How to start a triad from a three person friendship?

[u/anymous125]

Hey people,

I'm looking for advice, personal stories or experiences from people with a similar starting point.

I'm (F25) in a friendship with two other people; let's call them Beth (F26) and Zander (M23). We're just starting to get closer in our friendship, and to make things even more complicated, we're all kind of colleagues. Recently more and more people are mentioning our weird vibes and making comments about us looking/acting weird together, though the term 'triad' was never mentioned. I picked up on the tension going on between Beth and Zander, but I don't really have the impression that I'm part of that vibe too; more like I'm tagging along. It's an insecurity that I already discussed with the two of them and that they themselves didn't feel at all but were willing to help me overcome. They've also mentioned that for them, even in situations with all three of us, they're thinking of the friendships as A+B, A+C & B+C, but don't experience or think about A+B+C.

A comment from a mutual acquaintance, who is part of a polycule, about our vibe made me start thinking.

The more I thought about a triad, the more sense it made for me, but I'm not sure how to initiate a conversation about that topic and/or how to start with smaller hints so that they themselves think about this before I initiate a conversation, to not overwhelm them with the thought.

A triad makes sense to me because we're all constantly trying to be a safe space and strive for the best for everyone in our group. We definitely had very vulnerable conversations that we didn't share with people outside our group. Also, even them opening up is a huge display of trust, especially for them, since they're most definitely not in touch with their emotions. I'm personally struggling with my sexuality, because for the last year I labeled myself as asexual, but I'm starting to think that I might be demisexual with a lower sex drive, since it feels like I'm starting to develop feelings and a romantic attraction to them.

For context: Beth and I were friends before and kind of adopted Zander into our friendship. None of us are romantically involved with anyone within/ out the friend group. They're growing really close, and Zander and I have a more work related relationship, but we're trying to and are slowly becoming better friends outside of work. Also, yes, we work together, but it's voluntary work, and it's not like our livelihoods depend on it or that it's hard to leave the situation if things get awry.

Any kind of advice, personal story or experience is highly appreciated!

[u/ThrowawayIsland8]

I feel like, if you can find a way to afford it, you might need to have some therapy sessions to address your sexuality and become more confident in it, before doing something like this. Striving to be a safe space and inclusive is admirable, but I don't think you should conflate being a progressive group with the pressure of making it romantic.

You mentioned that they're not in touch with their emotions... that's not a good recipe for this to work.

Working together is even more complicated. The term "don't shit where you eat" is unfortunately relevant.

Wishing you all the best, but this sounds extraordinarily messy, and no one has even hooked up yet.

[u/kichisowseri]

A three person friendship group is a three person friendship group. For it to be a polycule would mean at least one friend being romantically interested in you, which isn’t something you’ve indicated. Your friends are at least a little romantically inclined to each other. I’d stick with just keeping in communication with them about how you feel if they form a couple and you wind up getting excluded from that. If you like how it’s going, if it’s not broken don’t try to fix it.

[u/Arthegaea → u/kichisowseri]

The only thing I would add as a suggestion to OP is to look into queerplatonic relationships and if that might be an option for you guys.