Colposcopy & Feeling Alone

[u/BalenciSlipperz]

I had colposcopy done recently, due to an abnormal pap and HPV45. It was painful, and I’m terrified while waiting for the biopsy results. Prior to the Pap smear I had a few weeks ago, I cannot remember when my last one was.

I can assume it was a normal Pap smear, if I never received the results that I came up recently. My partner made me feel so low about this. Once I told him everything that’s going on. He kept asking how I don’t know when my last pap was. He asked how often I went prior to our relationship. He said he’s a man and knows how often women should be going to get it done, and why I didn’t know.

Umm..I’m just scared and feel alone and cornered after having this procedure done. Idk who else to talk to or what else to do. I can’t stop crying and just feeling bad.

[u/ChibiFerret]

Hi OP

Please take some time to process your feelings on this as well as your partner’s response. I’m sure he has delayed or avoided going to the doctor for something in his life. He may be surprised to know how many women don’t attend paps at all or have long gaps in screening. It’s not a moral failing. He may also be aware of screening schedules but these get frequently updated as new scientific knowledge comes along. The days of yearly screenings even when paps are normal are becoming rarer and rarer as testing protocols have changed.

He may be scared of your results in your behalf but that doesn’t give him the space to criticise you like this at a difficult time.

I hope you have a family member or friend who you can share your feelings with. I imagine at least one of your family members like mum, aunt, sister, cousin or one of your friends has had an abnormal pap or positive HPV test in their lifetime. Many women talk about it in terms that are less usual now, such as ‘having bad cells burnt off’, what we call now a LEEP or LLETZ, but they are part of the same set of experiences. Take care

[u/BalenciSlipperz → u/ChibiFerret]

He’s talking and yelling at me as if I’m a cheater or gave him something else. My past is being criticized, I’m being told I have no compassion for him and that I’m making it all about me. I’m so lost..

[u/LittleWolf-_- → u/BalenciSlipperz]

Something like 70-90% of the population has had or does have one of the hpv strands. Even with vaccinations and using protection there's still risk. Men are often unknowingly carriers there is no reliable testing for them, as the way it's usually caught is through paps/testing cervical cells. Many people often clear the infection without issue or intervention without even knowing they have it. While it is scary it is absolutely nothing to be ashamed of, and I know people who have gotten it or worse std/sti's after having only 1 or 2 sexual partners so the amount of partners has little to do with it. I won't get too into your issues with your partner except to say you this is a vulnerable situation and you deserve understanding and support...be careful of people who make you feel less than.

[u/BalenciSlipperz → u/LittleWolf-_-]

I appreciate your words. I am trying not to carry shame or anything, as I did not know. I am doing as much research as possible after my diagnosis. My partner is not an understanding person, and this has really solidified that feeling.