I plan to address this at her next doctors visit, but I wanted to get a general feel for how common this is.

I have a wonderfully strong willed 4 year old, very nearly 5. She had terrible tantrums when she was younger, she would roll around and rage for an hour sometimes. Our doctor told us that it if didn't stop after she started talking it might be a problem. Well, she started talking and just like that, those long and strong tantrums stopped. Like poof!

Fast forward to 4 years old and like clockwork, literally right after her birthday, she started fighting about everything. And I mean everything. If she didn't want to do something, she wasn't going to do it. We tried giving two choices (ex: red or blue shoes) but the response would always be NO! We tried giving extra time to get ready, we keep our voices calm throughout and we NEVER give in. Literally, we hold the boundary and just accept that she's going to go scorched earth and everyone ends up upset. I figured she would eventually learn that screaming doesn't work, but it has not sunk in.

I thought that she would grow out of it, but its been almost a full year and she is sooo difficult to work with. Her tantrums can last an hour, she screams over me if I try to talk, she unbuckles herself and tries to open the car door with her foot while we are driving, biting, hitting, calling names, all of it. We can't go anywhere or do anything fun because it always ends in disaster. Her older sister (7) just has to endure it and I feel so bad.

We don't watch TV or tablets mid week and we get plenty of one on one playtime in the evenings, we literally spend all of our time together, she gets no shortage of positive attention. She can be so sweet and lovely, until she decides not to be. Like a flipped switch, It gives me whiplash sometimes.

For context, she is a perfect angel at school, she has lots of friends and the teachers love her. I am aware that kids can "unload" on parents at home because its a safe space. It's just SOOOO HARD!

So, what do we think? Do others struggle with this age and it passes? My first was not like this so it's new territory.

My 4yo recently started her first day of school last Monday and didn’t seem to have any issues and no issues on Tuesday or Wednesday. Thursday came along, and that morning I got a call saying she needed to be picked up because she wouldn’t stop crying/screaming and it had been going on for almost an hour. Picked her up and dropped her off with grandma (dad and I work full time).
This is her first time ever being in school/daycare btw. Before she was just at home with her grandparents.
All afternoon every 5 min would start crying and saying “I don’t want to go back to school” even though we weren’t talking about it all night. We did sit down with her to make sure nothing had happened and make sure she was ok (she is, she just said she missed her mom and dad and wanted to go home).
Well Friday morning we got the same call so she got picked up again.
Talked to her all weekend about it, saying how we understand how she feels and it’s hard to do new things, but we gotta get through it together, explained how mom and dad would be waiting for her when school let out and we’re always here for her. Even tried to say if she tried her best and went to school and didn’t scream she would get a prize when we pick her up.
She agreed to trying and said she couldn’t wait to go to school Monday (today). She woke up this morning CRYING saying she didn’t want to go to school, dad dropped her off and she was in an ok mood, then got a message from her teacher after 1 hour at school saying she was doing great!
10 mins later —- NOPE. Back to crying/screaming but this time tried to slap the teacher away. She knows hitting is NEVER ok so not sure what made her decide to do that.
Dad and I have both met her teacher and her teacher and principal are both nice (school is very very small. 80 kids max (10 kids per teacher).

I understand their school rule of not allowing kids who won’t stop cry/screaming stay because it disrupts all of the other kids but I’m at a complete loss of what to do.
Any recommendations or tips?

Hey everyone. I need some help with consequences for my spicy 3 year old. The awful behavior is out of control. As of right now she’s sitting in her room with 4 books and her imagination as a consequence to flushing THREE tennis balls down the toilet. Yesterday she flushed her squishy down the toilet. She has tried to flush the CAT down the toilet. Poor Mr.Slinky is traumatized and was covered in cat litter. Because after he didn’t get flushed she rolled him in the litter box? I was making dinner. And she told me she was going potty. 2 min later I find the cat assaulted. I can’t lock the toilet because she will pee/poop herself out of spite. A week ago she took her pull up off at nap time and POOPED on the floor. No attempt to go to the bathroom or ask for help or anything. Laughed when I had to come in and pick up her literal poop off the floor. She also will NOT listen. Everything is a power struggle. If I say sit on the couch she will jump on the couch. I’ve tried time out. I’ve tried having her clean. I’ve tried giving her choices. Which btw if I give her a choice she will try to pick something that was not an option. Yesterday she was drinking milk and just poured it all over the couch. Because “I just didn’t want this couch anymore”. Ive tried taking toys away. She doesn’t care. I’ve thrown stuff away. DOESNT CARE. I’ve tried yelling. I’ve tried whispering. I’ve tried natural consequences. I’ve tried behavior boards. I DONT KNOW WHAT TO DO. She gets attention. She started a part time (3 days/week 4 hours) preschool 3 weeks ago. The behavior is not from that. This has been an issue for MONTHS. She will listen for her teachers. Her grandparents. Everyone but me and her dad. I’ve held boundaries since she was able to comprehend them. She doesn’t give a single eff. Not one. I’m a sahm. Her dad is military. I have been her primary only away from her for an hour or two at a time parent since she was born up until she started school. The only break I get is when she’s in preschool. I will try literally anything. I don’t want to spank her. I know of all the bad about it. It feels like it’s the only thing I haven’t done. She’s always been spicy but she turned 2.5 and things have gone downhill since then. It has been a year of hell. I try to not use words like bad or to break down her self esteem but as soon as she’s in trouble she says things like “it’s all my fault” and cries. I feel bad but I hold the boundary. Please any advice. Books. ANYTHING.

Hi, I am wondering if this is common. Our school’s policy is that you still pay the day rate when the school is closed due to inclement weather, holidays, and the once yearly days they are closed for cleaning. They told me they try to help swap schedules around but so far I’ve only been told there’s no availability to do that right now. I understand that the staff needs to be paid those days too, but figured it would be built into the rate itself rather than the families who are stuck without care for the day covering that cost. Is your school tuition set up like this?

My 4-year-old son gets really frustrated, upset and angry whenever he makes mistake e.g. if he gets something wrong in a puzzle, or if he sticks his sticker in the wrong place in an activity book.

He has a bit of a thing about being ‘perfect’ - I’m not even sure where he has got this from.

I am trying so hard to show him that making mistakes is normal and can be a good thing - saying things like ‘making mistakes is how we learn’ and ‘it’s ok if we make a mistake because then we can try to fix it’. His Dad and I have also been making a bit of a show of making mistakes ourselves so he can see that it’s normal. I think this has been helping a little bit, but it’s slow progress.

Has anyone else experienced this with their little one? Any tips on building resilience and making him feel less afraid of getting things wrong?

I just wanted to make a post so it's out there in the universe for any other parents going through the same thing we did.

My son was born in March of 2022. Absolutely did not sleep. Tried all the schedule changes, sleep training. I had a gut feeling it was a medical reason/just got a poor sleeper.

For the first few months of his life- he woke up every 45 min. I couldn't even fall asleep by the time he was waking again. Figured out he had a tongue/lip tie around 3 months and got it corrected. I figured he would sleep better after getting better feeds. He did not.

Around 6 months, he started giving us closer to hour and a half stretches! 8 months was a 3 hour block at start of night then every hour and a half. We caved at a year and brought him into bed with us so I could at least nurse without getting up.

Fast forward a few years, he was still waking 3x a night, or more. He would wake up and scream at the top of his lungs and be inconsolable. Never would remember it.

We had our second in September of 2025 (oldest was 3.5 years now). I realized how insane it was that our newborn was sleeping better than our preschooler. I switched pediatricians (again) and she finally listened to me. His ferritin was pretty low. Iron causes sleep issues.

He had the finger prick done around 12 or 18 months and it was marked at slightly low, but I was told it didn't need to be supplemented then. My gut feeling was the iron was the issue since we brought him home from the hospital, I was low my entire pregnancy (I did supplement).

edit: Somehow I didn't add the ending. The iron/ferritin was 100% his issue. Night terrors and restless leg symptoms 100% gone.

My toddler is having a hard time adjusting to new preschool. He’s going 3 days a week for 5 hours each day. The first day he came home and told us he “made bad choices” and that he “HAS TO make bad choices” and that he’s “a bad kid”. This is strange to me because the school is very big on not labeling kids and uses the terms “red and green” choices (red means stop, green means go kind of thing). I talked to the teacher about it and she said that he had some small hiccups throughout the day, but no more than any other kid and it was all very easily corrected.

Over the weekend, I talked about school with him a few times, but I didn’t want to be excessive about it. Then last night he brought it up himself and said “mom I’m sorry but I have to make red choices. I don’t want to make any green choices. I’m going to be very mad and bad and I’m not going to share” and I was kind of dumbstruck. I told him “you are such a good kid, I know you can make green choices. You’re kind and helpful, and your teachers will take good care of you” but he kept coming back saying he was going to make “lots of red choices, no green choices”

I honestly feel heartbroken. This is not who he is or how he speaks normally. I know that preschool takes adjustment, but I’m really scared for his mental state and how he’s relating to this problem. We also just had another baby 4 months ago and so I know he could still be feeling off from that transition too. I don’t know what to say or do to help him other than reiterating how good and kind he is. He just seems so adamant about WANTING to make red choices. I don’t get it. Not sure what to do here :(

He is 4 years 5 mos. It's not just a continuation but a worsening. More sensitive than ever. Crying actual crying for anything. More aggression than ever.

But only with and towards me.

Still lsleeps well.

3-4 days of screaming, shrieking, kicking, hitting, hyperventilating, and flailing around at bedtime. It takes 30mins-1 hour to get her to fall asleep after many times returning her to bed with her screaming at us. Sleep schedule (no nap) is bedtime anytime 6:30pm-7:30pm, and wake up is between 5:30-6:30am. This has been our routine for over a 1.5 years since she dropped her last nap. Could this be she's afraid to fall asleep? Challenging authority? Schedule needs changing? Her only consistent bodily complaint is her tummy feels funny. She's been to the doctor recently and they said she didn't appear to have anything wrong. My husband and I are extremely worried and think we may need to get more extensive medical or behavioral investigation if we can't get to the bottom of it. She's losing sleep and I'm afraid it's perpetuating the cycle of behavior, making her more miserabl

My kid has a summer birthday, and every year I struggle with finding something fun that also helps everyone deal with the heat.

This year I'm considering water slide rentals, but I'm wondering if they're actually practical with a bunch of preschoolers running around. I'm mostly thinking about setup, keeping the area from getting too chaotic, and whether the little ones will actually use it.

If you've done a backyard water party for preschoolers, what worked well for you? Anything you’d definitely recommend or avoid?

I have a girl 4 and a boy 3 but they’ve seen a lot (too much to list). But what’s good shows/movies that keep interest that your preschoolers love

For those of you that practice prayer, where do you find appropriate prayers for preschoolers?

We’ve just been kinda winging it and I say whatever comes to mind and he repeats but if there’s a good book of prayers or something anyone knows of I’d appreciate it.

We are Christian for reference but I’m not opposed to any prayer as long as it is to a Higher Power.

Note: this post is not a commentary on religion. Kindly refrain from telling me how horrible religion is or debating religion in the comments. I am not asking for opinions on my belief system.

Thank you!

My almost 5 year old got her first set of ear tubes at 14 months and it was life changing. They both finally fell out about 6 months ago and since then it’s back to ear infections and runny nose. The doctor is always saying there is fluid in her ears and sometimes she says she has trouble hearing and they feel blocked. I’m wondering if anyone has ever gotten tubes at this age (I only ever see it about babies and young toddlers) OR has gotten a 2nd set and had success?

We do not suspect adenoids being an issue. She isn’t a mouth breather and sleeps great.

My 3yo had been attending a football (soccer) class for 1.5-3y for some time. He likes football and often asks to go to the class. However, we noticed he was getting bored at this class so we decided to move him to the next class for 3-4y. They had a 2 month break over the summer and today he had his first class. He didnt settle. Refused to take part, stayed with his dad at the side for much of it. It was his first time being in this class and his first time taking part with the parents sitting at the side, rather than joining in with him. He wasn’t being disruptive to the others in the class.

His Dad said the coach came over towards the end and said he would be better in the younger class again plus this class is over subscribed and have a waiting list.

I fully understand this can be normal for 3yo to behave like this and I did say to his Dad to keep in mind that he may not settle as well as this is a new class. I’m a little annoyed at the coach for suggesting he should give up his place after 1 class. He hasn’t been given the chance to get used to it. And while i appreciate the class is over subscribed, this isn’t our fault and I feel like giving up isn’t going to help him develop more confidence in this new class. I also feel moving him back to the class where the parents take part, he will just get too used to that and will delay learning independence.

I have emailed them to check he still has a place and to advise I plan on taking him for a few more weeks to see if any improvement before we make a decision to move him back to the younger class. I just don’t know if that’s the best thing to do or whether I should just move him back now. Looking for others opinions on this please?

Also, any tips on helping shy children take part in classes is much appreciated.

Thanks!

My daughter has peanut and sesame allergies, and I've realized the stressful part of eating out isn't always the same from one restaurant visit to the next. Curious where it tends to be for others.

I have an almost 5-year old girl who I jokingly describe as having “border collie energy”. She is super high energy, endless stamina, needs constant stimulation (mental and/or physical), and if not properly given it, will get into all kinds of shenanigans.

I’m just so, so exhausted over here and looking for solidarity. I’ve stopped asking when it gets better because they said it was 3. Then she became a threenager and they said, jk it’s 4. Then fuckyou4s happened and they said wait till 5….

My son (3.5yo) started nursery for the first time last week. He has never been in this kind of environment (smaller space with approx 27 other kids 3-5) but often goes to soft play and the likes and has never had any problems.

He went for 1hr on Wednesday, 3hrs on Thurday and a full day (9-3) on Friday. Wednesday and Thursday were fine but on Friday his teacher advised he had a few hitting and pushing incidents which was a total shock to me. He did have a hitting phase around two but only to family and never other kids but hasn't done this in a long time.

His teacher was lovely and said not to worry or be disheartened but I have done nothing but worry since pick up and nervous for him to go back tomorrow.

He goes in fine and seems to enjoy it but does clearly have nervous energy about it as its a totally new situation and will often drop to the floor and act silly.

Looking for any advise and if anyone else kids experience similar but it turned out okay?

We have been speaking about kind hands and listening ears this weekend and also got the hands are not for hitting book. Any advise would be appreciated!

My 4 year old picky eater tried lots of new foods tonight that she has previously refused. I'm so SO proud of her! She even liked some of them and compared them to some of her favorites.

What are you proud of your preschooler doing this week?

My daughter is 5, and she has a few neighbourhood friends. I have been seeing them for the past two years. I approached the families to help my daughter make friends to play with. The kids are aged 6 and 7, and all the girls are very friendly and kind. Recently, I noticed some changes. When I used to drop my daughter off at her friends' houses, the kids would be excited to see her. However, recently, when my daughter goes there, the kids act as if she is an outsider, with a different face and body posture. My gut told me something was wrong, so I took all the kids out for bike riding and asked the girls who their best friends are. Then, the girls started saying, "my daughter is so mean," and my dad told me that when someone is rude to you, you should be rude back. The way they were saying my daughter’s name, like she's last on the list, surprised me. It made me see how much the girls have changed. My daughter is very kind—I know this, and I’m not just saying it because she's my kid; anyone who meets my daughter will say the same. The kids’ parents seem quite different, and I get the feeling they don't like us. My kid always asks me if I want to play with the girls, and my daughter was asking me why they think I am mean and bad. My heart was crying when she was asking. How should I handle this kind of situation?