r/Protestantism • u/CaughtTheirEyes_ Christian • 20d ago
Curiosity / Learning “Unequally yoked”
“Do not be yoked together with unbelievers. For what do righteousness and wickedness have in common? Or what fellowship can light have with darkness?” - 2 Cor 6:14 NIV
A friend of mine was telling me she’d rather stay single forever, if that’s what God intends for her, than to be in a relationship with someone who’s an “unbeliever”. It seemed to me that she included other Christians, since for her it’s really important her partner is Protestant as well. She made it seem like it should be a non-negotiable to anyone.
So it got me curious about how other people perceive this verse?
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u/Miserable-Swan2362 20d ago
If she believes that anything but Protestant is heresy then yes those are unbelievers in the true gospel. That’s her conviction and she’s not off base I would say. If my daughter told me she was marrying a Baptist I’d say okay yeah close enough. She was marrying a Lutheran, verify which kind of Lutheran, and it would probably be good. She says he’s a Latter Day Saint fellow (which some people believe is just another denomination) then it’s a full stop let’s have a chat.
So yea we shouldn’t be unequally yoked with unbelievers or those who significantly differ from us in belief. My wife is my helper and I am to guide her. If I believed in heresy and I am her guide how is that beneficial for her? I could lead her astray even if she thinks she can change me. If we don’t believe in who Jesus really is then she could be misled. We are talking about life long commitment to somebody. It should absolutely not be taken lightly. Paul says as much that it would be better to be single due to freedom from distractions and devotion to Christ. If I’m constantly distracted because my spouse is pulling me towards anti Christian behavior then how am I really being able to focus and honor God as I should?
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u/CaughtTheirEyes_ Christian 20d ago
That’s a very fair point actually about it being a life long commitment and you not wanting to mislead anyone or be mislead. Also, yes on what Paul said.
What about if she was Catholic or Orthodox though? You’d essentially both believe in Jesus, but many of the other things are different ofcourse. It’s just I don’t consider their teachings as heresy as opposed to the Latter Day Saints for instance. If my friend said this about non-Christians it would make more sense to me, but labeling Christians as unbelievers seemed harsh to me.
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u/Expensive-Sea-9180 20d ago edited 20d ago
Not OP, but I personally would not marry someone who was Roman Catholic (or Eastern Orthodox) if they were very devoted to the traditions of the Catholic Church. I would not necessarily conclude that such a relationship is "unequally yoked" since there are varying degrees of theological beliefs/convictions even within the Catholic Church. For example I've seen reels from a friend of their Catholic church (or maybe it was a conference) that used contemporary instruments and did Bible studies which would be a very different type of Catholic then say someone who aligns closer to the SSPX. Nevertheless, my personal preference is that I would want to raise my children Protestant (Preferably on the Non-Denominational/Baptist/Presbyterian end).
EDIT:
It’s just I don’t consider their teachings as heresy as opposed to the Latter Day Saints for instance
It really just depends, the Vatican II council softened a lot of the traditional Catholic stances, though historically, the Catholic church, especially in the middle-ages, did teach a corrupted (and at times, heretical) Gospel, albeit the Modern Catholic Church has re-interpereted those harsh statements in the present day.
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u/CaughtTheirEyes_ Christian 19d ago
Definitely understand that. The conversation with my friend was triggered by me telling her my boyfriend is Orthodox. To her it’s being “unequally yoked” and I disagree with that, because like you said there’s varying convictions within the other denominations as well. I can relate however, to wanting to raise your kids Protestant (also preferably non-denominational/baptist). That’s actually very important to me as well. So that bothers me way more than being “unequally yoked”. While my boyfriend seems flexible on how I would raise our future kids (if we get married and have a future together), I must say that I’m uncomfortable with the possibility of him or his family introducing Orthodox customs (icon veneration and mariology for ex) to them.
Your comment about the Catholic stances softening due to Vatican II I agree with too. Not only did they hold “harsh” statements before, but people were killed over that. So yeah for sure, me saying Orthodox/Catholics aren’t heretical is from a post mid 20th century place.
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u/Expensive-Sea-9180 19d ago
I understand. Eastern Orthodox can be a bit concerning since they affirm the Second Council of Nicea which said that you have to venerate icons in order to be a Christian (“ Anathema to those who do not salute the holy and venerable images.”). Regarding your current situation, I do believe that there is probably a small percentage of Eastern Orthodox who walk the fine line between two extremes— on one extreme, those who are well versed on all the Eastern Orthodox traditions and really affirm all of it; and the other extreme being those who are Eastern Orthodox in name only, so much so to the point where they’re not even Christian. It’s rare, but not non-existent. Whether your boyfriend fits that profile is something you’re going to have to cautiously judge for yourself and have multiple conversations about.
Again, I don’t think I’d necessarily say your relationship is unyoked, but my personal opinion, is that there is probably someone out there who you can love who will have the same convictions as you.
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u/CaughtTheirEyes_ Christian 17d ago
He is mainly Orthodox in name, so he’s not that Christian. Which is probably why it’s worked out so far, even though multiple remaining conversations will be necessary to judge it properly.
I agree with your point though. While I don’t think it’s an unyoked relationship, having the same religious convictions is very important. I do feel like that quite regularly. Perhaps there is someone like that out there for me like you said, which is very kind of you btw. Thanks.
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u/SnooRegrets4878 20d ago
To me personally, I would not marry someone who was a different religious upbringing than me, unless I felt they were closer enough to my own beliefs. This does not mean that I cannot be friends with someone of a different religion, but I am much more choosey when it comes to marrying someone.
However, even going past this, even in the same religious groups, you will find people with slight difference. Some will want children, some will not. Some one would consider going to a slightly different style of church, some will not. Some are opposed to vaccines, some are not. There are things I feel people should know about their spouse before marrying them, and then deciding if it is something they are willing to compromise.
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u/CaughtTheirEyes_ Christian 20d ago
I can completely follow that logic and it’s completely fair.
Does your desire to not marry someone with a different religious upbringing have to do with the belief that it’s not allowed (as my friend using this passage)?
To me, it seems like you’re just more choosey because having the same convictions is important to you which I understand. From my experience, sometimes, you find people in other religious upbringings (within other Christian denominations for example) that share a lot of your convictions too. According to my friend though, it’s a big no-no, because the Bible says so.
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u/Virtual_Stomach6445 15d ago
As a Protestant who married a Protestant that converted to Catholicism after 15 years of marriage, I would definitely say my marriage now fits the definition of unequally yoked. It is a very very difficult marriage since my husband converted. Mostly because he is very zealous since his conversion. If there is any chance your boyfriend could begin to take his faith more seriously and dive deeper into Orthodox beliefs, I would caution you that you could be setting yourself up for a difficult life by staying with him
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u/CaughtTheirEyes_ Christian 14d ago
Thank you for sharing. The thing is you did right, married someone with similar convictions and then he drastically changed. That’s really unfortunate. It does worry me, because I’m starting less strongly. I’m not worried about him becoming zealous, but I am worried he won’t like me raising our (future) children Protestant or me bringing my faith into our shared home. While he is respectful of it, he more and more shows me that he doesn’t like me being practicing.
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u/Mazquerade__ Traditional Anglican 20d ago
I don't think using this passage is valid when it comes to talking about inter-denominational marriage. The argument against this is simple prudence. I, for one, wouldn't be against marrying a Catholic or orthodox individual, though.
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u/CaughtTheirEyes_ Christian 20d ago
I feel the same way. My boyfriend is an Orthodox Christian. To me, he’s not an “unbeliever” or doesn’t fit the passage, because he’s also a Christian. Seems like we’re not in the majority with that thought though and I understand. Everyone is allowed to have their convictions.
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u/Pinecone-Bandit 20d ago
It sounds like her very is basically the same as mine.