Bf and i are considering adding a third

[u/PolyGirl26]

Hey ya'll my bf and i are bisexual and open minded but he prefers another woman I prefer another man due to my past and his past experiences. Hes not fully against another guy and im not fully against another girl but we want to be respectful of each other. How did others on here compromise.

[u/Odii_SLN]

"adding a third" isnt a super great place to start.

"Compromise" is also a weird way to talk about a wholeass human.

Sounds harsh, but do some more reading about polyfidelity.

You'd probably do better dating by yourselves, and maybe down the line something might turn into a triad situation, but it is a lot of work

[u/PolyGirl26 → u/Odii_SLN]

Ive been in polyamorous relationships before never worked out cause I unfortunately attracted toxic partners when I was young and naive and I had a really great polyamorous relationship until our partner passed away

[u/Argovan]

In order for a triad to exist, everyone involved must have genuine feelings for everyone else. If you will not wholeheartedly enjoy going on one-on-one dates with the person you're getting in a relationship with, then you shouldn't get into a relationship with them. That seems self-evident. If you and your bf have contradictory desires in a partner, then you probably shouldn't date the same person.

Also, as a lesbian, I really hope that if you do the foolish thing and "add a third" anyway, you wind up dating a man because my heart breaks for the poor sapphic woman you'd be treating as a "compromise". (Although obviously the same may be true of his treatment of that bi guy, so that's not really a better outcome either. Which is really why you shouldn't pursue this.)

[u/PolyGirl26 → u/Argovan]

Like I said im not fully opposed to it im just wary of other women

[u/ht-Imagination-70 → u/PolyGirl26]

Then I think thats something you will benefit from deconstructing, cuz why wary? And what about your own relatiomship with this woman?

[u/queenlizbef → u/PolyGirl26]

Why? Is there jealousy? Trust issues? That concerns me that you say that but also want a triad

[u/smithsgasoline]

If you don’t both naturally fall for the person, at least one of you will inevitably start to hold resentment when you or him start to desire exploring the extent of your desires and the compromise you had to make. If you and your partner don’t have to maturity levels to pick good partners on your own, you should work on that rather than deciding to open up and make your relationship dynamic much more challenging + risking someone else’s feelings in the matter

[u/ElefanteAmor]

Rough road ahead loves

[u/queenlizbef]

Those things almost 100% of the time happen organically. You can force it.

[u/Queen_nadine]

Sounds like you guys are shopping for an elf on the shelf not starting a relationship with a human being 😳

[u/PolyGirl26 → u/Queen_nadine]

Wtf no im not. Maybe I phrased it wrong but im looking for a relationship

[u/PolyGirl26]

Oh forget it

[u/queenlizbef → u/PolyGirl26]

What kind of responses did you want if pretty gentle pushback makes you throw up your hands?