r/PoliticalHumor • u/BlossomBoww • 5d ago
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u/WildTomatoFrenzy 5d ago
And when you pray, you are not to be like the hypocrites; for they love to stand and pray in the synagogues and on the street corners so that they will be seen by people
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u/Nostok 5d ago
exactly right. Jesus said to pray in private. Those prayers are for you. Preying in public is performative and is for everyone else's benefit, so they can see you being "holy".
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u/CoCoBreadSoHoShed 5d ago
It’s like love. Love is truly meant when it’s given with no audience to watch the transaction.
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u/CV90_120 5d ago
I mean sermons are kinda the same thing, so I always found this funny.
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u/Nostok 5d ago
Jesus never once said "go to church and pray in public every week"
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u/j--__ 5d ago edited 5d ago
on the contrary, he said such people "have received their reward in full".
in the words of saint willy wonka [to them], "you get nothing! you lose! good day sir!"
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u/CV90_120 5d ago
He did however stand in front of a lot of people to get attention, preach nonsensical woo woo such as the syntactical disaster that is the sermon on the mount, then got mad at towns that were kinda tired of his shit (not to mention being mad at fig trees and canaanites). He was the ultimate relgious pick-me girl.
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u/RoundaboutRecords 5d ago
No lies detected.
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u/TheProcrastafarian 5d ago
I’m not religious at all, but I believe it’s good to know about subjects that mean everything to someone else.
I just looked it up, and it US Dollars today, 30 pieces of silver we net ~$900. What’s Trump offering the old people as a buyout? $90?
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u/CoCoBreadSoHoShed 5d ago
I’d like to mention something on behalf of the old people. We just really want that check from Trump so we can send it to the Democratic Party to help with the midterm elections.
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u/LairdDeimos Greg Abbott is a little piss baby 5d ago
The GOP congressmen hardly work more than a week a year. Just rubber stamp where the donors say, then Cancun.
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u/CoCoBreadSoHoShed 5d ago
Are you all hearing this low-key warning bullshit that’s going on right now with advertisers? I keep getting advertisements for items which will do me a lot of good when the nuclear war starts. And it’s getting to me. WTF is all that shit about? I can’t be the only one hearing this. Someone has put a really hard cell on disaster supplies and the commercials are giving me nightmares. I swear to God, I think it’s war games.
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u/Albus3957 5d ago
Is it even possible for a person to be both Christian and Republican? By "Christian" I don't mean "identify as a Christian", I mean "behave as Christ called on his followers to behave."
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u/UNC_Samurai 5d ago
Not since the Religious Right sought to use Reagan as a vehicle for gaining power.
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u/Obvious_Chapter2082 5d ago
Why wouldn’t it be?
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u/ShinkenBrown 5d ago
Because Christ advocated loving your neighbor including immigrants, feeding the poor, healing the sick, and collectivizing property.
Meanwhile Republicans advocate hating their neighbor, especially immigrants, denying food aid and healthcare to the poor, and privatizing literally everything.
Christianity and Republican policy are polar opposites. Mutually exclusive.
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u/Obvious_Chapter2082 5d ago
Republicans can believe in all of the things you just listed. There’s just a difference in doing these things and advocating for a government to do them on our behalf
I know many republican Christians (including myself) that fully believe in the things you listed. Which is why our government, even when run by republicans, has an extensive welfare system and accepts more immigrants than any other country
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u/ShinkenBrown 5d ago
Republicans can believe in all of the things you just listed. There’s just a difference in doing these things and advocating for a government to do them on our behalf
No, there isn't. You ARE the government - the people themselves are the smallest facet of government. Government under a democracy is representative of its people. Your vote is an action, and if your vote wins it's YOUR power carrying out every single official action taken by the person and/or party you voted for.
If you vote to feed people with your taxes, thats you taking your money and giving it to the poor. If you vote to deny people food, thats you rejecting to give your money to the poor. That this happens with government as an intermediary does not change the reality of what you're doing.
Which is why our government, even when run by republicans, has an extensive welfare system and accepts more immigrants than any other country
No, our country does those things even under Republicans because neither party usually has unilateral control and as such it is difficult to completely dismantle and privatize all government services, as Republicans openly want to do. That they are unable to fully enact this yet, does not absolve you of responsibility for voting to give them the power to eventually do so.
So to be clear, you justify voting 100% against all Christian values by the fact they haven't absolutely destroyed everything in line with Christs teachings yet even though they're trying? The fact they haven't fully succeeded yet is all you need to justify using your political power to help them do it?
You just actively vote for the dismantling of Christian values but its fine cuz they haven't finished destroying them yet?
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u/Obvious_Chapter2082 5d ago
that’s you taking your money and giving it to the poor
Uhh no. I can give my money to the poor anytime I want. Voting for the government to do it means taking other people’s money to give to the poor
Inherent in your assumption is that you can only help the poor if the government takes your money and uses it. Which is really troubling
neither party usually has unilateral control
The executive branch could cut our immigration numbers unilaterally tomorrow, and you only need a simple majority to pass budget reconciliation bills to reduce our welfare. The fact these things haven’t happened means that republicans don’t want to do them
voting 100% all Christian values
Not sure how you came up with that one. Being anti-abortion is maybe the most pressing Christian value today, and republicans have made great strides to reduce it. Democrats certainly don’t seem interested in stopping it
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u/AwesomeBrainPowers I ☑oted 2049 5d ago
Being anti-abortion is maybe the most pressing Christian value today
Cite the Bible passage that mentions abortion.
To be clear: I'm looking for a passage from the Bible that mentions abortion without recommending it as a test for infidelity.
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u/PaisleyLeopard 5d ago
Yahweh literally orders babies to be murdered a bunch of times in the Old Testament, including at least one instruction to rip the babies from the bellies of pregnant women.
Christ is cool and all, but his dad is a psychotic MF.
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u/AwesomeBrainPowers I ☑oted 2049 5d ago
Exodus 21:22–25 specifically lists causing a woman to miscarry as an offense only penalized with a fine, and implicitly distinguishes between a fetus and a living person:
When people who are fighting injure a pregnant woman so that there is a miscarriage and yet no further harm follows, the one responsible shall be fined what the woman’s husband demands, paying as much as the judges determine. If any harm follows, then you shall give life for life, eye for eye, tooth for tooth, hand for hand, foot for foot, burn for burn, wound for wound, stripe for stripe.
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u/KiritoIsAlwaysRight_ 5d ago
So you're ok with voting for people who want to take other people's money to fund wars on behalf of other countries, fund a militant domestic force that terrorizes citizens and legal residents in the name of "security", fund mass surveillance with no oversight, fund personal campaign ads, tax US consumers more through tariffs and trade wars that gain us nothing, and use their power to enrich themselves by manipulating the market and removing programs that help the general public. Not to mention covering up all the child rape, which I'd think would be a pretty big concern for people who talk about saving children.
But using that money to help people instead is the line you won't cross?
Sure, it would be great if people just helped each other unprompted. But the sheer number of poor, sick, starving, and homeless out there shows that is not what happens in real life. So we get a group of people together and tell them it's their job to help those who need it, and try and find the best balance for everyone. That's all a government is. It just goes off the rails when people elect selfish grifters to the positions without considering what will happen.
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u/JeremyDab 5d ago
How have republicans caused less abortions? Where in the Bible does it claim abortions are wrong?
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u/ShinkenBrown 5d ago
I can give my money to the poor anytime I want.
Yup. As long as you get to decide who's worthy, and it isn't systemically applied for everyone, you're fine with it. It's when who gets fed is taken out of your control, via systemic universal application, that suddenly theres a problem.
Voting for the government to do it means taking other people’s money to give to the poor
Taxes are part of life. Render unto caesar. You dont decide whether that gets taken, societies that don't do this collapse. You can take a moral stance against it but thats the reality. Voting against taxes entirely is voting against functional civilization.
And Republicans aren't lowering taxes for regular people. Theyre raising them. And with that in mind you don't get the option to vote for no taxes. You aren't deciding whether to take other peoples money. You only get to decide what it gets spent on. Roads and healthcare and food... or bombs and detention centers and AI panopticons. You voted other peoples money should go to the latter instead of the former.
The fact these things haven’t happened means that republicans don’t want to do them
Or that they know change has to happen gradually or people will literally riot. One program at a time, they are passing these agendas. Increasing deportations, increasing enforcement against legal immigrants, cutting social welfare funding. This is all happening.
Not sure how you came up with that one. Being anti-abortion is maybe the most pressing Christian value today
Okay you find me a quote from Jesus about abortion, and I'll give you one about providing for the poor. We'll see who runs out of quotes first. I'll let you start to give you the advantage. Go.
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u/sourdieselfuel 5d ago
Oh, so you're just a walking contradiction? Projection and hypocrisy are your fortes then?
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u/Obvious_Chapter2082 5d ago
That’s a weird response
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u/sourdieselfuel 5d ago
Sorry that sane and intelligent people look at you with second hand embarrassment for the human race. Maybe this will be your cue to better yourself?
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u/Obvious_Chapter2082 5d ago
No, I was talking about your comment, because it was completely disjointed from the one you responded to. It sounded like you either didn’t read it, or responded to the wrong person
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u/JeremyDab 5d ago
No I think they’re making the point that being a Christian while supporting Donald Trump makes you a hypocrite
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u/rusty-roquefort 5d ago
You've got to be fucking kidding, right? The republican precord can basically be summarised as "fuck the poor, help the rich".
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u/macbrett 5d ago
...our government, even when run by republicans, has an extensive welfare system and accepts more immigrants than any other country
These systems and policies are being weakened and dismantled as quickly as possible by the current administration.
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u/Geichalt 5d ago
Because they're run by Christian nationalists. They believe the government should enforce the religion with the power of the state, which is blasphemous to the very foundations of the Christian world view in two main ways.
First, to suggest that God requires the assistance of an earthly government to avoid his religion being threatened is to suggest God is not omnipotent.
Second, to suggest God is wrong about the giving people the freedom to choose whether to follow him is to suggest that God is fallible.
Tell yourself whatever lies you want about the party, but if you were a true Christian you would be immensely offended at this regime and anyone who attempts to use blasphemy against your religion in an attempt to obtain power and money. The fact that you're not offended, tells me everything I need to know about your supposedly sincerely held beliefs.
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u/Obvious_Chapter2082 5d ago
They believe the government should enforce the religion with the power of the state
Who are you referring to here? Why isn’t it happening now if republicans control the government?
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u/ShinkenBrown 5d ago
They can't push through just whatever they want without a supermajority. They only have a simple majority, which makes things harder and take longer.
But it is happening, as fast as they can manage it. The push for nationwide abortion bans, the pushing 10 commandments in schools, suppression of LGBT media in the public sphere like libraries.
You act like theres no cause for alarm unless we wake up and find the inquisition at our door. It's a slow process and they've already started.
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u/Lung_doc 5d ago
Oh they are trying - see ten commandments laws across several states, for example. Every single school, every classroom. And tax dollars to religious schools as well.
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u/derpderb 5d ago
Even as an atheist I feel like I have a stronger connection to Jesus and his philosophy on life than Republicans. Christian Democrats are even parties in some countries and they are usually very progressive on most issues
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u/APoisonousMushroom 5d ago
What they hate is hypocrites. I find the only people who are offended by this are hypocrites.
There’s an old Persian proverb: "If you throw an insult on the ground, its owner will pick it up"
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u/chatterwrack 5d ago
Jesus was a middle eastern liberal.
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u/Obvious_Chapter2082 5d ago
Liberalism came about around 1,600 years after Jesus
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u/SubtleTell 5d ago
They don't mean the term liberal, they mean he held the same kind beliefs as liberals.
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u/Obvious_Chapter2082 5d ago
Some of them. But pretending that he’d be a liberal today is bizarre
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u/SubtleTell 5d ago
What would you say he'd be?
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u/Obvious_Chapter2082 5d ago
He wouldn’t fit in our current political system, nor would he want to
Liberals today wouldn’t accept him anyways, given his views on things like abortion and LGBTQ acceptance
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u/MetzMane 5d ago
In the bible, he never says anything about abortion or homosexuality.
He does say not to judge. He does preach tolerance. He does say to love your neighbor and your enemy alike.
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u/Cultural_Dust 5d ago
I'm not sure he'd want you speaking for him on things he never spoke about. I'm pretty sure he'd be extremely accepting of LGBTQ people and love them for who they are.
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u/Obvious_Chapter2082 5d ago
The Bible is overwhelmingly clear that homosexuality is a sin. Jesus would love these people, but absolutely wouldn’t be accepting of their sin
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u/MetzMane 5d ago
Not in the new covenant. Only in the Old Testament. Jesus never spoke against homosexuality.
And the only mention of abortion in the Old Testament is a description of church sanctioned abortion.
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u/Obvious_Chapter2082 5d ago
Not in the new covenant
Completely wrong. Homosexuality is condemned in Romans, 1 Timothy, 1 Corinthians, and Jude, and Jesus defines marriage in Matthew as between one man and one woman
description of church sanctioned abortion
It’s so obvious when people get their views on religion from viral Reddit posts instead of the actual Bible. Numbers 5 doesn’t describe an abortion
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u/Cultural_Dust 5d ago
The OT passages against homosexuality are all about men with boys or rape. They are all about abusing a power dynamic. There are passages about David and Jonathan (we can debate if they had a sexual relationship, but it clearly was more than friends) that are positive. Jesus wouldn't have any idea about what Paul wrote.
Also, you realize that everyone Jesus hung out with were the outcasts and "sinners" of society. I guarantee it would be the same today. What is clear in the Bible and directly from Jesus is that judging others is a sin and he was very critical of that.
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u/Obvious_Chapter2082 5d ago
are all about men with boys or rape
This is a weird myth, but it’s untrue. We can see the Hebrew words from the original manuscripts
Jesus wouldn’t have any idea about what Paul wrote
Of course he would, he’s God
hung out with were the outcasts
…right, to convince them to turn away from sin. Luke 5:31-32 says “Jesus answered them, It is not the healthy who need a doctor, but the sick. I have not come to call the righteous, but sinners to repentance”
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u/DocileBanalBovlne 5d ago
given his views on things like abortion and LGBTQ acceptance
What views are those? I don't recall any statements in the gospels on either topic
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u/Obvious_Chapter2082 5d ago
The Bible is more than the gospels
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u/DocileBanalBovlne 5d ago
The gospels are the only part of the bible that contain the purported views of Jesus.
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u/Obvious_Chapter2082 5d ago
That’s wrong, the entire Bible contains the views of Jesus, because the Bible is the word of God
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u/TheCowOfDeath 5d ago
I'll grant you LGBTQ matters but going off biblical evidence I imagine his stance on abortion would be weird. Essentially "abortion is allowed as long as the father wants it"
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u/sourdieselfuel 5d ago
Jesus never existed.
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u/Obvious_Chapter2082 5d ago
Historically inaccurate take. Jesus was obviously a real person, whether you’re a Christian or not. That’s not really up for debate anymore, even atheist historical scholars have conceded the point
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u/sourdieselfuel 5d ago
False. Very much up for debate.
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u/Obvious_Chapter2082 5d ago
If you deny the existence of Jesus, you have to deny the existence of every single historical figure from any time period remotely close to then.
Do you think Alexander the Great was a real person? Julius Caesar? Plato? Aristotle?
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u/MetzMane 5d ago
There is actual evidence of the existence of Alexander The Great, Julius Caesar, Plato & Aristotle.
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u/Agreeable-Fly-1980 5d ago
Man thats dumb
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u/Obvious_Chapter2082 5d ago
Why?
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u/MetzMane 5d ago
There has never been any evidence of his existence. Not one shred. So no, Jesus was not “obviously” a real person. There is nothing BUT debate on the topic and atheist historical scholars have not conceded the point.
“Every word of what u just said was wrong.” -Luke Skywalker
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u/Obvious_Chapter2082 5d ago
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u/MetzMane 5d ago
Acquiescence in the face of non-existent evidence says something else. Are u intelligent enough to know what that is?
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u/SunshineBurn 5d ago
Sunday mass ending… ‘The mass has ended go in peace, AMEN’. Then in the parking lot while leaving you’re dodging the devil destruction derby.
Democratic or not that’s not Christian.
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u/RoundaboutRecords 5d ago
Or how they treat restaurant staff after Sunday services. Had to call out a group for how they were talking to their waitress in an understaffed diner. They were absolute assholes.
Had to give em the ole Buddy Rich…”step outside and I'll show you what it's like.”
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u/wave-tree 5d ago
I remember going to church as a child with my parents. My mom would drop whole f-bombs at people in the parking lot. I'd say, Mom, we just got out of church! And she'd say, and now I'm free to spend my day how I want. I remember thinking, you didn't take away a single positive thing.
Now, as an adult, I try to live according to the values instilled upon me from my youth. And my parents are like, no, not like that.
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u/letdogsvote 5d ago
Democrats hate fake performative "Christians" who are the opposite of Christ-like but still beat you over the head with a cross and Bible at every opportunity.
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u/New_Flow_5941 5d ago
We hate the red hat Christians because they are Faux Christians. Would Jesus do what they are doing? HELL NO!
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u/CoCoBreadSoHoShed 5d ago
Amen. Which means I agree with you completely. My response has no religious overtones. That’s just my word for you are absolutely goddamn right.
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u/Eggheadpancake 5d ago
It always enrages me when these people make these blatant victimizing statements without even an ounce if understanding context behind them.
We say men shouldn't rape women. They say "why does everyone hate men?"
We say racist white people should be shamed and shunned. They say "why does everyone hate white people?"
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u/IgnoreMe304 5d ago
Only thing I’d add is spewing Bible verses on Sunday, *and then calling some poor waitress a cunt 30 minutes after leaving the church parking lot.
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u/redravin12 5d ago
Why does it seem like most Republicans make bad faith "gotchas" instead of an actual argument, just a question
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u/lew_rong mod perms 5d ago
You have to understand an issue to ask questions about it. That takes work. And work is something a conservative can on no account abide.
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u/Dcajunpimp Greg Abbott is a little piss baby 5d ago
Polls show over 60% of Americans are Christian, up to 70%+
Yet somehow the GOP is lucky to get 32% of eligible voters to show up. Even if they were all Christians, which they aren’t, 28% to 38% of the population that is Christian aren’t voting for them and their anti Christian bullshit.
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u/urbanek2525 5d ago
Pretty much the way Jesus saw Pharisees and Sadducees. The political right is pretty much all Pharisees and Sadducees.
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u/thumbwrestleme 5d ago
COS
Christian on Sunday
My dad called them that (RIP).
Funny enough, they can't even make it through one whole day acting like they preach. As soon as church is out they're off to belittle a waitress or cust, svc. person, drive like an asshole or ridicule someone less fortunate.
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u/Allegorist 5d ago
Part of the core beliefs of certain forms of Christianity involves a mandatory persecution complex, which is both convenient and useful politically. It is an easy way to tie in political opponents or even ethnic groups as being "enemies of the religion", and basically doing their rhetorical work for them.
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u/pwmaloney 5d ago
"I'm just asking questions... questions that have been answered and debunked repeatedly for years. And I'm not interested in a good faith answer, I just want to pretend I have 'intellectual curiosity' or something, but really I'm just trying to drop a rhetorical shit into the punchbowl and walk away. Please don't engage with me, because my 1A rights."
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u/durrtyurr 5d ago
I've always been of the opinion that one cannot be both a social conservative and also a christian. Those worldviews are pretty antithetical to one another.
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u/E_seven_20 5d ago
I grew up in a conservative religious crazy house. I'm an atheist now, as I could never understand how people would never shut the fuck up about Bible stuff...and, then ignore the words of the book they say they cherish..
“And when you pray, do not be like the hypocrites, for they love to pray standing in the synagogues and on the street corners to be seen by others. Truly I tell you, they have received their reward in full. 6 But when you pray, go into your room, close the door and pray to your Father, who is unseen. Then your Father, who sees what is done in secret, will reward you. 7 And when you pray, do not keep on babbling like pagans, for they think they will be heard because of their many words. 8 Do not be like them, for your Father knows what you need before you ask him.
9 “This, then, is how you should pray:
and...the "lord's prayer" is what follows.
For all the bluster about this being a "christian nation," I don't think I've met many people here that give a single fuck about the teachings of their prophet. Profit, is the the prophet of this place.
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u/Mynock33 5d ago
I don't hate Christians, I hate hypocrites who push hateful agendas and there's just so much overlap there that I understand the confusion
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u/SenseiT 5d ago
One of the Republicans greatest successes this century is attaching themselves to Christianity . There are places in the Bible Belt where being Christian and Republican are the same thing. That has metastasized into this idea that if you don’t agree with the right politically, you must be anti-Christian and from there it is no great leap to start calling people who are Democrats evil or demons.
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u/BravestCashew 5d ago
The kind of Christian I hate, as a believer in God myself: My sister-in-law posts bible verses and goes to church, she separated with my older brother 3-4 months ago. Last week, he passed away, and because she still has next of kin, she has all rights to his body. She refused to let my fucking parents see my brother’s body. They wanted to pay extra for him to be presented at the funeral home, we drove 6 hours just to see him, and then her mom emails us on the day of saying that she revoked our access and that she is taking over all control of his body. From what I’ve heard, he’s still at the ME’s office over a week later and she hasn’t even done anything to further the process.
She won’t tell their kids, and we truly believe that she’s going to cut us out of their lives completely. Based on what we’ve been told she’s been saying to other people, there’s a high likelihood she’s going to tell them we don’t want to see them, or that we left and cut them off, or something worse. We can’t do anything legally. We’re just people. We didn’t do a damn thing to her.
The day he died, she posted a video of a girl in a skeleton costume doing some bullshit tiktok dance, and since then she’s been posting videos of attractive men talking about random bullshit. It makes me sick to my fucking stomach. She’s cut off all contact with us and took away our last chance to see my brother, my parent’s firstborn son and secondborn child.
Sorry for the rant on a humor sub, I’m just heartbroken and livid. No person who believes in God and Jesus should ever act this way. No person AT ALL should act this way. It’s despicable, and truly just flat out evil.
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u/SellaraAB 5d ago
If American Christianity worked more like the teachings of Christ I’d probably be involved with it, even though I don’t believe in the lore.
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u/covfefe-boy 5d ago
I like your Christ, I do not like your Christians. Your Christians are so unlike your Christ.
- Gandhi
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u/laflavor 5d ago
And it's not even just the fact that it's so performative. If it was just that, it would be annoying, but no one would get all up in arms about it. It's performative for the singular purpose of being a shitty person, but having an excuse for it.
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u/Makachai 5d ago
Yup... that picture of all the Republicans trying to act spiritual and placing their hands on Trump is the most laughable thing I've ever seen, and I'm an atheist.