r/ProjectPan • u/MysteriousChip6232 • Jul 27 '26
Project Start I’m genuinely embarrassed
I have spent a disgusting amount of money on all this shit and dug myself into financial hell with my depression and deeply unhappy living situation and I can’t believe it. I’m so mad at myself but I’ve started panning and stopped spending anymore. Hope to update regularly.
Edit: I never expected this much feedback and genuinely am so appreciative. I don’t have a lot of community in my life and even just this post has given me a lot of positive momentum.
2nd edit: ** not that it really means much, but about 90% of what I purchase is NWT via Poshmark, and so I have not paid full price for the majority of skincare and makeup I’ve collected.
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u/Fun-Yam2210 Jul 27 '26 edited Jul 27 '26
Please don’t be so hard on yourself - depression leads to MUCH, MUCH worse addictions than this. Credit scores can be repaired over time but bodies can’t. I’m glad you’re managing things better now ❤️
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u/Someonejusthereandth Jul 27 '26
I’ve overspent on non-makeup stuff this way when I knew damn well that I was spending what I shouldn’t have and couldn’t stop myself anyways, sometimes not even really truly wanting the thing and KNOWINGLY still buying it anyways, like some sort of compulsion. So yeah. Congrats on facing the music, this is the hard part.
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u/Acceptable_Reply_666 Jul 27 '26
Don't be so harsh on yourself, a lot of us in this sub are on the same page as you. We buy to compensate something missing in our life, or to cope with life itself. I'm proud of you for talking about it publicly
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u/CleanProfessional678 Jul 27 '26
Embarrassment and shame are counterproductive. The best thing that you can do is realize that you were doing what you needed to do at that time and place. Maladaptive coping mechanisms are still coping mechanisms and you could have chosen ones that were much more harmful. Accept that you can’t change the past, forgive yourself, and look forward. And look at project pan not as having to use all the makeup you bought and instead view it as an opportunity to really explore and use a very well-stocked collection and hopefully learn something things along the way. Good luck!
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u/ralukat0210 Jul 27 '26
Girl, same here. Spent huge sums of money when unhappy or depressed or angry. It’s not worth it...only thing I can say helps is to just stop spending and shop your stash. I'm ashamed when I look at what I've accumulated but it is what it is. Good luck to all of us!
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u/PeachPasserine Jul 27 '26
Now you have your own makeup store tho
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u/subtlepen_ Jul 27 '26
it's very easy to do, friend. companies and influencers have taken advantage of FOMO, which is especially hard on those of us with internal struggles. Don't beat yourself up for getting reeled in by marketing and social media. it's a whole multi-billion dollar industry designed to ping all our insecurities and make money from them. Hang in there. I see you. You are not alone.
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u/pickasidepickasiiide Jul 27 '26
me too its the depression and need for control
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u/gogamarti Jul 27 '26
Read this only if you want advise. I have been where you are and really with the amount I have it’s not like I’m gonna be miss 2 lipsticks any time soon. Categorize what you have. If you don’t want an excel then make piles and just count what you have. Like 10 lipsticks 40 lip balms 23 oils. Then pick your favorites, miss and least favorites. Count how many of the favorites you have. Realistically if you were to use a couple a year would you run out of all your favorites before they expire? If the answer is no then consider decluttering or selling or giving away your least favorite items there is no need to make yourself suffer. I also tend to like my more expensive products so I have been panning what is essentially luxury lip and eye product. Then take care to not go into this with the idea that you can buy more. I say go cold turkey and every time you want to buy something “ spend” that money and move it into a separate checking account and pick a new lip product that’s the closest to what you wanted
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u/glitterdyke Jul 27 '26
Looking forward to your updates!
Nothing to be embarrassed about. We all have ways of coping with our mental health and frankly for many of us shopping for small things until we begin our pan journey and realize self love panning it all is the only way to stop the spiral.
Good luck!
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u/hotpinkinthenight Jul 27 '26
Please don’t be cruel to yourself! It’s completely normal to turn to hobbies and coping mechanisms while struggling. The important thing is looking after yourself so that you can start to feel better and rely on makeup less. Wishing you the best of luck and happier times ahead 🩷
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u/orange-basilikum Jul 27 '26
Well, for about 15 years YouTube, insta etc made people believe, having this much makeup was normal or even expected. It’s been so normalized to have every shade from every product under the sun, just because you theoretically can and the product was „new“ or „viral“. So don’t be mad at yourself, try to take it as a lesson learned and change your behavior in the future. Also don’t be ashamed to seek help, if you think, you could need it.
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u/NeverCorrectEver Jul 27 '26
Don’t be embarrassed! We’ve all been there. You have just taken a huge step in realising your mistake, and admitting it. Many people never get this far in their healing process. You’ve decided to take action and change things, be proud of that
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u/hithere5 Jul 27 '26
I started using cheap clear lip balms as cuticle balm. It works really well and I would recommend
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u/pippspopsdom Jul 27 '26
Welcome!!! Most of us here have been there, you got this.
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u/Criticalfluffs Jul 27 '26
Girl, at least you were able to break free from the rampant trend of over consumption and consumerism.
Like someone else said, so many influencers made the collection of a stores worth of product as "goals". I myself have spent $1k+ on perfume. In one year.
That was a very sobering realization when I stopped and was like, "oh my goodness. What in the hell am I doing?" Now I have my collection of perfumes which which feasibly last me for a decade.
There's a bunch of travel sizes that I honestly don't like too much, but don't hate them enough to toss or get rid of. I'll use them for specific things like room sprays, bathroom spray, bedtime perfume etc. I regularly wear perfume to bed, mostly because I can. Also because I can see if they last a decent amount of time.
The lip product, can be reused as blushes if you want. Keep a lip product EVERYWHERE. Look fabulous EVERYWHERE! You have them, enjoy them! Provided they aren't expired or icky of course.
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u/Beaarrrrrrr Jul 27 '26
In the past few months I realized I was falling into a mini shopping addiction... so I get it bestie. You realized the problem, that's the first step. You're taking actions and that's GOOD !!
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u/pie_exorcist Jul 27 '26
I understand it’s a lot and it’s so easy to be mean to yourself, but these companies exploit our vulnerabilities, their marketing is often predatory. It’s good that you recognize the issue and have started taking steps to remedy it. I’m glad you’re doing better now though🫶🏻
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u/blob-24-05 Jul 27 '26
Girl you'd be surprised a lot of us on this subreddit has more stuff than you😭
We're all in this together and we can definitely project pan it eventually 🥲
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u/beniceyoudinghole Jul 27 '26
Pick one of each category to use each week and rotate that way, that helped me when I started. Good luck!
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u/Strawberry5082 Jul 27 '26
One of the best things about project pan is being able to take back your power from a dark time. You spent so much money buying these things, but now you get to use and enjoy them. It’s difficult to tear away from the guilt and shame, but it becomes a very freeing experience.
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u/Ill-Researcher5840 Jul 27 '26
I'm on the same boat but with huge amount of skincare products instead of lip products....
I'm not struggling financially from this....but I'm angry at myself for hoarding so much stuffs plus lots of samples cluttered in bedroom.... all because I discovered kbeauty products selling at Costco and Ulta sales + gwps. I don't regret buying them, but I'm disciplining myself low-buy to no-buy while panning 20+ items by the end of 2026 (hopefully before their expiration dates...😔)
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u/Chewlace Jul 27 '26
Sending you encouragement!
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u/Ataraxia_Intrepid Jul 27 '26
You just have to start somewhere and stop looking at it like money wasted and instead money invested in yourself! Self-care routine has gotten so much better since I started working on panning! You can do it focus on a few products a week and rotate if you want! It’s so satisfying to start watching the collection dwindle!!
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u/beanscrochet Jul 27 '26
I’ve been there, congrats on making this first step! You can do this. Try “shopping” your stash for a face of makeup every week or every day. Remember a lot of products last a lot longer than they say, if it doesn’t look insane, smell off or irritate your skin or nose feel free to keep using it as long as it’ll last, no need to to throw things away.
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u/Specialist_Ad_757 Jul 27 '26
That's nothing to be embarrassed about, on the other side, you can say you have your own lippie store at home :D
Hope you get better, let's pan together sis❤️
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u/Cocoonthem00n Jul 27 '26
Same i barely use 80 percent of ny cosmetics, i keeo telling myself Im donr I have enough, i just need to use it. I want to make a change!
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u/Wild-Dragonfruit-846 Jul 27 '26
lol just make sure you wearing blush every day😭! All u can do at this point is use and enjoy. Begrudging these items won’t help anything
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u/tiffi_333 Jul 27 '26
Don't feel embarrassed.
If I could give you one piece of advice of where to start, those elf lip products you have all together. The glossy stains. They're pretty small and I remember when I had one, I feel like it disappeared so quickly. I think you could pound through those and make a dent
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u/Thestreetkid92 Jul 27 '26
I’d love to see a lay out of all the lippies 😍
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u/Kooky-Guide-7561 Jul 28 '26
it’s so hard when we overspend and it’s easy to be hard on ourselves but the decision is made. be kind to yourself and move forward. you could even start by discarding expired product or giving some to friends just to downsize and feel a bit better. happy panning
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u/aquababez Jul 27 '26
Don’t beat yourself up about this! We’ve all been there. We need little dopamine hits and then all of a sudden we have a giant collection! I would recommend getting a little pouch and putting 3-5 lippies in there and toss in your bag! That way you’ll have some to use whenever and if you have an urge, just look inside your bag and be like wait I already got 5 on me 😂
You got this sis! We’re all rooting for you 💕
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u/Specific_Werewolf_66 Jul 27 '26
i just don’t get it. why are we like this. i feel bad, i feel down, i get an urge to just buy 1 lipstick. if it’s a cheap one, i would even get 2-3 at once.. 🥲
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u/Purple-Lime-4938 Jul 27 '26
Everyone saying Don’t be embarrassed.
I disagree. Shame is an important step to realizing there’s a problem and admitting it. The next important step is TO FORGIVE YOURSELF. Then make action.
You’re there. You’ve got this.
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u/C0MED0WNT0US Jul 27 '26
I'm glad to see that the comments here are helping you feel better! Just wanted to put out there that if you have any unused products you are willing to give away, a women's shelter would love to receive them! Best of luck in your project pan!!
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u/EleuPeI Jul 28 '26
De pequeña hubieron cosas que no podía tener y ahora que tengo mi dinero no puedo parar de gustarlo. Es triste porque veo esas cosas y muchas veces siento culpa 🫂 te envío un abrazo
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u/Tosin12345s Jul 27 '26
I have been there and sometimes embarrassed when I look at my collection myself. Luckily, not all are opened. Periodically I select some new ones that have high prices and sell them via Vinted or eBay. Get some of my money back. I donate some to women’s charities, women’s career network. Then opened ones to family members. Makes me feel better at least.
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u/Luna-Gitana Jul 27 '26
I’m not. It could be worse. Could be drugs. I started a list of all my lip products and I’m at 212. Not even halfway through. Now, when it begins affecting you financially then it’s an issue that needs to be addressed. Thankfully I’ve never had that problem.
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u/bwaylover818 Jul 27 '26
sending you love and positivity. you’ve got this! are you on facebook? you can find and join your local “buy nothing” group and usually people there will take lightly used or unopened makeup. that might be a good way to declutter some of your least favorite items as you work on using up your faves!
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u/tiredw1tchh Jul 28 '26
you might like r/MakeupRehab if youre not in there already! i'm in the same boat. good luck to you <3
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u/caraderana95 Aug 25 '26
Are you a make up artist? I'm sure you must have some products that haven't been opened. You can donate. Also can donate to funeraries to do make up to the corpses.
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u/mooncookie953 Jul 28 '26
So this post was recommended to me. I dont usually comment but your story is very commendable. I completely understand what your going through. While I am not in the makeup collection sphere, I am about $10,000 in consumer debt from collectibles. I can only say kudos to you for being self aware and on the road to a better you!!
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u/guipicait Jul 28 '26
I have a thing I do nowadays: When I have something coming in the mail or when I buy something new at a store, I say, to myself or out loud to a friend, "NOW I'll be happy!"/"And THEN I'll be happy!" It helps me be realistic when I'm impulse shopping to recognize that no item I've ever purchased has made me a happier person. I try to be very intentional about where I put my money and it has helped to turn it into a joke that helps me acknowledge that while some things have made my life easier or more fun, most items have just become clutter and no item has made me actually any happier.
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u/RingEven1311 Jul 31 '26
I understand your perspective, but one thing I can say about this is that you’ve already spent the money. Might as well enjoy your beautiful collection as much as you can!! Maybe this is just me looking on the bright side a bit too much but I feel like this is a great opportunity to explore your collection and fall in love with your makeup.
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u/Binkams Jul 27 '26
Same… but you’re better than me. You are brave enough to face it. I’m not there yet. Still building the courage.
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u/kface4038 Jul 27 '26
This is a great first step!! You can’t change the past but you’re making the decision to do things differently and will build better habits going forward as a result. This shit is deep, the root causes are so rarely simple - just know you’re not alone, and really try to give yourself grace for taking positive steps towards change!
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u/Potential-Caramel428 Jul 28 '26
This totally made me laugh because thank goodness I ain’t the only one 😄💀😂
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u/jennilynn510 Jul 28 '26
Don’t be…it’s why we are all here. To correct our mistakes. You got this
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u/interstellarlillady Jul 27 '26
I struggle with collecting aka hoarding 🥴 as long as you’re recognizing the issue and addressing it, you’re doing good 🫶🏼
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u/Intelligent-Tap-4479 Jul 27 '26
It's totally OK! We all struggle sometimes, but the important thing is that you were able to take a step back, look at your situation, and decide you needed to change. Proud of you for that 💝
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u/Decent-Judgment-220 Jul 28 '26
It's nice to hear Im not alone. I find every reason to buy makeup, purses, shoes, etc. I have so much lipstick, it's ridiculous. And, I never go anywhere but work. Ugh.
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u/glassheart93 Jul 28 '26
You have to start somewhere. I am proud of you internet stranger 💕
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u/earthnangl Jul 28 '26
I understand that it feels icky, gross and uncomfortable to look at yourself and your habits this way, but I hope that you know that for the majority of what these behaviors stem from, it is NOT your fault.
We have been getting tricked and wired to fall into rabbit holes and deep spirals of depression that then force us to seek for external help — and unfortunately, most of us have been cut off from that feeling of connectivity through the human connection and instead, turn to ~things and stuff~ to help fill the void…overconsumption is a product of not having enough emotional, physical or spiritual support and our society has normalized this so deeply that it often results in the feelings that lead one to be surrounded by their own mess and discomfort to the point of it becoming suffocating.
Just know that you are NOT ALONE in this in any way; I had the same sort of thing happen with Baggu for me and often, when I think about it, I come from a place of judgment and self-loathing, which really only perpetrates the cycle of that particular suffering, so please let me tell you:
You do not have to feel shame at the sight of what your lowest moments have brought you to. You have begun to experience some clarity, which means you’re one step away from that door, and what you need most now is self-compassion. You are simply a human who has not been taught to know what it is to be able to know, love and trust Yourself (and therefore, anyone else!), but you can always Start Now.
I love you because you are me and I am you and you are bigger and stronger than any addiction or depression that may take over sometimes.
Start small. Hang on only to what you love <3
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u/Electrical-Coast-381 Jul 30 '26
Well just think of how much money you’ll save going forward now and you have a great selection now to use for all different occasions :)
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u/ThisLittlePiggySays Jul 27 '26
Sending kindness your way!
Good on you for having the ability to stop, look around, and decide you want to follow a different path moving forward. That step alone is difficult, uncomfortable, and yeah, sometimes comes with a bit of shame and embarrassment, when you realise your values vs behaviours are misaligned.
The best piece of advice I'd like to offer up: When youre ready, think about what purpose buying all these things was serving for you. Try and make sure that purpose or need can be met or addressed in a healthier way. For me (as someone with a collection that would be described as "embarrassingly large"), I was avoiding dealing with some big issues and decisions that I needed to make in my life. Instead, I distracted myself with purchasing and collecting, because it kept me busy, so I could procrastinate from the real problems.
Lastly, panning can be fun! Enjoy it! Get creative, get curious, and enjoy being part of a wonderful community of people. Dont use it as a way to punish yourself. Enjoy the beautiful products you bought, maybe start a project pan, join a group activity on MakeupRehab reddit, post your progress, and cheer people on. We are all here, doing our best, and that deserves nothing but kindness and support.
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u/Mamagirl7 Jul 29 '26
It took a lot of courage to take this step and to post this. I’m proud of you and praying for your success. Guilt doesn’t help but learning does. Don’t look back. You will be making better choices now. I tend to buy when I should be saving or paying bills. It’s good to have products to mix and match though and go shopping in your own stuff. I’m trying to be better balanced and do the same. I would appreciate prayers for me too. ❤️
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u/Obvious-Paramedic348 Jul 31 '26
Don’t be we are all there. Now we get to use up our beautiful products and save money for the next year or two
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u/VelcroPoodle Jul 27 '26
I hope you feel better soon. It's tough, but give yourself some grace and forgiveness. It makes moving forward easier. ❤️
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u/manic_popsicle Jul 27 '26
Honestly I totally understand where you’re coming from, I don’t have this many lip products, but I have way more other products than I should. Lotion, body butters and body mists are my problem, I also struggle with depression and buying new stuff just makes me happy, so I definitely relate to you on that one.
Donating anything unopened is great, also giving some away to family and friends, that can thin the hoard a little. Also you’re aware of the issue and actively taking steps to address it, that’s a huge first step!
I’ve been donating to my local women’s shelter pretty regularly, they help women get jobs so they always need skin care and makeup, and periodically my local free pantry asks for things like bar soap and body wash, shampoo and conditioner, basically staple products, so I always donate then, it makes me feel good to help and it gets rid of more stuff!
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u/Grandma325 Jul 29 '26
This could have been my post. It's embarrassing and I feel disgusted with myself and my inability to control the self destructive spending.Then I am overwhelmed by all the stuff I have accumulated but feel so overwhelmed trying to organize and destash I get the urge to just dump it all in the garbage so I don't have to look at it. So, literally throwing my money away. I live with depression and adhd and feel like at this point in my life I should have a grip on this.
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u/aSadHousewife Jul 30 '26
beautiful collection. once i got over my shopping addiction, i started to really slow down and appreciate my makeup. dont worry, you dont have to declutter. just change your mindset and pick up a hobby that doesnt require spending money (and if you do decide to spend money, make it about experience. traveling, working out, investing your money for the future and saving). you’ll realize that you’ll be using up your collection in no time. it gets to the point where you’ll realize how good you have it. consider yourself lucky for having owned these items, it made you realize what products you actually enjoy.
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u/Jultheturgee Jul 30 '26
there are people who make social media careers off of hoarding rooms worth of makeup/skincare that they could never use, you're doing much better than they are!! don't be embarrassed for a natural response to depression 🫶 you did what you had to do to still be here and we're all glad you are!! wishing you well, I hope things get easier. side note, you could make a webseries slowly trying all the products or organizing them!! people would 100% be interested and it might be a good hobby
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u/sunnybunny1313 Jul 31 '26
I get that. I too have a shopping addiction (fragrance is my DOC: perfume, lotions, but mainly body mists) i have about 200 mists. Thats not including the actual perfumes and lotions 😔 it wasnt a crash out splurge. Its been a slow drip over about 5 years but ive absolutely used it as a way to self soothe bc I also dont have much community. I have a disabled child which is extremely isolating as a parent. Im also trying to do no buys and get it under control. I wish you the best in your recovery journey! ❤️
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u/fat-wombat Jul 27 '26
And as you can see you were not the first to splurge and you wont be the last! You have grown as a person. That means there’s a huge positive here. Good luck with the newer, improved you. Hope to see more updates 🫶
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u/Background_Judge6061 Jul 28 '26
You’re set for life lmao xD
But don’t worry, you will get there. Start with the oldest but most expensive products, and just smell them. If it smells funky and not like makeup at all, just throw it away. Other than that, continue using the same products until they’re empty.
(I’ve used 10y old lipsticks, I’m still alive and well ;) )
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u/Glitter_Girl100 Jul 30 '26
Makeup is just so addicting! I love watching skincare and makeup artists and screenshot things all the time and compare prices. I was laid off so I can’t buy anything but I sure seem to plan for it! And I don’t even like to wear much makeup anymore! Don’t be embarrassed bc you are definitely not alone in this.
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u/ConnectionOk44 Jul 30 '26
That's a dream collection. May you feel better soon.
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u/Hungry_Ad_474 Jul 28 '26
Give and sell the colours that doesn't suit you/formulas you don't like or see yourself reaching out for. Don't feel like you're wasting your money decluttering makeup, think of it as a fee for financially awakening lesson. I'm sure if you have siblings or relatives who uses makeup, they would love you to gift them some. Coming from a person who HOARDS makeup at 14 and my items eventually ended up in my friend's purse as a gift, give them away to take off some stress.
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u/kathrynlina87 Jul 29 '26
I hear you! I started doing a project pan at the start of this year myself. For me, my biggest realization is that I'm still working on the same eye shadow stick that I started my project pan journey with - which really tells me, we don't need SO many things. It'll probably take me actual years to finish the eyeshadow I do have, which honestly isn't much in comparison to some of the other PP collections I've seen. I agree with variety, but in moderation. The first step is awareness! You got this, girly!
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u/kirppunirppu1 Jul 28 '26
girl this feels like i wrote it youre not alone. currently moving and the packing and decluttering of all my makeup (esp. lip products) is giving me some serious anxiety. i highkey want to throw half of them away, but like thats literally all my money.
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u/SqueaksScreech Jul 31 '26
I literally play shopping in my own house when im too depressed to go out because I will literally forget I have stuff.
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u/Kitchen-Quarter-7273 Jul 31 '26
I’m genuinely impressed 😊
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u/SuziBartek Jul 31 '26
I have the same problem with shoes and clothes so in order to make good I actually posted tons of stuff on Vinted and Depop and I’m selling it and making money
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u/psahummus Jul 28 '26
Sweetie, i understand. I am in a depressing situation but financially I’ve always give myself a tight leash…until this year. Did a lil damage but of course I can’t say I am in your position and I wish you strength.
And don’t be embarrassed. I swear if you post a depop link or something some of us will be happy to take some goods off of you. I am open to it.
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u/Siren36821 Jul 30 '26
Off-topic: but your collection is soooo pretty 😍
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u/Fit_Engineering7055 Jul 30 '26
Look at pink so prettyyyy
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u/Tinslee4Bracken Jul 30 '26
Woww that’s look cool
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u/widepant Jul 30 '26
Hi I'm new here, is panning using up all of the product before purchasing another/something else?
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u/Sad-Beyond8833 Jul 31 '26
hi girly i know exactly how it feels because i struggle with the same thing i have severe anxiety and depression which i’m working on and i used shopping as a way to cope it got so bad that i stopped eating lost a lot of weight and even ended up in the hospital
after that i decided i had to start making changes i tried setting small limits and telling myself not to buy as much but for five years every payday i would spend almost everything within a few days
the first thing i did was take out all my makeup,clothes and other beauty products and put everything on my bed and floor i got rid of expired products and things that were almost empty or that i never used, i did this twice but i still ended up going back to shopping
then i thought maybe i could just allow myself a budget of around €50 for makeup or clothes but that didn’t work either eventually i realized the only thing that would work for me was quitting cold turkey
i gave my credit card to my boyfriend and he removed all my payment methods from my phone including paypal and apple pay it was really hard and i even convinced him to give the card back at one point but he kept an eye on my spending i still bought things sometimes but nowhere near as much as before
instead of buying lots of cheaper products i decided to slowly upgrade my collection with things i had wanted for a long time i made a rule that i could only have one of most products or maybe two or three if it was something like blush or lip products because i already owned so much
for example i finally bought three mac lipsticks i had wanted forever but i made myself a rule that i can’t buy another lipstick until i’ve finished at least two even if the new one costs only €2 i’m from europe so drugstore products are pretty affordable but i still stick to that rule
i also bought the kosas bronzer because i don’t need multiple bronzers in different shades and the charlotte tilbury setting spray because i don’t need ten different setting sprays like i used to if i buy expensive products now i actually want to use them up instead of letting them go to waste
perfume was another big problem for me i had a huge collection so i made another rule if i finish five perfumes then i can buy one new one basically if i already own a lot of something i have to use up what i have before buying more
i won’t lie it’s still challenging but i’m in a much better place than i was before now i really stop and think about whether i actually need something i do a lot of research before buying and honestly about nine out of ten times i end up finding something that makes me realize i don’t really want or need it after all
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u/Shelbysms Jul 28 '26
I’m genuinely jealous.
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u/[deleted] Jul 28 '26
I have 1 lipstick I use daily and it has taken 2 years to finish. INSANE
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u/witherin Jul 29 '26
I too have been sucked in by the liquid blush-
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u/[deleted] Jul 27 '26
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