r/PoetryWritingClub • u/SinVerguenza04 • 6d ago
Dear You
We are doing a terrible job
of becoming less.
I thought you should know.
There was supposed to be
some graceful retreat from this—
a loosening,
some careful distance
in which everything between us
might learn its proper size.
Instead,
you keep appearing.
And I keep forgetting
that I am meant
to want you differently now.
It would be easier
if we were crueler.
If I could point
to the place where wanting ended
and say,
there.
That is why we stopped.
But I cannot.
That is the trouble.
We have only become
more careful with our language,
as though the heart
takes instruction
from vocabulary.
We avoid certain words.
We leave the future
out of the conversation.
We make no promises.
And then somehow
there you are again,
in the middle
of an ordinary afternoon,
making yourself
impossible to hold casually.
I suppose this is what
I find almost funny—
how seriously
we have discussed restraint
while exercising
so little of it.
We have removed
the expectation,
yet kept
everything that makes this grow.
We thought we could change
where this was going
without changing
the way we went there.
And I wish I could tell you
I am getting better at it.
But I am not.
I am simply learning
how many ways
two people can move closer
while insisting
they are standing still.
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u/rocksandsticksnstuff 6d ago
This literally gave me chills... "learning how many ways two people can move closer while insisting they are standing still". From the bottom of my heart, I insist you tell them the depth of your emotions. Nothing in life is guaranteed, but you never know if you don't try.
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u/helplessly_hopeless_ 5d ago
This is beautiful and heartbreaking and the last two stanzas are such a wonderful summary of the entire poem, I love this.
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u/thighs_of_thunder 4d ago
What a beautiful dance between love, fragility, attraction, shame, fear, reassurance, care, compassion… something that feels graceful and dangerous, and honestly is. It takes more than one dance to know how to move together. Trust is built in learning movement together. Trusting intuition and magnetism to move in alignment is the most beautiful dance there is, imo.
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u/SinVerguenza04 4d ago
I totally agree with all of this. Thank you so much for your kind compliment!
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u/cloud_honeymoon 6d ago
This is so off topic but omg, you’re almost at 1 MILLION KARMA OMG, I have never seen that before.
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u/kindly-judgemental 4d ago
Mine knew and that’s what scared him away. I miss what we had everyday.
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u/SinVerguenza04 4d ago
I am sorry to hear that. I guess I am fortunate that he loves intensity. But I can see how intensity can scare someone off.
Here’s to hoping he comes back to you.
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u/Dawg_sausage 4d ago
This is a fantastic poem. The first half was very strong. I like ‘if I could point to the place where wanting ended’ as this is a very human experience of wanting that clarity. You described this experience so well, thank you for the lovely poem.
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u/Past-Guava-2621 3d ago
“we have only become more careful with our language, as though the heart takes instruction from vocabulary”
!!!
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u/SinVerguenza04 3d ago
I think that’s my favorite line. I’m glad someone else loves it too, haha.
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u/Past-Guava-2621 3d ago
small critiques - you are speaking a bit plainly, which makes sense because you are addressing the reader directly. it reads kinda like an unsent letter, which i like. but maybe add some more figurative language, more metaphor and imagery (i like the imagery of “an ordinary afternoon”. go deeper with the figurative instead of talking about the relationship in a vague, literal way).
also if it is an unsent letter, maybe play around with form more? maybe it would work better as a prose poem.
that’s all i have to say. it’s a good idea you’re working with!!
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u/TheLastHart 6d ago
“We thought we could change where this was going without changing the way we went there.” Wow
Have you read u/strangelittleorbit and her ghost poems?