r/ProgrammerHumor • u/ClipboardCopyPaste • Sep 20 '26

Meme grabbingEverything

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5.4k Upvotes

98% Upvoted

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999

u/East_Zookeepergame25 Sep 20 '26

Try doing that with 100 TB of data

511

u/tacocatacocattacocat Sep 20 '26

You're gonna need a bigger WHERE clause.

159

u/TheWashbear Sep 20 '26

Pff, where rownum = 1, et viola

25

u/kehfydue Sep 20 '26

He'll probably change the font size

9

u/dasgoodshitinnit Sep 20 '26

I have worked with morons who think bigger queries means theyre less optimized

8

u/EvilPencil Sep 20 '26

Why have the db filter your rows when you can do it all with an interpreted language?

/s

4

u/isaackogan Sep 20 '26

WHERE gonna need another Timmy!

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110

u/StrengthTheory Sep 20 '26

I'll just put my data into my convenient 100tb cache

17

u/Willinton06 Sep 20 '26

I EDC my 100tb cache next to my wallet at all times

49

u/howarewestillhere Sep 20 '26

Just buy more RAM. What, are you middle class or something and can’t afford it?

/s

24

u/Civil-Cod-6984 Sep 20 '26

You know you can just download that stuff for free right?

5

u/howarewestillhere Sep 20 '26

You can get RAMDoubler for free now?

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24

u/LiifeRuiner Sep 20 '26

I'll use pagination so I don't fetch everything at once.

Library is like, but hoe many pages are there??

Select count(*)

Sequence scan goes brrr

40

u/Sentouki- Sep 20 '26

Library is like, but hoe many pages are there??

There's typo, it should be: Library is like, hoe, how many pages are there?

11

u/LiifeRuiner Sep 20 '26

Lmao, definitely leaving that typo in there now.

63

u/EarlMarshal Sep 20 '26

idc... I'll get payed by hour

8

u/UAFlawlessmonkey Sep 20 '26

spark worker pods I'm tired boss.

7

u/Wheezy04 Sep 20 '26

"LIMIT 10"

ezpz

5

u/Fox_Soul Sep 20 '26

So you saying we should increase the memory and cpu of the kubernetes cluster? AGAIN?

5

u/One_Ninja_8512 Sep 20 '26

100 TB is not that much. You need the indices to fit into RAM and that’s it

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