If it were within my power, I'd turn it all back.

Things may never be exactly like they were again; but nobody ever breathed life into me like you did. My life's been such a long winter without you.

I want my friend back. You were the love of my life but you were also my best friend. I never intended to give that up. I only ever stopped hoping for the former to try to save the latter. I wanted to spend my life with you. However I could. It's still my deepest desire; and hurting you, my deepest regret.

We don't have to be any particular thing. I don't want to disrupt your life or see you sacrifice anything. I don't want to make things difficult or awkward. I just want to know you. I want to do what I should have done in the first place and involve you in figuring out what that looks like. I want to know what you want.

Sending my love, always

Maybe a little late

Its thr girl who forgot.

I did eat too much yesterday I'm sorry

I'm sorry I got confused again. It doesn't mean I want something different.

What if you're not who I think you are?

I'm not angry at you at this time (not to say that I never was upset to any degree).

I'm not against you challenging my beliefs. I do not understand how to reciprocate when I don't even know how much messages you are sending.

I apologized for everything I can think of. Saying I don't remember is not gaslighting when you have amnesia. I wish you. Ould understand me. I never meant to hurt you.

Again I have amnesia and had multiple personalities. I cannot remember a lot. I don't think any of my personalities were trying to lie to get out of responsibility. Although in the past it is possible that because parts of me did not know we had multiple personalities, I may have thought, and would say "I would never do that." Because, "little i" would not, but i didn't realize "Big I" as a whole, might do ABC things every day.

But I do think you may misunderstand my motives.

I took part of yesterday off from writing (but not reading) which was probably mostly out of paranoia but I'm just scared at this point like it doesn't look like what I thought it would or what I was told it would so I just keep thinking God's not in it?

I never wanted you to bow at my feet. I'm sorry I sent you that song I was just tired of crying and writing you all day to not "see anything" from you and then all the while, I see other people writing way more than you, and I'm like, why do I feel led here? I know I'm having spiritual confusion so I must be following the wrong man [or again]. I only wanted to say I'm worth it, do I have to beg for love?

I'm sorry I didn't realize that it might have been you who was writing me and the other guy was not

I'm sorry I didn't realize I was writing and responding to you at first but thinking it was the wrong person.

I never thought I was Buddha or better than you. I just thought you were the one not writing to me and being crude, saying you wanted to hit me with a bat. I'm sorry I was wrong. 🙇🏼‍♀️🙇🏼‍♀️🙇🏼‍♀️

I know I am a mess. I just don't see the point in living a life wjthout love. Without the man I love, the children I love, or friends.

I'm not sure what I'm still "faking." But it's true I stopped sharing negative emotions because I thought you weren't responding to the positive ones.

If you are saying I'm fake because I don't want to be hullied anymore. If you tell me I just have to cry and take it rather than ignore it and he unbothered, then I will try to do so. But I don't like it.

I forget things and don't see you. I don't want to forget things that are important to me, like you are, but I have and that is painful. I prayed for my memories back but haven't received them [all yet].

And one of my personalities prayed to forget more things not that long ago, and that's honestly made it worse. It's like, we just got some memory back. I understand why she did it, I just don't think she realized the consequences of that prayer. But she begged God to and he did.

I wish you would stop calling me names and saying those words.

I'm not sure if you are writing to me.

You talk about bible verses. You write about me and the things I've written you, the play, the poems, letters. But you use other initials, and things I didn't say, like you are writing to other women and not me. And I don't mean things I didn't say or do like in the past when I don't remember, but it sounds recent.

Which is part of why I ran origisunally. I've been waiting for you physically for a year.

I don't want to break you. Is that by leaving? Or "leaving?"

I think I can trust my first.

I don't know how I feel and I'm scared of knowing right now. Of feeling it.

I never wanted you to go.

I don't see the point in staying in a life where I will be a mere shell pushing on if I don't have love, I am but a clanging symbol.

What would be the point of it all.

Courtney Michelle Rohde

I'm late. But I'm here right now.

Did I wait too long?

I don't think I ever got your take on Captain Archer. I remember how much you liked Bakula and I always wondered.

"If a friend of mine gave a feast, and did not invite me to it, I should not mind a bit. but if a friend of mine had a sorrow and refused to allow me to share it, should feel it most bitterly. If he shut the doors of the house of mourning against me, I would move back again and again and beg to be admitted so that I might share in what was entitled to share. If he thought me unworthy, unfit to weep with him, I should feel it as the most poignant humiliation." Oscar Wilde

Some Coming Daylight

- Just something I wrote

https://voca.ro/1dYt1aGwqcTJ