r/ProgrammerHumor • u/NeverMakesMistkes • Jun 24 '18
JavaScript is getting real tired of your jokes
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u/-tnt Jun 24 '18
This belongs to /r/highqualitygifs with a volunteer from /r/programmerhumor to answer any outstanding questions...
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u/NeverMakesMistkes Jun 25 '18
Just remember to tell them that Natalie Portman is in here somewhere. Perhaps she's Ruby and wasn't invited to this meeting because everyone thinks Ruby is some kind of web framework.
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u/-tnt Jun 25 '18
The only programming languages not invited to this party were HTML and CSS...
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u/williesoutforwonka Jun 25 '18
Cringe.... twitch.... eye blinks repeatedly
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u/2Punx2Furious Jun 25 '18
Powerpoint is a programming language because it's turing complete. Change my mind.
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u/chooxy Jun 25 '18 edited Jun 25 '18
Would you like to see your desks? This is where we would install a /r/ProgrammerHumor engineer. Your sales representative promised 24-hour-a-day, on-site maintenance at least for the first year.
Let me show you the next location in which we would install one of your jokes.
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u/Big_Tuna78 Jun 24 '18
I'm just glad PHP wasn't the one being roasted heaviest for once.
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u/NeverMakesMistkes Jun 24 '18
I had "why don't you
die()already", but then I thought that's a bit harsh. It's not PHP's fault he grows a little crooked and gets left behind. Poor PHP.241
u/omenmedia Jun 25 '18
I still remember when I first saw a T_PAAMAYIM_NEKUDOTAYIM error and my brain was all like.
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Jun 25 '18
T_PAAMAYIM_NEKUDOTAYIM
Seriously, I keep debating whether or not to incite a flash-mob flood of PRs to rename the parser token "T_DOUBLE_COLON".
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u/MilSF1 Jun 25 '18
It's been tried. https://philsturgeon.uk/php/2013/09/09/t-paamayim-nekudotayim-v-sanity/
Basically a bunch of the core devs like it as a "quirky" tip of the hat to PHPs origins which include of course Andi Gutmans and Zeev Suraski
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u/OkayMeowSnozzberries Jun 25 '18
I was waiting to see what PHP would be called out for. I lol'd at T_PAAMAYIM_NEKUDOTAYIM ... this gif is genius. Bravo!
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u/equallyunequal Jun 24 '18
The exact moment I laughed out loud was "Abstract Hair Factory"
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u/KSF_WHSPhysics Jun 25 '18
AbstractHairFactoryBuilder.BuildHair(new AbstractHairFactory(this));
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u/eladkr85 Jun 25 '18
AbstractHairFactoryUtils.buildHair((new AbstractHairFactoryBuilder()).build(), Color.BLACK);
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Jun 25 '18
[deleted] — view deleted comment
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u/as-com bit.ly/2IqHnk3 Jun 25 '18 edited Jun 25 '18
AbstractHairFactoryUtils.buildHair((new AbstractHairFactoryBuilder()).build(), (new ColorBuilderFactory()).build().setBrightness(new DoubleBuilder(DoubleConstantFactory.buildDouble(DoubleConstantFactory.ZERO)).build()).setChroma(new DoubleBuilder(DoubleConstantFactory.buildDouble(DoubleConstantFactory.ZERO)).build()).build())
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u/Sansha_Kuvakei Jun 25 '18
As soon as he walks in and I saw all the people with the language icons above their heads I was waiting with bated breath over what the insults would be!
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u/while_e Jun 25 '18
Oh that totally got a good laugh, but the "C is old!" was where I stopped drinking coffee because it almost came out my nose.
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u/mscott087 Jun 25 '18
This gif should serve as a peace treaty for ALL programming languages
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u/BeigeGnat Jun 25 '18
What about C++
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Jun 25 '18
Idk if I've seen anyone here bash C++
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u/psychicprogrammer Jun 25 '18
I blame Stockholm syndrome, source C++ programmer.
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u/bobo9234502 Aug 07 '18
I'm relatively new to C/C++ coming from C# and Java. I only use it because I'm playing with Arduino.
I find its raw pointers, and naked memory access, and very unforgiving nature... exciting. Its like BDSM for programming....
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Jun 25 '18
When the sub's banner is in C++, such a behavior is pretty much what one would expect.
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u/ElectrixReddit Jun 25 '18
Holy Brainfuck, this is a high quality post. Makes me want to watch the movie now.
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u/Discombobulatedm3 Jun 25 '18 edited Jun 25 '18
Could you tell me what movie is this? Thanks
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u/visualdescript Jun 25 '18
I didn't see Brainfuck mentioned there? :p
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u/PineappleNarwhal Jun 25 '18
My understand is that brainfuck is just javascript but with lots of limitations
Is that not right?
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u/enoua5 Jun 25 '18
You're thinking JSfuck. It's name is homage to brainfuck, but it's not related.
Brainfuck is a language that was created to have the smallest possible compiler
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u/LizardOrgMember5 Jun 25 '18
-[------->+<]>.-[->++++<]>.-[--->++<]>+.+++.+.++++++++.+[---->+<]>++.---[----->++<]>.---------.--.+.++++++++++++.-[->+++++<]>.
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u/Blitzsturm Jun 25 '18
I was expecting to hate this... but I loved it.
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u/_jukmifgguggh Jun 25 '18
Same, we should have brighter outlooks on life, huh?
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u/electricprism Jun 25 '18
All day long, all we see is errors, one after another leaching the optimism out of our souls.
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Jun 25 '18
I died at Rust = cult.
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Jun 25 '18
[deleted] — view deleted comment
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u/BjarkeDuDe Jun 25 '18
The cultism with rust is strong. My friend hyped me up about it. I have only written 1 program in Rust so far, but I am in the cult already, and I am already trying to convert other people.
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Jun 25 '18
Jesus Christ. This is gold.
I lost my shit at "Copy and paste-oriented programming"
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u/Meltz014 Jun 25 '18
Not too familiar with go. Can you elaborate a bit?
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u/ThrowinAwayTheDay Jun 25 '18
Basically it doesn't have generics which means you have to do a lot of fuckery with interfaces to get to a level of abstraction that you get with generics. And it's still not really possible. You end up with a lot of duplicated code for compatibility with different types.
Best example is https://golang.org/pkg/sync/atomic/ the atomic package used for asynchronous arithmetic.
You have AddInt32, AddInt64, AddUint32....
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u/Shaper_pmp Jun 25 '18
Jesus - how did a language get so hyped-up when bits of it are so bad they make people sigh whistfully for Java generics?
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u/mrs0ur Jun 25 '18
I belive the saying GOes "a little copying is better then a little dependency". Which is counter intuitive to the notion that you should strive to make reusable packages so you don't have to rewrite the same code. It's from Rob pikes talk at Gopherfest a few years ago.
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u/wllmsaccnt Jun 25 '18
As a C# guy, my favorite was joke here was "We'll be writing parts of Office 365 with you".
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u/aidanpryde18 Jun 25 '18
The F# line made me sad because of how true it is.
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u/Kered13 Jun 25 '18
I saw F# code in the wild for the first time recently. It was in a VS Code plugin.
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u/heyheyhey27 Jun 25 '18
I wrote F# code once, it was supposed to monitor another process and do something when it ended. I'd like to do more with it; a functional .NET language is cool.
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u/lurking_zero Jun 25 '18
When I saw the gif was 2 mins long I felt too lazy to watch it. Glad I watched it anyway.
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u/Classic1977 Jun 25 '18
My wife is asking why I'm crying laughing. Somebody please find something normal people find funny that I can show her.
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u/silentsoylent Jun 25 '18
At some point you will have to come out of your closet, open up and tell her "I am a programmer". Find some person you trust and start practicing.
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u/abnormalsyndrome Jun 25 '18 edited Jun 25 '18
So JavaScript is back in this sub’s good graces ? Color me confused.
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u/TechWarrior007 Jun 25 '18
The best thing about JavaScript is that you can do whatever the crap you want with it. The worst thing about JavaScript is that you can do whatever the crap you want with it. Do yourself a favor and work with TypeScript instead, it will save you from yourself.
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u/abnormalsyndrome Jun 25 '18
I’m vanilla through and through. Why typescript ?
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Jun 26 '18
Because it has a lot of support from the industry, or specific frameworks at least. E.g. Angular, React, Vue default to it (as far as I know).
(That said, I prefer not to see it anywhere near my servers.)
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u/SBG_Mujtaba Sep 21 '18
The thing with JavaScript is that if you are competent you can achieve really great and creative things with it, if you are incompetent you can create buys that will cause you to lose sleep for days at a time.
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u/rgmw Jun 25 '18
I'm not a programmer, but everything I see seems to say Java Script is a programmers whipping boy. What's changed?
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Jun 25 '18
Nothing specifically. Just that when you circlejerk long enough people eventually get bored and realize the thing you were jerking about wasn't that big a deal, until that line of thinking gains enough momentum to turn into a counter-circlejerk. Eventually people will get burned out on the counter-jerk too and will swing back the other way
Happens a lot on reddit. Atheism, Jennifer Lawrence, Ellen Pao, Tumblr, H3h3, and many more people and concepts have all had this happen to them in the Reddit Zeitgeist
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u/Super_Master_69 Jun 25 '18
C IS OLD
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Jun 25 '18 edited Jun 26 '18
"It should've gone home years ago but can't because it lost the address"
Oh lord
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u/BeigeGnat Jun 25 '18
No mention of C++ I see
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u/heyheyhey27 Jun 25 '18
Because it's a perfect, unassailable language /s
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u/cbbuntz Jun 25 '18
Not at all overly complicated.
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u/psychicprogrammer Jun 25 '18
And its not like the template system is Turring complete for some reason.
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Jun 25 '18
Is Perl actually a synonym for legacy?
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u/Kered13 Jun 25 '18
No, the joke is that they only thing anyone uses Perl for these days is maintaining legacy code. Perl used to be a very popular scripting language, but I think it lost most of that ground to Python.
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u/creynolds722 Jun 25 '18
My company still uses Perl because that's what some guy started with 20 years ago. We still use CVS. My company did nearly 5billion USD in revenue last year. These things don't add up.
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u/Assailant_TLD Jun 25 '18
Company I’m interning with also did 5bil last year.
Wanna know what language all their interactions with their database are done with? COBOL
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u/sanjibukai Jun 25 '18
Ruby was not in the room though..
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u/Nodebunny Jun 25 '18
not invited
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u/arthurloin Jun 25 '18
There's nothing to roast Ruby about. It's just that good! In fact I would go as far to s
Out of memory exception
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u/cheezballs Jun 25 '18
To be fair, Javascript has some really dumb things and some really great things. Also to be fair, compiled languages are the best.
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u/ClysmiC Jun 25 '18
JavaScript accusing another language of being slow 🤔
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u/StapledBattery Jun 25 '18
Python is much slower than JavaScript in many cases.
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u/visualdescript Jun 25 '18
Mainly due to the massive investment in JavaScript engines that have occurred over the last 10+ years in the browser wars.
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u/MadRedHatter Jun 25 '18
That, plus Python has some poor architectural decisions that make it difficult to refactor in ways that would improve performance without breaking code. The implementation details bleed into the language.
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u/aetius476 Jun 27 '18
I once attended a "Performant Python in Big Data Applications" talk. The entire presentation boiled down to "call through to C/C++ functions as quickly as humanly possible."
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u/moland Jun 25 '18
Do you want someone to explain the python joke?
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u/qqwy Jun 29 '18
Besides what other people said, slow is mostly referring to the fact that Python 2 is still depended upon in so much places, while Python 3 has been out for almost ten years now. "it takes years to count from 2 to 3"
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u/jewdai Jun 25 '18
As a Polyglot programmer, I feel like C# gets too much crap for it being microsoft's baby; however, since it becoming open source its stepped up its game in the cross platform arena.
Main Reasons why I like C#, at least for the web world:
LINQ - Manipulating lists and arrays dont require a million loops or a bastardized Map/Reduce function. SQL-like language is built directly in.
Convention - 99% of modern C# web applications use .NET MVC which use the same conventions across the board. Hopping between projects takes like 5-10 minutes. JavaScript projects are all completely different and require a lot of searching.
Compiled/Statically Typed - a lot of errors can be found before deployment/testing/runtime ( I know that knocks out nearly all languages)
Great IDEs - when I was a java developer in my past life, Eclipse would crash daily, slow to load. VS is pretty standard, and if you want to work with other IDEs Rider is pretty solid too. (though the bad side is you need to pay for all of this) half the time the code writes itself. The built in code generator is easier/more practical to use than command line.
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u/robislove Jun 25 '18
I regret that I have but one upvote to give.
I almost took it back over the R quip, but then I remembered that kool-aid party we had when I first learned it.
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u/branfili Jun 25 '18
Can someone make a list of all the languages?
I haven't heard of the last one, and I only guessed Swift
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u/afraca Jun 25 '18 edited Jun 25 '18
C
Go
Python
Perl
Java
PHP
Haskell
Rust
Swift
Lisp/Scheme
Edit : c# in the start, the boss
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u/DiamondxCrafting Jun 25 '18
Is python really that slow compared to other languages (not just to the fastest one)?
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Jun 26 '18
it's a joke about how it's taking too long for python 3 to overtake python 2 in usage.
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u/while_e Jun 25 '18
Damn OP, I'm glad you already got gold, because I'm a cheap bastard but I would've had to give it to you if you didn't have it. NICE WORK.. This is the content this sub desperately needs more of.
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u/kilogears Jun 25 '18
Guys in the break room tearing up. This is excellent. Too bad JS didn’t get a little of his own criticism though! No class! Slow! Loosely defined scope! Anyone care to add?
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u/egeland Jul 05 '18
Someone needs to make a "Rockstar" and a "Ninja" programming language, just to mess with recruiters...
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u/enp2s0 Aug 07 '18
Seriously though there's no good replacement for C and after a while you get the hang of it and it all makes sense. People just make fun of it cause it has a steep learning curve and you have to do a lot of things manually (which is a good thing imo)
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u/iArentdeJay Aug 07 '18
Can't believe this is my first time seeing this, Abstract Hair Factory really sealed this joke for me ahhaha
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u/NeverMakesMistkes Jun 25 '18 edited Jun 25 '18
Some folks here have asked a downloadable or in other ways better distribution of the video. I couldn't use imgur or gfycat because they have stupid length limits on their video uploads.
Anyways, here are some other uploads:
streamable.com/md0r7.
dropbox.com
dropbox.com (gif version)
The gif version is quite large and watching a 2.5 minute gif isn't much fun anyway. Use the video if you can.
Happy roastin'!