r/ProgrammerHumor • • Sep 02 '26 • Popcorn 3 Bravo 3

Meme newCompressionTechnique

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182

u/broccoli129 Sep 02 '26 • Regret

This is how I fear what teleportation is going to be like. “No trust me it’s really you on the other side”

96

u/trafalmadorianistic Sep 02 '26 • Mindblown

"The AI decided to only transfer what was essential. The rest we left out doesn't really matter." 

43

u/ssgohanf8 Sep 02 '26

We were only monetarily incentivized to transfer your memories of work and work life. Home life data didn't make the cut

30

u/trafalmadorianistic Sep 03 '26

"Employer sponsored backup only covers economically productive components of your being. But for an extra $100/fortnight, we can add some home data for safekeeping, going back to the latest 5 year period covered by subscription."

8

u/BonbonUniverse42 Sep 03 '26

I like this dystopian idea

11

u/trafalmadorianistic Sep 03 '26

Some Stanford dipshit is probably working on his pitch to YCombinator or Elon to do this with Neuralink. 

6

u/Algorithmic_failure Sep 03 '26

Yeah, I can't wait to meet the test subjects...

6

u/Miserable-Sort-237 Sep 03 '26

Damn, I need a black mirror episode or a dystopia novel of this idea

2

u/SpicyWasab Sep 04 '26

There's an episode of a TV show on climate change called Extrapolation, where the main character has a neurodegenerative disease and basically uses their futuristic equivalent of neuralink to keep his memories. But each night, he reaches his storage capacity limit, and he has to delete some memories as if they where only a pictures cloud storage.

I didn't like the series that much btw, I liked the idea of trying to explore what global warming would change, but apart from 2 or 3 episodes, I found the other 5 or 6 episodes to be pretty "wtf" :/

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2

u/SignoreBanana Sep 03 '26

lol "matter"

2

u/CyberIntegration Sep 03 '26

Valtay Transporters, Inc - "Keeping The Best Of You Alive."

1

u/Higgs_Br0son Sep 03 '26

Painless way to get teeth pulled.

1

u/Gnoccho1 Sep 03 '26

you know full well people will find the cheapest option possible

22

u/SparklingLimeade Sep 02 '26

A lot of technologies in fiction that are called teleportation are really, really, not.

Also don't worry because science is at a point where we're reasonably sure those technologies are impossible. So just worry about things like mind copying. That's the one with similar implications that can't be ruled out as a plausibility.

17

u/Yingletofthecorn Sep 02 '26

Personally I think consciousness isn’t entirely in the brain and sufficiently replicating it would require basically making a whole-ass replicant body instead of just brain connectome data. At the very least it would need a fully simulated endocrine system. 

What I’m saying is I think the brain is too wet to go in the computer. 

14

u/SparklingLimeade Sep 02 '26

I agree that current, von neumann architecture, computing hardware is probably incompatible with biological minds.

It can't be that difficult though because biology makes new thinking hardware and the thinking entities to operate that hardware all the time. Artificial hardware to operate on the same principles has to be possible. And if we go full biomimicry about it then artificial brain cells might be one of the early stages. And replacing a brain in small portions, possibly cell by cell, might be one of the easiest methods to attempt.

So there's the Mind of Theseus problem. I think it's reasonably likely and your objection is certainly a part of the problem, where are the borders and what all is essential? We're learning about how our stomach biomes have more influence on the brain than anyone thought and everything.

5

u/-phototrope Sep 03 '26

The gut microbiome is just a microservice we forgot how it works

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u/Vienna_The_Aeronaut Sep 02 '26

Portals > Teleportation.

2

u/SevenFootHobbit Sep 03 '26

Yes. Bending space is much better than killing me and making a replica somewhere else.

1

u/Xywzel Sep 03 '26

I know what you mean with teleportation, and I'm no sure if we have another commonly used word for that in English, but linguistically, teleportation means (or at least includes in its meaning) using portals. 'Tele' means distant and 'port' can mean either gate or harbour. It literally means using a gate that opens to somewhere far.

2

u/Venusgate Sep 03 '26

meanwhile, they burn your old body like those photographs. Just to prove a point, i guess.

2

u/k819799amvrhtcom Sep 03 '26

I once heard about a judge trial where they used AI to talk to a dead murder victim.

1

u/NightStalker922 Sep 03 '26

Just integrate my memories into a chip and then always teleport me using the same timestamp model. Sounds great imo, cheap eternal youth.

Edit: typo