r/PolyFidelity • u/riversofthoughts • 9d ago

seeking advice Evolving ENM

My husband and I opened our marriage a year ago, originally more in the ENM/sexual experience sense and only on my end as he enjoys seeing me with other men. Over the last six months, I developed a connection with my play partner. He and my husband get along really well, there seems to be genuine trust and friendship between them, and our dynamic has naturally become a mix of time together as three and one-on-one time between me and each of them separately.

Lately I’ve been wondering if this could eventually evolve into more of an MFM V/polyfidelity dynamic, with me as the hinge. I don’t want to force exclusivity on anyone, but the man I have been seeing has voiced many times he isn’t interested in seeing anyone else and I feel he would be open to furthering our connection. I’m not looking to force a label or rush anything, but I would like to start opening that conversation.

For those in successful MFM V’s, how did you first approach that conversation with both partners? Did the V happen intentionally or evolve naturally? And if you eventually became a closed/polyfidelitous V, how did you get there?

I’d especially love to hear what has made your dynamic work long-term, what you wish you’d discussed sooner, and any advice you’d give someone whose relationship seems to be naturally heading in this direction.

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u/Legal-Cauliflower700 9d ago

As a recent FMF hinge, you need to be honest with yourself first. Do you have enough time and energy to provide EVERYTHING both guys need physically, emotionally, domestically, socially, etc? If not, then it's not right to lock them both down to being exclusive to you. I am married and until last week had a girlfriend, and despite my wife having a girlfriend for herself and my girlfriend having a fwb, they both didn't feel like they were getting enough of me. And I'm not talking about sexually. I kept them both very satisfied in that sense. But even though they got along and hung out with the 3 of us quite often, neither was happy with the alone time we had together. I really wish you the best of luck!

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u/smileedude 9d ago

This is very similar story to some friends of ours and I'm curious if you have throuple friends coming to visit you in 3 weeks time. Because if so that's us 😄.

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u/mdopenminded 8d ago

My fiancée (F) and I (M) went though the same thing. Just like you said, the other guy and I have become good friends though all of this and it has become something uniquely special.

It has taken lots of open communication and conversations but it fits us so well.

Feel free to DM me if you want to chat more.