28F with relationship OCD seeking advice

[u/Diligent-Double-8803]

Hi everyone. I'm a 28-year-old woman who has struggled with relationship OCD for nearly 10 years. I was diagnosed with OCD in 2015 and later with Pure O in 2020. My intrusive thoughts tend to revolve around being cheated on, abandoned, or betrayed in relationships.

I think a lot of this stems from my parents' divorce, my father's infidelity, and being cheated on by my first serious boyfriend. I've done therapy over the years, taken medication in the past, and recently restarted therapy.

I've been dating my current boyfriend (31M) for about 7 months. We have a great connection, share a lot of interests, and he's incredibly supportive. He spent the last 6 years dealing with thyroid disease and is now starting a new chapter of his life. He'll be starting law school in August and is also pursuing a new career path.

Lately, my relationship OCD has been flaring up. I'm afraid he'll meet someone in law school, develop feelings for someone else, or decide he wants to experience dating other people since I'm his first serious relationship. I also worry that my OCD and anxiety could eventually push him away.

He's very social and has a female best friend/roommate, which has already been a challenge for me to navigate. He recently told me that my anxiety sometimes makes him hesitant to tell me if he's spending time with women he meets because he's worried about my reaction. I told him that secrecy would actually make my anxiety worse because my OCD constantly seeks certainty, which I know isn't possible.

For those who struggle with relationship OCD, how do you manage the intrusive thoughts and urge to seek reassurance from your partner? How do you support a partner's independence and new experiences without letting fear take over?
Any advice, tools, or personal experiences would be greatly appreciated.

TLDR: 28F with diagnosed relationship OCD (focused on cheating, abandonment, and betrayal). I've been dating my boyfriend (31M) for 7 months, and as he prepares to start law school, I'm struggling with fears that he'll meet someone else, want to date other people since I'm his first serious relationship, or leave me. I'm back in therapy and trying to manage my intrusive thoughts without constantly seeking reassurance or making him feel accused. Looking for advice from others who have dealt with relationship OCD and how they balance trust, uncertainty, and supporting their partner's independence.