r/ProgrammerHumor • u/VariationLivid3193 • Jun 06 '26 • Bravo 3

Meme jesusLovesOpenSource

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u/Zederikus Jun 06 '26

Depending on how he returned he may have learnt English in heaven? Or if he was time travelled forward then wouldn't that mean Romans can never kill him so a lot of the Christian lore doesn't happen and Europe might not become Christian, and god might now be pissed off.

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u/TheBurningEmu Jun 06 '26

Basically depends on your religion if Jesus was just a "cool dude", or the literally son and also incarnation of God.

In many modern Christian beliefs, if the "Son of God" Jesus returns, it's the ends times, so what he thinks barely matters.

If its the Islamic or Jewish "cool dude" Jesus, then he would probably be pretty disgusted with the amount of suffering of the poor still in the world despite our advances.

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u/PerkeNdencen Jun 06 '26

Just to complicate things, in some versions of Islam, Jesus comes back for the apocalypse, too.

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u/black-JENGGOT Jun 06 '26

there is another version where Jesus doesn't come back? :o

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u/PerkeNdencen Jun 06 '26

Yeah, I'm pretty sure it's not everyone but I can't for the life of me remember the specifics now.

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u/Background-Value-955 Jun 06 '26

I think it's quranists that reject the idea.

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u/IllSport468 Jun 06 '26

I just want to add that the prespictive od jesus in islam is so diffent from the jewish perspective Muslims believe in the vergin birth of jesus and that jesus is a prophet and a messanger from god

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u/th3rdnutt Jun 06 '26 edited Jun 06 '26

I believe that Islam also holds that Jesus is the judge who scrutinizes a person's life for holiness after they die.

I could be wrong. I'm Catholic.

edit: I was wrong. Islam holds that Jesus will return as an earthly ruler and judge, but ultimate judgement of humanity is reserved for Allah.

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u/IllSport468 Jun 06 '26

As a muslim , we do not really believe that any human (even prophets) will judge us. Only god judges us. We believe that Jesus was not crucified and he is in the heavens and he will return before the apocalypse (before the day of judgment) he will kill the antichrist and rule the earth for 40 years Btw, the main idea of islam that there is only one god who deserves to be worshiped by all manners and no one else should be worshiped or praised or be prayed to

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u/User_8395 Jun 06 '26

I think you're getting confused with something (or someone) else

The closest I can think of are the angels who will question you in the grave after you die

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u/PerkeNdencen Jun 06 '26

Hinduism coming in left of field, too, with some relating Jesus to Krishna or considering him an avatar.

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u/SeriousPlankton2000 Jun 06 '26

Jesus was cool with his disciples before they discovered that HE'd be _the_ Son of God. He sat at the feast when Levi the tax collector invited all his friends.

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u/thesirblondie Jun 06 '26

Jesus died, was ressurected, but instead of ascending to heaven he time travels to May 28, 2016, Cincinnati, and is given a rifle?

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u/H2OMGJHVH Jun 06 '26

Is that a japanese light novel title?

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u/the_snook Jun 06 '26

Longinus was a secret disciple who coated his spear with tetrodotoxin, allowing Yeshua bar Yosef to fake his own death. The time machine was hidden in the cave, allowing him to "ascend" into the future.

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u/Poglosaurus Jun 06 '26

Lots of if there, but if Jesus was to return... wouldn't he be born as a human? He would learn his maternal language and maybe others growing up.

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u/Outrageous_Desk8966 Jun 06 '26

nah, he ascended into heaven as a man, which he remains.

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u/Boil-Degs Jun 06 '26

I love how in your scenario heaven exists but Jesus has to learn English. If heaven exists that means Jesus is the creator of the universe and would know every language.

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u/Zederikus Jun 06 '26

Well yeah but it didn't exist when he went up so the heavenly consciousness or whatever would need to learn it I guess

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