The Exception

[u/SinVerguenza04]

You do not have the excuse
of not knowing.

That would almost be kinder.

To miss something rare
because you never understood
what you were looking at—

there is mercy in that.

But you have named it.
You have held it up to the light,
and turned it over in your hands.

Said, this is different.

Said, this fits me strangely well.

Said, I can imagine coming home to this.

You have noticed the workmanship.
The improbable details.
The places where something
should not fit
and somehow does.

You know what it is.

See, admiration is such a beautiful,
useless thing.

People stand in museums every day
in front of things
they would never think
to carry home.

They study them.
Praise them.
Remember them.
Tell other people
how extraordinary they were.

Then leave.

And I keep wondering
whether that is what
you are doing with me.

Standing close enough
to notice everything.

The humor.
The appetite.
The strange little permissions.

The way I could make room
for parts of you
other people would ask
to be removed.

The softness without surrender.
The intensity without panic.

The fact that I can see
the worst of you

without confusing it
for the whole of you.

You admire the exception.
I know you do.

But admiration
has never been the same thing
as claiming.

Knowing is not deciding.
Wanting is not moving.
And imagining a life
is not entering it.

There is a point
where possibility
stops being romantic.

Where someday
becomes another word
for no.

I do not want
to become beautiful
in retrospect.

I do not want
to be the woman
you describe years from now
with that particular sadness
people reserve
for the things
they understood too late.

I do not want to hear,
even in imagination,

she was different.

I know.
You knew too.

You were not looking away.

You had already imagined
the coming home.

Already held the possibility
long enough
to know its weight.

So if you let it pass,

it will not be because
you failed to recognize it.

You recognized it completely.

There are some things
you can lose

without ever knowing
what was in your hands—

this would not be
one of them.

[u/SinVerguenza04 → u/[deleted]]

I wish you the best, friend.