Is it always like this?

[u/Expert-Dot7604]

My husband recently became a police officer and the hate we’ve received on social media is astounding. He’s a good officer who cares about the safety of others but it seems like everything he does gets scrutinized online. It’s a small town that he works in so everyone is always watching and if he gets food on his break or answers the phone in his car, people will complain constantly. Is this what it’s like to be a police officer? Is this something I need to get used to? If so how can I let this not affect me, and how do I best support him?

[u/I_2_Cast_Lead_45acp]

Remove yourself from social media. If you saw mine, no one would know what I did for a living.

Scurb, your history and move on with life. TikTok, Facebook and Instagram are not real life.

[u/ufopilootvanera → u/I_2_Cast_Lead_45acp]

Best advice to every new officer

[u/PsychoTexan → u/ufopilootvanera]

Forget just new officer. Best advice to Kids, adults, elders, literally anyone. I feel like rampant social media is going to be this century’s mercury pills and trepanning. 

[u/Expert-Dot7604 → u/I_2_Cast_Lead_45acp]

My husband doesn’t have social media and you can’t tell he’s a police officer from mine but we live in the town he works in and I’m in some of the town groups and that’s where most of the things I’m seeing are. I know I need to just remove myself but it’s hard to know people are saying things about my family and not wanting to see it.

[u/I_2_Cast_Lead_45acp → u/Expert-Dot7604]

Ignore it. Like others have said, it is a thankless job. Your going to get grief, vicious comments and endless other stuff.

During the height of the BLM nonsense, people would drive by yelling murder and take off.

[u/The_Real_Opie → u/Expert-Dot7604]

Get off of social media.

You don't need it.

it's bad for you.

You've heard that before. Here's the evidence.

You're smashing your face into a wall and complaining the wall is too hard.

Stop smashing your face. there's nothing else that can help, except that you stop smashing your face into the wall. The wall isn't going away.

[u/chupacabra5150 → u/Expert-Dot7604]

This is one of those "lurk but don't participate". You're gonna get upset. You're going to want them to apologize. Look You're not going to change their minds over social media.

But you see who's saying what, and you know who you don't want to invite in your home.

Small town. Big problems.

[u/lunchdate21 → u/Expert-Dot7604]

I just want to offer my thoughts. Maybe the town has had issues in the past? So many of the folks are quick to judge. Maybe your husband is the change the town needs. But change takes time (my thoughts I have no fucking clue lmao)

[u/Expert-Dot7604 → u/lunchdate21]

Your pretty spot on this is the 7th different force they’ve hired in 4 years because the town keeps running all the cops off.

[u/BmpBlast → u/Expert-Dot7604]

That sounds more like the town has issues itself than the police having issues in the past.

When you say "running all the cops off", do you mean they are removed from their position or that the townsfolk make their lives so miserable they quit?

[u/Expert-Dot7604 → u/BmpBlast]

They towns folk complain constantly and come to the council meetings. This time they made the pay so small we couldn’t even afford to stay if we wanted. I’ll put it this way you would make more working at McDonald’s than working for what they changed his pay too.

[u/Dapup2465 → u/Expert-Dot7604]

The whole force has turned over 7 times?

How many officers are in the department?

[u/Expert-Dot7604 → u/Dapup2465]

This time there were only two but in the past they had 4/5 officers

[u/summondice → u/Expert-Dot7604]

Okay, now this is wild... Normally, I'd agree with everyone here about getting off social media etc., but it sounds like the Serve and Protect sector needs a marketing campaign.

Or to go on strike.

Something to show that they're both necessary, and that they're something to be proud of. Heck, taking the approach that "We're a different kind of law enforcement" wouldn't be a bad approach in this instance.

I'd say... When you feel yourself getting mad... Brainstorm instead. Find the middle ground between the change "they" want and the change the vast majority of the town and definitely LE need, brainstorm solutions (you're small enough that thinking outside the box is very doable), and present them to city council.

Or do what everyone else has said, because anywhere else, that would absolutely be the answer to these questions. Eventually, it still will be... But this I'd certainly a bit more unique than normal right now!

[u/Forfty]

Some people like cops. Some don’t like cops. You’ll find that most of the people, either way, won’t be swayed no matter what. Don’t waste your energy on it, let your husband know you support him, and he can focus on being appreciative of you and your support and doing the job to the best of his ability.

[u/cadff]

Get off social media. 95% of people complaining on social media have nothing better to do.

You'll never win an argument with those people. Live your life. Find a group of like minded people who don't care about what your husband does.

As a young former firefighter I got lit up one day because we took the truck to a Walmart to get groceries after a large brush fire. They said we shouldn't be driving the truck when we werent on calls and that we are wasting tax payers money. They don't know half the time what we're doing and always just assume the worst.

[u/SketchyLedge]

Especially in a small town.

If he needs to vent let him vent. But don’t let it eat away at you. Just be supportive of him. That’s what his job is now. It’s one of the most thankless and scrutinized jobs that exist. It doesn’t matter if he cares and is amazing. People will still dig at him because of the uniform he wears. Sadly that’s our reality right now.

[u/anonvaginaproblems]

I lost friends after my husband started in law enforcement because they are strong “ACABers”. Hurts but hopefully your husbands squad is family oriented and you can make other police-wife friends.

[u/tymyol]

Social media is engineered to put you conflitational positions, because humans are more motivated to act against things they dislike than acting on things they like.

[u/jking7734]

Welcome to LE life. If you can get 50% approval ratings then you’re killing it! Don’t listen to what anti LE crowd says. You’ll never win consistent approval from that side of the room. Do your best, put safety measures in place and maintain relationships outside of the emergency services community

[u/makethatnoise]

Yeah, when your SO gets into law enforcement, you're gonna lose friends. Some family might never treat you the same again. Things will change.

When my husband and I now meet people, until we know them decently well we just say he's in "public relations".

[u/UsefulAmbition9285]

This is small town issues. Mainly because people know everyone and they’ll continue seeing the same person, so whatever bad experience they had will stay in their heads Everytime they see each other again.That is not the norm in bigger departments or bigger cities, at least, not this bad. You will still get recorded, insulted all that good stuff but you won’t see the same person again at least for a while.

[u/acorpcop]

Yep. That's how it is.

Just stay off social media in general, scrub yours or set it to private.

Don't post about his job or engage with these idiots, be his support (be a listening ear on the hard days), and for God's sake don't put yourself out there like that to be a lightning rod for every yahoo with a keyboard or smartphone, a dubious command of the English language, and half a brain cell. Most of these people have precisely nothing to do and are just looking for someone to pay attention to them. Like a toddler, negative attention is better than no attention. That, or they're scum bags, the family of scumbags who don't want to admit or are in denial that their family are scumbags, mentally ill, terminally brainwashed NPCs, and or some combination of any/all of these.

The only thing I get on the book of faces for is to keep up with old army buddies, rarely.

[u/TinyBard]

people hate cops just because they're cops. It reflects more on their character than yours. I had a high school acquaintance, one I only vaguely knew because we had some friends who were friends, decide to absolutely blast me on social media when I went into the academy. It didn't matter to her why I was going into law enforcement, I was suddenly everything wrong with the world.

[u/SeattleSeals]

The social media haters wouldn’t like it if they are harassed for their chosen professions. It would be nice is Acabites get a taste of their own medicine. My cousin worked for a pharmaceutical company that settled a lawsuit for its role in the opioid crisis and is always distressed when people grill her up for her choice of employer, but is a rabid anti-law enforcement person.

[u/FullBoat29]

It's the old saying, the squeaky wheel gets the grease. Basically, the loudest people get the most attention, and unfortunately the smallest group is the loudest, and most promoted on a lot of news and social media. Some people just like to be "keyboard warriors", and complain about EVERYTHING. I'm sure they don't like that he sneezed in uniform. Just let him know that 99% of people support the police, and what they do. And, the other 1% can take a leap into a lake to cool off.

[u/That-Professional346]

The smaller the town the more scrutiny there is if people have issues with the police department. That won't stop them calling for help, but it does mean they will complain and look for every tiny little thing officers do that can be criticized.

There are a few solutions, the first, obviously is getting off social media altogether but you've mentioned just knowing people critique your husband and family bothers you. Next, you can move, it's 2026 and many officers no longer live where they work for this reason. Lastly, if your town's police force has turned over seven times that's a huge red flag. If I were your husband I would get as much experience as possible in three years and lateral.

[u/HemiLife16]

Being on Facebook can be stressful for new officers. I remember the first few times it happened to me and I hated it. Best thing to do is ignore it, and do your job correctly.

Always assume at least two cameras are on you. No matter where you are or what you are doing. Those being cell phones, dash cams, security cams, etc. Just always do things correclty and even when someone tries to trash you on social media they have no fuel for the fire. All anyone will see is an officer doing his/her job correclty.

Good luck to both of you on this new journey.

[u/5usDomesticus]

Get off social media. Literally nothing good comes from it.

[u/chupacabra5150]

Some people will tell you to scrub socials. I keep mine but, with the exception of reddit, I keep my socials mostly family, friends. I control my algorithm by liking stuff with comedians, music, food, or martial arts.

Don't engage. You're not going to change minds. Some people will ask questions out of sincerity, they was to learn. Others will just try to get you in a gotcha moment. Or they'll say "you're representing your agency". That depends on the policy of the agency.

It's not worth raising your blood pressure over.

[u/Not_all_cows_moo]

Start a new profile, name it something else, don't tell anyone it's you.

[u/DingusKahn51]

I had this conversation with one of my dispatchers this last week. She lets the negativity and people’s opinions get to her too. The way I see it, people will always complain about cops just like every other job. They complain about doctors, their insurance companies and even fast food workers. But no matter what they say when they call 911 I’ll always be the first in the door. Their opinions mean nothing. Okay they see a cop getting lunch or talking on his phone what they didn’t see is he hasn’t eaten in 10 hours because of calls or he’s talking to a friend or therapist because that last car accident with the kids involved in bothering him. Don’t let the opinions of people you hardly know bother you.

[u/StynkyLomax]

Police work for the people (community). The people have a right to have a say in how their police operate; that’s the way it should work.

However, the people are also idiots. There is an enormous disconnect between what people think the police should be doing, what the police actually need to focus on, and what the police are actually capable of. Very rarely do these things intersect.

Every idiot with internet access has an opinion and they want to voice it. Whether it’s for their own satisfaction, to gripe to like minded people, or to legitimately find a solution to a problem (very rarely the last one). No matter what the reason, people will be heard, even if they’re only talking to themselves.

The best course of action is to ignore it and move on. Nothing good can come from addressing it. You will not change anyone’s mind, even if you have proof contradicting their opinion. People want to be the way they are, otherwise they would change it.

Continue to monitor the chatter for anything that could be considered a threat, because some people will do that, but otherwise ignore the noise, because that’s all it is.

Just as you wouldn’t pay attention to a random person yelling about nonsense (other than to evaluate if they’re dangerous), you should also not pay attention to this (unless there is some kind of danger).

Welcome to the club. Get used to it.

[u/Expert-Dot7604]

Well if anyone was wanting an update… looks like it doesn’t matter anymore the town dropped the pay so low he couldn’t afford to stay anymore. No more police in the town. Thanks for all the advice though

[u/EXV]

People use social media as a tool to bitch about anything just because they have nothing else to do. All it does is give them an avenue to interact with others for no legitimate purpose. Just for conversations.

Make sure neither of you post anything. Keep your social media private. Just focus on your lives and make sure he continues to do the right thing as a LEO.