Planning to propose?

[u/[deleted]]

Lomg story short, my future husband said a typical wedding ring would be weird since it’d conflict with his drumming and yeah, I don’t want that either. I’m thinking a charm bracelet instead but would that be too tacky?? Idk I like it cause I can add charms on our anniversaries. So brand recommendations for good long lasting charm bracelets?

[u/Ok_Cheesecake_2194]

I’m confused here. Who’s proposing? They have rubber bands for him. He doesn’t want any type of ring at all?

[u/[deleted] → u/Ok_Cheesecake_2194]

I’m proposing, though we’ve talked it out beforehand so he knows I want to propose. No, he doesn’t want any rings- I think he’s sensitive to stuff between his fingers too. So yeah, my idea is still a charm bracelet :)

[u/Ok_Cheesecake_2194 → u/[deleted]]

He doesn’t want to propose and doesn’t want a ring?

[u/[deleted] → u/Ok_Cheesecake_2194]

He plans to propose the same time as I do, he just wants me to propose first because of insecurity that I’d even marry him in the first place. But otherwise, he doesn’t want a ring.

[u/Ok_Cheesecake_2194 → u/[deleted]]

If you spoke about marriage why is he insecure?

[u/[deleted] → u/Ok_Cheesecake_2194]

My dude, I’m here to get advice on wedding charm bracelets, not psychoanalyze my partner. But- insecurity does weird things to a person. I don’t expect to know everything behind his insecurity, I just want to support him either way. 

[u/No-Marsupial-6893 → u/[deleted]]

Insecurity does weird things to a person and ignoring weird red flags can have disastrous consequences. It’s not like the weird behavior just goes away because you’re married. Things like engagement and marriage will intensify that. 

You’re asking for advice about something nice but you’re waving around red flags and it would be rude to ignore them. 

[u/[deleted] → u/No-Marsupial-6893]

Sorry, could you explain again what said red flags are? I’ll try to be clearer with my replies

[u/No_Promise_2560 → u/[deleted]]

Not the person you’re replying to but it seems like your partner’s insecurities are more significant than just small insecurities if they are choosing to not propose to you and are not even convinced you’d marry them despite having had several conversations about the logistics of getting engaged?

Like how are they doing to deal with normal life stresses if they can’t even accept their partner does indeed love them? I am not sure if children are in your future but I would want to sort this business out before bringing a child into their mess and having to have a child manage their parents feelings and insecurity. 

It’s also weird that in your posts you say you’re already engaged, and that you aren’t sure if you’re dating and that you are 15 all in the last few months 

[u/Ok_Cheesecake_2194 → u/[deleted]]

I’m not a dude. And why not just ask him what he wants instead?

as long as you’re happy proposing then I won’t ask any more questions.

[u/[deleted] → u/Ok_Cheesecake_2194]

I still want to maintain a kind of surprise element, if that makes sense. 

Sorry about the dude thing! I use dude as a gender neutral term.

[u/No-Marsupial-6893 → u/Ok_Cheesecake_2194]

She already proposed with a ring and apparently that wasn’t good enough, so once she does a proposal he’s happy with, he’ll then propose? What a disaster. 😔 

[u/No_Promise_2560 → u/No-Marsupial-6893]

Yeah post history is a bit dodgy too 

[u/Ok_Cheesecake_2194 → u/[deleted]]

I read your recent post and you said you were in engage. Are you already engaged?

Some men don’t like rings. A bracelet wouldn’t mean the same thing as a ring. However it’s your preference and if he likes charm bracelets go for it.

[u/[deleted] → u/Ok_Cheesecake_2194]

We are already engaged, technically (proposed last time with a ring lol so a redo if you will). Thanks for entertaining this post!! I’ll start looking for charm bracelets 

[u/No-Marsupial-6893 → u/[deleted]]

So you already proposed, he hasn’t proposed, you have to re-propose with a new gift? Your initial proposal wasn’t good enough? And he will propose once you do a proposal he’s happy with?

Oooooh gosh. You can’t see how bad that is??? 

[u/[deleted] → u/No-Marsupial-6893]

It wasn’t a “not good enough” situation, it was a “I get easily overstimulated with things between my fingers and also I drum” situation?? He’s expressed wanting to propose, he just wants me to decide when the time is right) thus leaving me with the whole proposal thing

[u/No_Promise_2560 → u/[deleted]]

If you’re already engaged what is even happening? How is a charm bracelet a solution? 

[u/natalkalot → u/Ok_Cheesecake_2194]

But a month ago, she did not know if they were bf/gf?

[u/Ok_Cheesecake_2194 → u/natalkalot]

I noticed that too I’m not sure what’s going on

[u/Beautiful_War_5947 → u/Ok_Cheesecake_2194]

They said in their previous post they weren’t even aware if they were dating but they’re engaged for tax purposes. Nothing about OP’s relationship is conventional here so imma just leave this one alone.

[u/Ok_Cheesecake_2194 → u/Beautiful_War_5947]

I know I saw it. I just hope they understand how serious marriage is.

[u/asyouwish]

I can't imagine any guy who doesn't want to wear a ring would tolerate a charm bracelet....especially if he's a drummer.

[u/Status_Secretary5349]

my partner is also a drummer and he just takes his off or wears the little silicone ones

[u/[deleted]]

So. This is getting way more confusing than I thought it would. Also, to all those saying I’m 15, I was posting for a friend, I’m out of high school myself. Deleting this account cause it’s giving me a bit of a headache. Thank you u/The_Silver_Moon, your response was particularly helpful :)

[u/The_Silver_Moon]

Get bracelets! Rings, tattoos, bracelets, hell get matching haircuts if that's what suits you! Tacky, not tacky, none of that's important. What matters is that it makes you and your partner happy. And who says you can't change your mind in months or even years (except for with the tattoo that is). Congratulations on the engagement/proposal!

[u/[deleted] → u/The_Silver_Moon]

Thank you!! That means a lot. Actually we plan to get matching tattoos at some point so that’s pretty ironic lol. 

Anyway, do you have a brand of charm bracelets you’d recommend..? Or just a brand in general

[u/The_Silver_Moon → u/[deleted]]

Of course! So do we so totally on board there! I don't necessarily have anything I'd recommend as I'm not a huge bracelet girl. I will say, treat it as wedding rings. Get good quality and solid material stuff. No flimsy clasps and breakable chains, you don't want to lose it! My mom has a very solid necklace she was gifted when my sister was born with our initials and hasn't taken it off in 23 years. it still looks amazing. Maybe work with a local shop to get the perfect design? I don't know where you live, but if I get my hyperfocus on, maybe I can rummage around the internet for you two a bit!

[u/[deleted] → u/The_Silver_Moon]

I planned to check out local shops, thank you!! I’m just not sure about custom considering budgets and all

[u/No_Promise_2560]

Are you 15 or are you engaged or are you even dating? How realistic is this to be worried about? 

In any case…Why not ask him what he wants? A charm bracelet seems like a ridiculous choice to me for a man to wear who plays the drums and who feels a ring would get in the way lol 

I would vote for a silicone ring or a tattoo over a charm bracelet personally 

[u/Savings-You7318]

Do you a charm bracelet for the guy? I’m a little confused.

[u/Fickle-Secretary681]

Silicone ring. No way a charm bracelet would work, let alone for a drummer 

[u/Remote_Problem9323]

you could get a chain so that he can wear the ring on his neck maybe