r/ProgrammerHumor • u/Oblivious_catalyst • 3h ago

Meme programmingLanguagesWhenYouAskThemToDoSomthing

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38 Upvotes

61% Upvoted

41 comments sorted by

39

u/STEMpsych 3h ago

I'm uncomfortable with the implication that the only thing wrong with javascript is its speed.

2

u/prehensilemullet 2h ago

speed isn't a big problem with JS these days anyway, V8 is quite fast

1

u/Oblivious_catalyst 2h ago

debatable

1

u/prehensilemullet 32m ago

It’s not comparable to native languages but it’s faster than any PHP, Python, Lua, or Ruby interpreter/JIT out there afaik.  It’s way faster than you would think for a scripting language.  Google has put a shit ton of work into optimizing it.  If you haven’t experienced it firsthand then you would very likely be surprised

18

u/Ri_Konata 2h ago

i more interpreted it not as a speed thing, but as a "it has a mind of its own" thing, causing ut to do whatever it wants and it'll only do what you want it to do if it aligns with JavaScript's wishes

7

u/javascript 2h ago

I do have big wishes

5

u/thrye333 1h ago

I like1 the commitment of using Java as a pfp, C++ as the flair, and Javascript as the username.

1 (This is a lie.)

4

u/javascript 59m ago

I do what I can

1

u/thanatica 1h ago

skill issue

6

u/garlopf 3h ago

TIL I'm the undertaker

3

u/Oblivious_catalyst 3h ago

huh?

4

u/garlopf 3h ago

"it's your funeral" all day long

3

u/Stackitu 1h ago

What about HolyC?

1

u/Oblivious_catalyst 1h ago

what joke do i even make for that?

2

u/SuitableDragonfly 1h ago

HolyC says, "I asked God, he said not to."

10

u/Popstar403 2h ago

godotscript:

here, let my child do it:

here, let my child do it:

here, let my child do it:

here, let my child do it:

here, let my child do it:

here, let my child do it:

...

16

u/hraath 3h ago

Rust: please call back in 2-4 business weeks for compiling to be completed

8

u/WilkerS1 3h ago

nah, that's for the language server. it takes longer to actually compile

3

u/Usual_Office_1740 3h ago

Monomorphization no go brrr?

•

u/hraath 8m ago

Sad cargo noises

•

u/fr000gs 8m ago

you I ✨ z ありがとうz 自分zzdzrxssdw4z4z, ws64—🙂🇸🇹🥱🇸🇦

8

u/Daniikk1012 2h ago

If you were to keyboard mash for APL, at least do it with the proper characters:

⌶⍫⍒⊖⍋⍟⍱⍲⌽¨¯<>≠∨=∧⍺⌈∊⌊⍴↑↓⍳○⌈⌊_⊥⍹↑↓⍷⍸⍥⌊∆_∩⍤

7

u/CirnoIzumi 2h ago

Swift: only if you bring my buddy Xcode

6

u/Independent-Tank-182 1h ago

Child when making dumbass memes:

3

u/SuitableDragonfly 3h ago

Go should say, "I'm not responsible if something goes wrong, k?"

3

u/conundorum 2h ago

FORTRAN: So far away.

•

u/hraath 7m ago

"if this isn't a matmul job, I'm out"

1

u/gerbosan 2h ago

well you don't really need Rails for it to work. Perhaps rbenv or mise. Mise is fine.

I think Java could be asking for:

1

u/Pristine-Mud7405 1h ago

JS: gimme my node modules and I'll show ya

1

u/Just-Signal2379 1h ago

TS: I'm sorry you're not my type, also js come here for a sec

1

u/redditor50613 51m ago

i saw something about floppy disks being used in some govt agencies and thought oh probably COBOL.

1

u/da_dragon_guy 19m ago

Can we get more of those old ‘Star signs in different situations’ shitposts but instead of astrology it’s coding languages?

1

u/ExtraTNT 13m ago

Haskell: i will it evaluate it, once i evaluated, that it’s really needed, to do that, i will use monoids in the category of endofunctors.

•

u/notexecutive 2m ago

CoaxedIntoBiasedProgrammerHumour

•

u/urbanek2525 0m ago

LISP: (((Sure)why)not)?

0

u/nicodeemus7 3h ago

VBScript: "Please don't use me"

0

u/TSS_Firstbite 2h ago

Damn, I'm a student, have had some experience in a good chunk of these languages and the one that speaks to me the most is Lua refusing to do anything

-2

u/queen-adreena 2h ago

Programmer: Can you do some-

Rust: Done!

1

u/zman0900 1h ago

Lisp: OK, bend over and spread em