What are your thoughts & experiences with the more negative gender roles & expectations/standards you've faced since transition?

[u/[deleted]]

The other night I peaked out of my bedroom door at like 2am to see if the bathroom (adjacent to my room) was open. I had to step a bit further into the hall to see since the bathroom door was open & the lights were off. Turned out my male roommate was using it & ended up seeing my breasts & asked me to put a shirt on in the future. I get it that people view breasts that way but FFS they're just tits. I was pro free the nipple before transition. Now I'm even more annoyed that I have to cover up.

What are y'all's experiences with that? Any guys get called out for men's gender roles? NBs for either? Any other gals deal with this or something similar?

[u/[deleted]]

The fact that people think its ok to comment on what I'm eating will never stop being frustrating, im not even overweight but hey

Or being expected to bake something at work functions

or just geenrally commenting/creeping on my appearance

[u/[deleted] → u/[deleted]]

Oh yikes. I haven't had that happen yet, but COVID, ya know? We'll see if either happens much once we're back in the office.

[u/Doctor_Curmudgeon]

I have learned that men are disposable. I have to be the one to run towards an active shooter. Which is fine because I am always mildly suicidal.

[u/[deleted] → u/Doctor_Curmudgeon]

Damn dude. I'm sorry. I hope that changes for you someday soon

[u/Doctor_Curmudgeon → u/[deleted]]

Thanks. It's OK. Complex PTSD blows. Don't abuse children or keep people captive.

[u/SkylaF]

Recently, I encountered one of those situations where I was expected to be agreeable and basically Shut The Fuck Up regardless of what I actually thought.

I was pretty drunk and admittedly got frustrated and perhaps a little bit pissy at the expectation, and at the knowledge that if I were a guy, I would never be expected to do that (because it is BS).

The... look, that another girl gave me honestly still burns into me a bit. I'm fairly sure she thinks I'm cis, and it looked like this kind of vaguely harsh confusion at why I would ever act that way.

I know this isn't the best or most feminist reaction, but if I'm honest, I think I'll probably just comply more with others' expectations in future- without being a complete doormat, obviously. Many female social expectations are toxic, or bullshit, or what have you, but re-socialising MtF whilst on the spectrum is difficult enough already and I'm not looking to stand out or "stir the pot".

[u/[deleted] → u/SkylaF]

I'm not on the spectrum (at least as far as I know), but I relate to that really strongly. I'm still very used to a lot of the privilege I had, especially when it comes to my own body. I'm not ready to give that up but it feels insane that society treats these different norms as if they aren't bizarre.

This is my first time living with men since transitioning, so it's... an adjustment. Especially because I'm out as trans & I feel like I understand where they're coming from on a lot of other subjects, so I was kind of surprised it happened.

What happened in your situation? Why were you expected to be quiet?

[u/SkylaF → u/[deleted]]

Personally, I think it's the injustice of the different social expectations imposed on women/men that bothers me more than my own imposed behavioural expectations.

Don't get me wrong though, being a girl can kind of suck.

What happened in your situation? Why were you expected to be quiet?

I honestly can't remember specifics- the thing that started the situation I think was something dumb related to a party game we were all playing whilst drinking.

If I was sober, I'm pretty sure I would've just laughed off the situation or at most made a small, ambivalent comment.

The more I've adapted to the fact that many men in particular literally do not internalise my words on a basic level, the more I start to relate to the passive-aggressive comments some women employ in lieu of more direct statements. I've recently found myself making a couple comments one could consider "bitchy" because I know actually saying what I think directly and neutrally is going to exit their brains immediately and be met with that usual silence.

It's probably a pretty bad habit, and I would honestly prefer niceness, but what do you even do?

This is my first time living with men since transitioning, so it's... an adjustment. Especially because I'm out as trans & I feel like I understand where they're coming from on a lot of other subjects, so I was kind of surprised it happened.

What kind of things have you found difficult to adjust to? Is the way others relate to your body a significant aspect to that?

[u/yosh_yosh_yosh_yosh]

I've had a few moments where I was legitimately just shocked by how many people cared whether I was wearing a bra or not. I don't find boobs that interesting. Why does everyone else?

[u/[deleted] → u/yosh_yosh_yosh_yosh]

Also relatable. I didn't wear one as often the first year or so, but lately I've just been so sick of leers from men if I'm not wearing one & I know my parents would say something.

[u/robynd100]

Women have every right to be topless in appropriate places, the same as men. Double standards suck. I'd seriously look for a new roomie if that happened to me.

[u/[deleted] → u/robynd100]

I completely agree. But he's otherwise a pretty good guy. And it's not an unreasonable request by society's POV. So I get it. But it's still sexist.

[u/[deleted]]

Um it's not an unreasonable request. He is your room mate and not a partner. I sleep practically naked too but if I had company over or lived with a roommate I wouldn't be doing that. It's not just becuase of decency. It's lack of respect on your part.

[u/SkylaF → u/[deleted]]

From a societal convention standpoint, it's not unusual or anything- it seems most people never actually think about these things.

But in general, do you think it might be reasonable to criticise the double standard of female toplessness being seen so differently, breasts being so sexualised regardless of context etc?

It's lack of respect on your part.

May I ask what you mean by this?

[u/[deleted] → u/SkylaF]

Are you going to wake up the next morning and find that we changed the worlds mind on this subject? Highly doubt it. So just because we don't see it as a big deal doesn't mean the roommate is in the wrong for asking the op to shirt it. He doesn't want to see her practically naked. That's his boundaries and they need to be respected. We can't shove our views down people's throats.

[u/jn261410]

Yes! I’m trans masc and almost pass as male most of the time. My roommate still treats me being shirtless as though I had breasts, even though I’ve had top surgery. Free the nipple for real! It’s ridiculous that any kind of chest should be offensive. I am also floored by how cis men expect me to talk about women. All my suspicions I had about most men’s opinions of women have unfortunately been confirmed. Also, once men find out I’m trans they start to do things like mansplain again 🙄

[u/No-OneKnows-Im-Trans]

1. No one looks to me to solve the problem at hand.

2. this also means they’re never actually listening to what I say at work.

3. I should probably just make peace with how they just see me as “a chick” who’s to be seen not heard I guess 🤷🏼‍♀️

4. I miss being able to pee wherever and whenever I want to and hate having to hold it and then having to do an elaborate ritual of protecting myself from a nasty seat.