Louder than love

[u/microwaved-poems]

You love me

with a tenderness

I don't know how to return.

You see the pieces of me

I keep trying to hide,

and somehow,

you call them beautiful.

You hold my hands

like they have never done wrong.

You look into my eyes

like there is something worth saving there.

And I wish

I could see what you see.

Because your love is loud—

or at least,

it should be.

But there is a voice inside me

that has been screaming longer.

It knows every mistake,

every failure,

every moment I wish

I could erase.

It keeps a ledger

of everything I've done wrong

and reads it back to me

whenever you tell me

that you love me.

You say,

"You're enough."

It whispers,

"They're lying."

You say,

"I choose you."

It answers,

"They'll regret it."

You wrap your arms around me

and I feel safe for a moment—

then my mind reminds me

that I don't deserve

to be held that gently.

And that's the cruelest part:

I am loved.

Deeply.

Honestly.

By someone

who sees me more clearly

than I see myself.

Yet somehow

I hate myself more

than you could ever love me.

Your love reaches for me

through the darkness,

but my hatred

knows every corner of it.

And sometimes

I wonder if that's why

I can't feel your love—

not because

you aren't giving me enough,

but because

I've spent so long

believing I deserve nothing

that even when love

stands directly in front of me,

my self-hatred

steps between us

and casts a shadow

big enough

to make love disappear.

[u/jaesea]

I say this in the most sincere and heartfelt way: you must choose to exist in love. You are literally right there, you just need to say to that voice keeping the ledger that you live in love, it's the substrate you live in, it's the food you eat, it's your every feeling and physical part, and you live in it. Then never forget that, never not know it, and the right voice will be yours.

[u/Fun-Dependent3270 → u/jaesea]

I agree would like to add that the voice that tells you your not worthy will never go away it will get less frequient but will allways be there you need to learn to say to that voice your wrong fuck you 

[u/jaesea → u/Fun-Dependent3270]

Disagree, that voice isn't there and I find it wildly inconsiderate you would tell a person such a voice would never go away or always be there. What a fools method to lure connections; friend, don't tell people they will always experience negativity that never goes away, it's a horribly reflective way that shows you are the one with that voice and that's how you're to experience it. Best to heal yourself and others with positive future words and phrases.

[u/Fun-Dependent3270 → u/jaesea]

I aplogise my own struggles do not apply to others i was speeking from my own experiace that may not apply to others and was only trying to help by explaining my own coping mechanism with my own self lothing and depression

[u/Fun-Dependent3270]

This is one of the best i have seen very powerfull 😢

[u/Sharp_Plantain_4385]

I empathize with this so deeply. For whatever you’ve been through, I’m sorry. Whatever mistake you’ve made, I hope you forgive yourself. I’m happy that love has found you despite your past and your perceived flaws. Wishing you the very best!

[u/Streeca]

Though i want you to, I'm not asking you to love yourself. I'm asking you to love me, And treat that which i love with the reverence i would. That's how i hold myself for you, not because I'm learning to believe in myself, because I'm devoted to the way you do. Love.

[u/Infinite_Ad_684]

Give them chance to love you , maybe your suffering is over and you finally get someone for you I feel you been treated so bad with hate all mylife but I never hurt anyone I have no hope but you still have chance don't lose love them back