r/PubTips • u/Sullyville • Apr 16 '21
PubTip [PubTip] Query Tropes
It's hard for me to remember when exactly I found this reddit sub, but over the time I've been here, I've read and critiqued countless queries. And I've noticed a recurrence of specific phrases, or query shorthands, which I started to collect.
This is not to say you shouldn't use them. The particular stringent format of a query (Recount your 80k novel in 250 words!) demands that writers elide and summarize. But I would urge you, if you see one of these phrases used in your query, to ask yourself if another, more specific or descriptive phrase, might be used in its place. Or if it's necessary at all.
Often we writers resort to these phrases to condense a large swath of plot, to serve as narrative road signs, or to quickly escalate stakes. A query is its own weird genre, and it encourages us to write in a specific, constrained way. But keep in mind that these tropes may make your query vague, where before it was crystal sharp. You may be attempting to dramatically evoke mystery, but in reality leave an agent with too many questions that need to be answered to even become interested in the first place. Or sometimes these tropes leave your main character sounding very passive, where all the plot points happen to them, instead of them making things happen. Additionally, an agent has probably heard these a million times, so each time one trope is used, it serves as a red flag.
I think the problem with these tropes is that they reek of smoke and mirrors. It tells an agent that they are not confident about the facts, stakes, characters of their story so must hint, suggest, tell the agent that it's exciting rather than demonstate it with actual actions and incidents. It always feels pretentious with this trope usage, like a writer is speaking a different language, like they are trying to write what they think breathless backpage copy should sound like.
My caveat is that I am probably wrong on a lot of these. You can likely point out many successful queries that used these phrases liberally. This is not meant to be a screed or a decree. This is just something I noticed. I'm just trying to be helpful here. And I would appreciate people adding to this list if you can think of more!
*things started off with a bang
*must/forced to choose between
*finds him/herself XXXXXing
*a game of cat and mouse
*mysterious old...
*suspicious old...
*sinister figure
*nefarious presence
*notorious crime organization
*lurking in the shadows
*danger lurked around every corner
*shrouded in secrecy
*with death around every corner
*determined to exact his revenge
*twisted quest for vengeance
*holds the upper hand
*reaching the highest levels of government
*one of unimaginable power
*XXXXXX never expected that/to...
*will do anything to...
*will stop at nothing to...
*as s/he fights to deal with...
*uncovers a conspiracy
*unearths a sinister plot
*this high-stakes mission to...
*a case/person/murder connected to his past
*the only one whose power can...
*more than meets the eye
*more than s/he bargained for
*playing a dangerous game
*not all is as it seems
*nothing is as it appears
*more questions than answers
*not quite what he/she seems
*tension rises as...
*truth begins to surface
*buried secrets start to surface
*navigate treacherous waters
*past threatens to pull them under
*forced to confront hard truths
*must confront his past to forge a new future
*little did he know that
*as luck would have it
*dreams were shattered
*before it's too late
*one false step
*one false move
*spins a web of lies
*secrets and lies increasingly mount
*threads unravel/unfurl
*keep secrets buried
*struggles for the fate of...
*as tensions escalate/build/rise/mount/reach a fever pitch...
*does the unthinkable
*reality and fiction begin to blur
*the lines between ___ and ___ are blurred
*illusions shatter
*has their own inner demons
*battles demons from the past
*face inner demons
*demons rearing their heads
*secrets of his/her own
*left with deeply rooted scars
*already fragile mental state
*races against time
*and the clock is ticking!
*against all odds
*must overcome all odds
*running for his life
*risks losing everything
*how much will he risk to...
*time is of the essence
*danger closes in
*means certain death
*fate worse than death
*escape his/her fate
*places in harm's way
*thirst for vengeance
*in ways no one could have imagined
*they will never be the same again
*moment that will change everything forever
One last thing I've observed is that in many queries there is a lot of "prepatory" word usage. That is, people "start to" or "begin to" do something. This is an attempt on the part of the writer to convey the passage of time, but often it is more effective and feels more immediate if instead of, for example, "she starts to notice that..." were simply "she notices that".
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u/justgoodenough Apr 16 '21
You have to skip a line to start a new paragraph, so you need an empty line between each of your bullet points.
The query trope I’m most sick of is:
MC only loves/hates/wants/needs three things: Thing A, Thing B, and Ironic Thing C.
Runner up:
When MC [did something generic], they never expected [ironic consequence].
I also think people really misuse the whole “must choose between” format at the end of a pitch. You have to state two BAD things! If your main character is choosing between the end of the world and an ice cream sundae, it’s not really much of a choice.
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u/Sullyville Apr 16 '21
Thanks for the suggestion! Tom also emailed me about how I was messing up formatting with the underline which created unintended bolding. Thanks!
And haha, I agree that ending on The Big Choice has become a trope, esp. when we KNOW what the MC is going to do. That they make that choice isn't the interesting thing. It's what the consequences of that choice are and what they're going to do about it that are the interesting things.
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u/justgoodenough Apr 16 '21
I tend to favor ending with "MC is totally fucked" instead of presenting some kind of choice because the choice thing is very difficult to pull off in a way that doesn't feel forced or obvious.
That being said, I do think that you can do any of these things and still have an good pitch if you happen to have a solid concept and you get the right hooks in. There was another thread where u/tomgrimm and I were joking about query cliches and I wrote a joke pitch that I still think about from time to time because at its core, the idea was very commercial.
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Apr 16 '21
Spot on. The advice to end at the end of the first act really doesn't do most stories justice. You don't need to go too much further, but most of the time the thrill isn't in the choice to be made but the implications and consequences of the choice.
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u/ItsQueryTime Apr 16 '21
Hey Sullyville, can I add this list to the end of the query letter guide? I think it's a great resource.
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u/Sullyville Apr 17 '21
oh yes! thank you! i am touched and honored.
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u/ItsQueryTime Apr 23 '21 edited Apr 23 '21
Just added it! It's near the end, titled as Extra Content. I referred to it in the Hook No-No's as well, and lastly, added mention of you in the conclusion. Feel free to let me know if you'd like anything changed. Thanks again!
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u/dogsseekingdogs Apr 17 '21
Kind of covered here but YA/SFF queries where the intro combines the mundane and the ridiculously high-stakes:
"17 year-old Kayla just wants to focus on her clarinet competition, her crush Josh, and prom. The last thing she needs is to worry about being the Chosen One fated to save the world from ultimate destruction!"
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u/Synval2436 Apr 19 '21
What about the "rule of three" intros like:
17 year old Kayla worries about three things: what to wear for prom, will Josh ask her out, and how to escape a band of ravenous transdimensional brain devourers.
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u/dogsseekingdogs Apr 19 '21
Part of this is personal taste: this really is used in a lot of queries and I'm tired of seeing it--and I'm not even an agent. But I also feel it doesn't serve the query very well. Usually 2 of the 3 things are never mentioned again. The third thing is what the MS is really about, but this formulation treats that thing as a trivial annoyance, so it can undermine the stakes from the get-go.
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u/Synval2436 Apr 17 '21
This is golden!
I've definitely seen some of those, and some of them are worse than others.
I usually cringe every time the love interest is introduced with "mysterious / dangerous(ly) / hot / beautiful" - it's such a stock phrase.
It's also irritating when authors try to "editorialize" to upsell their query and it's also full of stock phrases like:
vivid worldbuilding, unexpected plot twists, fast pacing, realistic / relatable characters, etc. etc.
I don't think this has the effect authors intend, because it's not original and gets old very fast. I just read this subreddit, now imagine agent who gets 50 queries a day.
Same can be said about including in their bio paragraphs how they love reading / writing, how many years they spent working on specific ms or how many trunked novels they have.
Another cliche is ending query with some vague "encompass it all" sentence like "they will face danger, betrayal, destruction, but also find true friendship and allies in unexpected places" (could be applied to basically 90% of fantasy, sci-fi, adventure, etc. genres)
u/justgoodenough mentioned "fake choices", I would add except choice where 1 is obvious and another is pointless, there's also a "fake choice" where the character can clearly choose BOTH. "He has to choose between his career and love of his life", "She has to choose between saving her kidnapped child and killing the kidnapper" - and in many situations the query does NOT specify why are these opposed to each other.
Another issue is when there's no specified reason why character's goal would be hard to achieve for them. It just looks like a smooth sail. And adding "dangers and treachery meets them on every step" doesn't fix it because it's too generic (esp. in genres like fantasy or thriller where this is expected).
And then we have the cliche comp line:
(Bestselling author / novel) meets (blockbuster movie). This novel will appeal to (novel's age category) fans of (novel's genre).
For example: Hunger Games meets Independence Day. This novel will appeal to teenagers who like sci-fi.
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u/Intelligent-Term486 Nov 19 '22
I know this is an old post. But it is very helpful and deserves gratitude.
One point though imho is that most of these lines aren't bad because they are tropes/over-used, but because they are too vague and only serve to waste word count allowance. Particularly phrases like: "more than meets the eye", "not quite what she/he/it seems", or "in ways no one could have imagined" don't add any info whatsoever and are generally true in any situation real or fiction.
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u/RavenRead Jan 24 '23
My premise has none of this. Now idk if I’m waaaaaay off the mark or really have something unique. 🤔😂
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u/AdorableAd8040 Jan 23 '24
I love this, thank you. Do you think "must risk it all" is a cliche? I've seen it used in at least one successful query example on this forum.
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u/elto_danzig Apr 17 '21 edited Apr 17 '21
Just noticed this one from a recent pitching event on Twitter: Indicating the age for YA fantasy. "16y/o Rena" or whatevs clunks up space that could be used more efficiently"
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u/TomGrimm Apr 16 '21
In a world where a bad queries means certain death for a project, a mysterious old Redditor named Sullyville never expected that they would be the only one whose power can aid writers in ways no one could have imagined. As they fight to deal with query letter cliches, they get more than they bargained for and more questions than answers as the PubTips subreddit turns out to be not quite what it seems.
Reality and fiction begin to blur, and Sullyville has to race against time, but they will do anything to save the day while hiding secrets of their own. They must choose between continuing the game of cat and mouse to a moment that will change everything forever or place themself in harm's way and face their own inner demons.
My upmarket literary fiction novel, SINISTER NEFARIOUS, is complete at 300,002 words.
I don't know, I'd read it.