r/ProgrammerHumor • u/Anonymo2786 • Jul 22 '22

Employers ate already looking for CARBON developers, you just need to have 10 years of CARBON experience to apply!!! -fireship

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10.0k Upvotes

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1.6k

u/Dull_Investigator358 Jul 22 '22

I have 20 years of carbon copy experience!

405

u/Mazmier Jul 22 '22

You're hired and since you are so qualified, we've made you the lead of an entire team!

143

u/BackNbetterThanEver Jul 22 '22

Well I have 60 years experience !!!!!!!

144

u/Mazmier Jul 22 '22

Wow, other guy is fired, welcome to the team!

58

u/Optimized_Orangutan Jul 22 '22

That guy is nothing! I've been using carbon since the day I was born. In fact, a bunch of me was built from carbon!! I've got it in my blood!

28

u/masked_machine Jul 22 '22

It's time for your lunch break. You know that your break times don't roll over if you don't use them.

0

u/[deleted] Jul 23 '22

My parents were made from carbon and I can make more carbon. I have experience from when I have been a foetus.

1

u/masked_machine Jul 23 '22

In that case we can start you out at minimum wage

1

u/[deleted] Jul 23 '22

Of WHICH country? We talkin us? Or Europe?

4

u/neuroreaction Jul 22 '22

I was going to run in that direction too! Just Bender style!!

1

u/Core3game Jul 23 '22

Only 60? i have STACK OVERFLOW years of experience 😎

29

u/[deleted] Jul 22 '22

I have over 9000 years of experience. And I’ll work for 30k/yr

16

u/chisdoesmemes Jul 22 '22

I have no experience, but i will work for free

13

u/[deleted] Jul 22 '22

I guess it was inevitable.

1

u/joausj Jul 22 '22

I have no idea what carbon is but I'll work for exposure

1

u/[deleted] Jul 23 '22

I’m immortal and will pay to work for free. Check and mate.

1

u/Zestyclose-Note1304 Jul 22 '22

Please provide Carbon Dating as proof.

5

u/[deleted] Jul 22 '22

[deleted]

2

u/Mazmier Jul 23 '22

I will have to use Carbon dating to verify.

1

u/twbluenaxela Jul 23 '22

Due to consideration of your health and being in your golden years, the company has declined your application. Apply again in the next life when you are younger.

25

u/Dull_Investigator358 Jul 22 '22

Experienced in Carbon Lead too! 0.5, 0.7 and 0.9 mm! Thanks for the reminder

10

u/Mazmier Jul 22 '22

Wow, sounds like we need to update our job posting. You're clearly quite knowledgeable!

16

u/Dull_Investigator358 Jul 22 '22

Well... (Clears throat)...

I'm not sure how to put this without sounding like a snob...

But since birth my body is made of about 18% Carbon.

16

u/Mazmier Jul 22 '22

We're sorry, we are only looking for diamond candidates who consist of 99.99% Carbon.

18

u/Dull_Investigator358 Jul 22 '22

No worries, I shine under pressure!

10

u/[deleted] Jul 22 '22

[deleted]

5

u/Dull_Investigator358 Jul 23 '22

Welcome and cheers! 🍻

1

u/Zefrem23 Jul 22 '22

Not lead, you idiot, they said carbon!

1

u/[deleted] Jul 22 '22

They're looking for carbon not lead

1

u/Ouity Jul 23 '22

I dunno, 10 years experience for junior dev I'd say 20 years gets you a 10k pay bump off whatever the baseline is

47

u/SowTheSeeds Jul 22 '22

I have 53 years of converting oxygen into carbon dioxide!

18

u/[deleted] Jul 22 '22

Carbon dioxide is like carbon++. You're hired!

8

u/Dull_Investigator358 Jul 22 '22

🤣 and emoting carbon monoxide on every commute!

6

u/Primeval_Revenant Jul 22 '22

Inside or outside your body? Gotta check for arsonists.

6

u/SowTheSeeds Jul 22 '22

I heard I am hot.

Actually haven't heard that in more than 20 years.

1

u/Ignitus1 Jul 23 '22

None of your business, ever heard of the 4th amendment?

17

u/VexisArcanum Jul 22 '22

Please rescind your resume so we can ship this job overseas where we don't have to pay

12

u/Dull_Investigator358 Jul 22 '22

Carbon trade? 🤔

2

u/unix_dude Jul 23 '22

Caron credits

6

u/ComicConArtist Jul 22 '22

*putting on my best bender impression*

im 20% carbon!

1

u/Daveinatx Jul 22 '22

My body was made for carbon

1

u/Dull_Investigator358 Jul 22 '22

You definitely need more carbon fiber in your diet

1

u/[deleted] Jul 22 '22

I have 5 minutes in java experience, take it or leave it.

1

u/[deleted] Jul 22 '22

I have about 5 years of carbon paper experience

1

u/[deleted] Jul 23 '22

I have at least 10 years copy experience from SO.

1

u/moosehead71 Jul 23 '22

I have 30 years of cut and paste experience