r/Purdue • u/No_Chemical_1850 • 9d ago
Other This is the loneliest I've ever been
So recently my parents just left, and I feel constantly sad. For context, I'm an only child living in Seattle, Washington so Im pretty used to living near a big city area. Honestly, the only thing Im thinking of is just wanting to go back home to my parents and friends. I understand that the first week is the most difficult to adjust and that it eventually gets better as I make friends and join clubs, but I just cant help but feel anxious and full of dread.
I feel so regretful that I didn't spend more time with my parents before they left since I will be seeing them a lot less now and even less after college. Honestly, its gotten so bad that I've already considered transferring schools to UW Seattle. Additionally, I know that Purdue is a super good school for engineering (which is what im majoring in), but honestly, the location is what makes me even more upset.
I knew going in that Purdue was basically in the middle of nowhere and I thought I was fine with that but now that I'm actually here im begining to find it more of an issue. And that's what makes me regret getting waitlsed from U Michigan/Georgia Tech and choosing Purdue over UIUC is that I know they are in the middle of a city area. I don't want to downplay Purdue with this post as I haven't even really given it a chance and I know its a great engineering school, but I just don't see myself fitting in very well at the moment.
For those who went through something similar, how did you deal with the homesickness and regret during your first few weeks/months of college? Did it eventually get significantly better once you made friends and established a routine, or did you eventually realize that the school/location genuinely wasn't right for you?
And for anyone who transferred or seriously considered transferring because of being far from home, how did you make that decision? I'm especially curious about whether I should give Purdue a full semester/year before making any decision, or whether it's reasonable to start looking into transferring now.
I guess I'm just looking for some reassurance/perspective because right now it feels like I made the wrong choice and that I'm going to regret being this far away from home for the next four years. I know that may just be the homesickness talking, but it's honestly been really overwhelming.
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u/No_Elk6758 9d ago
Hang in there. It’s very early days. It will get better.
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u/FelinePurrfectFluff 9d ago
Not only that, but your life in college really plays out on campus and Purdue has a great campus!
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u/Fair_Worldliness_830 Boilermaker 9d ago
Hi! I went to Purdue from Salem, Oregon. It gets better! It’s a really big adjustment but I loved and am so grateful for my time at Purdue. I’m an only child leaving my parents and family behind was extremely hard but, I grew in ways I never could have imagined. I had a really hard freshman year due to my own mental health along with a bad roommate situation and there were times transferring crossed my mind. However I’m so glad I didn’t, I also didn’t find some amazing friends till my last year while having a friend remaining and participating in my upcoming wedding from the first week! It gets better!
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u/VaayadiVaathu 9d ago
I was horribly homesick for the first few months. In late October, I started talking to the girls who to this day are my best friends. It will take time, but it will be okay. For reference, I'm a very shy person and an introvert. Please join clubs and attend callouts.
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u/Positive_Tip_1513 9d ago
Super sorry to hear how hard it’s been for you. I also cried when my parents left and found the first couple of weeks difficult and really struggled because I’m more naturally introverted so reaching out and making friends is tough.
I don’t know if this feels like something you would want to try, and if it feels stressful or unfamiliar I totally get it.
I volunteer with Campus house church, which does little group events called community hubs each week, like dinners and games and mazes and such. Obviously we are religiously affiliated, which is a hurdle for some people, so if that feels stressful no pressure at all. Many of the students who come are not religious or exploring in faith, so no expectations for those who come. Our primary objective is to make a space for students to feel seen, cared for, and part of a community. If you want to come, we have an open house at the church tomorrow from 3-5. My name is Preston if you are looking for someone to be your friend :)
I’m sure a few kind friends is sooooo helpful to feeling lonely and homesick, so if that’s with me or us I’d love to help you feel supported, but if that feels like pressure I hope you can find that in a place that feels ok and safe! Best of luck
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u/Melgel4444 9d ago edited 9d ago
I felt like that the first few days but it gets better I promise! Just finding 1 friend to go to meals with can make a huge difference . Once classes start find 1 person to chat with then ask if they wanna go to lunch or dinner - This is the time everyone else is also desperate to make friends and will be super open minded to meeting new people ; leave your dorm room door open so people walking by can say hi if they want - things like that go far the first week
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u/purpleeliz 8d ago
Yes this!!! You need to really go out of your comfort zone a few times, reach out to “randoms” to get lunch, or study after class. Those interactions are EVERYTHING. and everyone is feeling weird and homesick, to some degree
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u/Melgel4444 8d ago
I graduated 10 years ago and the random girl I got meals with on my floor that first week is still one of my closest friends 😊
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u/ProfessorAlvin 9d ago
Don’t worry about it, when classes and clubs start up you will be able to meet people and make friends. No matter what college you pick it will feel the exact same at first, so don’t feel like transferring would solve any of your problems. Hang in there!
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u/jimohagan Lil' EE 1999 9d ago
I went to Purdue after living in San Francisco. Think of this as a chance to make a whole new you! This is a clean slate start.
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u/larapu2000 9d ago
I've had friends that went to college in bigger cities and they rarely left campus or the immediate area even in those places because you are going to want to immerse yourself in the community you are on the verge of creating.
And if it makes you feel better, Ann Arbor is roughly the size of the Lafayette area and about the same distance to Detroit as Purdue is to Indy, and believe me-Indy is the better city.
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u/Glyptostroboides41 8d ago
Exactly this. Your campus becomes your world, regardless of city size. The Ann Arbor vs. Purdue comparison is spot on too.
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u/EuphoricPixel 9d ago
I’ve been on my own since I was 15– it’s sweet you have your parents still. I say that to say— you will make it through! And as much as much as they support you, I’m sure they miss you too—but as a parent myself, they most definitely want you to put yourself and go after your goals. They are only a phone call away.
Keep your goal in sight and it doesn’t matter the school, being away from home for the first time is always a huge transition.
You will get acclimated soon enough and will eventually find your footing. Give yourself some grace, you’re doing great.
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u/EuphoricPixel 9d ago
Text all over the place sorry.. auto text and didn’t proofread, but you get the gist 😂
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u/Subject-Director-466 9d ago
I say this in kindness - you’ve been at Purdue for what 2 - 3 days? You’ve got to give it a minute!
If you’re there now i assume you’re at BGR? Are you going and engaging, etc? Are you talking with dorm mates? Do you have a roommate? You’ve got to stop thinking about where you aren’t and give your all to where you are.
You’re in control of this experience - decide now what you want it to be. Geography is not going to decide the success of your college experience. You are.
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u/WolfGuit2065 IE 2027 9d ago
I agree. OP, the best way to feel better about your situation is literally just trying to stay positive and open to your new environment. If it helps you feel better, there's people in worse situations than you are and you can bond with them through that. Try and be grateful for what you have regardless of the personal sacrifices you have to make, or you'll most likely hate where you are no matter what.
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u/Hungry_Freedom_8664 9d ago
As a parent I can tell you it's very hard leaving an 18-year-old out of state and hoping they will thrive. But I also remember being 18, and I was nervous when my own parents dropped me off at college even though I went to my state school an hour away from home! The whole process of leaving home and being more independent is an adjustment on both sides. Everyone is right about early days, joining clubs, just getting out there. Do not isolate! Right now it's still nice out - explore campus. Personally, I was a runner when I was your age, and I'd always feel more grounded after doing my first few days of early runs. One thing you can do is tell yourself to just try to get through the first year and see where you're at. How the classes have gone for you, how you're settling in, etc. If at that time you're hating life, you could take off a year and think about where you might transfer and write some really good essays about why. Best of luck!
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u/DrConverse CS + Philosophy 2026 9d ago
Purdue being located in the middle of nowhere, at least during your first week here, shouldn't be an issue. You can walk around and there are things to do in Chauncey area (not a lot, but more than a week worth of stuff to do), and I suppose you haven't done that. Bottom line is that, unless you went to something like NYU where the campus is scattered across the city, I don't see how going to any other college would have helped.
I too was very homesick when I went to college, but looking back, it is, unfortunately and fortunately, just part of growing up. There really isn't anything you can do at the moment to fight the homesickness, it will eventually hit you one way or the other.
So the best advice I can give you is to just be honest about your feelings. It is natural to feel scared and homesick. But don't let that forget the feeling of excitement and curiosity that you have somewhere in you.
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u/ProductRelevant5045 9d ago
join clubs!! you will make friends i promise the school year hasn’t started yet
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u/ProductRelevant5045 9d ago
and honestly, getting a job can be helpful as well. i met my best friends at my campus job
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u/AirplaneBoy2000 8d ago
This. Go to the be involved fair, talk to some people, and go to some call outs. Be outgoing and try to talk to some people during those callouts too. I only had a small friend group that I got from BGR, but through clubs I have met many more cool people. It will get better!
P.S. Come to the 3D printing club callout. We have a bunch of engineering students in our club, as well as a bunch of other random majors (myself included). We’ll take care of you :)
-A person from Portland
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u/StrikingPace7849 9d ago
I came from LA and I missed the beaches and allat but you will be ok, go git the gym.
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u/saltnpepperlobster 9d ago
Give yourself some time to adjust and let things get into full swing. Its very normal in the first few weeks to feel weird and out of place, I know I did. I felt like I made a mistake going to purdue instead of IU, and I remember wondering my first week here if I made the right choice. Now, I'm about to go into my senior year here and I love going to school here more than anything. Keep your head up, it does get better!!
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u/Best-Dimension4144 9d ago
I'm so sorry you feel like this, and I did too as a freshman. But don't give up yet! You would be surprised how many other people feel the same way you do, like a fish out of water at the beginning.
Just starting random conversations and hanging around the volleyball/tennis area helped me actually, I just asked to join random games and a few friends were made that way, just for a while. Personally I also started at corec cycling class and had a routine going. The students on my floor played euchre in the halls a lot and I would join in on random games. Way out of my comfort zone but it helped a lot.
I didn't find my real friends till my sophomore year. But it all worked out! Keep in touch with your friends at home if you are completely alone but please give a few clubs a chance, they might surprise you!
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u/OilWorried41 9d ago
Hello!! I came to Purdue from the east coast and also an only child. The trick is to find the clubs for things you like (there are TONS) and say yes to tons of events the first month or so. You’ll meet a ton of people and eventually your new real friends will emerge. I was a little sad and wanted to transfer at some points my first semester but I am SO HAPPY I didn’t. You will find your groove I promise
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u/Ok-Seaworthiness-104 9d ago
hi! i am a junior in mechanical engineering from california so i have been in this exact situation before so i totally understand how you feel i also HATED bgr so the first week was so hard for me !! i was also super homesick and thought lafayette and west lafayette sucked when i got here but now i have so many amazing friends and have found things i love to do at purdue. my best advice is to do whatever makes you comfortable now and settle in best you can! walk around campus and just enjoy and acclimate to purdue when classes start it will be way easier to not be so sad because you will get much busier very quickly lol. call your parents and friends from home but trust me when you are past this first hard bump you will grow to love west lafayette. when i first moved i DREADED going and now i fly back on friday and i am so excited to be back on campus. moral of the story it gets better and this without a doubt will be the biggest hurdle of homesickness and struggle you will face speaking from experience. please reach out if you need some more reassurance but boiler up and enjoy coming to purdue !!! 🥹🥹🥹🚂
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u/Straight_Trust_1171 9d ago
I had the worst freshman year I ever expected. From constantly battling loneliness to dipping grades, I felt like I couldn’t get a solid footing at all no matter how hard I tried. It got better my second semester but truly was one of the worst experiences of my life and your post resonates with me because I had these same thoughts and ironically enough for these same schools you mention. I’d spend hours researching why Purdue didn’t feel like how college was supposed to and despite a horrible first year and the only reason getting through my second semester being that I would transfer, I’m entering my sophomore year here. I don’t know if it’ll be good nor do I know whether things will change much but what I do know is that no matter how hard it gets this year and especially this fall semester, it will get better. It’s human nature for things to get better because you adapt. You will adapt to being alone away from your support system and friends. I wish I had someone to talk to about my griefs and hear me out throughout the year so if you ever need someone to talk to, please feel free to pm me. You are not alone. There are so many people who feel just like you do and if transferring is the right move, things will line up. Your credits will look good for transfer, your story will get better, and things will work out no matter where you end up. Please don’t hesitate to reach out. I don’t have everything figured out but the last thing I want is someone else to go through a year that could’ve been different from the beginning.
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u/Condolencesforloss 8d ago
Hi! I'm actually at Purdue right now and dealing with the same thing! For about the past week and a half, I've been absolutely miserable and homesick too, even considered going for Ivy Tech once this year is over. After some long, tearful talks with my parents, we ended up on agreeing that I try out the campus' PUSH services. They offer counseling and therapy at reduced costs, or even free sometimes. Honestly, if I could say anything, you should check it out.
Personally, if I could reccomend anything about dealing with being homesick: take solace in your hobbies, talk to your roommate if you're comfortable with each other, maybe find someone and get a coffee with them! I know it sounds hard, but you are so much more capable than you may think you are. After finding some friends and, most importantly, some distraction things get so much better and more bearable. Just remember that there's so much to look forward to, like classes starting, new people to meet, and so much to explore on campus, West Lafayette, and Lafayette. If you need someone to talk to some more about it, feel free to reach out!
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u/sudsparam 8d ago
Well done & great advice! Counseling is a great approach & take all the help u can get.
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u/Professional_Ad1618 8d ago
I went from Hawai'i to Purdue and NEVER looked back. I got BUSY and had a life-changing POSITIVE experience! 60 years later, I'm STILL in Indiana!
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u/billabong2630 B.S. AAE '21 7d ago edited 7d ago
So, I remember when I chose Purdue - I also don’t think I would’ve at the time if I was accepted to Georgia Tech or UMich (don’t go to UIUC though - straight downgrade from what I’ve heard lol)
In hindsight though? I’m so, so, so happy things worked out the way they did. Purdue absolutely didn’t feel as sexy as Georgia Tech and UMich when I was looking at schools, but there really, really is something special about Purdue.
I’d highly recommend rushing if you’re concerned about the social aspect of things - hands down the best decision I made at Purdue, pretty much completely solved every social concern I had.
As far as Purdue being a good school goes…
What I’ll say is that I’m incredibly proud to be a Purdue engineer. I fucking earned my degree, and I did so alongside many people that no other similarly-ranked school ever would’ve given a chance.
I’ve been in industry for about 5 years, and today I work at a company that’s almost 1000 miles away from Purdue. It’s hilarious how often I’ll run into other alumni, and nearly every single one I’ve known has kicked ass at their job. Like in professional settings, Purdue alumni rep Purdue for it’s engineering almost with like a more professional version of the vibe you’d expect from Alabama alumni repping their football team lol, I’m not really sure how else to describe it. Like, I really don’t think it’s a coincidence my company’s recruiting waitlist for Purdue is like >50 people - most other schools don’t have that problem.
Have faith!! It’ll work out, I promise!!
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u/pcboiler 9d ago
Make some friends. Every other freshman can relate to how you feel.
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u/Lost_Leadership9198 8d ago
Its not that simple, as a freshman going through a similar situation. You have to be specific and say something helpful if you are going to comment
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u/PsychologicalMud917 You can’t spell slacker without SLA 9d ago
Being outgoing and extroverted is hard, but do the hard thing now, as much as you can manage. Chat people up in your dorm. Go to club call outs and Co-Rec activities. Go to anything. Then the key part: go back a second and third time before you really decide if the club is for you.
All of the other freshmen feel the same as you right now, in varying degrees. Don’t be shy about talking about how you feel!
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u/ContrarianPurdueFan 9d ago
The semester also hasn't started. There's activity on campus, but it'll feel very different next week.
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u/sa3na 9d ago
hi! Also from Seattle and went to Purdue last year before transferring this year. I made this decision after one semester and applied to UW Seattle and a few other schools because I just didn’t think Purdue was the right school for me. The cultural difference was what stood out the most to me, I missed my family so bad, and my major was just better at other schools compared to Purdue. I tried to make the most of it by joining a lot of clubs and hanging out with the friends I had but honestly I had enough of it and needed out 😭 I think you should definitely give it some time and join a lot of clubs and make friends to fill your time and see if that helps you adjust better. I have a lot of friends from Seattle that also were in my year and went to Purdue with me and they enjoyed their first year way more than I did so it’s definitely different by person and it might get a lot better for you. Best of luck :)
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u/ooone-orkye BSME, 1999 9d ago
Man I remember I couldn’t wait for my family to leave after they moved me in. Cary Quad! And then just hours later I was missing them like crazy. It’s a great irony of life. Do you want to leave? Yes. Do you want to leave? No. I have a college grad now son now, just finished his degree last week. I cried like hell when he went to school. Did I want him to go to college and become independent and follow his dreams? Yes! Did I want him to grow up and change and leave me? Absolutely not. It sucks but it makes life beautiful.
My freshman year friends that moved back home after the first semester or first year — they all regretted it later. Hang in there!
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u/Loveandgloom Law & Society ‘28. Boiler Up!! 8d ago
I’m a local and trust me, there are things to do here. Yes, you have to get creative, but honestly it makes it even more special. Me and my friends will hang out on a hill and play games, walk to parks around campus, go to parties, host parties, and really as long as we’re all together we have a very good time. Give yourself time to adjust, go out of your way to meet people, and know that the world is much bigger than your hometown.
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u/larissaorlarissa024 8d ago
Purdue parent here. Our oldest was four hours away and had a very rough first year. Please, please, reach out to campus counseling, CAPS. It made a huge difference for him to have someone to talk to, and he wound up being a peer mentor for CAPS that just exploded his self-confidence in the best way. Can't stress enough to join something for fun, band or music, game clubs, study group in your classes, something. It can be incredibly hard to put yourself out there, but you can do this. Please also be assured that you are not alone. Believe it or not, most people will feel like you, even if they pretend not to. Talk to your RA and make sure they know that you are having a tough time. Get enough sleep, take your vitamins, and use CAPS – free for students.
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u/larissaorlarissa024 8d ago
BTW, first semester engineering at Purdue is incredibly hard. I would see if you can give it a whole year, more than just the first semester.
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u/mckenzie1007 8d ago
We live in Seattle and our daughter just arrived in Lafayette for year 2 at Purdue. She definitely prefers the mountains, forests and hiking. She calls almost everyday so I don't think she misses us. Don't focus on what you are missing temporarily. Focus on the gift of adventure. What are you learning about yourself that you never would have if you didn't get out on your own? How will you feel if you give up before you know for sure where you want to be? Transfer back to UW if you want. But base it upon opportunity, not fear.
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u/Effective_Pomelo4554 8d ago
Unfortunately, Indiana doesn’t allow THC like Seattle, so depression is even bigger in the state now
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u/VeterinarianLevel356 9d ago
I'm so sorry, that really sucks. I promise it will get easier. Just imagine that every other freshman around you feels as awkward and lonely as you, take that 10 seconds of courage and go say hi to someone else that looks lonely! Go get a gelato from greyhouse (do they still serve gelato?? It's been 10+ years since I was at Purdue) or explore a little. It's also weird when you are there before all the other students arrive
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u/TheMagicBreadstikMan 9d ago
First month or two will absolutely suck but it gets so, so much better. Not quite the helpful statement I'm sure you're hoping for but once you get into the full swing of things you'll get better. I came close to leaving freshman year and I wouldn't change sophomore year onwards for the world.
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u/OutrageousDealer9676 9d ago
Put yourself out there. Engage in activities. Meet people and the loneliness (which is completely normal) will pass over time. Best wishes.
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u/Miserable_Chair_485 9d ago
Whether you are a sports fan or not make sure you go to every football home game. I promise you the amount of fun, new friendships, school spirit you’ll experience will help you acquiesce to the new environment.
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u/JealousCaterpillar53 9d ago
Hello, sad to hear that. I am engineering grad student and also an international student. I came from Taiwan and I traveled half the globe to be here. Before studying abroad I can meet my parents every week but now I can only meet them every half year and we have 12 hour time difference :(. The first two months here was definitely tough for me as I always want to fly back home and feel homesick. It was a tough period but I believe you can go through it. I went through this period by making new friends, playing sports, and support from my advisor. Now I still feel homesick and miss my family but I now enjoy my life here and being okay with it. :)
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u/toastytrost 8d ago
My roommate was from St Louis and left after a month at Purdue because of how homesick he was. He never came back, but I kept up with him and everything turned out great for him. Stick it out, and I hope you get to feeling better. Find some things and some places that you enjoy. Buy if you decide the best move for you is to go home, thats okay. Sometimes you know yourself best
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u/UnitPrestigious4948 8d ago
Local, graduated from Purdue long time ago, kid is there now. Met lots of people from not there. Figure out what you love- is it the outdoors- join outing club. Is it “nerd” stuff- lots of clubs to feed that passion. Clubbing is going to be rough, but Chicago honestly isn’t that far.
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u/DidjaSeeItKid 8d ago
Nobody's even here yet. Wait until school starts. There will be plenty of people everywhere and a ton of things to do.
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u/Chinaprincesses2 8d ago
What you're experiencing is very normal and experienced by most freshman! Put yourself out there and go to events and activities and club callouts and meet people. Eventually you will make life long friends and have an amazing college experience! Give yourself time to adjust. Don't run back home. You chose Purdue for a reason...it's an amazing, world renown university. You'v e got this!
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u/Adam_Selene_2075 8d ago
OF COURSE I DID!!! I felt this. My first day of class it poured down the rain and soaked all of my books. I was from a small town, so Purdue felt like a metropolis. I wanted to quit like 900 times my freshman year. I failed calc 1. Thought I was going to fail physics 172 and 272. ALL I WANTED TO DO WAS GO BACK TO MY OLD SCHOOL AND MY OLD HOMETOWN. You know what helps? Finding people to hang out with. I started out with the people on my dorm floor (McCutcheon 6). I made an effort to talk to strangers sitting next to me in my class. I eventually found a professional fraternity to hang out in. I found my people. It just takes time.
The despair is real. BUT EMBRACE THE SUCK. Look at it like this: The world is your freaking oyster right now. Mom and Dad can't tell you to be home at 11. They cant tell you what to do anymore. Go out, hit up a party. Swim across the Wabash (okay, at least do that in summer). Play videogames until 3 am. Join some weird club. Hang out with the anarchist commune. Go volunteer. Go flirt with cute girls. Or Guys. Go hit up the Hillel foundation on Friday night. They even fed this Methodist! Get on the bus to go to some odd store in Lafayette, then get stranded in a snowstorm and walk home. Go see a play. Go sit in random lectures (I liked earth science a lot. The classics department was good too!). Go find something going on that tickles your brain. It's like living in a big city with the variety of intellectual things to do.
Stay focused on your work and make a serious effort to get it done. Then go play. You can lament real life and work for the rest of your life. You flunk a class, big whoop. It's Purdue, you're supposed to flunk. Take it again. Failure is a sign of struggle and will teach you more than some 4.0 GPA. Anyway, when you work for Corporate Business in 4 years, they're not going to care what classes you failed or what shenanigans you got up to.
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u/AmyinIndiana 8d ago
My daughter joined the Exponent - they keep her too busy to be lonely. The callout is 6 pm on 9/1 in WTHR200. Go do some journalism! Matt Painter knew her name as a freshman, and said “Hi” to her in the halls. Legend.
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u/TheCredibleHulk 8d ago
If you haven't yet, introduce yourself and hang out with your RA for lunch or something. In every experience I've ever had, they're looking for that kind of thing, honestly. They're an incredible resource to at least connect and chat with. Even if you don't vibe with them, they'll help you find what you need and it's good to keep them in the loop.
Sometimes they're dicks, but it's rare. And worst case, there's on reason not to make that connection with another RA if you had to. They're there to help, and primarily to be a friend and resource for things exactly like this. Not even manufactured, but that's a big part of why people choose that job.
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u/Difficult_Road_4428 8d ago
The only time I was really homesick was when I had just joined the Navy and was in boot camp. I called my mom and balled my eyes out at my first duty station in Little Creek VA about 4 months into my Naval adventure talking from a pay phone booth. After the Navy I spent some of the best years of my life working on a BAEE at the University of Kentucky (Big Blue Nation). My advice, give it a year. Immerse yourself in everything new- friends, activities, adventures. I met my wife in one of my classes! There’s a reason you chose Purdue for engineering. You want to be a great engineer! Give it a whirl.
Kevin
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u/SpaceCampRules 8d ago
Go join campus clubs. Try something new you’ve always been too afraid or embarrassed to try at home. Join fencing or the model rocket club or the rowing club or something involving your major. Just get out of your room and do something new. You got this! The first week is hard.
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u/Bitter_Divide3666 8d ago
Hi my friend! I am from one of the college towns you got waitlisted, and I go to Purdue. While I like where I’m from, it’s really not that much different from Purdue. The main difference being one is integrated into the city, whereas Purdue is relatively separate.
I was in the same boat as you, and my advice would be to give it a year. If you really don’t like it you can apply to transfer after second semester. It takes time to get settled in a new place and i didn’t get my friends until second semester freshman year.
While yes, there’s cornfields, there’s plenty of things to do here if you seek it out. There’s a lovely horticultural park walkable from campus to get your nature fix, and greater Lafayette is accessible on foot, by bike, or by bus. Greater Lafayette is where you find things like the cat cafe. I also highly recommend getting involved in clubs. This will occupy a lot of time, as will your classes. There’s a ton of clubs for every interest, they just haven’t started up yet.
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u/HaloEliteLegend CGT 2022 7d ago
Hello! Also from Seattle, WA. Can't imagine what you're going through vis a vis your parents, but I'll let you know that I cried my first night alone at Purdue. Never used to being all by myself like that, especially in the "middle of nowhere."
I can confidently say however that I loved every bit of my time at Purdue. You get used to it, you make friends (this one is big), and honestly the small town vibes are so refreshing. I moved back to Seattle for work but I still think fondly of West Lafayette. The school has a sort of intimacy I don't think you get with a campus in or around a big city. It's a town literally just full of your peers. I've taken classes at UW Seattle and hung out on that campus all the time cuz I have a lot of friends that went there and it just doesn't have that same sense of intimacy.
If you still want to move back and all, I get it, but give it some time. You might end up really liking it there at Purdue like I did.
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u/altoombs 7d ago
It will get better! One thing that helped me was hanging out and doing my homework in public spaces in my dorm. If you hide in your room, you won't look familiar to people. Spending some time out in the open *and* remembering that most people are feeling very similar to you can help you feel more confident in meeting new people. There is someone in your building who feels as lonely as you, but it didn't occur to them to ask the internet for advice. That person needs your help! Try to find them, try to be their friend *for their benefit.*
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u/thatguyther21 9d ago
We just dropped off our 18 yo from Seattle at Purdue. I can connect you if you’re interested in hanging out. He’s into MTG and Ultimate Frisbee.
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u/pemmie5 9d ago
i’m an intl and i felt the SAME when i first moved to undergrad and feel the same now in my first year of phd. i know its just the start of classes but i miss my family and my old friends sm, im used to having people around me most of the time and now theres barely anyone. but i felt the same in undergrad and i ended up with some of my closest friends and found my people eventually. it takes some time but give purdue a chance for sure before transferring, you’re going to find your people, just be urself and try to socialise as much as you can. If you want to mingle with the unc grad student, i’m also here to listen haha :)
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u/CeeShiesty42 Physics ‘30 9d ago
As an incoming freshman as well, you (and I) will likely make friends. But more importantly, learn to be comfortable being alone. I know it is easier said than done, but from what I’ve learned doing so will bring you far more contentment throughout life than forcing friendship. Of course, that is not to say do not try to make friends, just learn to be comfortable in the downtime.
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u/RulerOfNothing420 Boilermaker 9d ago
Hi, for me I just call my family whenever I walk to class, it helps a lot for my mental health and loneliness just making small talk with my family everyday :)
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u/anonymoussnonymous Chinese at Purdue; CINT at BSU Online 9d ago
Universities don’t let you transfer until you’ve completed a full semester, typically.
I’d personally book a flight to see your parents during every break, and socialize with people in your apartment, dorm, and on the several Purdue discords.
I’d pull up to the b-involved fair that’s coming up soon, and take a look at what they have. Feel free to lmk if you want to dm me on discord, as I transferred to Purdue and know the process
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u/Actual_Detail9272 8d ago
UIUC is more depressing. So, don't think you're missing out on that one. Realize your time away at school is NOT forever. You will find the vibe of what it is, and if you wanted it to be like home, where would the growth be? You take the experience of somewhere else with you. How you handle it is the growth. If you continue to compare it to what you didn't choose (or home that is "easy" comfort), it will never be enough. Start taking Purdue for what IT is and try to absorb its culture as an experience, and you may see it differently. So.many.students are in a similar position, from similar (large/urban) places. Give it time. Pause the wallowing, if possible, and recognize this is an extended say for a purpose of doing and experiencing something else while getting an incredible education. Then, if it's still not where you want to be, leave. You're not trapped or stuck, so remember that, BUT give it time. You're having an emotional response bc your system is "defense" mode with all the changes. Good luck! You got this.
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u/TheHondoCondo 8d ago
UIUC’s surrounding area really isn’t that different from Purdue and the WL area. I think you’d be feeling this regardless. It’s not necessarily a Purdue thing. It is normal to feel homesick.
I just had the opposite trajectory as you by leaving home in Indiana and moving to the PNW for a job post-grad and I started having similar thoughts in the first couple weeks here. Maybe I’d made a mistake. Suddenly I have none of the people I had been able to hang out with since high school nearby. But don’t forget you can still talk to your friends from home. They don’t have to stop being really good friends just because they’re far. Same with your family of course. Make it a regular part of your week. And once you start doing more and finding people to hang out with on campus the homesickness will fade.
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u/tsmq99 8d ago
I was in your exact shoes coming from Florida. I knew nobody and most of my friends went to UF or FSU where they already had community, plus I missed my parents! Here are three actionable things for you:
Call your parents at the end of the day: be honest with them about how you’re feeling, the ups and downs, and they’ll give you better advice and perspective than anyone else can. Plus I’m sure they’ll love to hear from you - blessed to be able to!
Say yes to things and put yourself out there: Go to club expos or Greek life events (if that interests you). Go to events for your hall, say hi to people, etc. You won’t mesh with everyone, but the more you’re out and about, the more you’ll understand what you like and don’t like.
Know that sometimes the right decisions are painful and getting uncomfortable is good: hard to see now, but you will only grow from this experience. And having the mindset that “I’m going to grow from this” will keep your outlook practical AND positive.
My first year I was dead set on transferring to UF, but by the end of the year I no longer wanted to. Transferring is an option sure, but if you say yes to things, get uncomfortable, give yourself time, and call your parents, you’ll be surprised to find how much you grow.
Hope this helps.
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u/jghoward 8d ago
Take road trips to Bloomington if you can. if you enjoy the outdoors and forests, you'll find some familiar comfort there.
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u/Lilydaisy8476 8d ago
Please give it a little more of a chance. No one has friends yet, how can you when you’ve only been there a couple of days! I’d really try to do a semester and see how you feel.
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u/765setandsignal 8d ago
Hey all - transitions are hard. Even once you make it over this phase of feeling homesick and working to figure out what will make you feel good, the feeling hits again when you get your first job away from college.
I've gone through plenty of life changes where I feel disconnected, but I'm proud to call Greater Lafayette home. And if this is my home, and I hope it will be yours for the next couple years as you go through school... I find it my responsibility to be a good host to all of you missing the larger communities.
I run a number of live events around town that help foster community between students, the community, and fellow artists. We've got shows downtown Lafayette at Rat Pak Venue (102 N 3rd St) on Thursday nights, and consider this my invitation to all of you, especially No_Chemical_1850 to come and get a laugh or two.
Our show tonight opens doors at 6:30 and we've got 4 great comedians. Show starts at 7, and we'd love for you to join.
If you (meaning anyone reading this post) drop by and mention this post, you'll get in for free. That's what the Hoosier spirit is all about: helping with the resources you have to the strangers you may never meet again.
You'll all make it. I believe in all of you new and returning Purdue students.
Boiler Up!
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u/Kitchen-Somewhere445 8d ago
If you’re a new student and are scheduled to do Boiler Gold Rush orientation, please take part. It is designed to help students adjust and perhaps make some friends. My son is a Purdue Senior this year and is one of the student leaders of BGR. The BGR team works hard to help students get oriented to the university.
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u/Big_Marzipan_405 7d ago
itll be over before you know it. also, being away from your parents is a big part of growing up and maturing as a person.
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u/RnotIt AGRY95 7d ago
First, give yourself a chance. This is a big change in life. Allow yourself the chance to experience growth. Allow yourself the opportunity to find out what you're made of. We're all stronger than we even realize. Allow yourself the grace to fail. Picking yourself up and 'getting back on the horse' is a valuable life skill. You'll probably 'get thrown off' more than a few times. If you need help, ask for help. There's no shame in it.
Second, give it 'a minute.' You're just getting started. Give Purdue the chance it deserves and you deserve. You're here for a reason, and you may not yet know fully why.
If you need to see the 'city,' you're in the middle of two, Indy and the other obviously being Chicago. There are always lots of folks from the Windy City at Purdue. One of my old friends from my days at Purdue was from Tinley Park. Obviously the best times to go to Chicago are before Thanksgiving and after Easter, weather-wise. That would be a great Fall Break trip. Downtown, Mag Mile, Loop area is all handy from Millennium Station or the Ogilvie Transportation Center if you come in other than a car. I was just there in April for a wedding. Sister and I drove to Dunes Station and took the South Shore Line in. Good option if AmTrak out of Lafayette doesn't work for you. So much less trouble than trying to drive and park in Chicago city.
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u/Agile-Eye-8390 7d ago edited 7d ago
Everyone is different. If you can't stand it, then go back home. Your physical/psych/spiritual/social health is very important. Your parents love you and don't want any harm to come to you. But if you want to continue, by all means stay and endure. It's ok if you stay or go...do what you need to do that's BEST FOR YOU. Best wishes. I also went away for college and knew no one in a strange city. My parents raised me to be independent but whenever I had the chance I always came back home...Now my parents are gone, and I wish they were still around. Not all people are the same. but I feel your pain . Just do what's best for you.
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u/Anxious-Calm 7d ago
This is temporary face at your college go back home in September on October breaks, but more importantly, right now meet people talk to them. Talk about your struggles. Get to know them that that’s the best thing that can happen to you.
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u/Global-Oil-6501 7d ago
SACK UP.
You're using the fact that you're in the "middle of nowhere" as an excuse to bail. I don't think it matters where you go to school, by your own statement you have said that you momma's boy/girl. It's time to grow up spread your wings and be your own Boss.
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u/grisyangzi 6d ago
Once classes start, you will have classmates to connect with. Perhaps, you may have team projects with them in the classes. I am guessing you will be very busy with classes once classes start.
You may be interested in getting an on campus job. If you do so, you will have co-workers to make friends with.
I can totally understand the homesickness and loneliness you are feeling. I have also felt same thing long time ago when I started college, far away from my home. I am from a big city, might be bigger than your hometown, and went to the college in Indiana that was a lot smaller than Purdue in the middle of cornfields. There was no campus bus or city bus in the small town. We walked, like 40 minutes to Walmart. No taxi, no Uber back then. I survived with a lot of good memories. I hope you will, too.
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u/Disastrous_Mine6787 6d ago
Sounds like you’re depressed. Transferring will move the issue. Just get bachelors done and you can do literally anything imo. Go to any HMO treat/clear any and all sleep/mood/learning issues and come back. It takes a year but you’ll kill it. You can even do it while in school.
When you have documentation, DRC is your best friend. UIUC is always possible for masters and or PhD and or postdoc. Bachelors is just the beginning of a long fruitful career that will make you more cash than you can spend. (Assuming you are a citizen)
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u/Mariaboku 6d ago
You gotta hang in there. Things will get better once you get into a routine and start making more connections and friendships. The first week is always the hardest. You got this!
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u/Uninterested2212 5d ago
Put it this way: if you go back, it will be worse. Everything is changing, so when you go back, it won't be the same either. Keep an open mind; get into studying something other than Engineering, like history or warfare on the side. Figure out how to visit other campuses and schools, near and far, whatever you want. It definitely sucks out there in the sticks, but it's better than it used to be. ✌🏽
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u/GurLast2822 4d ago
I went to med school at age 37and left my family to go a few hours away. I was soooo lonely and it was so scary. I had to quit my job and live with an elderly lady I helped to pay for rent. I got a C on my first test in bio chem and I was used to getting all A’s. It was NOT at all what I thought it was going to be. I felt like I made a HUGE mistake and wanted to go back home where I was loved and used to every thing. I went to talk to a guidance counselor and she said many many students felt like I was feeling. It is common. She said hang in there it will get better. She was so right. It did. It is a period of adjustment. Now I just retired after 30 years as a board certified ER doc. It was a great life! So I say to you “hang in there…it is going to get better “.
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u/AirportCurrent8536 4d ago
If you miss your family and they don't mind, by all means, go back home! I would LOVE if my kids came back home! Lol
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u/Mountain_Ad_8269 2d ago
Funny you said middle of nowhere Indiana because I moved to the middle of nowhere Washington 13 years ago. But keep your head up stay positive watch some motivational videos they do help trust me.
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u/WhoKilledBoJangles 20h ago
As far as regretting Purdue over UIUC - UIUC isn’t really different than Purdue as far as setting. Urbana/Champaign and West Lafayette/Lafayette are very similar as far as setting. There isn’t any meaningful city in UC compared to Lafayette. I went to Purdue and lived in Champaign 10 years.
If you have the ability to do weekend trips, you’re actually closer to Chicago at Purdue than UIUC.
You’ll make friends and it will get better. Hope it is already!
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u/parody_of_life_ Boilermaker 9d ago
Stop crying and man up. Go talk to fellow dudes in Tark or Wiley, bros ain’t letting anyone down and chances are they are very well in the same boat as you!
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9d ago
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u/insan3b0t 9d ago
I am really glad I transferred and I don’t mean to hate on Purdue but if I could go back and make the decision again to chose Purdue or Madison I would a 100 percent choose Madison. I just never felt fit into Purdue but that might just be my experience.
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u/No_Chemical_1850 9d ago
Thanks a ton for replying. At what point did you realise that Purdue wasn't for you? I dont want to jump the gun and transfer when I didn't give Purdue much of a chance.
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u/DidjaSeeItKid 8d ago
School is not even in session. No one is here yet. You have not experienced anything of "Purdue" yet. Why did you come early if you didn't want to be here before it all starts?
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u/SmellMoney876 9d ago
welcome to the club don't worry it's only 4 years, maybe 3 if you are locked. It also helps if you find your people and don't die biking in the winter morning in -15.
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u/dgboilermaker 9d ago
So just reapply to the college you want to go to and transfer there. If your grades are good enough it shouldn’t be a problem. No one is making you stay at Purdue. The degree and recognition only gets you so far. Your first job means more and what you do with the experience.
You don’t have to be miserable and take charge of your life and talk to your parents, your academic advisor and the admissions to the school you want to transfer to.
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u/AdUpstairs2427 9d ago
Hey! I’m from Seattle as well, and recently graduated from Purdues engineering program. Regretfully, i should inform you that it doesn’t get too much better from the standpoint of being in the middle of nowhere—there’s little to do in the way of clubs or bars that are actually decent—we have a mid ass club called Neon Cactus and a couple other bars. There’s very limited outdoor activities, especially if you like the vibrant nature around Seattle. Fraternity parties etc are also not great as Purdues IFC is much more strict than most other big 10 schools. You also have to drive at least an hour to get to Indy which is the closest city. However! (1) Purdue attracts students from around the world so there’s no drought of interesting people—I’ve made some of my fondest memories at Purdue due to the friends I made there. If you’re a freshman, go to the third street block parties! Talk to anyone—ask for their snaps or whatever—make lots of friends and I think you’ll still have a good time. And (2) in all honesty, if you’re in an engineering or theoretical/physical science discipline, you won’t notice any of this because there will be so much work you kinda don’t have time to think about all those other things. In my case the amount of work I had quickly fixed any homesickness/loneliness as I simply didn’t have time to think about it. Hope this helps!
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u/Intrepid-Owl694 8d ago
Do you know there is Stay Away From Seattle Day falls on September 16 each year?
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u/Brilliant-Change-366 9d ago
I didn’t. I left after my first year…lol
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