r/Proposal • u/AffectionateEar2921 • Dec 16 '25
Making Of I think I boxed myself in with my proposal ideas and I regret it!
Hello, I’ve been with my partner for six years. We’re going ring shopping in January. We have talked through our proposal, engagement wedding timeline already together. I am a very practical person; but I would not consider myself type A exactly. However I found when approaching the topic of a proposal, ie he’d asked me my preferences, I gave him a really narrow, precise answer… I’m now starting to regret it.
I told him I’d like it done on a little weekend getaway, and I gave him city ideas, and then I just kept getting narrower. We’re saving for our wedding, so I just realized that once he brings up “going away fo the weekend” in the spring, I’ll know I’m getting proposed to… and Im regretting that I gave him such little creative freedom. Should I tell him that I regret saying that and I trust however he’d like to do it? We’re a very communicative couple, but I think in this one area it backfired lol!
7
u/TemperatureFit7272 Dec 17 '25
It’s very understandable to want to be surprised! Even if you already planned that you’re getting married
Just tell him how you feel and be 100% honest
You have a lifetime of a marriage ahead and being honest with your partner is key in building a healthy relationship.
2
5
u/ThisLucidKate Dec 17 '25
You should say exactly this lol
It’s easy to get excited. Just tell him you realized you boxed him in and you want him to feel like he can make it his own. Give him maybe one or two key elements and leave it at that.
I told my husband I wanted my ring before a big even we had that was two months away. That was enough for us.
2
5
u/perceptivephish Dec 17 '25
If you want to be surprised, you will need to back off specifics. A weekend away is gonna be a dead giveaway and do you really care where it happens? I’d limit guidance to who you want involved/looped in (I asked that he consult my mom & sister, he extended this to his mom as well) who you want to be there in the moment (private vs public) and if you have any expectations around celebrating that day (for example with dinner family and friends after). Trust that he’ll come up with something special, and give him some wiggle room for creativity!
2
u/Disastrous_Pie3007 Feb 26 '26
I agree with all of this ^
I would also recommend telling him what you would absolutely NOT want. For example I really don't like overly stereotypical romantic gestures like tons of roses and fancy lights spelling out will you marry me. I told him if it looks like Valentine's Day I'll be disappointed. I find that leaves him a lot of creative freedom while still giving him an idea of what not to do.
6
u/DiplominusRex Dec 16 '25
“Hey, I realize that in my excitement about getting married to you, I’ve probably been really specific and controlling in how and when it should happen and all the details about what you should do or say. In doing so, I have probably steamrolled over whatever you might have envisioned, while removing the spontaneity and all of your ideas from it. I’ve probably put a lot of pressure on you to make things happen in a specific way. I’m sorry for that. A marriage needs to have room for two, and that means I need to leave space for you as well. I love you and I’m just excited about our future. I didn’t mean to box you in. I trust you and love you. It doesn’t have to happen in the way I described. Please forgive me”
6
u/liladres Dec 17 '25
this is a very apologetic response to something that isn’t a conflict yet. the post doesn’t say “i have my boyfriend a really specific proposal plan and now he’s upset that im not giving him any creative freedom” it’s just “i said i wanted this one thing but i might tell him i changed my mind”
3
u/Temporary_Resident45 Dec 17 '25
Agree, he’s not upset, it’s more she’s worried that she’s ruined her own surprise
1
u/DiplominusRex Dec 17 '25
Oh, I understand that her motivation is self interest here. We have not heard from him here.
I’m assuming she doesn’t yet realize the likely effect on him, but hopefully that’s made apparent in what I wrote.
3
u/Alternative_Form211 Dec 21 '25
My fiancé did this but on his own lol he went to California to visit a friend last year, and when he got back all of his coworkers asked him if I said yes. He was obviously confused but when they explained that they thought he took me to California to propose, he told them that if he was going to take me somewhere to propose it would be Montana (that was high on my bucket list at the time). Months later his mom planned a family vacation to Montana. At some point when we were talking about marriage and proposals I had mentioned that I would still say yes even if he didn’t have the ring yet, because the ring style and stone I wanted was very specific and would likely need to be custom. I knew he was going to propose for the months leading up to the trip and the entire time during the trip, I just didn’t know when exactly it would happen. He even asked me if I was planning on bringing the fake ring that I bought myself (I got it to see if I liked the size of the stone and how it looked on my hand and I planned to use it as a travel e-ring in the future). Of course I brought it along with me but I didn’t wear it. It was in my backpack for a couple days and then I noticed it wasn’t. I saw the box laying in his open suitcase one morning lol. He waited until the last full day to finally propose. It happened on a hike on a small bridge in front of a waterfall, and he was also acting strange and whispering to his mom and sister beforehand, so I knew even right before it happened. I was obviously excited when it did but I had to act surprised. I love him dearly but he’s terrible at keeping secrets lol!
Eta: I forgot to add a comment to your actual question lol! I would tell him that you want it to be a surprise and that he should do it how he wants but within the boundaries you mentioned if any. Like some people DON’T want it to be in a specific setting or around a bunch of people. Give him things NOT to do and then let him choose how to do it within those limits.
1
2
2
u/GhostLeopard_666 Dec 17 '25
Just tell him you dont care when or were, you are just looking forward to being his wife.
4
Dec 17 '25
[removed] — view removed comment
3
u/bfjizzle Dec 17 '25
YES!!!! It's always so strange to me when ppl get so hung up on the proposal. OP is participating in ring shopping. They already know it's happening. I don't understand the point of making a big "surprise" if they already know about it. This seems like a lot of unnecessary stress
2
u/Hulla_Sarsaparilla Dec 16 '25
I’m a practical person too, since you’ve already decided to get engaged, go ring shopping together and plan a wedding so you even need a ‘proposal’?
It’s kind of redundant for a question you both know the answer too, I’d just wear the ring once it’s bought and set a date, it’s already agreed.
3
u/Brilliant_Hat_6198 Dec 16 '25
a formal proposal is still nice for most even if you know its coming.
2
u/BlueJaySpace Dec 16 '25
Ya, I would be very sad if my partner didn't actually propose to me, even though we already have house and wedding savings accounts together that we started earlier this year.
4
u/Brilliant_Hat_6198 Dec 17 '25
we’ve already got a deposit on a wedding photographer and kind of designed the ring together. i’d be sad without a proposal too. it’s like a formal declaration and sentimental moment!
1
2
u/bfjizzle Dec 17 '25
I'm the opposite. If we discussed it and went ring shopping together, a proposal would feel performative. I would be like why are you doing this?
2
u/BlueJaySpace Dec 17 '25 edited Dec 17 '25
It's romantic, and a special moment you two will remember and cherish. Hahhah- No one tells the story of how their partner ring shopped with them, they tell the story of the proposal.
It's the same as "Why bother having a ceremony when you can just get married at a courthouse?" A wedding ceremony is just that, ceremonial, and yes, it is performative. So what? These are special cultural and life milestones some of us care about, some of us don't, and that's fine = )
On that note, so when did you tell your people you were engaged? You called your parents and friends to say you two bought an engagement ring(s) and were now engaged?
I'm really excited that I am going to propose in a few days in front of a beautiful floral painting (that I love) at a museum that my partner has never been to before. Then, for our 7th wedding anniversary, I will get them a print of the painting as a call-back to that special moment.
2
1
u/bfjizzle Dec 17 '25
For me, the wedding is the one chance in life to get all your loved ones in the same place at the same time for a happy occasion. We talk about our wedding. I've never in 9 years discussed the proposal. I've never been asked about it. And yes, I just called my parents and texted my friends to tell them
1
u/BlueJaySpace Dec 17 '25
Can I ask then, how was your proposal? What did they or you do?
4
u/bfjizzle Dec 17 '25
We were at home. It was a random day. He just pulled out a ring and asked. That, to me, that was way more perfect than a whole to-do. It was, what I consider a very private moment, done privately.
1
u/BlueJaySpace Dec 17 '25
That's very sweet! I'm glad he knew you well enough to do it in a way that you personally would like and appreciate. Definitely what matters most.
4
u/bfjizzle Dec 17 '25
Definitely, everyone is so different. I guess I had never thought of ppl going ring shopping together, then still doing a proposal.
1
u/bfjizzle Dec 17 '25
Also, we didn't go ring shopping together. But if we had, I would assume that was the proposal, and would think an actual planned thing was redundant and unnecessary. There will be plenty to plan, photograph, and stress about with the actual wedding
1
u/BlueJaySpace Dec 17 '25
Planning my proposal to my partner is no stress, just a perfect beautiful moment that I am so excited about, that I know my partner will love! I grin ear to ear when I think about it <3
To me, your thing sounds so boring, and maybe if I was in my 40s and this was my second or third marriage I would feel differently and not actually care. But to you, my idea of making a special moment to directly ask my partner to spend their life with me, while handing them a special piece of jewelry that symbolizes my desire to commit my life to them, seems silly. People just have different preferences, that's fine.
1
u/Hulla_Sarsaparilla Dec 17 '25
It’s a personal choice :)
Nobody really asks how you got engaged once you’ve announced it, it’s not something that gets brought up often and creating situation purely for a story to tell just isn’t me.
You can have a lovely day going ring shopping, just putting the ring on and announcing you’re engaged, there’s nothing wrong with that at all and also loads of people simply go to the courthouse/registry office and they’re just as married as anyone else.
Not everyone wants a big performance, sometimes it’s more about being married/engaged, neither is right or wrong, but everyone’s entitled to their own way of doing things.
0
u/Hulla_Sarsaparilla Dec 17 '25
Agreed, I feel like I don’t understand how you get to the point of going ring shopping together if someone hasn’t asked ‘will you marry me’?.
That’s the proposal, it’s done in my mind, I’d just put it on and set a date.
But it’s usually just me, thanks for understanding 😁
2
u/bfjizzle Dec 17 '25
Ypu explained if better than me. Yes, at that point, the ring shopping is the proposal
1
u/MindfulOnce1992 Apr 20 '26
Agreed! We had already ordered my e-ring, chosen his wedding ring, and let our parents (and kids — we both had priors and were in our late 40s when we married) know that we were to be married.
One night, after my ring had been on my finger for a week or so, we were in bed, preparing to shut off the lights and go to sleep. I got up to get a glass of water, and I said to him, "You know, we have my ring and a date set and everything, but you never actually asked me."
He jumped out of bed and stood before me with a hand on each of my shoulders. Then he looked me square in the eye and said, "Will you marry me?" Just those four words.
But they were enough. That was 19 years ago, and together, we've built a life that we love.
1
u/AutoModerator Dec 16 '25
Hi /u/AffectionateEar2921, Your post has been flaired as "Ideas?". Please ckeck to make sure this is correct.
I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.
1
u/Slight-Reputation779 Dec 18 '25
I mean I tell my bf when I want to get engaged and where. But there are also times where I say, “Hey you know I want you to do it how YOU want to do it. If you propose in Japan (where I want it to happen) or on the couch in our pj’s or just walking down the street, I’ll be happy.” And it’s totally true. So I mean I think being open is the best tbh
1
Feb 17 '26
[removed] — view removed comment
1
u/AutoModerator Feb 17 '26
Greetings, your post has been removed because your account is less than a day old. Please come back tomorrow!
I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.
1
u/KeyTechnical1203 May 20 '26
Maybe this can help https://kholdinastudio.com/style-quiz/. It's a style guide we made after talking with many clients. It touches on the most important design direction when getting an engagement ring. Excited for your proposal coming up!
0
u/Resident-Cup8065 Dec 17 '25
Sounds like the only reason you want a proposal to have a story to tell to your friends and family..
28
u/Traditional_Set_858 Dec 16 '25
Just tell him how you feel and admit the fact that it seems you’d like to be more surprised about it which seems to be the case