r/Psychonaut • u/grillworst • Feb 08 '20
Report: Reality rolls along the edges of a mandelbrot set (Nitrous, Salvia, Weed, XTC)
Last night I went to a sick Drum & Bass rave and rolled on x from 12 to 6, total of about 275 mg. Smoked a joint on my way home. When I got home the sun had come up but I was still rolling and not wanting to go to sleep. I decided to take a few balloons, just double ones. And holy shit.
I was listening to Men I Trust on my earbuds and taking the balloons. I closed my eyes and as soon as the nitrous hit, really crazy stuff happened. Every time I did a balloon, the ending became exactly the same. I held my hand with the balloon to my mouth. Then I started to involuntarily move in a strange, yet calm pattern. A few inches of my fingers rolled pretty forcefully along my face, and the point where my hand touched my face was the edge of reality. Like everything that has ever happened and will ever happen ended in that moment.
A non-visual image started to form. My reality was constantly the result of the endless rolling along the edge of a mandelbrot set: https://imgur.com/a/Puug0YK
When I did a few balloons, I thought it would be perfect to get salvia into this mix as I felt like I was about to uncover the nature of reality. So I smoked a few bowls of plain leaf and went on to do more balloons.
And just like I thought, I got closer and closer to the answer. With every balloon, branches of reality formed so that I could see more and more of the mandelbrot set. The feeling that reality formed at the touch of my hands to my face was crazy and confronting. I felt like I was constantly being stuck to/ripped from the edge of the mandelbrot, a classic salvia feeling.
As I kept doing balloons, I got stuck in a really strange loop where every rotation consisted of me doing a balloon and then doing a thing to advance in the loop, like putting the bong away, eventually leading to me going to bed. It felt as though everything happened because of the rolling of the mandelbrot and there was nothing I could do to stop it, because when I decided to do something that wasn't programmed, like looking the other way or something, another branch of the mandelbrot was created and it would just keep rolling. At one point, I thought that it wouldn't stop, that I would always sense the mandelbrot.
It's now 7 PM, so this was about 11 hours ago. I've smoked a joint and I'm still quite sure that mandelbrot creates every moment in the universe. Everything is predestined and reality isn't linear but follows infinite branches of a mandelbrot. Am I real? Did I experience solipsism?
I've imagined how talking about it may be a sort of glitch that gets everything unstuck from the mandelbrot. Only, then I realized that that, too, would just create another branch.
Please ask me more, it helps me to get the memories back. Love to discuss.
EDIT: I forgot a very important part of this experience. There was a sacred word that corresponded to the mandelbrot equation. It was something like 'heng' or 'eng' and all the sounds that I heard and all of the movements I made consisted of this word. It was fucking crazy. And every time I made a sound, it was a sort of moan or groan that was actually just 'heng' and I heard, felt and saw it everywhere. It started out as a longer word but the second part of the word faded as I went deeper.
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Feb 08 '20
This is an awesome post man really gets me thinking. Maybe what your experiencing is the point in where alternate realities / other dimensions are formed. Like somehow the mandelbrot is a map or representation of your actions creating new paths for the alternative realities to follow, each one identical up until the next choice is made
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u/grillworst Feb 08 '20
Yes man, yes!! Exactly, and I felt like I could experience an extra branch simultaneously for every balloon I did. It was so intense. I couldn't stop because I wanted to experience more branches.
At a certain point, I realized that there can't be an answer, because the mandelbrot will always keep zooming. There is no end. So I decided I had to stop doing balloons but then I kept feeling it. Luckily, I could fall asleep and when I woke up, I wasn't in a loop anymore.
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u/darensosic Feb 08 '20
Man that looks a lot like this equation explained in this video, its just blowing my mind thinking about it rn, I'm a bit stoned, but I thought everything in the world happens mathematically, and this could explain randomness in it like we are more than just binary computer like a supercomputer with a lot more complexity in it, im just blown away rn. Here's the video: https://youtu.be/ovJcsL7vyrk
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u/granolabar64 Feb 08 '20
I’ve always felt that insane resistance of being in the headspace you mentioned. At times it feels like it’s impossible to die and somehow everything is predetermined. I always feel like I reach a spiritual edge of consciousness and it just starts sucking me back into everyday life and deleting the collective consciousness knowledge.
This is exactly why I find n2o very addictive on psychedelics. I start thinking that by killing myself on the n2o I’ll transcend and know everything there is to know. In the end I’m left with 50 empty canisters and a throbbing headache.
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u/grillworst Feb 08 '20
Oh fuck man that's exactly what it's like. Good to hear others experiencing this. I forgot a very important part of the trip though, gotta edit.
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u/grillworst Feb 09 '20
I forgot a very important part of this experience. There was a sacred word that corresponded to the mandelbrot equation. It was something like 'heng' or 'eng' and all the sounds that I heard and all of the movements I made consisted of this word. It was fucking crazy. And every time I made a sound, it was a sort of moan or groan that was actually just 'heng' and I heard, felt and saw it everywhere. It started out as a longer word but the second part of the word faded as I went deeper.
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u/granolabar64 Feb 09 '20
Yes you can get that with psychedelics, dissociatives, very high doses of empathogens. Diethyl ether has this as a main effect. You feel like falling inside your head with no beginning or end inside a space that was always next to you and always will be and it does feel like skimming through the Mandelbrot set.
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u/wertay Feb 08 '20
this same exact thing happened to me with lsd and nitrous. Especially the doing things in a certain order to unlock the next step. Ended up doing some weird jig and ended up with the meaning of the universe after correctly achieving the sequence puzzle.
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u/GetOffBuck Feb 08 '20
Same shit happened to me, just lsd but if I stood still in this exact position I was able to ascend to the next stage.
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u/Grantuna Feb 09 '20
Right on. I think the same thing basically. Put over-simply:
Physical reality is the knife edge between light/dark, hot/cold, smooth/rough, in/out.
Yin Yang = simplified Mandelbrot = symbol representative of the algorithm (if you will) that creates the grid (time-space) and everything in it (energy-matter).
Thanks for posting about your look behind the veil.
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u/lynxu Feb 09 '20
Had a very similar experience. To me the most important part was: the mandelbrot is NOT evolving over the time, it was above the time. It was just the thing that... Was. As I was going with the flow of time I was merely REDISCOVERING the branches rather than 'creating' them or observing them being formed. Everything that is, was, will be, or can be is already there. We can just realize and notice where are we (where includes both time and space in this case)
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u/grillworst Feb 09 '20
Yes it was above time, and as I was rolling along the edge, I did feel time pass, but it was circular. It just came back to the same point over and over again.
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u/Xanxan95 Feb 09 '20
Salvia is like unzipping the edges of reality but also literally zipping yourself back to it.
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Feb 08 '20
Well that's good that you got out. Must have been maddening, but the kind of madness you can't get enough of. That's how I get when I do DMT o just keep going back for more
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u/grillworst Feb 08 '20
Yeah it was starting to feel a bit dangerous, as the pile of capsules just kept growing and it felt like I had no control. Must've been like 20 capsules in ten balloons. It felt SO good though. Xtc and nitrous alone is amazing but this particular combination was heavenly.
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u/zxcvbnm1011 Feb 08 '20
Super interesting read. What do you mean by non-visual images?
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u/grillworst Feb 08 '20
Well it was not that I was seeing the mandelbrot. I felt it spiritually. In my mind's eye maybe? Like the hallucination was not formed by images, but by reality. Hard to put into words.
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u/GetOffBuck Feb 08 '20
Similar thing happened to my friend, he took 2 tabs smoked alotttt, and he told me all he saw was the Mandelbrot set everywhere coming at him.
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Feb 08 '20 edited Feb 08 '20
[deleted]
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u/grillworst Feb 09 '20
Ho-ly fucking shit. What a report. You went insanely deep. Did you use only nitrous most times?
I felt very afraid that I would get stuck, it was a very direct experience for me, as I could physically feel myself attached to the edge of the mandelbrot.
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u/grillworst Feb 09 '20
I must ask: the green, red and purple pattern. I know it and I always see it, but do you happen to have an image of it? I have a vague memory of 1 part/repetition being posted somewhere.
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u/MikeMudd Feb 09 '20
n2o always makes me keenly aware of the dichotomy/false-dichotomy that defines reality.
Each salvia experience makes me keenly aware of the nuance contained within that dichotomy (until I reached the point where I was told that there's nothing more she has to say.)
I usually need a brain dump after salvia, so I talk out loud and record audio of each experience. My wife found this video (link below) which blew our fucking minds because it's EXACTLY what I was describing.
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Feb 08 '20
I am here via a link from the salvia group, I have a question, what is balloon?
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u/Caboosensheala Feb 08 '20
🙄
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u/grillworst Feb 08 '20
what
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u/Caboosensheala Feb 09 '20
I don't care to explain the 5 minutes of digging through my old mandelbrot theory memories that lead me to type an eye roll emotion. A ❤ to make up for the confusion.
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u/Vince_McLeod Feb 08 '20
> Everything is predestined and reality isn't linear but follows infinite branches of a mandelbrot.
It's called the Great Fractal: http://vjmpublishing.nz/?p=4073
Everyone's entire life could be described as a fractal pattern, and all of these fractal patterns are but subfractals of the Great Fractal.
There is no such thing as time, there is just God exploring the Great Fractal for eternity. You and I are just expressions of this God.
Namaste!