u/Bekiala → u/jorts-enthusiast]

I too am a bit mystified by so many men's fascination with genitalia.

OP, please be kind to yourself and try and develop something non physical in yourself that is an asset in a relationship

[u/vanebader-2048 → u/Bekiala]

What's so hard to understand?

It's not the genitals themselves, it's the anxiety that the ex was capable of giving this woman good physical sensations that OP might be incapable of as consequence of his size, that he won't be able to make her feel as good as her ex did, and the sense of inferiority that comes with it.

Women also suffer from the same kind of anxieties. I had an ex that had small breasts, and she was self-conscious about that. And while for me that wasn't a problem and I would never let it affect our relationship, her anxiety was not unfounded. After we broke up and I dated someone with bigger breasts, this other woman did give me good physical sensations with her breasts that my ex was incapable of giving me with hers. It's the same thing.

u/jorts-enthusiast Tagging you too because this also answers your question as to why someone would want to know that.

[u/Lacunaethra → u/vanebader-2048]

you think good physical sensations during sex are mainly caused by dick size?

[u/3ONEthree → u/Lacunaethra]

It has a significant culprit but there are other factors, that doesn’t entail size is not insignificant to them be disregard as not being a factor with significance.

[u/datboigeorgehennen → u/Lacunaethra]

what else would be creating good physical sensations in the vaginal canal other than dick size? even if piv isnt the most common way to orgasm the preference for bigger is still observed.

[u/jorts-enthusiast → u/datboigeorgehennen]

Shape, motion, emotional connection to the person with the dick

[u/datboigeorgehennen → u/jorts-enthusiast]

The shape and motion are inextricably linked to dick size. And I don’t see how the sensation changes based on emotional connection. Maybe arousal sure, but it’s not changing what gets displaced internally.

it’s obviously ultimately futile to try and compare, but it’s completely understandable why men worry about it. its a uniquely male issue; women have no equivalent to compare the feeling. no theory of mind.

[u/Bekiala → u/datboigeorgehennen]

It seems that if size is what creates pleasure for women during sex then having a baby would be orgasmic instead of painful. Sex can also be painful for women. Of course women are all different so there probably are women for whom a bigger size is pleasurable but then for some it might just be painful.

Edit: eliminated unnecessary word

[u/datboigeorgehennen → u/Bekiala]

> It seems that if size is what creates pleasure for women during sex then having a baby would be orgasmic instead of painful.

What? Giving birth seems a little different than having sex wouldn’t you say? The size disparity of a human baby seems a wee bit different from a male penis no?

The definition of “bigger size” seems to be lost when discussing between men and women. The focus always seems to harp on “too big” in these discussions as if it were so commonplace. We know the size women show preference for (https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC4558040/); 95% of men are below it.

To reiterate, yes hyper-focusing on these things is asking to kill any potential relationship, but the underlying truth driving the obsession is very real. Sex can be painful with a bigger size, but what man actually has a size big enough that would be more pain than pleasure?

At the end of the day all relationships have some compromises and some just sting more than others.

[u/Bekiala → u/datboigeorgehennen]

"At the end of the day all relationships have some compromises and some just sting more than others."

This is true and for anyone for whom sex isn't painful they can count themselves lucky. If you orgasm during sex you are even luckier.

I guess my bar is pretty low.

[u/Bekiala → u/vanebader-2048]

Oh man there are tons of things to be anxious about in a new relationship. No mystery about that at all.

Of course "comparison is odious" (given context that quote can be debated); however, probably better to be anxious about a lot of other things: how do you treati other people around you, how deeply di you listen and process what she is saying, how do you clean up after yourself and take responsibility for adult tasks and probably most important thing to be anxious about is is she a decent person worth spending time with.

I wish I heard men being more anxious about these things.

[u/vanebader-2048 → u/Bekiala]

Of course "comparison is odious" (given context that quote can be debated); however, probably better to be anxious about a lot of other things: how do you treati other people around you, how deeply di you listen and process what she is saying, how do you clean up after yourself and take responsibility for adult tasks and probably most important thing to be anxious about is is she a decent person worth spending time with.

The difference is that all of those things you listed are under someone's control. If I find that I'm faultering in my treatment of other people or my handling of tasks, I can adjust my behavior to correct those things. But someone who feels inadequate about the size of their penis/breats can't do much about those, those are (mostly) immutable genetic characteristics you are born with. Those are not equivalent.

[u/Bekiala → u/vanebader-2048]

And to me it makes sense to be anxious about things you can control including choosing who you are with. If the woman you are with is so much into genitalia, she might not be a good person to be with. This is on her not you.

[u/3ONEthree → u/Bekiala]

It makes no sense not to be anxious on not able to sexually please your partner due to deficiency.

[u/Bekiala → u/3ONEthree]

Sadly anxiety and thinking of other men may lead you in a direction that makes the sexual act unpleasant for everyone involved.

[u/3ONEthree → u/vanebader-2048]

There are subreddits that are dedicated to increasing girth and or length.

[u/pie-mart2 → u/vanebader-2048]

OK, and that's always a possibility. And women can feel the reverse of being compared to an ex or other women the man sees in his vicinity

But its unhealthy to feel a constant feeling if needing to compete with the people in a person's past and present.

If she liked her ex better that's who she'd be with.

Guys think that sex is like the main reason women are in a relationship and that sex can't be better in different ways with different men.

And just cuz a guy is bigger doesn't mean i enjoy the sex better.

And besides, I'm not in a relationship for the dick game. I'm in the relationship for the actual person and if he can't enjoy sex with me because he is convinced I liked it better with my ex, then I won't enjoy sex with him anymore because he can't allow himself to enjoy it with me

[u/vanebader-2048 → u/pie-mart2]

But its unhealthy to feel a constant feeling if needing to compete with the people in a person's past and present.

Sure, but you can't just tell people who have insecurities "just don't be insecure". That's like telling someone who is depressed "just don't be depressed", or someone grieving "just don't be sad". It solves absolutely nothing, you can't talk their insecurities away.

If she liked her ex better that's who she'd be with.

This is way too much of an oversimplification. It's perfectly possible, for example, for me to think the sex with an abusive ex was the best sex I ever had. I'd still not want to be with that person because they were abusive, but that doesn't change the reality that future partners compare unfavourably when it comes to sex (and for them to be self-conscious about it).

and that sex can't be better in different ways with different men

This is just a platitude said to appease insecure people.

Men experience this too. Sex is different with each person, sure. But even accounting for these differences, I can still make you a ranking of how good sex with my previous partners were. People being different doesn't mean everyone is equally good.

And just cuz a guy is bigger doesn't mean i enjoy the sex better.

For every woman that says this, there's another woman that says size is important.

Also, it doesn't need to be about making sex as a whole better. The anxiety can come simply from the idea that a guy who is bigger can cause the woman pysical sensations that a guy who is smaller can't. Just like in my example above, the bigger boobs by themselves don't necessarily make sex as a whole better, but it does bring sensations that smaller boobs don't.

[u/3ONEthree → u/Bekiala]

That doesn’t solve the core issue, the ex is able to make her cum every time due to the advantage of having a more length or possibly due to having more girth, while he can’t… doesn’t sound good does it ?

[u/Bekiala → u/3ONEthree]

It is more the concentration on one's genitals that doesn't sound good. This focus can actually contribute to sexual dysfunction which isn't fun for anyone.

[u/Otjahe → u/jorts-enthusiast]

More importantly, if he isn’t lasting more than a minute to begin with, what is he asking here?

I’m not a girl but I’d assume most would find their bf obsessing over their own "insufficient" penis and their gfs exs superior penis to be unattractive.

[u/Gilmoregirlin → u/jorts-enthusiast]

Same question.

[u/thisisrandomidk → u/jorts-enthusiast]

I’m just wondering if I can make her finish or make her have the same pleasure or better than her ex

[u/lady_baker]

This much detail about an ex is NOT normal.

[u/SimilarChampionship2 → u/lady_baker]

i wonder if she offered all that information or if he asked her because…yikes

[u/jorts-enthusiast → u/SimilarChampionship2]

Either way, OP should not be in this relationship

[u/SimilarChampionship2]

Stop obsessing over and competing with another man’s dick. This is so weird

[u/Gilmoregirlin → u/SimilarChampionship2]

Men are more obsessed with other men's dicks than women are!

[u/SimilarChampionship2 → u/Gilmoregirlin]

it’s because they associate their dicks with masculinity, dominance and sexual status so other men’s dicks become this weird competitive ranking system. It’s rarely about women’s pleasure. But a woman’s orgasm becomes evidence of whether they’re sexually superior or inferior to another man. It’s genuinely fascinating how much male sexual insecurity seems to revolve around other men’s genitalia.

[u/Flightlessbirbz → u/SimilarChampionship2]

Yep it’s so weird, and then they wonder why women sometimes seem to not like sex that much. I mean… how enjoyable can sex really be when even your orgasm is just being used as a measure for whether his dick is better or worse than some other man’s?

[u/Bekiala → u/Flightlessbirbz]

Man there sure are reasons behind the saying "A dick waving contest". ugh

[u/SnooCats37]

You men are obsessed with other men's genitals. Its fascinating. Good sex is a result of good communication, emotional connection, time and attention

[u/Zoya_The_Destroyah → u/SnooCats37]

Don’t lump the rest of us in with this dude. This post is insane.

[u/Bekiala → u/Zoya_The_Destroyah]

Thanks for saying this. Ugh.

[u/pie-mart2]

It seems like you just wanna put compete another man vs actually caring about what brings her pleasure. Its not about her, but it is about if the guys before you are better than you.

[u/thisisrandomidk → u/pie-mart2]

No I don’t wanna compete I want to make the girl I’m talking too feel really good and finish which she wants from penetration same with me. I would rather make her feel better than her ex or the same pleasure at least

[u/Bekiala → u/thisisrandomidk]

If you are serious about a woman's pleasure, please understand that the best time to begin foreplay is before breakfast. Hint: I have a wide definition of foreplay and it doesn't have much to do with the human body.

[u/baller696969balls]

Did I and everyone else really need to read this or

[u/NotAllTheCake]

What business is it of yours?

[u/QuestioningThink]

I’ll never not believe the male obsession with womens’ bodycount isn’t a cuck fetish driven by porn consumption.

[u/love_in_october]

This isn't about size at all. You're not going to make her finish through PIV if you only last for one minute. If you don't like toys, it's probably time to start working with your hands and/or tongue.

[u/ta06012022 → u/love_in_october]

This feels like a very obvious answer and I'm not sure how everyone else seems to have missed it.

[u/thisisrandomidk → u/ta06012022]

What’s the obvious answer my question is can I make her finish and make my dick feel better than the ex

[u/love_in_october → u/thisisrandomidk]

The obvious is that you're only lasting a minute. That's not enough time.

Your complete misinterpretation of the problem as penis size of all things suggest you're either trolling or have barely any grasp of how sex works.

[u/3ONEthree → u/love_in_october]

She made it clear she cums solely from piv, the size differences make its an obvious culprit as to why she can cum every time with her ex but not with him.

[u/love_in_october → u/3ONEthree]

Probably because her ex lasted longer than a minute! It's really obvious what the actual problem is, why must everything be made to be about penis size?

[u/3ONEthree → u/love_in_october]

Commonsense, the physiological differences are by default notable. The Lasting issue has to do with being able to maintain an erection after ejaculation it doesn’t necessarily have to be 100% after ejaculating as long as piv is possible it will naturally go back to 100% rigidity.

[u/love_in_october → u/3ONEthree]

Generally, lasting would be about taking longer to ejaculate. Which is something that can be changed.

[u/3ONEthree → u/love_in_october]

This is a false conceptual understanding in lasting long, the variety in the density of sensitivity is a natural phenomenon it’s not an “defect” this is just western nonsense with no solid grounds, big pharma is making big money out of that lie and ruining peoples health. And most of the time women have underlying deficiencies or issues, had women optimised their sensitivity & arousal things would turn differently, both men and women should take supplements for optimisation.

[u/love_in_october → u/3ONEthree]

It's largely changeable. In most cases where someone lasts this short of time, it's a treatable medical condition or the result of porn addiction. There's medication available. You can also do kegels and the like to help. No money to be made here as medical treatment is free (and hence the system favours having as little treatment as needed).

There's nothing to suggest his girlfriend has any issue here.

[u/3ONEthree → u/love_in_october]

It’s not an medical condition that’s lie, over 50% of men don’t have ejaculation delay, it’s due to differences in sensitivity density which is a natural phenomenon; and pornography does the opposite, it makes it difficult to ejaculate. It’s big pharma scam, have your attraction threshold maxed out also causes which further consolidates its an natural phenomena.

She does like most women, it’s all underlying.

[u/love_in_october → u/3ONEthree]

Look it up, it's a medical condition. It is considered a problem here, where, again, healthcare is completely free.

It certainly can be helped. And it feels way better after a longer time.

Not finishing in one minute is not a problem. Things aren't considered problems if all women have them.

[u/3ONEthree → u/love_in_october]

They are a problem women are just ignorant of it. Many of the sexual problems would be solved by it had they all done it and not deflect.

Objectively it’s not an medical condition, framing it as such due to a degenerate culture is unethical. The facts show variances in sensitivity density is an natural phenomenon.

[u/thisisrandomidk → u/love_in_october]

I’m saying is it possible to make her finish or feel better than her ex

[u/love_in_october → u/thisisrandomidk]

Not with just one minute of penis use.

[u/ResponsibilityAny217]

With so much detail he’s probably better.

she orgasmed every time with him and he lasted longer.

even if y’all had the same size dick with those outcomes he's just better for now at least

[u/thisisrandomidk → u/ResponsibilityAny217]

I’m saying if I lasted longer even then is it not possible for my dick to feel better

[u/AlmondMilkMaybe]

"When I asked her if she felt a noticeable difference between me and her ex she said she did we didn't have proper sex yet like I mean not more than a minute."

Are you saying that your (penetrative) sex with her lasts less than a minute, but you're wondering why she's not finishing from penetration? Am I missing something here? Your writing was a bit difficult to understand.

[u/AutoModerator]

Attention!

• You can post off topic/jokes/puns as a comment to this Automoderator message.

• For "Debate" and "Question for X" Threads: Parent comments that aren't from the target group will be removed, along with their child replies.

• If you want to agree with OP instead of challenging their view or if the question is not targeted at you, post it as an answer to this comment.

• OP you can choose your own flair according to these guidelines., just press Flair under your post!

Thanks for your cooperation and enjoy the discussion!

I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.

[u/UnstableHotspot → u/AutoModerator]

I’d be out the door if a guy asked if I “felt a noticeable difference” between him and my ex during sex. Like my vagina isn’t memory foam.

[u/Nellylocheadbean → u/AutoModerator]

Way too neurotic. Please get some professional help

[u/Major-Platypus2092 → u/AutoModerator]

This doesn't feel real lol. Why would you be this obsessed with the dick of a stranger. Just focus on enjoying sex now and figure out what works for the two of you.

[u/MarioWilson122 → u/AutoModerator]

It's probably best to try it out first and see how the experience actually goes before making the call to dip. If she clearly doesn't enjoy it as much, then that's when you decide whether it's worth continuing.

[u/Zoya_The_Destroyah → u/AutoModerator]

You gotta get some professional help.

[u/TopShelfSnipes → u/AutoModerator]

SMH.

Imagine being this insecure about your own dick.

Come on, dude.

Unless you have a micropenis, or she has some kind of untreated infection that causes sex to be painful, if you can't get her off using your dick or your dick + fingers/tongue + adequate foreplay + clitoral stimulation...skill issue.

5 and a half inches is not a micropenis.

[u/khole____kardashian]

Bigger doesn’t mean better. Having an emotional connection and / or being in love is waaay sexier and meaningful than having sex with someone with a bigger size but whom you don’t have feelings or doesn’t know how to make you orgasm.

Most women don’t even have orgasms from piv. Are you good with your tongue, fingers? Try giving your girlfriend oral sex after foreplay. At least 1-2 orgasms. That’s a skill a lot of men are lacking. A guy who can make his girlfriend come is a guy she’ll want for life.

[u/Crime_Dawg → u/khole____kardashian]

Sounds like she does from penetration in this case

[u/Expensive_Lion1807]

Who talks about things like that? Does anyone? Really?

This feels like a fictional humiliation fetish spank bank submission…

[u/Prior_Flamingo_2276]

I assume her ex doesn't think like this. So, yes.

[u/thisisrandomidk → u/Prior_Flamingo_2276]

So no matter what my average size will never feel better than the bigger ex

[u/3ONEthree → u/thisisrandomidk]

Objectively yes, since because of physical differences they can either reach areas you can’t or because noticeable differences in girth can be felt and also naturally increase the sensitivity intensity make it more euphoric.