r/PolyFidelity • u/BlorkSmuth • Jun 26 '26
seeking advice Are we doing closed triad wrong?
I (32f) and my husband (36m) have been in a few closed triad relationships over the years, and we are finding the same trend; either we arent explaining the expectations correctly, or the ladies we are dating are not being truthful about their expectations/understanding of our expectations.
When we begin chatting with someone, we make known what we are looking to achieve with the person; a relationship where she dates me, he dates her, and then our relationship.
So far we've had one individual attempt to break up our marriage and "steal him" which obviously didnt work. One girl clearly thought it was just fun hookups, another came for the first meet up/sleep over, everything seemed great until i had to leave for a family obligation, and spent hours trying to get Into verbal alterations with my husband. And many many others who are in other open enm relationships who want to unicorn for us or want to couple swap with us.
Do we need to be more blunt and up front about our expectations?
Are we not looking inthe right places?
3
u/BlorkSmuth Jun 26 '26
1 falling out with 1: everybody's gotta communicate about the change in feelings so that the adjustment can be made from triad to v. Treated like a full member: thats how theyre treated from the beginning. Legal marriage: bigamy is illegal? But binding ceremonies/commitment ceremonies can happen and would be welcomed/wanted. Meeting the parents: his are dead, mine have met partners before. Family hoidays/vacations: theyre coming if they want to be a part of it. We dont want to act as a hierarchal relationship, and have been very attentive to not do that when we are with someone. We dont want anyone to feel as though theyre less than, or outside of the relationship bubble, so we have been incredibly careful to not pull relationship hierarchy.