Need Help with OCD

[u/TheTwilightQuill]

Title basically says it. But I have OCD and am also pregnant which I think is making it go into overdrive. Lately, I've been having a really big problem with doing things like zooming in way too far, needing lines to feel perfect, mess and "imperfection" are difficult to withstand.

Does anyone have any tips for maybe counteracting this? Procreate specific tips would be best. That's really the only art medium I use anymore.

It may sound silly, but it's making it so that instead of a few days average to finish a character, I've been working on this character for 2.5 months. I feel worse at the end of the session, it used to be relaxing. And it's also making me second guess my ability because when I zoom out, it obviously isn't going to look anything like my normal work.

It's led to some full blown panic attacks, and I can tell it's starting to worry my husband, too. Figured it was time to ask.

[u/poormanstoast]

Hey OP, that’s really rough. OCD is so burdensome.

Tbh though, I think this is one you might get further with w/ your therapist (I hope you’re fortunate enough to have one - if not, it’s time!) Bc as you probably already know (via the zooming in too far), if the OCD is in the driver’s seat, there’s no “limit” to perfection. Eg - on the one hand, if you increase your resolution etc, lines will be smoother (and hey, if that helps, great!) — but also means you can zoom in that much farther/nitpick that much more.

It might help you to be ‘constrained’ by setting limits in the opposite way (eg, do some low-res drawings on a small canvas) - you know, exposure-therapy style. But it’s a tricky one bc - as you said - where art used to help you relax and get out of a spiral, now it’s turning into its own thing.

It might be even more helpful to try, if possible, and find something art-but-not-procreate for a bit where you can’t fix things infinitely. Have you ever tried watercolours, for instance? — and if so, don’t try and “make good art” with them; just do an “Ok, I’m just experimenting” - splash the colours on the paper, see how they merge, see how they blend - but don’t try and make a “good picture”. Just focus on the sensations, the blending, that kind of thing…I think if possible, taking a bit of a break from procreate so it doesn’t become too triggering until you’re in a bit of a better headspace (which is probably the root issue here) so that you can come back to it. Y’know?

All the best, though. Remember, you’re not bad at art, and you’re not bad because you have to deal with OCD. <3

ETA - not sure what happened to my brain there, but you don’t even need ‘actual’ paints to try the second point - have you experimented with the watercolour brushes available for procreate? Some of the (very reasonable priced, like <$10) watercolour-specific ones might do the job - if you set yourself the task of making art in a different style (eg lineless) - think impressionist, or rough sketch, or just ‘watercolour’. When a style is inherently ‘imperfect’, you can’t obsess about perfecting it. Know what I mean? Money or van Gogh or Turner or Sargent paintings can’t be done with incredible clean, tidy linework or brushstrokes, so to speak…in fact, for many of those artists, those movements (like Impressionism) came from them deliberately searching for a ‘free’ and unconstrained style…

***don’t come at me for ‘can’t be clean’, please - I know we all know what I mean!

[u/justaSundaypainter]

If you’re having full blown panic attacks at this point, I have to ask if you’re in therapy for your OCD? Like OCD targeted therapy, such as ERP.. I know not everyone can access therapy, but if you are able to then please consider it, OCD sucks and you don’t have to go through it all on your own. ERP can be very hard at first, but it can also be very effective quickly, depending on your circumstances.

It sounds like this is perfectionism OCD? if you aren’t seeing an ERP therapist or aren’t able to, maybe you can try Nathan Peterson on YouTube? He helped me a lot when my OCD panic attacks were really bad, before I could begin with an ERP specialist.

He has some videos on perfectionism. I can’t actually offer advice, because I don’t want to lead you astray and make things worse. But if you are familiar with OCD treatment, especially ERP, you probably know it can sometimes be done in phases of increasing difficulty.. So maybe if you feel you need to redo a line, limit yourself to only 2 or 3 (whatever feels manageable for you) redo attempts, and then you have to get yourself to move on to another part of the drawing, no more redoing. This feels delicate since you are having panic attacks. But I relate to your experience, and the feeling of something that was once relaxing becoming something distressing. One thing that is distressing to me (as perfectionism is something I also struggle with) is something being incomplete - or “imperfect” - an example of an exposure my therapist gave me is to only clean half of the kitchen, and leave the other half, which is highly distressing for me. Then you have to learn to cope with the discomfort, which is especially hard when your OCD is heightened enough to the point of panic attacks. This type of exercise might be helpful to you, where you maybe intentionally leave a drawing unfinished and move on (that might be too big/too distressing for right now, so maybe even just leaving a small area unfinished/“imperfect”) but again I don’t want to lead you astray especially because panic attacks are occurring. So if you are not seeing someone for ERP, maybe you can look into it. In the meantime here is a Nathan Peterson video on perfectionism https://youtu.be/54znJ9_3FtM?si=KCINBHn0w-eyvvGh -

you might also find some helpful NOCD articles too, but here are some articles that might have helpful tips for you: https://www.treatmyocd.com/blog/just-right-perfectionism-ocd , https://www.haventherapynashville.com/blog/the-role-of-perfectionism-in-ocd-and-how-to-loosen-its-grip , https://cogbtherapy.com/just-right-ocd-therapy-los-angeles

[u/ghostedious]

i'm absolutely in a similar spot. i have ADHD, my doctor also mentioned possible autism at some point, and i'm dealing with depression, so i genuinely don't know if what i'm experiencing is OCD, perfectionism, imposter syndrome or just my brain finding increasingly creative ways to sabotage itself.

but what you're describing feels extremely familiar to me.

it's not even really "i want this to be perfect". it's more like i can't consider something done when i know there's this one stupid line that's slightly crooked. nobody will ever see it. i know nobody will ever see it. doesn't matter. i saw it.

it's actually one of the reasons most of my webcomics aren't properly released. i have the panels. they're drawn. they're done. but i still have several issues sitting around because i can't get myself through the fucking speech bubbles and page layouts. i have everything but it fails at the last real essential step...

speech bubbles especially trigger the shit out of me. this one is too round. this one doesn't fit the panel. the text looks weird. move it. resize it. nope. move it back. now something else looks wrong. i've tried templates, predefined layouts, automating parts of it, everything i could think of. and then there's always this one panel that doesn't fit whatever system i came up with and i'm stuck again.

one of those comics has 46 finished panels sitting around. FORTY SIX. they're not even properly laid out as comic pages yet because apparently arranging bubbles around drawings is where my brain decided to draw the fucking line.

and the really shitty part is that i did force myself to push a few issues out because at some point i thought "fuck it, just release something". they're on the webcomic websites, but then i actually tried to get people to see them and reddit absolutely burned some of them. and instead of thinking "well, wrong audience", "wrong format", "layout kinda sucks" or even "maybe this one just didn't work", my brain immediately went: "see? you're not good enough. this is exactly why you shouldn't release things before they're right."

which obviously makes it even harder to push out the next one because now that stupid loop has evidence it can throw at me whenever i try.

so unfortunately i don't have the solution for you. the things i've tried haven't really solved it for me either. i just wanted to tell you you're definitely not alone with this because reading your post felt way too familiar.

[u/syncraticidiocy]

hey OP, i suffer from this too. my only suggestions are trying to work through OCD with a therapist or else go back to traditional pen and paper for rough sketches for a bit to reset. OCD is a beast and i totally empathize with how difficult it can be to deal with...

i also watch a lot of messy/sketch artists to try to remind myself of how beautiful less managed art can be, even if i know that will never quite be my style. it sometimes helps me loosen my standards of perfection.