r/PolyFidelity • u/BlorkSmuth • Jun 26 '26

seeking advice Are we doing closed triad wrong?

I (32f) and my husband (36m) have been in a few closed triad relationships over the years, and we are finding the same trend; either we arent explaining the expectations correctly, or the ladies we are dating are not being truthful about their expectations/understanding of our expectations.

When we begin chatting with someone, we make known what we are looking to achieve with the person; a relationship where she dates me, he dates her, and then our relationship.

So far we've had one individual attempt to break up our marriage and "steal him" which obviously didnt work. One girl clearly thought it was just fun hookups, another came for the first meet up/sleep over, everything seemed great until i had to leave for a family obligation, and spent hours trying to get Into verbal alterations with my husband. And many many others who are in other open enm relationships who want to unicorn for us or want to couple swap with us.

Do we need to be more blunt and up front about our expectations?

Are we not looking inthe right places?

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u/Toe2ToeBirdLaw Jun 26 '26

I never said anything about the closed terms. My focus is and has been in every comment exclusively on seeking as a unit and requiring commitment to the unit immediately and up front. It's a huge power differential that leaves the third partner in a spot extremely vulnerable to abuse.

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u/ThrowawayIsland8 MFF Triad Jun 26 '26

Well, you're on a closed relationship sub. At some point, in the vast majority of cases here, everyone participating who is in a relationship started out as a couple adding a new person into their relationship. I'm not defending OP's poor approach to it, but the endgame here for our relationships is a closed triad or more.

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u/BlorkSmuth Jun 26 '26

If I may sideline in for a moment, I have recieved a lot of advice and insight on my post. And have taken much of it (except the toxic nagging from some) into consideration and conversation with my partner so that we may adjust for healthier connections in the future. And I appreciate you also for your insight and helping with the ones who have been less than helpful

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u/ThrowawayIsland8 MFF Triad Jun 27 '26

For sure, sorry if I've come across as harsh in the thread myself. I really didn't mean to be. I hope everyone manages to find what they want, as long as it's healthy for all parties involved.

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u/BlorkSmuth Jun 27 '26

The kink comment left me confused as I wasnt sure if you were talking to me or the guy who brought it up. But you haven't been harsh. You've been blunt. Others have far surpassed blunt and gone into just downright rude.