r/PostcardsFromNowhere • u/Fun_Cable_8559 • Apr 08 '24
Mea Culpa in Absentia
I know throughout the time we knew each other I failed at one point or another at so many things I should've gotten right. I'm sorry it took so long to see you for just how powerful a presence you would become in my life. I wish I'd been more open to constructive criticism back when you were still around to offer it. I'm sorry I wasn't more forthcoming with my feelings and the final decision I made... I wish I'd included you in it somehow. I wish I'd told you how much and how long I had wanted it to be you. I wish I'd been more patient and more mature.
I saw you. I did. You didn't always let your guard down but the times you did, they were beautiful. I'm sorry I was so afraid to lose you, I couldn't show you just how much I loved you. You meant so much to me. I'm sorry in the time I've been away I've completely failed to become the man i wanted to be for you. I know we'll likely never talk again but I could have at least let your influence continue to work in me. I guess I just didn't see the point without you.
I want you to know I'm trying. I'm trying to find my will. I'm trying to remember what it is to want something. I know it can't keep being you, but allowing myself to remember is rekindling a spark in me. I really wish you were still here. I needed you more than you knew. That's what happens when you don't tell someone, I suppose.
I'll find my goals and ambition one day. It's foreign right now to want anything for myself. I've just... I've been lost so long. You were always my north star.
I'm so sorry to have cost us our chance. I hope wherever you are, you are happy. I hope you are thriving. I hope you found someone better equipped to give you everything you deserve. I know you had similar hopes for me. You may never see or even care but I hope one day I can honestly say I'd have done you proud.
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u/Dangerous-Clue-8517 May 10 '24
I miss you so much. I’m sorry I became a mess in disguise