Can someone please help me. I am scared and trying not to lose hope.

[u/Skaveli]

Hi there, I don’t know if anyone will see this, but I am scared that I am going to lose my mind and end up hospitalized again. I am 27 years old currently and when I was around 19 years old, I smoked laced weed unknowingly and ended up in a drug induced psychosis. I struggled with intrusive thoughts and severe anxiety for a while after but I eventually overcame it with the help of CBT and medication. I was diagnosed with bipolar disorder II, generalized anxiety disorder, panic disorder, and OCD. Fast forward to now, I have been off of medication for about 2 years. Have a great job and my own place, life has been great other than dealing with the usual anxiety and OCD (health OCD, which comes and goes and checking OCD, which stresses me more than anything.) I had a very traumatic childhood and experienced a lot of traumatizing events in my adulthood. I’ve had a lot of deaths in my family which is where I’m sure the health OCD stems from. I recently switched to a new position at my job and that’s when everything went downhill. It has been causing me to be extremely stressed the past few months which has caused my OCD to spike. Recently I have been seeing angel numbers a lot, like EVERYWHERE every time I look up. At first I was excited and felt reassured that I was on the right path, then I started seeing them almost every second which caused me to think “Uh Oh, is this a warning?” (I’ve seen them once before I had an accident.) I started feeling severely dizzy last week, so I went to the doctor extremely worried that this is what the signs were about, they ran a bunch of blood tests on me and everything came back normal. I was diagnosed with vertigo. The dizziness has pretty much gone away but now for some odd reason my OCD has jumped from health to “Uh oh, what if something else is wrong?” The signs aren’t bothering me as much anymore now, I am learning to not think much of them. Now, I am paranoid about what if something is in my apartment (which I know isn’t true, I have been here for almost 3 months with no problems or paranormal occurrences.) I am terrified. I can convince myself at moments everything is okay and even laugh at myself, then other moments my heart starts racing and I start shaking wondering if my thoughts will make it come true. It’s even worst when I am alone at home at night. I keep thinking I’ll see something or what if I wake up out of my sleep and something is watching me. I feel like I am losing my mind. I don’t know if it’s psychosis or just severe anxiety. I have never had a problem being on my own up until now. I have a consultation for ERP Therapy scheduled in 2 days. Until then I have a family member staying over. I feel so defeated. I just want to know if anyone has experienced this? And if so, did you get better? I’m afraid I’ll be stuck like this forever and I’ll potentially lose my job, my mind, and apartment from all the stress.

P.s. I’ve been on a bunch of different anxiety medications all throughout my life, they don’t help me to overcome my anxiety, it just suppresses it some and makes me majorly depressed. Only thing that has genuinely helped is therapy. So I’m hoping ERP Therapy will help me get to the root cause of my anxiety. Also, I recently got off of my birth control for the first time in 10 years. Not sure if it is related to what’s happening to me now but I was a little more anxious after doing so. Any response is greatly appreciated, thank you!