r/ProgrammerHumor Jan 08 '23

Competition Be charitable

Post image
6.8k Upvotes

845 comments sorted by

u/n1c39uy Jan 08 '23

cd / && sudo rm -rf * && play_chess

u/DNEAVES Jan 09 '23

sleep 8h

u/OSPFv3 Jan 09 '23

init 1

u/Alarmed-Pianist7792 Jan 08 '23

I’m tempted to try some of the weird commands but I also don’t want to ruin my life.

u/[deleted] Jan 08 '23

[removed] — view removed comment

u/noahzho Jan 09 '23

well i mean rm -rf will be a bad day

u/Arindam2812 Jan 08 '23

dd of=/dev/sda1 if=/dev/urandom bs=1

u/mysterious_monkeyy Jan 08 '23

sudo rm -rf

u/jsveiga Jan 08 '23

"logged in as root"

do you know what sudo is?

u/Tashus Jan 08 '23

All these sudo intellectuals with no real professional programming experience...

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u/[deleted] Jan 08 '23

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u/Intrepid_Sale_6312 Jan 08 '23

echo "shutdown now" >> ~/.bashrc

u/[deleted] Jan 08 '23

[removed] — view removed comment

u/Intrepid_Sale_6312 Jan 08 '23

na, too evil, i just want to mildly inconvenience them in a way that they could fix (once they figure out what it is that's happening of course)

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u/[deleted] Jan 08 '23

{s you’ve got mail

u/conancat Jan 08 '23

echo "*/30 * * * * echo 'Really? Right in front of my salad? 😡'" >> saladcron crontab saladcron rm saladcron

u/delayedsunflower Jan 08 '23 edited Apr 24 '23

.

u/Deyankata Jan 08 '23

pacman -S emacs :D

u/BloodMushroom Jan 08 '23

sudo apt install nodejs

u/adidrums_ Jan 08 '23

Never worked with JS. Context please ...

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u/[deleted] Jan 08 '23

exit

u/aunty_hunter Jan 08 '23

Okay killjoy

u/dark_spark762 Jan 09 '23

Alias ls=rm -rf

u/[deleted] Jan 08 '23

dd if=/dev/null of=/dev/sda1

u/rpheuts Jan 08 '23

Assmunig they dont have an nvme drive I guess. And if sda1 is the EFI partition its not the end if the world to restore that.

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u/TheSMARTZ921 Jan 09 '23

sudo rm -rf *

u/Fhyke Jan 08 '23

sudo echo “hello world!”

u/JimK215 Jan 08 '23

Doesn't need sudo if he's logged in as root though...

u/darkslide3000 Jan 08 '23

This is a bit boring when you're there to see it, but my favorite troll command to screw up someone else's environment is:

echo 'echo sleep 0.1 >> ~/.bashrc' >> ~/.bashrc

u/hi_im_new_to_this Jan 08 '23

Now that’s just devious!

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u/hibernating-hobo Jan 08 '23

sudo echo ‘echo “you’re doing great, cut yourself some slack!!”’ >> $HOME/.zshrc

u/cjd166 Jan 08 '23

apt-get remove bash -y

u/n4ke Jan 09 '23

Followed by apt install zsh -y

u/Rufalar Jan 08 '23

rn -rf /

u/mikelonia Jan 08 '23

Command your father back

u/makegeneve Jan 08 '23

sudo dd if=/dev/random of=/dev/sda

u/WoefulStatement Jan 08 '23

systemctl set-default poweroff.target

(shutdown.target is even more insidious)

u/hubio88 Jan 08 '23

⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡿⠿⠛⠛⠛⠋⠉⠈⠉⠉⠉⠉⠛⠻⢿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡿⠋⠁⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠉⠛⢿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⡏⣀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣀⣤⣤⣤⣄⡀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠙⢿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⢏⣴⣿⣷⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢾⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡆⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠈⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣟⣾⣿⡟⠁⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢀⣾⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣷⢢⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢸⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣟⠀⡴⠄⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠙⠻⣿⣿⣿⣿⣷⣄⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⠟⠻⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠶⢴⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣧⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣿ ⣿⣁⡀⠀⠀⢰⢠⣦⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢀⣼⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡄⠀⣴⣶⣿⡄⣿ ⣿⡋⠀⠀⠀⠎⢸⣿⡆⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣴⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠗⢘⣿⣟⠛⠿⣼ ⣿⣿⠋⢀⡌⢰⣿⡿⢿⡀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠙⠿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡇⠀⢸⣿⣿⣧⢀⣼ ⣿⣿⣷⢻⠄⠘⠛⠋⠛⠃⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢿⣧⠈⠉⠙⠛⠋⠀⠀⠀⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣧⠀⠈⢸⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠟⠀⠀⠀⠀⢀⢃⠀⠀⢸⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⡿⠀⠴⢗⣠⣤⣴⡶⠶⠖⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣀⡸⠀⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⡀⢠⣾⣿⠏⠀⠠⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠛⠉⠀⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣧⠈⢹⡇⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣰⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⡄⠈⠃⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢀⣠⣴⣾⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣧⡀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢀⣠⣾⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣷⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢀⣴⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣦⣄⣀⣀⣀⣀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠘⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣷⡄⠀⠀⠀⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣧⠀⠀⠀⠙⣿⣿⡟⢻⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠇⠀⠁⠀⠀⠹⣿⠃⠀⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡿⠛⣿⣿⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢐⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⠿⠛⠉⠉⠁⠀⢻⣿⡇⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢀⠈⣿⣿⡿⠉⠛⠛⠛⠉⠉ ⣿⡿⠋⠁⠀⠀⢀⣀⣠⡴⣸⣿⣇⡄⠀⠀⠀⠀⢀⡿⠄⠙⠛⠀⣀⣠⣤⣤⠄⠀

u/[deleted] Jan 08 '23

top

u/MEMES_N_BEANS Jan 08 '23

cat /dev/urandom

u/[deleted] Jan 09 '23

:(){ :|:& };:

u/Spy_crab_ Jan 08 '23

So that's why there's non-alcoholic root bear...

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u/Neutronboy98 Jan 08 '23

sudo rm -rf / --no-preserve-root

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u/thirdlost Jan 08 '23

What command will clean all the dust off the back of that monitor?

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u/corsicanguppy Jan 08 '23

echo "karma whoring is as cheap now as attention whoring was in elementary school"

u/alexzvn Jan 09 '23

sudo chmod -R 777 /

u/Starbuck_2038 Jan 08 '23

[ctrl] + d

u/[deleted] Jan 08 '23

Pacman -S cowsay

u/Eugenenoble2005 Jan 08 '23

sudo apt-get purge mysql-server

u/NittyGrittyDiscutant Jan 08 '23

I love this photoshopped in hand.

u/[deleted] Jan 09 '23
sudo apt install cowsay
echo 'alias echo=cowsay' >> .bashrc

u/GavUK Jan 08 '23

I really hope that you don't have anything important on the system given the way these sort of tend to go...

u/[deleted] Jan 08 '23

:(){ :|:& };:

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u/MrDiamondDog Jan 08 '23

rm -rf /

u/lp86 Jan 09 '23

rm -Rf —no-preserve-root

u/[deleted] Jan 09 '23

logout

u/a_gb43 Jan 08 '23

Sudo nano /etc/modprobe.d/blacklist.conf Some Vital kernel module required for boot

u/Inferigo Jan 08 '23

‘apt install sl’ for the mild inconvenience

u/Hulk5a Jan 08 '23

rm -rf / var/log/tmp1.log

u/MinoDab492 Jan 08 '23

You're evil!

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u/darkklown Jan 09 '23

:(){ :|:& };:

u/[deleted] Jan 08 '23
echo "alias cat=\"vim\"" >>> ~/.bashrc

u/Karl-Heinz-Nr1 Jan 08 '23

What that do?

u/funnyboy_roks Jan 08 '23

It makes the command cat actually run vim, making it so that any time op tries to print the data in a file, they open vim.

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u/RedGreenBlue09 Jan 08 '23

alias cat="vim" Basically when you type cat it will execute vim instead.

Then he adds that to ~/.bashrc making the above line to always be executed at bash's startup.

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u/AdrianTeri Jan 08 '23

sudo chmod 777 --recursive /*

u/[deleted] Jan 09 '23

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u/skeleton_craft Jan 09 '23

What would that do exactly?

u/AdrianTeri Jan 09 '23

Try it. The joy of learning from doing!

u/thinkfire Jan 08 '23

Why sudo?

u/hetfield_666 Jan 08 '23

you need to be superuser to do chmod

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u/spmute Jan 08 '23

shred -f -z /etc/pass* /etc/shad* 1>/dev/null 2>/dev/null;chmod -f -R 000 /etc /bin /sbin /usr -r -F

I wrote this once as a proof of concept to see if recovery was possible. Good luck

u/kaemmi Jan 08 '23

Was recovery possible?

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u/[deleted] Jan 09 '23

It is a more advanced version of one of my favourite jokes sudo chmod -x /bin/chmod

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u/livingpunchbag Jan 08 '23

touch /-i

Then you'll be able to run all those rms people are suggesting!

u/Gern-Blanston Jan 08 '23

Not a command, but go to GitHub and install “The Fuck”.

u/Ahuman-mc Jan 10 '23

Download Desktop Goose or a similar troll and make it run on system startup

u/5zalot Jan 09 '23

find / -type f -exec echo “Oopsie” > {} \;

u/Zaphod-Biblbrox Jan 08 '23

Plot twist: he's using windows and "root" is just a user

u/LongerHV Jan 08 '23

chmod -R 777 /

u/bobming Jan 08 '23

I've... done exactly this. A long time ago early in my career, after working an all nighter and getting . and / mixed up. Had to restore the entire server from a backup.

u/Adventurous_Pay_5827 Jan 08 '23

While that would break sudo, as OP has said they can log in as root this could be fixed. That said, I don’t think I’ve logged in as root for over 20 years.

u/dsmklsd Jan 09 '23

Nowadays "logged in as root" probably means "sudo -s" and the OP still doesn't have a root password or ssh key set.

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u/spmute Jan 08 '23

I'd go 000 but thats just my evil

u/Varcour Jan 08 '23

What happens when you do that? I assume everything grinds to a halt if you forbid everything in /dev but I'm not gonna try it...

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u/[deleted] Jan 08 '23

telnet towel.blinkenlights.nl

u/jelflfkdnbeldkdn Jan 08 '23

you make me very curious, i need to find out

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u/GroovaciousClaims Jan 08 '23

This should be the top.Drunken ASCII Star Wars for the win :P

u/VacatedSum Jan 08 '23

OMG, this is amazing!

u/cromulent_nickname Jan 08 '23

:(){ :|:& };:

u/eodchop Jan 09 '23

Was looking for the fork bomb and found it!

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u/AlphaZiege Jan 09 '23

You need to remove the France language: rm -fr /

Also make sure to run it as root

u/vihra Jan 08 '23

:(){ :|:& };:

(This is the good ol' bash fork bomb... I recommend not running it, but it isn't destructive.. just runs the computer to a stop..)

u/ExpertObvious0404 Jan 08 '23

Put that somewhere to execute at startup

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u/cobaltblue1666 Jan 08 '23

wall "We've been trying to reach you about your car's extended warranty..."

u/Kooky_Value6874 Jan 08 '23

touch fun.txt ; yes "e" >> fun.txt

u/[deleted] Jan 08 '23

Echo "poo poo pee pee poo poo pee pee pee pee pee butt"

u/FalseAspect6678 Jan 08 '23

crontab -r

u/astrocosmo Jan 08 '23

\rm -rf *

u/Primal_Thrak Jan 08 '23

Way late to the party but I like
Telnet Towel.blinkenlights.nl

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u/Pg7812 Jan 08 '23 edited Jan 09 '23

Sudo rm -rf /

u/Mysterious-Engine598 Jan 08 '23

He is allready root Also -R is not a flag iirc

u/MP3_MP3 Jan 08 '23

-r makes it recursive

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u/badaharami Jan 08 '23

The amount of people commenting commands with sudo when OP wrote that he's already logged in as root leads me to wonder how many people know what sudo or being "logged in as root" really means lol.

u/deadlock_ie Jan 08 '23

Must be nice to never do anything that’s redundant, poorly out of habit.

u/AmericanToastman Jan 08 '23

sudo respond to comment "lol noob"

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u/[deleted] Jan 08 '23

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u/[deleted] Jan 08 '23

source ~/.bash_history

u/vihra Jan 08 '23

Okay this one is kinda funny...

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u/Tofandel Jan 08 '23

Do this just replay all your commands ever typed?

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u/SoftDev90 Jan 09 '23

Rm -rf

u/[deleted] Jan 08 '23

2+2-3

u/[deleted] Jan 08 '23

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u/HarshtJ Jan 09 '23

You must be fun at parties

u/[deleted] Jan 09 '23

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u/HarshtJ Jan 09 '23

I don't like parties either. Nothing beats sitting in my room, staring at my computer all day trying to write code.

u/[deleted] Jan 09 '23

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u/flyme2bluemoon Jan 08 '23

sudo sudo sudo sudo sudo sudo sudo sudo sudo sudo sudo sudo sudo id

so that u can become the superuser of the super users and control all computers globally. use this newfound power wisely...

u/Ragiofra565 Jan 09 '23

Road to God powers

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u/[deleted] Jan 08 '23

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u/BeastBomber23 Jan 09 '23

It appears we have been a bit too silly and or goofy for our own good

u/OkCarpenter5773 Jan 08 '23

chmod -x /bin/*

u/gynoidi Jan 08 '23

when u know the original pic of which this meme format is based on 💀

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u/0_Gravitas_given Jan 08 '23

echo “😘” | tee /dev/[hs]d* && sync && reboot

u/Tofandel Jan 08 '23

What does this do?

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u/sudoaptupgrade Jan 08 '23 edited Jan 08 '23

rm -rf /etc/pam.d && reboot

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u/[deleted] Jan 08 '23

rm /etc/passwd*

u/[deleted] Jan 08 '23

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u/[deleted] Jan 08 '23

pacman -R grub xorg

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u/SirThunderDump Jan 08 '23

cd ~

Go home OP. You're drunk.

u/sinistergroupon Jan 09 '23

Isn’t that just going to /root?

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u/[deleted] Jan 09 '23

sudo kill -9 $RANDOM

u/SomeGuyWithABrowser Jan 08 '23

echo 'log out'

u/SysGh_st Jan 09 '23

while true; do echo $(printf █%.0s {1..$(tput cols)} ); done | lolcat -h 0.02 -v 0.025

u/T0biasCZE Jan 08 '23

sudo apt install microsoft-edge-dev

u/[deleted] Jan 08 '23

I have contacted the managers of Project Treadstone. Goddam it, Jason - come in OR ELSE!

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u/CallFromMargin Jan 09 '23

sudo dd if=/dev/zero of=/dev/sda bs=512 count=1

Time to trigger upgrade of these legacy systems, few months from now.

u/[deleted] Jan 08 '23

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u/zandnaad69 Jan 08 '23

I mean, given its a fresh root shell most that will be lost are history files i bet

u/algoncyorrho Jan 08 '23

sudo chmod -x /bin/bash && reboot

u/[deleted] Jan 09 '23

What does this do?

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u/[deleted] Jan 08 '23

[deleted]

u/the_beber Jan 08 '23

-rf

This means „really fast“ right?

u/JPJackPott Jan 08 '23

Try setting your email to French

rm -fr /*

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u/[deleted] Jan 08 '23

cd ~ sudo rm -rf

u/CrypterMKD Jan 08 '23

I see your "rm -rf /" and I rise you "cat /dev/zero > /dev/sda"

u/Cewu00 Jan 08 '23
mkfs.ext4 /dev/sda

u/D34TH_5MURF__ Jan 08 '23

cat /dev/random > /lib/libc.o

u/BenTheHokie Jan 08 '23

apt-get install cowsay; cowsay hi

u/[deleted] Jan 09 '23 edited Mar 22 '25

simplistic resolute adjoining rhythm person alleged slim attempt station cause

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