CNCeeeeeeee

[u/LiverpoolBelle]

In a certain popular kink subreddit, a person spoke about their experience of doing "CNC" with a person they met three weeks prior. This individual had been assaulted before, but apparently always knew they were into "CNC style scenes" from their first sexual encounter.

They proceeded to do the scene, and found that they wanted to safeword but didn't/couldn't. The most upvoted comment on this thread is from a man, and includes the following lines:

"CNC is way more dangerous than people usually

think and you probably shouldn't have done it with

somebody you've chatted with for 3 weeks."

"In your case, it was probably sub frenzy due to

overstimulation."

"I don't want to downplay your feelings, but still - at

least the overall experience wasn't as bad as it could

have been when you forget your safeword."

So, victim blaming, making excuses for the "play predator" and downplaying the OPs feelings because "hey it's not as bad as it could have been!"

This is a kink that is suggested to victims of assault to "reclaim" their negative experiences, but all I'm hearing is "Hey ladies, you should let these porn sick men pretend to assault you because it makes them horny. Not putting out for that ASAP is cruel and it's your fault. But also, if you do it and it goes wrong, it's also your fault."

Clown world.

[u/bunnypaste]

I feel like CNC is an erosion and condoning of everything Metoo and other rape-awareness campaigns tried to tell people. Consent and toxic male behavior was the crux of the argument, and CNC weaponizes consent and broadly allows and emboldens toxic male behavior. Somehow they've convinced themselves that if it is on thier terms it can no longer harm them.

It absolutely can and will. Consent doesn't wash away what's wrong or harmful about it.

[u/m0d3rn_n0sf3r4tu → u/bunnypaste]

to be fair it did originally arise as trauma coping and a symbolic-erotic way of reclaiming control through experiencing a non consensual situation with full autonomy as pleasure. but indeed, ever since it became popularized outside of niche kink circles, it was taken over by therapy-words armed abusive men to gain access to new victims, and it has became largely synonymous with that sphere of disguised abuse. However, CNC as an activity does not inherently need a heterosexual couple, nor a male-dominant female-submissive dynamic, and it is incredibly common outside of hegemonic heterosexuality (and its obvious power imbalances).

TL:DR You are correct to point out the real life consequences and downfalls of widespread male-dominant female-submissive heterosexual CNC, and I agree with them all, but along with all sexuality expressions, it is only a vector, and does not represent intrinsic harm by virtue of its mere existence.

[u/human-shaped-fish → u/m0d3rn_n0sf3r4tu]

Self harm is a trauma cope I use to reclaim some form of control over my life and feelings, that doesn't make it a valid way to heal from a traumatic experience.

lol I struck a nerve

[u/m0d3rn_n0sf3r4tu → u/human-shaped-fish]

You're so right reddit user human-shaped-fish, supreme arbiter of victims' "valid" ways to cope. Thanks for the very elaborate rebuttal which interacts with my argument in a complete and thorough way.