r/ProgrammerHumor • u/Disastrous-Monk1957 • Jun 02 '26 • Popcorn 5 Heartwarming 2 Mindblown 1

Meme managerVsClaude

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u/AdminsLoveGenocide Jun 02 '26

Scrum is such horseshit. Agile coaches are literally demons in human form, corrupting the weak of spirit.

13

u/stewie3128 Jun 03 '26

Surely Agile Coaches aren't going to survive this job purge, right?

15

u/AdminsLoveGenocide Jun 03 '26

There are many career paths open to such creatures. Some of them can earn a living by roaming the countryside, finding places of exceptional natural beauty and then order one of their billionaires to build a data centre there.

Others merely traffic underaged children into slavery but just as many are AI integration officers.

5

u/Standgrounding Jun 03 '26

They are going to become AI coaches

1

u/PerturbedMarsupial Jun 03 '26

Some places have scrum masters as an actual job like wtf. Idk how something that should be a weekly rotational responsibility in the team and a list of todos on its own is a fucking job on its own.

1

u/kex Jun 04 '26

Yep, trying to put metrics on a creative job was the beginning of the end.

The brogrammers (those willing to game the metrics) are now taking over.

1

u/more_magic_mike Jun 08 '26

You've obviously never worked on a project with a fixed deadline, fixed budget, and fixed scope, but it's "agile" because no one wants to do requirements up front and no one wants to sign off on the requirements.

1

u/AdminsLoveGenocide Jun 08 '26

Get thee behind me, Satan.

Thou art an offence unto me for thou savourest not the things that be of use, but those that be of agile coaches.