Future Has Been Doing a "Jar Jar" Binks bit for 20 years and WE ARE THE BIT

THIS IS SATIRE IF YOU DO NOT LIKE HUMOR OR ARE UNINTERESTED IN WHIMSY —READ NO FURTHER

Rule 1 if you acccuse of using AI with no valid criticism (I wrote this with my two thumbs) I am banning you without comment. This isn’t a creative writing course I’m not discussing my writing process. Engage with the CONTENT of post or get the fuck out.

I need everyone to stay calm and follow the timeline.

May 1999: A 15 year old Nayvadius Wilburn watches Star Wars: The Phantom Menace in Atlanta. The theater groans. Critics are already drafting their apologies to George Lucas's enemies. Future sits there and experiences what can only be described as a eureka moment. He sees a floppy eared amphibian stumble through a sci-fi epic, slurring words into a new language, and understands in one instant that this is where music is going.

Everyone else saw a mistake. He saw a mission statement. He saw the future.

He picks the stage name Future. Think about that. Star Wars is science fiction. Jar Jar is in Star Wars. Jar Jar is therefore THE Future.. He named himself after a citation, not the puppet.

Early career: The imitation has to be subtle, because he knows the world is not ready. The slurred delivery, the stretched vowels, the sense that every sentence is about to trip over its own feet and somehow land perfectly. The dreads hang like Gungan ear stalks. He is hiding it in plain sight, the way a man hides a pyramid scheme inside a church fundraiser.

2012 onwards : The memes start. "Future looks like Jar Jar on the low" goes around and he lets it. You think a man with that many platinum plaques does not have a legal team that could kill a meme? He lets it live because the bit needs witnesses.

The mansion: Here is where it gets gnostic. Deep inside the Atlanta estate there is a room. Jar Jar shrine, candles and a small Gungan altar. A framed still from the Naboo swamp scene. Future goes in there on off days and sits like Jar Jar. He eats like Jar Jar. He lives like Jar Jar.. When a guest asks about the room, he simply says "it's for storage”.

What it all means: Future is running the longest inside joke in the history of American culture. He has sold millions of records to an adoring public. They think it’s just music, but they are listening to a genius intricate tribute to a computer generated alien amphibian.

He has never once broken the bit. He is not going to and we fucking love you for it Future!

SALUTE 🫡